MONKEY MUSINGS DAILY OPEN DISCUSSION #53 11/24/09 - 1/21/10

[Searching]

Can any of the monkey family help me out here. Here is where I am at....

My daughter has again came home to mom, only this time she is preggers and so far everything is going good with the pregnancy, for the most part with her diabetes and all, we did spend one night in the hospital the other day with a small issue, but so far so good.... anyway, the father finally returned her call and at first accused her of lying about being preggers (I have shared with monks her propensity to lie) but after finding out she is preggers beyond a shadow of doubt, he ordered her to either abort or put the baby up, I have told her I will help her with the baby since she was set on keeping him/her, so now the guy is saying he is moving to Australia where he will not have to pay child support, anyone know the laws on that? can he be made to support the baby if he does go to Australia? I doubt he is going anywhere and feel he told her that thinking she would buy the line, but want to know what type of fight is ahead just in case. He did say he wants nothing at all to do with the child and does not even want to see the child after he/she is born, not that he deserves to anyway. anyone know what we need to do here??

WOW Searching I am sad to read this....he is a real loser isn't he. I would imagine paternity would have to be established before anything could be done.  But I think you might be able to call an Australian Embassy to get your answers regarding if he fled to avoid child support.

Thank you Sunny. Yes he is a loser with a capital L. He knows the child is his and so does everyone in the circle there. I will check into the Australian embassy or maybe contact my uncle that worked at the embassy for a long time before he retired or my cousin (his daughter) that works for the embassy, but she was in Germany last I heard IIRC so not sure how much help she would be and my uncle was in Jamaica before he retired but other places before that, maybe he would know? hmm is a thought, thank you for mentioning the embassy as I never thought of that and at the mention it made me think about my uncle and cousin, so maybe it will be a start in the right direction... yes, I know I am rambling, I am soo very angry, that jerk knows she just got out of the hospital because she still has been talking to their mutual friends.
Thank you for the help Sunny, much appreciated.

[klaasend]

Searching - sorry to hear what you and your daughter are going through.  This guy sounds like a real piece of work!


Anyone know why Tricia at WS has BANNED under her name?   

[Searching]

Searching - sorry to hear what you and your daughter are going through.  This guy sounds like a real piece of work!


Anyone know why Tricia at WS has BANNED under her name?   

here

[Searching]

Searching - sorry to hear what you and your daughter are going through.  This guy sounds like a real piece of work!


Anyone know why Tricia at WS has BANNED under her name?   

Thank you klaas, yeah he is a jerk. I am just hurting for her and worried. I mean how far will he go to keep from taking responsibility for this child. So many young girls being killed or attempted murders by the fathers of the babies, it just worries me. Maybe I am worrying too much but if he will talk of fleeing to Australia, what else might he do because I doubt he has the finances to go anywhere.

[klaasend]

Searching - if he doesn't have the finances than he's not likely going to pay any child support anyway.  Maybe going to Australia would be a good thing 

[MuffyBee]

Searching, why does the BF say he's going to Australia?  Does he have family or other ties there, or is he just choosing a place that's far away? And you say he doesn't have a lot of money.  Well, from what I remember when my husband traveled and did some work in Australia, that country is very, very strict about Americans or other outside folks coming in and working.  You must have a work visa and etc.  One of our monkeys from down under could probably tell you more about that.

Has paternity been established?  Is this something she wants?  I can see how it would be only right if the father helped support their child, but on the other hand, it may be better if that guy doesn't have anything whatsover to do with the child.  Sever all and any parental rights.  Otherwise, this guy could have say in the child's life and even have visitation or get custody.  I don't know.  I'm not a lawyer.  Some monkeys have been through this stuff and I haven't.  Just what I've read here.  I'm really sorry about the mess.  And right in the middle is an innocent.  I hope it works out.  I would try to get good, legal advice asap.

[MuffyBee]

Searching - if he doesn't have the finances than he's not likely going to pay any child support anyway.  Maybe going to Australia would be a good thing 

Yep.  The farther the way the better.  BUT-get some legal advice so he can't come back and be threatening or have a way of possibly getting access to the baby/child.  It would be worrisome to have that over your heads.  JMHO

[Searching]

Searching - if he doesn't have the finances than he's not likely going to pay any child support anyway.  Maybe going to Australia would be a good thing 

I agree and I told her he does not deserve the love of my grandchild, I think she is just really hurting and afraid right now and nothing I say will take that away, but hopefully in time she will see it is for the best because how would he treat the baby if he ever were to come into contact with him/her.

I went and got her the cutest bassinet, it rocks and everything and can be used for a boy or girl. She still has yet to figure out a name for the poor child, she said she can't even think of a good name right now, so any help there would be great too. I will scan a couple of her sonogram pics and post too and when she has another done in a couple months will do the same, kind of a watch me grow. Since she is so high risk, she will be having the sonograms to monitor growth of the baby. She is 14 weeks and just had a sonogram, the tech kept saying "she" looks healthy while my daughter kept saying "he" when talking of the baby so may just be a girl, but I thought it to early to tell?

[Searching]

Searching, why does the BF say he's going to Australia?  Does he have family or other ties there, or is he just choosing a place that's far away? And you say he doesn't have a lot of money.  Well, from what I remember when my husband traveled and did some work in Australia, that country is very, very strict about Americans or other outside folks coming in and working.  You must have a work visa and etc.  One of our monkeys from down under could probably tell you more about that.

Has paternity been established?  Is this something she wants?  I can see how it would be only right if the father helped support their child, but on the other hand, it may be better if that guy doesn't have anything whatsover to do with the child.  Sever all and any parental rights.  Otherwise, this guy could have say in the child's life and even have visitation or get custody.  I don't know.  I'm not a lawyer.  Some monkeys have been through this stuff and I haven't.  Just what I've read here.  I'm really sorry about the mess.  And right in the middle is an innocent.  I hope it works out.  I would try to get good, legal advice asap.

I think he said a far away place in hopes she would not bother to go after child support. I agree with you and Klaas, I am not sure him being in this childs life is even a good thing when he or she is born. I worry about her safety as well since I am not sure what he is capable of but from what I have been told by the circle of friends and even some of his family, he has a terrible violent streak. I do thank you for the input, I guess when it is so close to home or in home, it is difficult to figure out which way to go. It is easy to lose focus and input from family and friends is so very helpful.

[Searching]

Searching - if he doesn't have the finances than he's not likely going to pay any child support anyway.  Maybe going to Australia would be a good thing 

Yep.  The farther the way the better.  BUT-get some legal advice so he can't come back and be threatening or have a way of possibly getting access to the baby/child.  It would be worrisome to have that over your heads.  JMHO

I definitely will do that. I forgot to answer the paternity question in my other post to you, she can not get paternity proven now since she is only 14 weeks now, at least I don't think without risking harming the baby right?

[MuffyBee]

Searching - if he doesn't have the finances than he's not likely going to pay any child support anyway.  Maybe going to Australia would be a good thing 

I agree and I told her he does not deserve the love of my grandchild, I think she is just really hurting and afraid right now and nothing I say will take that away, but hopefully in time she will see it is for the best because how would he treat the baby if he ever were to come into contact with him/her.

I went and got her the cutest bassinet, it rocks and everything and can be used for a boy or girl. She still has yet to figure out a name for the poor child, she said she can't even think of a good name right now, so any help there would be great too. I will scan a couple of her sonogram pics and post too and when she has another done in a couple months will do the same, kind of a watch me grow. Since she is so high risk, she will be having the sonograms to monitor growth of the baby. She is 14 weeks and just had a sonogram, the tech kept saying "she" looks healthy while my daughter kept saying "he" when talking of the baby so may just be a girl, but I thought it to early to tell?

I'm a little out of touch with the latest in figuring out the sex of a child from a sonogram.   With the new developments, I'll bet things are a lot clearer now in them then  they were even a few years ago.  But I don't know.  I guess ya'll could ask. 

I think your daughter has an awfully, awfully lot on her plate right now.  Anything that can be done to help relieve the stress would be good, imo.  Buying her the bassinet gives her hope.  Going through the process of choosing baby names can be fun.  Sometimes nicknamesare used until a name is chosen.  When my mom was pregnant with my little brother, we called her baby bump "Freddie the Freeloader", just joking around.  When he was born, his name was James or as we call him "Jimmi", but for the longest, we kept calling him "Freddie". 

[Searching]

Searching - if he doesn't have the finances than he's not likely going to pay any child support anyway.  Maybe going to Australia would be a good thing 

I agree and I told her he does not deserve the love of my grandchild, I think she is just really hurting and afraid right now and nothing I say will take that away, but hopefully in time she will see it is for the best because how would he treat the baby if he ever were to come into contact with him/her.

I went and got her the cutest bassinet, it rocks and everything and can be used for a boy or girl. She still has yet to figure out a name for the poor child, she said she can't even think of a good name right now, so any help there would be great too. I will scan a couple of her sonogram pics and post too and when she has another done in a couple months will do the same, kind of a watch me grow. Since she is so high risk, she will be having the sonograms to monitor growth of the baby. She is 14 weeks and just had a sonogram, the tech kept saying "she" looks healthy while my daughter kept saying "he" when talking of the baby so may just be a girl, but I thought it to early to tell?

I'm a little out of touch with the latest in figuring out the sex of a child from a sonogram.   With the new developments, I'll bet things are a lot clearer now in them then  they were even a few years ago.  But I don't know.  I guess ya'll could ask. 

I think your daughter has an awfully, awfully lot on her plate right now.  Anything that can be done to help relieve the stress would be good, imo.  Buying her the bassinet gives her hope.  Going through the process of choosing baby names can be fun.  Sometimes nicknamesare used until a name is chosen.  When my mom was pregnant with my little brother, we called her baby bump "Freddie the Freeloader", just joking around.  When he was born, his name was James or as we call him "Jimmi", but for the longest, we kept calling him "Freddie". 

Hahaha, I like that. I will tell her that, maybe it will make her smile. She has been crying since he called her a while ago. I am doing everything I can to alleviate some of the stress, I have been getting blankets and stuff for her, but not going overboard with that as of now since our ambulance trip to the hospital and all. The nurse told me to wait until she hits at least 20 weeks before I do a whole lot of baby shopping, of course not in front of my daughter, but.. so I am trying to keep the stress levels down as much as I can. I guess I will block his number so he can not call her anymore. The doctor told her and I the baby looks great and is growing just fine. So, now we will have to choose a nick name and a name for the lil tyke. any suggestions would be great.

[MuffyBee]

You  could get some baby name  books from the library, or google baby names or even pick up a baby name book.  Maybe some books like "What to Expect When You're Expecting" and such would be good for her to read. 

Do you think if you blocked his number, he would instead show up?  I don't know.  Again, I would be considering getting some legal advice.  Sometimes there are places that offer legal advice on a sliding scale.  In my area, there is legal aid.  There is a long, long road ahead, and I hope even though there will be hard times, you and your daughter will be able to have some joy with the new little sprout coming.  Baby's are miracles, imo. 

[Searching]

You  could get some baby name  books from the library, or google baby names or even pick up a baby name book.  Maybe some books like "What to Expect When You're Expecting" and such would be good for her to read. 

Do you think if you blocked his number, he would instead show up?  I don't know.  Again, I would be considering getting some legal advice.  Sometimes there are places that offer legal advice on a sliding scale.  In my area, there is legal aid.  There is a long, long road ahead, and I hope even though there will be hard times, you and your daughter will be able to have some joy with the new little sprout coming.  Baby's are miracles, imo. 

 You know, I am glad you brought that question to the table because honestly, I never thought of that and am sure it may be a possibility. I don't want to risk angering him even more than he is. oh boy, decisions decisions. Thank you for the book recommendation, will look into getting her a copy. I will also start searching baby names as well and print them. I do know she wants something different as a name. I agree, babies are miracles and should be welcomed and loved no matter how they come about.

[MuffyBee]

You  could get some baby name  books from the library, or google baby names or even pick up a baby name book.  Maybe some books like "What to Expect When You're Expecting" and such would be good for her to read. 

Do you think if you blocked his number, he would instead show up?  I don't know.  Again, I would be considering getting some legal advice.  Sometimes there are places that offer legal advice on a sliding scale.  In my area, there is legal aid.  There is a long, long road ahead, and I hope even though there will be hard times, you and your daughter will be able to have some joy with the new little sprout coming.  Baby's are miracles, imo. 

 You know, I am glad you brought that question to the table because honestly, I never thought of that and am sure it may be a possibility. I don't want to risk angering him even more than he is. oh boy, decisions decisions. Thank you for the book recommendation, will look into getting her a copy. I will also start searching baby names as well and print them. I do know she wants something different as a name. I agree, babies are miracles and should be welcomed and loved no matter how they come about.

Maybe ya'll will just want to play it cool for a while.   I'd try to just play along for a while, and not make any really big decisions until you can find out the lay of the land.  Not sure if your daughter wants to continue talking to him or not.  If she does, then maybe continue.  But if she doesn't, that would be another kettle of fish.  I wouldn't want to do anything to antagonize the situation.  Maybe he'll be trying different things to achieve his goal, from trying to butter her up, as in getting rid of the baby and they'll still have a relationship, to threatening to abandon her and go to Australia as he's already initmated and etc.  Be very, very careful. 

[cookie]

Searching..I would say let that loser go his own way and don't push for child support from him..the less he has to do with you and your daughter and the baby the better...She can get financial aid to help her if needed..she doesn't need him around ..jmo....let him go to Australia and stay there...I would be more worried about him being in the baby's life than not being in it...LOSER!!! that he is!!!!
I guess congrats are in order about you being a grammy then huh? you will love being a grammy!

[Searching]

You  could get some baby name  books from the library, or google baby names or even pick up a baby name book.  Maybe some books like "What to Expect When You're Expecting" and such would be good for her to read. 

Do you think if you blocked his number, he would instead show up?  I don't know.  Again, I would be considering getting some legal advice.  Sometimes there are places that offer legal advice on a sliding scale.  In my area, there is legal aid.  There is a long, long road ahead, and I hope even though there will be hard times, you and your daughter will be able to have some joy with the new little sprout coming.  Baby's are miracles, imo. 

 You know, I am glad you brought that question to the table because honestly, I never thought of that and am sure it may be a possibility. I don't want to risk angering him even more than he is. oh boy, decisions decisions. Thank you for the book recommendation, will look into getting her a copy. I will also start searching baby names as well and print them. I do know she wants something different as a name. I agree, babies are miracles and should be welcomed and loved no matter how they come about.

Maybe ya'll will just want to play it cool for a while.   I'd try to just play along for a while, and not make any really big decisions until you can find out the lay of the land.  Not sure if your daughter wants to continue talking to him or not.  If she does, then maybe continue.  But if she doesn't, that would be another kettle of fish.  I wouldn't want to do anything to antagonize the situation.  Maybe he'll be trying different things to achieve his goal, from trying to butter her up, as in getting rid of the baby and they'll still have a relationship, to threatening to abandon her and go to Australia as he's already initmated and etc.  Be very, very careful. 

I will be careful and I have told her no matter what he says or promises, that under NO circumstances is she to leave to go anywhere with him. I really do appreciate the advice and talk, it has been very helpful for this worried gramma and for my daughter.

[Searching]

Searching..I would say let that loser go his own way and don't push for child support from him..the less he has to do with you and your daughter and the baby the better...She can get financial aid to help her if needed..she doesn't need him around ..jmo....let him go to Australia and stay there...I would be more worried about him being in the baby's life than not being in it...LOSER!!! that he is!!!!
I guess congrats are in order about you being a grammy then huh? you will love being a grammy!

Thank you cookie. I have 2 grand daughters already, but they were born in another state and I have not had the honor of meeting them yet, so one being born here within my reach is well, different. I am excited but worried at the same time. I would prefer the guy not ever set a foot near my daughter again let alone him getting anywhere near my grandchild.

[crazybabyborg]

Can any of the monkey family help me out here. Here is where I am at....

My daughter has again came home to mom, only this time she is preggers and so far everything is going good with the pregnancy, for the most part with her diabetes and all, we did spend one night in the hospital the other day with a small issue, but so far so good.... anyway, the father finally returned her call and at first accused her of lying about being preggers (I have shared with monks her propensity to lie) but after finding out she is preggers beyond a shadow of doubt, he ordered her to either abort or put the baby up, I have told her I will help her with the baby since she was set on keeping him/her, so now the guy is saying he is moving to Australia where he will not have to pay child support, anyone know the laws on that? can he be made to support the baby if he does go to Australia? I doubt he is going anywhere and feel he told her that thinking she would buy the line, but want to know what type of fight is ahead just in case. He did say he wants nothing at all to do with the child and does not even want to see the child after he/she is born, not that he deserves to anyway. anyone know what we need to do here??

Searching? I'm so sorry you're having these problems with such a jerk. My bet is that he's going nowhere, and probably couldn't find Australia on a map. After the baby is born, he can lawfully be required to a paternity test, and once parentage is established, he'll pay child support, or do jail time. If he doesn't work, the court will go easy as long as he brings in job applications, etc. but he'll have to show up for court regularly with a list of places he's tried. Your daughter needs to ask the court to set payments up through the state. That avoids a lot of hassle, and the record of payments is not open to interpretation. He can go his own way, but he needs to leave his money behind, IMO. Someday, the child should know that her Father did support her financially, even if he was a jerk. Congrats on the baby! Notwithstanding anything else, a baby is a gift and is precious!   

[Blumonkey]

Searching, I am so sorry your daughter is having this difficulty with the baby's father. She is blessed to have you for love and support as is your soon to be grand baby. One thing she can do is contact the abortion alternative organization in your town. Even small towns have them and they are staffed by trained volunteers who offer support to the mom-to-be in whatever decision she makes regarding keeping the baby or adoption. They can put her in touch with resources available to her. Our church group donates diapers,baby care kits, blankets,etc. and they make up baskets for the new baby with all those things that they need. They have nurses who volunteer to teach infant care classes and offer emotional support. They are a wonderful organization and their goal is to help the baby get the best start in life while supporting the mom and other family members. I will be praying for you, your daughter and your grand child.Babies are such a blessing and while they don't always come as we had thought or planned,God has a plan for each little life. The Christmas story reminds us of that.