Jo Ann (Jodie) Bain and Three Daughters #2 5/11/12

[cookie]

Do parents who gives up their rights to a child then goes on to make another family with another woman deserving of getting his children back ?IMO...this little girl will/does know that her bio gave her to another man to raise. If she is put into his 'new' family that he lives with, takes care of and is being a daddy to, how is Alexandria going to feel? Like the red haired step child! No disrespect to my beautiful red head friends...what if Mr. Johnson decides that he is going to walk out on this family? Where will Alexandria end up then? Probably in foster care!
If the bio dad truly loves his child he needs to leave her alone for the time being...visit with her more, bring her to his home on weekends, intergrate her into the family he now has. Also how is step mom going to feel about this child coming into her family?  Kyron comes to mind...Zhara comes to mind etc. not that this step mom would abuse but how do we know the resentment she may have towards this child taking daddy's attention away from her children with him..she is in a loving home right now from what we know.....

Not excusing the parents for their poor choices in allowing Adam to be so involved in their children's lives. Can't figure that one out for sure!
All just my thoughts.

From a child that was giving to a new family at the age of two...I can say that my biological Dad struggled with his decision for years...he even came back to get me when I was four, but realized that I was in a better environment.  He went on to have three other children after me.  He gave me to a Mom and Dad that ended up divorcing and Dad was out of my life...he still knew that I was in a better place.  He loved me enough to keep my life as normal and consistent as possible, no matter how much it hurt him.  This Dad should do the same.  Legally, Gary is her dad and that is how the state will recognize it...the courts considered the possible death of either parent and did not include a stipulation...there are no take backs when allowing a child to be adopted by another man...especially this many years later.

No one could say it better than a child who has lived it...    Agree....

[cookie]

I am sure that 99.5% of parents who give up their rights do not do so without a lot of hurt and struggle. It takes a lot of love to give the child to a loving family and to leave the child with parents who love them..thinking that people regret their decisions all the time and second guess themselves but they can't be allowed to change their minds at the expense of the well being of the child...as hard as it may be...

[labubske]

I am sure that 99.5% of parents who give up their rights do not do so without a lot of hurt and struggle. It takes a lot of love to give the child to a loving family and to leave the child with parents who love them..thinking that people regret their decisions all the time and second guess themselves but they can't be allowed to change their minds at the expense of the well being of the child...as hard as it may be...

Personally, I could not imagine giving up a child.  I would do whatever it took to be able to keep that child.  I don't know the reasons of this man for giving his girls up, but he did.  He may regret it now...and I understand where Janet is coming from when saying that maybe he didn't know what went on in that house with Adam...maybe the Bains did allow too much...and now he is seeing that...I don't really know...but adoption is recognized like actually giving birth to that child...if not, then all of us adopted children would not know where we really stood...

[cookie]

I am sure that 99.5% of parents who give up their rights do not do so without a lot of hurt and struggle. It takes a lot of love to give the child to a loving family and to leave the child with parents who love them..thinking that people regret their decisions all the time and second guess themselves but they can't be allowed to change their minds at the expense of the well being of the child...as hard as it may be...

Personally, I could not imagine giving up a child.  I would do whatever it took to be able to keep that child.  I don't know the reasons of this man for giving his girls up, but he did.  He may regret it now...and I understand where Janet is coming from when saying that maybe he didn't know what went on in that house with Adam...maybe the Bains did allow too much...and now he is seeing that...I don't really know...but adoption is recognized like actually giving birth to that child...if not, then all of us adopted children would not know where we really stood...

I am with you on all that you said here.   

[Sister]

I am sure that 99.5% of parents who give up their rights do not do so without a lot of hurt and struggle. It takes a lot of love to give the child to a loving family and to leave the child with parents who love them..thinking that people regret their decisions all the time and second guess themselves but they can't be allowed to change their minds at the expense of the well being of the child...as hard as it may be...

Personally, I could not imagine giving up a child.  I would do whatever it took to be able to keep that child.  I don't know the reasons of this man for giving his girls up, but he did.  He may regret it now...and I understand where Janet is coming from when saying that maybe he didn't know what went on in that house with Adam...maybe the Bains did allow too much...and now he is seeing that...I don't really know...but adoption is recognized like actually giving birth to that child...if not, then all of us adopted children would not know where we really stood...

labubske, thank you for sharing from a position of knowing.  Blessings.

[Green Eyes]

I hope Johnson re-thinks taking  Alexandria away from Kyliyah right now. If he wants to play a bigger part in her life hopefully he and Bain can work something out.

I hope the if Johnson does take it to court the Judge looks out for what is best for both girls. While I can understand Johnson thinking if he hadn't given the girls up they both might be alive today. But while labuske is right Judges can go the opposite way too. I had an aunt and uncle that adopted twin girls only a few days old. They had both girls for almost three years when the bio mom wanted them back. They fought with everything they had. The dumb judge took one of the twins and gave her back to the mom. My aunt and uncle were devastated and my cousin was lost without her sister. It took a long time for the family to heal. So while it shouldn't have happened it did. I learned never to say "never going to happen."

Yes we all have read whats been done and said and all agree there were lots of red flags. But until the trial we wont know if the Bains knew about how terrible Mayes was or not.  We will have to wait and see if it comes out at trial. I think both dads need to think about the two little girls.

Once again I hope Johnson re thinks what he is saying and doing.

[labubske]

I hope Johnson re-thinks taking  Alexandria away from Kyliyah right now. If he wants to play a bigger part in her life hopefully he and Bain can work something out.

I hope the if Johnson does take it to court the Judge looks out for what is best for both girls. While I can understand Johnson thinking if he hadn't given the girls up they both might be alive today. But while labuske is right Judges can go the opposite way too. I had an aunt and uncle that adopted twin girls only a few days old. They had both girls for almost three years when the bio mom wanted them back. They fought with everything they had. The dumb judge took one of the twins and gave her back to the mom. My aunt and uncle were devastated and my cousin was lost without her sister. It took a long time for the family to heal. So while it shouldn't have happened it did. I learned never to say "never going to happen."

Yes we all have read whats been done and said and all agree there were lots of red flags. But until the trial we wont know if the Bains knew about how terrible Mayes was or not.  We will have to wait and see if it comes out at trial. I think both dads need to think about the two little girls.

Once again I hope Johnson re thinks what he is saying and doing.

Good post, Green Eyes.  You are right...never say never.  In my opinion...it shouldn't happen once an adoption is signed off on and the child has been in the home for years...wow...the story that you shared is just awful.  Separating twins...unbelievable.  My adoption took place in the state of Oklahoma and from my understanding they stand behind an adoption there.  Coming from an adopted child I think that it is so important to treat a child as a birth child once adopted.  You can't give a birth child back...so why should you be able to give an adopted child back?  If the parents are not fit then the same process should occur as when parents are not fit for a birth child.  Now, I understand if they find something out about the adopted family SOON after the agreement, but not years later.  It just isn't fair...I didn't know that I was adopted until I was 15...I lost both my bio Dad and my adopted Dad and recently my adopted Mom...having a relationship with both sets of parents made it difficult to know where I stood when they passed.  If that makes any sense.  I just hope that everyone does what is best here...I definitely push for a relationship with the biological dad. 

[yuknomenot]

I have a huge problem with the Bain/Johnson fund.  To me it screams this is only about the money, that he sees Alexandria as his path to immediate wealth.  If his only concern was his daughter's well being there would not only not be a fund, but he would not be shouting his every move to the world.  He would go quietly about his business, protecting not only Alexandria's privacy but that of the rest of his family and not have given a second's thought to regaining parental rights. 

[flutter1]

I have a huge problem with the Bain/Johnson fund.  To me it screams this is only about the money, that he sees Alexandria as his path to immediate wealth.  If his only concern was his daughter's well being there would not only not be a fund, but he would not be shouting his every move to the world.  He would go quietly about his business, protecting not only Alexandria's privacy but that of the rest of his family and not have given a second's thought to regaining parental rights. 

Excellent observation.   

[Tamikosmom]

If he has given up rights, voluntarily or involuntarily, I don't see this happening.  In the court's eyes he no longer exists -- the girls' birth certificates were changed to show GB as the biological father.  That is why judges ask the series of questions that they do so that the bio father knows that once rights are given up, it is irrevocable. 

And as others have said, who would put a child through something like this after what they have been through. 

 

Answer:  A biological parent who deeply regrets his decision of giving up his children for adoption in what he considered their best interest and then discovers that the decision was far from their best interest.

Considering Gary Bain's failure to make the required hard choices regarding all the red flags encompassing his longtime friend who several affirmed was obsessed with his daughters ... the red flags implying his daughters were at risk and in need of protection ... would one Mommy/Grandma Monkey on this forum afford Gary Bain the custody of her loved one?

The h--- of Alexandria being separating from Kyliyah and living in a safe environment will not compare to the h--- she and her sisters experienced as an outcome resulting from Adam Mayes being allowed unlimited access to them over the years by Gary Bain.

If I was in Mark Johnson's place ... for the well-being of my child ... I would move Heaven and Earth in my attempt to legally reclaim my child.

IMO

Janet

+++++

Records Show Mayes Investigated for Child Abuse in 2010
Story Created: May 10, 2012 at 5:52 PM CDT
Story Updated: May 10, 2012 at 11:11 PM CDT
 
New information uncovered by 7 Eyewitness News about Adam Mayes and his history with the Bain family paints an even more disturbing picture of the man wanted for murder and kidnapping.

A report by the Madison County Sheriff's Department dated February 23, 2010 gives insight into how some say Mayes interacted with Kyliyah Bain, one of the two young girls he is accused of kidnapping after killing their older sister and mother almost two weeks ago.

Madison County deputies investigated Adam Mayes, 35, of Guntown, Miss., when he and his wife Teresa lived in a now abandoned home in the 3300-block of Riverside Drive.

In that report, deputies investigated a family member's claim that she walked into the bathroom and found Adam Mayes and then-7-year-old Kyliyah naked. He was shaving her legs. The family member also claimed Mayes kept a stash of child pornography in his bedroom.

<snipped>

http://www.wbbjtv.com/news/local/Records-Show-Mayes-Investigated-for-Child-Abuse-in-2010-151031895.html

I am bloodied but unbowed.

My only focus is the well-being of the two little girls who remain in the custody of the elusive Gary Bain.  The desires of children are not alway in their best interest.  My heart breaks at the memory of their elder sister.  This entire tragedy could have been avoided if those who were entrusted with the care of these precious girls had acted on the red flags.

IMO

Janet

[Tamikosmom]

Darla

Your words reflect what is in my heart but unable to articulate.

Thank you.

Janet

++++


darla
Re: JO ANN (JODIE) BAIN AND 3 DAUGHTERS MISSING 4/27/2012(2 murdered 2 safe)
« Reply #900 on: May 11, 2012, 02:18:31 PM »

Good Morning Monkeys and Guest!

So glad to hear the girls have been released and were not seriously hurt.

The more that comes out the madder I get. Why was this man even allowed near the girls. Much less having overnight visitations at his home with a mentally ill wife and mother from hell. I know that Adam, Teresa and Mary are ultimately responsible for what happened here, but geesh, how many cases have we followed that the parents make such bad choices that they ultimately hand their children over to the wolves? I am not sure that the girls should be put back into the care of Gary Bain. My heart breaks for these precious girls and what they have been through. How do they recover from something this horrific?
Even though the investigations into the allegations of him being naked in the bathroom turned up nothing substantial he would have been missing those appendages that men take so much pride in and most likely his head if this had been my child and he sure as hell would not be around my children again. We all have read how well the CPS does their jobs. Just sickening to me. Wake up parents and take care of the precious gifts God has given you!

http://scaredmonkeys.net/index.php?topic=13058.msg1523702#msg1523702

[flutter1]

If he has given up rights, voluntarily or involuntarily, I don't see this happening.  In the court's eyes he no longer exists -- the girls' birth certificates were changed to show GB as the biological father.  That is why judges ask the series of questions that they do so that the bio father knows that once rights are given up, it is irrevocable. 

And as others have said, who would put a child through something like this after what they have been through. 

 

Answer:  A biological parent who deeply regrets his decision of giving up his children for adoption in what he considered their best interest and then discovers that the decision was far from their best interest.

Considering Gary Bain's failure to make the required hard choices regarding all the red flags encompassing his longtime friend who several affirmed was obsessed with his daughters ... the red flags implying his daughters were at risk and in need of protection ... would one Mommy/Grandma Monkey on this forum afford Gary Bain the custody of her loved one?

The h--- of Alexandria being separating from Kyliyah and living in a safe environment will not compare to the h--- she and her sisters experienced as an outcome resulting from Adam Mayes being allowed unlimited access to them over the years by Gary Bain.

If I was in Mark Johnson's place ... for the well-being of my child ... I would move Heaven and Earth in my attempt to legally reclaim my child.

IMO

Janet

+++++

Records Show Mayes Investigated for Child Abuse in 2010
Story Created: May 10, 2012 at 5:52 PM CDT
Story Updated: May 10, 2012 at 11:11 PM CDT
 
New information uncovered by 7 Eyewitness News about Adam Mayes and his history with the Bain family paints an even more disturbing picture of the man wanted for murder and kidnapping.

A report by the Madison County Sheriff's Department dated February 23, 2010 gives insight into how some say Mayes interacted with Kyliyah Bain, one of the two young girls he is accused of kidnapping after killing their older sister and mother almost two weeks ago.

Madison County deputies investigated Adam Mayes, 35, of Guntown, Miss., when he and his wife Teresa lived in a now abandoned home in the 3300-block of Riverside Drive.

In that report, deputies investigated a family member's claim that she walked into the bathroom and found Adam Mayes and then-7-year-old Kyliyah naked. He was shaving her legs. The family member also claimed Mayes kept a stash of child pornography in his bedroom.

<snipped>

http://www.wbbjtv.com/news/local/Records-Show-Mayes-Investigated-for-Child-Abuse-in-2010-151031895.html

I am bloodied but unbowed.

My only focus is the well-being of the two little girls who remain in the custody of the elusive Gary Bain.  The desires of children are not alway in their best interest.  My heart breaks at the memory of their elder sister.  This entire tragedy could have been avoided if those who were entrusted with the care of these precious girls had acted on the red flags.

IMO

Janet

Janet - I admire your passion and I am torn between the legal aspects of this case and the personal aspects.  I think CPS should treat GB the same way they would treat any parent who is found to be endangering their children.  There should be a home study to make sure that the children's basic needs are being met. He should have to go through counseling and parenting classes.  He should be strictly monitored by CPS to make sure that he is following the parenting plan established for him by CPS.  If he doesn't do all of this, then the children should be removed by CPS and placed in a safe environment. 

Should he not be able to regain custody, the children would be put up for adoption and at that point, MJ would have his opportunity to regain custody. 

Courts can't just go around and undo adoptions based on the changes of heart of the bio-parents.  That is why adoption are not an easy procedure to accomplish -- I speak first hand knowledge of that.  My 1st husband voluntarily gave up his rights to our son to my second son and it was still a long, involved, and expensive court case.  Now we are getting ready to try to adopt our granddaughter and will probably have to fight the bio-parents even though we have had her almost her entire life.   

[cookie]

Good and passionate posts everyone...all of our hearts and thoughts are in the right place.

[Tamikosmom]

Janet - I admire your passion and I am torn between the legal aspects of this case and the personal aspects.  I think CPS should treat GB the same way they would treat any parent who is found to be endangering their children.  There should be a home study to make sure that the children's basic needs are being met. He should have to go through counseling and parenting classes.  He should be strictly monitored by CPS to make sure that he is following the parenting plan established for him by CPS.  If he doesn't do all of this, then the children should be removed by CPS and placed in a safe environment. 

Should he not be able to regain custody, the children would be put up for adoption and at that point, MJ would have his opportunity to regain custody. 

Courts can't just go around and undo adoptions based on the changes of heart of the bio-parents.  That is why adoption are not an easy procedure to accomplish -- I speak first hand knowledge of that.  My 1st husband voluntarily gave up his rights to our son to my second son and it was still a long, involved, and expensive court case.  Now we are getting ready to try to adopt our granddaughter and will probably have to fight the bio-parents even though we have had her almost her entire life.   

Mark Johnson did not have a change of heart UNTIL the happenings encompassing the death of his 14 year old daughter and the kidnapping of his 12 year old daughter were exposed.  When I consider the photo that Klaas posted ... it appears that Mark did have contact with his daughter.  Could it have been an open adoption?  Could it be that Alexandria does have a relationship with her bio Dad and wife as well as two little half sisters.

Flutter ... it is my prayer that God will afford you and your hubby the strength to endure in your efforts to adopt your precious granddaughter and prevent her from being torn from the only "secure/protective" environment she has ever known.

Janet

 

[flutter1]

I hope Johnson re-thinks taking  Alexandria away from Kyliyah right now. If he wants to play a bigger part in her life hopefully he and Bain can work something out.

I hope the if Johnson does take it to court the Judge looks out for what is best for both girls. While I can understand Johnson thinking if he hadn't given the girls up they both might be alive today. But while labuske is right Judges can go the opposite way too. I had an aunt and uncle that adopted twin girls only a few days old. They had both girls for almost three years when the bio mom wanted them back. They fought with everything they had. The dumb judge took one of the twins and gave her back to the mom. My aunt and uncle were devastated and my cousin was lost without her sister. It took a long time for the family to heal. So while it shouldn't have happened it did. I learned never to say "never going to happen."

Yes we all have read whats been done and said and all agree there were lots of red flags. But until the trial we wont know if the Bains knew about how terrible Mayes was or not.  We will have to wait and see if it comes out at trial. I think both dads need to think about the two little girls.

Once again I hope Johnson re thinks what he is saying and doing.

That judge is an idiot.  That's like Solomon splitting the baby in half.  Judges may wear the robe but they don't always have the wisdom. 

[flutter1]

Janet - I admire your passion and I am torn between the legal aspects of this case and the personal aspects.  I think CPS should treat GB the same way they would treat any parent who is found to be endangering their children.  There should be a home study to make sure that the children's basic needs are being met. He should have to go through counseling and parenting classes.  He should be strictly monitored by CPS to make sure that he is following the parenting plan established for him by CPS.  If he doesn't do all of this, then the children should be removed by CPS and placed in a safe environment. 

Should he not be able to regain custody, the children would be put up for adoption and at that point, MJ would have his opportunity to regain custody. 

Courts can't just go around and undo adoptions based on the changes of heart of the bio-parents.  That is why adoption are not an easy procedure to accomplish -- I speak first hand knowledge of that.  My 1st husband voluntarily gave up his rights to our son to my second son and it was still a long, involved, and expensive court case.  Now we are getting ready to try to adopt our granddaughter and will probably have to fight the bio-parents even though we have had her almost her entire life.   

Mark Johnson did not have a change of heart UNTIL the happenings encompassing the death of his 14 year old daughter and the kidnapping of his 12 year old daughter were exposed.  When I consider the photo that Klaas posted ... it appears that Mark did have contact with his daughter.  Could it have been an open adoption?  Could it be that Alexandria does have a relationship with her bio Dad and wife as well as two little half sisters.

Flutter ... it is my prayer that God will afford you and your hubby the strength to endure in your efforts to adopt your precious granddaughter and prevent her from being torn from the only "secure/protective" environment she has ever known.

Janet

 

TY Janet (((((HUGS)))) My son knew he had a different biological father but the bio-parent chose not to try to see or keep in contact with him.  My son finally found him last year -- 30 years had passed.   My granddaughter knows she has a Mom, even though she hasn't seen her in awhile. When she gets her act together, she will be welcomed as a part of GD's life.  The same goes for bio-dad.

In a perfect world Alexandria would have a relationship with her and I think you are right -- the girls knew that JM was there bio father.  I hope that is and continues to be the case.  A child can never be loved by too many people.   

[Sister]

I am bloodied but unbowed.

My only focus is the well-being of the two little girls who remain in the custody of the elusive Gary Bain.  The desires of children are not alway in their best interest.  My heart breaks at the memory of their elder sister.  This entire tragedy could have been avoided if those who were entrusted with the care of these precious girls had acted on the red flags.

IMO

Janet

So, it's the deceased mother and Mr. Bain who are at fault aka "this entire tragedy could have been avoided."
I disagree, but never would I let blood over it.

[Tamikosmom]

Good and passionate posts everyone...all of our hearts and thoughts are in the right place.

We all may have varying heartfelt opinions of what is in the long term best interests of the girls.  Respectfully agreeing to disagree is where it is at.

Bottom line.  The outcome will be what the outcome will be.

Off to meet a friend in town for a coffee/tea and a yak.

Later, Janet
2:40 PM PT

[cookie]

Good and passionate posts everyone...all of our hearts and thoughts are in the right place.

We all may have varying heartfelt opinions of what is in the long term best interests of the girls.  Respectfully agreeing to disagree is where it is at.

Bottom line.  The outcome will be what the outcome will be.

Off to meet a friend in town for a coffee/tea and a yak.

Later, Janet
2:40 PM PT

 

[labubske]

Good and passionate posts everyone...all of our hearts and thoughts are in the right place.

We all may have varying heartfelt opinions of what is in the long term best interests of the girls.  Respectfully agreeing to disagree is where it is at.

Bottom line.  The outcome will be what the outcome will be.

Off to meet a friend in town for a coffee/tea and a yak.

Later, Janet
2:40 PM PT

 

Janet, you are always so considerate.  I can most definitely see the angle that you are coming off of.  Maybe if I weren't adopted myself then I would have a different viewpoint.  We definitely have to look into our own homes and make sure that we are doing everything to protect our little ones...they count on us.  I don't know what happened in that home...I am sure that Adam was pretty persuasive...and if the girls denied anything (even if the parents felt it) then maybe they thought that they were getting the wrong vibes.  I would like to think that I would know if my child were going through something like this...I guess until I walk their walk...I just don't know.  Enjoy your visit