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JSM'S BEGGING FOR BANNING THREAD # 5
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Topic: JSM'S BEGGING FOR BANNING THREAD # 5 (Read 538370 times)
0 Members and 5 Guests are viewing this topic.
Northern Rose
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Posts: 27112
Re: JSM'S BEGGING FOR BANNING THREAD # 5
«
Reply #3220 on:
October 05, 2009, 01:19:21 PM »
TOP 10 REASONS TO LIVE IN ONTARIO
1. You live in the center of the universe
2. Your $400,000 Toronto home is actually a dump
3. You and you alone decide who will win the federal election
4. There's no such thing as an Ontario Separatist
5. Your grandparents sold booze to the States during Prohibition
6. Lots of tourists come to Toronto because they mistakenly believe it's a cool city
7. The only province with hard-core American-style crime
8. MuchMusic's Speaker's Corner - rant and rave on national TV - for a looney
9. Baseball fans park on your front lawn and pee on the side of your house
10. Mike Harris: basically a sober Ralph Klein
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Northern Rose
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Posts: 27112
Re: JSM'S BEGGING FOR BANNING THREAD # 5
«
Reply #3221 on:
October 05, 2009, 01:20:38 PM »
TOP 10 REASONS TO LIVE IN QUEBEC
1. Everybody assumes you're an asshole
2. Racism is socially acceptable
3. The only province to ever kidnap federal politicians
4. You can take bets with your friends on which English neighbor will move out next
5. Other provinces basically bribe you to stay in Canada
6. The FLQ
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Front_de_lib%C3%A9ration_du_Qu%C3%A9bec
7. Your hockey team is made up entirely of dirty French guys
8. The province with the oldest, nastiest hookers
9. NON-smokers are the outcasts
10. You can blame all your problems on the "Anglo bastards"
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Tevye
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Burn, baby, burn...'Ol Sparky is waiting for you!
Re: JSM'S BEGGING FOR BANNING THREAD # 5
«
Reply #3222 on:
October 05, 2009, 01:21:03 PM »
Quote from: Fanny Mae on October 05, 2009, 01:07:33 PM
Aw He77!!!! Time of limitation should have run out on that! Call em up and say, "Hey! This is Tevye! You know that little deal from long time ago? We'll how's it holding up now? I want to go to Alaska." Can't hurt.
Ya know, I should just do that! I have one of the border crossings (actually both US and Canadian) in my speed dial (for tracking the kids if they don't check in around border crossing time on the way to/from Alaska) on speed dial. I could just call them, give them my DL number, and see what they say. Couldn't hurt...right?
Logged
Remember Ladies, get the damm mamm!
Thanks, Brandi!
Northern Rose
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Posts: 27112
Re: JSM'S BEGGING FOR BANNING THREAD # 5
«
Reply #3223 on:
October 05, 2009, 01:22:38 PM »
TOP 10 REASONS TO LIVE IN NEW BRUNSWICK
1. You are sandwiched between French assholes and drunken Celtic fiddlers
2. One way or another, the government gets 98 percent of your income
3. You're poor, but not as poor as the Newfies
4. When listing the provinces, everyone forgets to mention yours
5. The economy is based on fish, cows, and ferrying Ontario motorists to Boston
6. No one ever blames anything on New Brunswick
7. You have French people, but they don't want to kill you
8. Everybody has a Grandfather who runs a lighthouse
9. Just as charming as Maine, but with more unemployed fishermen
10. You probably live in a small seaside cottage with no television
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Northern Rose
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Re: JSM'S BEGGING FOR BANNING THREAD # 5
«
Reply #3224 on:
October 05, 2009, 01:24:25 PM »
TOP 10 REASONS TO LIVE IN NOVA SCOTIA
1. The only place in North America to get bombed in the war ... by a moron who set a munitions ship on fire
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Halifax_Explosion
2. Your province is shaped like male genitalia
3. Everyone is a fiddle player
4. If someone asks if you're a Newfie, you are allowed to kick their ass
5. The local hero is an insane, fiddle playing, sexual pervert
6. The province that produced Rita MacNeil
7. You are the reason Anne Murray makes money
8. You can pretend you have Scottish heritage as an excuse to wear a kilt
9. The economy is based on fish, lobster, and fiddle music
10. Even though it smells like dead sea animals, Halifax is considered Canada's most beautiful city
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Northern Rose
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Re: JSM'S BEGGING FOR BANNING THREAD # 5
«
Reply #3225 on:
October 05, 2009, 01:25:46 PM »
TOP 10 REASONS TO LIVE ON PRINCE EDWARD ISLAND
1. Even though more people live on Vancouver Island, you still got the big-ass bridge
http://www.confederationbridge.com/en/
2. You can walk across the province in half an hour
3. You were probably once an extra on "Road to Avonlea"
4. This is where all those tiny red potatoes come from
5. The economy is based on fish, potatoes, and CBC TV shows
6. Tourists arrive, see the "Anne of Green Gables" house, then promptly leave
7. You can drive across the province in two minutes
8. It doesn't matter to you if Quebec separates
9. You don't share a border with the Americans, or with anyone for that matter
10. You can confuse ships by turning your porch lights on and off at night
Logged
joesamas mama
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Patton is my babe. RIP my Josef I love you both!
Re: JSM'S BEGGING FOR BANNING THREAD # 5
«
Reply #3226 on:
October 05, 2009, 01:26:07 PM »
Quote from: Tevye on October 05, 2009, 01:15:59 PM
Quote from: joesamas mama on October 05, 2009, 01:04:01 PM
What did you do up there in Canada Tevye? Tell please tell.
JSM, take a Tic Tac container, you know, one of those little plastic ones? Fill it a little less than full with oregano and then try to cross the border. Oh, don't forget to tuck it down the front of your pants, and only hand it over when threatened with a strip search!
But, eh, I got no hard feelin's, ya know? Iffin' I wanna hear Canuk talk, I jist go to der UP, eh? Dey talk about da same, ya know?
I would have been scared chitless Tevye. What made them wanna strip search you?
Logged
My JSM Begging for Ban Button Blog:
http://scaredmonkeys.net/index.php?topic=5458.0
http://www.oneplusyou.com/bb/files/countdown/countdown.swf?co=000080&bgcolor=FFFFFF&date_month=01&date_day=20&date_year=1&un=OBAMA IS OUT!&size=small&mo=01&da=20&yr=2013
Northern Rose
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Posts: 27112
Re: JSM'S BEGGING FOR BANNING THREAD # 5
«
Reply #3227 on:
October 05, 2009, 01:26:45 PM »
TOP 10 REASONS TO LIVE IN NEWFOUNDLAND
1. The poorest, stupidest, drunkest province in Confederation
2. If Quebec Separates, you will float off to sea
3. In the rare case when someone moves to the Rock, you can make them kiss a dead cod
4. The economy is based on fish, seafood, and fish-related products
5. If you do something stupid, you have a built-in excuse
6. You understand the meaning of Great Big Sea's lyrics
7. The work day is about two hours long
8. You are credited with many great inventions, like the solar-powered flashlight and the screen door for submarines
9. If someone asks if you're from Nova Scotia, you are allowed to kick their ass
10. It is socially acceptable to wear your hip waders on your wedding day
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Northern Rose
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Posts: 27112
Re: JSM'S BEGGING FOR BANNING THREAD # 5
«
Reply #3228 on:
October 05, 2009, 01:29:11 PM »
The provincial descriptions are not written by me so if it has offended a fellow Canadian you can find them
http://www3.sympatico.ca/taniah/Canada/misc/
.
I will attest that they are exceptionally accurate. I have just added links to some items which may not be known to some of you.
Now you have crib notes of the provinces
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Tevye
Monkey Junky
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Posts: 3973
Burn, baby, burn...'Ol Sparky is waiting for you!
Re: JSM'S BEGGING FOR BANNING THREAD # 5
«
Reply #3229 on:
October 05, 2009, 01:30:37 PM »
Quote from: joesamas mama on October 05, 2009, 01:26:07 PM
Quote from: Tevye on October 05, 2009, 01:15:59 PM
Quote from: joesamas mama on October 05, 2009, 01:04:01 PM
What did you do up there in Canada Tevye? Tell please tell.
JSM, take a Tic Tac container, you know, one of those little plastic ones? Fill it a little less than full with oregano and then try to cross the border. Oh, don't forget to tuck it down the front of your pants, and only hand it over when threatened with a strip search!
But, eh, I got no hard feelin's, ya know? Iffin' I wanna hear Canuk talk, I jist go to der UP, eh? Dey talk about da same, ya know?
I would have been scared chitless Tevye. What made them wanna strip search you?
Well, I like to think it was cos I had my tightest hip hugger boot cut jeans and FMP sandles on, but they swore it was cos they "just had a feeling". It was a holiday weekend, they had to make their winter salaries off the stupid American kids that weekend!!
Oh, yes, if anyone is keeping track, that ended my career as a criminal. As I tell my inmates, "if I'm sitting in a jail talking to you, your chosen career as a criminal is not workin' out for ya. How's about we get you an education and learn to do something legal?"
Logged
Remember Ladies, get the damm mamm!
Thanks, Brandi!
CasuallyCool
Monkey Junky
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Posts: 4577
What a beauty!!!
Re: JSM'S BEGGING FOR BANNING THREAD # 5
«
Reply #3230 on:
October 05, 2009, 01:32:14 PM »
Quote from: joesamas mama on October 05, 2009, 01:26:07 PM
Quote from: Tevye on October 05, 2009, 01:15:59 PM
Quote from: joesamas mama on October 05, 2009, 01:04:01 PM
What did you do up there in Canada Tevye? Tell please tell.
JSM, take a Tic Tac container, you know, one of those little plastic ones? Fill it a little less than full with oregano and then try to cross the border. Oh, don't forget to tuck it down the front of your pants, and only hand it over when threatened with a strip search!
But, eh, I got no hard feelin's, ya know? Iffin' I wanna hear Canuk talk, I jist go to der UP, eh? Dey talk about da same, ya know?
I would have been scared chitless Tevye. What made them wanna strip search you?
You'd wanna strip search her too if you saw her in her seal fur matching bra and panties.
Logged
Do No Evil
Tevye
Monkey Junky
Offline
Posts: 3973
Burn, baby, burn...'Ol Sparky is waiting for you!
Re: JSM'S BEGGING FOR BANNING THREAD # 5
«
Reply #3231 on:
October 05, 2009, 01:33:28 PM »
Quote from: Northern Rose on October 05, 2009, 01:26:45 PM
TOP 10 REASONS TO LIVE IN NEWFOUNDLAND
1. The poorest, stupidest, drunkest province in Confederation
2. If Quebec Separates, you will float off to sea
3. In the rare case when someone moves to the Rock, you can make them kiss a dead cod
4. The economy is based on fish, seafood, and fish-related products
5. If you do something stupid, you have a built-in excuse
6. You understand the meaning of Great Big Sea's lyrics
7. The work day is about two hours long
8. You are credited with many great inventions, like the solar-powered flashlight and the screen door for submarines
9. If someone asks if you're from Nova Scotia, you are allowed to kick their ass
10. It is socially acceptable to wear your hip waders on your wedding day
Each one of these makes me laugh out loud, but this one I found especially funny! Cos, around here, it IS socially acceptable to get married in your hip waders, but only if the groom does it too!
Logged
Remember Ladies, get the damm mamm!
Thanks, Brandi!
jen3560
Monkey Junky
Offline
Posts: 3338
Re: JSM'S BEGGING FOR BANNING THREAD # 5
«
Reply #3232 on:
October 05, 2009, 01:34:07 PM »
O/T
Urgent Request for help for Natalee Holloway
http://scaredmonkeys.net/index.php?topic=5922.msg971214#msg971214
Thank you for your time, Monkeys.
Logged
joesamas mama
Monkey Mega Star
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Posts: 34754
Patton is my babe. RIP my Josef I love you both!
Re: JSM'S BEGGING FOR BANNING THREAD # 5
«
Reply #3233 on:
October 05, 2009, 01:34:11 PM »
Northern those top ten lists are cracking me up. My stomach hurts from laughing.
Logged
My JSM Begging for Ban Button Blog:
http://scaredmonkeys.net/index.php?topic=5458.0
http://www.oneplusyou.com/bb/files/countdown/countdown.swf?co=000080&bgcolor=FFFFFF&date_month=01&date_day=20&date_year=1&un=OBAMA IS OUT!&size=small&mo=01&da=20&yr=2013
Tevye
Monkey Junky
Offline
Posts: 3973
Burn, baby, burn...'Ol Sparky is waiting for you!
Re: JSM'S BEGGING FOR BANNING THREAD # 5
«
Reply #3234 on:
October 05, 2009, 01:35:01 PM »
Quote from: CasuallyCool on October 05, 2009, 01:32:14 PM
Quote from: joesamas mama on October 05, 2009, 01:26:07 PM
Quote from: Tevye on October 05, 2009, 01:15:59 PM
Quote from: joesamas mama on October 05, 2009, 01:04:01 PM
What did you do up there in Canada Tevye? Tell please tell.
JSM, take a Tic Tac container, you know, one of those little plastic ones? Fill it a little less than full with oregano and then try to cross the border. Oh, don't forget to tuck it down the front of your pants, and only hand it over when threatened with a strip search!
But, eh, I got no hard feelin's, ya know? Iffin' I wanna hear Canuk talk, I jist go to der UP, eh? Dey talk about da same, ya know?
I would have been scared chitless Tevye. What made them wanna strip search you?
You'd wanna strip search her too if you saw her in her seal fur matching bra and panties.
Logged
Remember Ladies, get the damm mamm!
Thanks, Brandi!
Northern Rose
Monkey Mega Star
Offline
Posts: 27112
Re: JSM'S BEGGING FOR BANNING THREAD # 5
«
Reply #3235 on:
October 05, 2009, 01:35:21 PM »
Quote from: Tevye on October 05, 2009, 01:21:03 PM
Quote from: Fanny Mae on October 05, 2009, 01:07:33 PM
Aw He77!!!! Time of limitation should have run out on that! Call em up and say, "Hey! This is Tevye! You know that little deal from long time ago? We'll how's it holding up now? I want to go to Alaska." Can't hurt.
Ya know, I should just do that! I have one of the border crossings (actually both US and Canadian) in my speed dial (for tracking the kids if they don't check in around border crossing time on the way to/from Alaska) on speed dial. I could just call them, give them my DL number, and see what they say. Couldn't hurt...right?
Criminal Records
People with criminal records may be barred from entering Canada. This includes smaller, misdemeanor crimes as well as DWI charges. This is especially the case for those that plan to spend an extended amount of time in Canada or plan to become a permanent resident. Those with criminal records can fill out an application for rehabilitation, which may allow them entrance into Canada.
http://www.cic.gc.ca/english/information/applications/rehabil.asp
Logged
Fanny Mae
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Offline
Posts: 16655
Re: JSM'S BEGGING FOR BANNING THREAD # 5
«
Reply #3236 on:
October 05, 2009, 01:37:21 PM »
Quote from: joesamas mama on October 05, 2009, 01:26:07 PM
Quote from: Tevye on October 05, 2009, 01:15:59 PM
Quote from: joesamas mama on October 05, 2009, 01:04:01 PM
What did you do up there in Canada Tevye? Tell please tell.
JSM, take a Tic Tac container, you know, one of those little plastic ones? Fill it a little less than full with oregano and then try to cross the border. Oh, don't forget to tuck it down the front of your pants, and only hand it over when threatened with a strip search!
But, eh, I got no hard feelin's, ya know? Iffin' I wanna hear Canuk talk, I jist go to der UP, eh? Dey talk about da same, ya know?
I would have been scared chitless Tevye. What made them wanna strip search you?
She probably had on some really tight pants and her Tic Tacs were showing....
Logged
Jesus loves the little children, all the children in the world.
Red and yellow, black and white, they are precious in his sight. Jesus loves the little children of the world.
Words: C. Herbert Woolston (1856-1927) Music: George F. Root (1820-1895)
joesamas mama
Monkey Mega Star
Offline
Posts: 34754
Patton is my babe. RIP my Josef I love you both!
Re: JSM'S BEGGING FOR BANNING THREAD # 5
«
Reply #3237 on:
October 05, 2009, 01:38:41 PM »
Quote from: jen3560 on October 05, 2009, 01:34:07 PM
O/T
Urgent Request for help for Natalee Holloway
http://scaredmonkeys.net/index.php?topic=5922.msg971214#msg971214
Thank you for your time, Monkeys.
Thansk Jen, I will send an email.
Logged
My JSM Begging for Ban Button Blog:
http://scaredmonkeys.net/index.php?topic=5458.0
http://www.oneplusyou.com/bb/files/countdown/countdown.swf?co=000080&bgcolor=FFFFFF&date_month=01&date_day=20&date_year=1&un=OBAMA IS OUT!&size=small&mo=01&da=20&yr=2013
Fanny Mae
Monkey Mega Star
Offline
Posts: 16655
Re: JSM'S BEGGING FOR BANNING THREAD # 5
«
Reply #3238 on:
October 05, 2009, 01:40:26 PM »
Quote from: joesamas mama on October 05, 2009, 01:34:11 PM
Northern those top ten lists are cracking me up. My stomach hurts from laughing.
Mine too!!
Well, at least Canooks have a sense of humor.
Logged
Jesus loves the little children, all the children in the world.
Red and yellow, black and white, they are precious in his sight. Jesus loves the little children of the world.
Words: C. Herbert Woolston (1856-1927) Music: George F. Root (1820-1895)
Tevye
Monkey Junky
Offline
Posts: 3973
Burn, baby, burn...'Ol Sparky is waiting for you!
Re: JSM'S BEGGING FOR BANNING THREAD # 5
«
Reply #3239 on:
October 05, 2009, 01:43:22 PM »
Quote from: Northern Rose on October 05, 2009, 01:35:21 PM
Quote from: Tevye on October 05, 2009, 01:21:03 PM
Quote from: Fanny Mae on October 05, 2009, 01:07:33 PM
Aw He77!!!! Time of limitation should have run out on that! Call em up and say, "Hey! This is Tevye! You know that little deal from long time ago? We'll how's it holding up now? I want to go to Alaska." Can't hurt.
Ya know, I should just do that! I have one of the border crossings (actually both US and Canadian) in my speed dial (for tracking the kids if they don't check in around border crossing time on the way to/from Alaska) on speed dial. I could just call them, give them my DL number, and see what they say. Couldn't hurt...right?
Criminal Records
People with criminal records may be barred from entering Canada. This includes smaller, misdemeanor crimes as well as DWI charges. This is especially the case for those that plan to spend an extended amount of time in Canada or plan to become a permanent resident. Those with criminal records can fill out an application for rehabilitation, which may allow them entrance into Canada.
http://www.cic.gc.ca/english/information/applications/rehabil.asp
Thanks, Rose, I bookmarked that. Maybe next spring....
Logged
Remember Ladies, get the damm mamm!
Thanks, Brandi!
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===> Michelle Loree Parker, Last Seen 11/17/11, Orlando, FL
===> Celina Cass, 11yrs old missing 7/25/11 New Hampshire
===> Aliayah Lunsford, 3yrs old, Weston, West VA, missing since 9/24/2011
===> Lisa Irwin, 10mo old missing since 10/4/2011 KC, MO
===> Robyn Gardner missing in Aruba August 2, 2011
=> Missing Persons - High Profile - Archives
-----------------------------
Virginia Area Missing and Murdered - possible connections
-----------------------------
=> Morgan Dana Harrington, 20yrs missing VA Tech 10/17/09(BODY FOUND)
=> Hannah Elizabeth Graham missing since 9/13/14 Charlottesville, VA
=> Alexis Murphy, missing since 8/3/13 Charlottesville, VA
=> Samantha Ann Clarke 19yrs. old Orange Va. Last seen 09/13/10
=> Dashad Sage Smith missing since 11/20/12 Charlottesville, VA
=> Cassandra Morton 23, Lynchburg, missing 10/10/09 body found 11/29/09
-----------------------------
High Profile Crimes and Trials (not missing persons)
-----------------------------
=> Jodi Arias trial - for the murder of Travis Alexander
=> Trial of George Zimmerman - 2nd Degree Murder of 17yr old Trayvon Martin
=> Scott Peterson Appeal of Murder Conviction
-----------------------------
Missing, Exploited and True Crime
-----------------------------
=> Missing Exploited and True Crime
===> Missing Persons Forum
=====> Missing Found or Presumed Deceased
=====> Missing Found Safe
=====> Missing Endangered Runaways
=====> Resourses, Search Groups and Fundraisers
===> Crimes Against Children, Elderly and the Disabled
===> Crimes of Passion/Anger
===> Serial Killers and Their Possible Victims
===> Unsolved Crimes
=====> Finally Solved
===> Haleigh Marie Cummings - Florida
===> Adji Desir - Florida
===> Somer Renee Thompson 7 yo, Orange Park FL 10/19/09(BODY FOUND)
===> Tracy Ocasio - Orlando/Ocoee, Florida
===> Shaniya Nicole Davis, 5 Fayetteville, NC Missing 11/10/09(BODY FOUND)
===> Holly Bobo, 20yrs old missing Parsons, TN 4/13/11
===> Hailey Dunn - 13yrs old - Colorado City, TX missing 12/27/10 (Body Found)
===> Elizabeth Olten - 9yrs, Jefferson City, MO missing 10/21/09 (BODY FOUND)
===> Lindsey Baum - McCleary, WA 6/26/09
===> Amber Leeanne Dubois 14yrs old - Escondido, CA(BODY FOUND)
===> Chelsea King, 17, Missing 2-25-2010 Rancho Bernadino CA (BODY FOUND)
===> Sandra Cantu, 8 years old - Tracy, CA(BODY FOUND)
===> Madeleine McCann - Portugal
===> Christine Marie Sheddy - missing since 11/13/2007 - Maryland(BODY FOUND)
===> Nevaeh Amyah Buchanan 5yr Monroe Michigan(BODY FOUND)
===> Gabriel Johnson 8 mo., last seen 12/26/09 Tempe AZ-San Antonio TX
===> Stacy Ann Peterson missing & Kathleen Savio murdered - Illinois
===> Zahra Clare Baker - 10yrs old Hickory, NC (Body Found)
-----------------------------
Natalee Holloway
-----------------------------
=> Natalee Holloway
=> Important Case Documents
===> Joran Statements/PV's
===> Paulus Statements/PV's
===> Deepak Statements/PV's
===> Satish Statements/PV's
===> Misc Statements/PV's
=> LCD Archive
=> Shango/Simian and other Codetalkers
-----------------------------
Current Events and Musings
-----------------------------
=> Monkey Musings / Open Discussion
=> Pop Culture Main
===> Hugely Popular TV Shows
===> Movies and Television
===> Social Media
===> Music
===> Books
===> Scared Monkeys Radio with Dana Pretzer
=> Health and Medical Issues
=> Food and Product Recalls
=> News of the Day
=> Business News
=> Sports
=> Political Forum
=> Religion (discussion and debate)
-----------------------------
The Monkey Lounge
-----------------------------
=> The Monkey Lounge
===> Fashion & Decorating
===> What's Cooking? Recipes
===> Games
=> Inspirational
===> Memorial - Gone but Never Forgotten
===> Gratefulness - Light a Candle in Prayer
===> Inspirational scriptures, songs, stories and prayers
-----------------------------
Natalee Discussions (2005 ARCHIVE)
-----------------------------
=> Natalee Holloway
=> Theory and Speculation
=> Links and References Only
=> Natalee Breaking News Archive
-----------------------------
General Discussions (2005 ARCHIVE)
-----------------------------
=> News Issues
=> Chit Chat
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