MONKEY MUSINGS DAILY OPEN DISCUSSION #42 6/12/09 - 6/30/09

[Deenie]

I am sorry I went back to a Post of Always 1 ..she asked me to dedicate a song to her ..as I have to all my Muse Sisters.

I do have a song for Always 1. I hope she likes it.  I love the song myself ..HUGE.
Its sweet but daring ..just like Always....

She is that Little Bird.. Always..........  " Annie Lennox"

<a href="http://www.youtube.com/v/OFV0at1p2xA&amp;hl=en&amp;fs=1&amp;rel=0&amp;color1=0x402061&amp;color2=0x9461ca&amp;border=1" target="_blank">http://www.youtube.com/v/OFV0at1p2xA&amp;hl=en&amp;fs=1&amp;rel=0&amp;color1=0x402061&amp;color2=0x9461ca&amp;border=1</a>

Always you have to see the link I posted below .. Annie singing .. I am not allowed to embed  - the video I posted was the only one .. I could post. The vid I posted is the true song ..just not the video I wish for you to see.. The Song is still right on.. Love it.

Always You are that Little Bird

this is the REAL ANNIE
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=J4wZCKQom1w

Adore You Always 1 .. Sing it girly .. Annie is All that and All that ..there is no more

[Bearlyhere]

Woah!!!

Looks like it was pillow time for Mytime!!!

   

[Deenie]

for my Ms Bearly .................................... cuz

I normally play for you " Don't stop thinking about Tomorrow" by Fleetwood Mac.

I dedicate this to you~ Its not known by all. But it is quite beautiful as You are " My Friend".

<a href="http://www.youtube.com/v/f4CG18FPCj0&amp;hl=en&amp;fs=1&amp;rel=0&amp;color1=0x234900&amp;color2=0x4e9e00&amp;border=1" target="_blank">http://www.youtube.com/v/f4CG18FPCj0&amp;hl=en&amp;fs=1&amp;rel=0&amp;color1=0x234900&amp;color2=0x4e9e00&amp;border=1</a>

Thanks Deen Deen the DJ Queen

This is so me, I can't tell you how many times my friends have told me about talking to them in the moonlight about something they were worried about.  My friend who lives with me several days a week calls me a romantic.  He is amazed about how connected to nature I am, and how he can look outside to see me surrounded by bunnies, birds, cat, deer, an occasional frog, who should have run away at seeing me.  I did not know this was unusual until he told me.

I need to move around at night so I leave a load of wash in the washer so I can come back to it at that time, also I leave the last few dishes in the sink after dinner because I cannot do another thing without dropping it.  I have also been known to cook a meatloaf or something in the middle of the night for eating later that day.  My friend will tell me the fairies (or the elves) were here while we were sleeping.

It's hard to put it in words, but I hope you get the picture.

Ms Bearly .. I do know ..and that is why I sent this to you. I have known of this Video for over 9 years. Was once known as "Knock on the Duir"..then it got too popular and became Knock on the door. It is from the site http://www.duirwaighgallery.com/
you should take a peek ..you will find it home. 

No worries I am as earthy as they come. I can't be anything less ..

[Green Eyes]

Green Eyes

 

Hi Deenie Good to see you back. 

Deenie--Did you see the notes I left you about your Dad?  I was heartbroken to read what you were going through.

GE-I saw a picture of twins with those blue ribbons on the other day.  I was going to snag them, but I didn't want to copy yours, that picture of that baby with the bow is so cute.  Why do we always want to cuddle sleeping babies instead of letting them sleep?

 

You should have snagged it. I don't know why when you see babies all soft and sleeping you want to just hold them so close to your heart and breath in their sweet smell. I use to just sit and hold all mine. I am glad to see you are up and about. 

[Green Eyes]

Deenie,
Your post about your dad just plan out made me cry. I have last both parents my mom 34 yeras and dad 13 years. The difference was I was with my dad when he passed got to spend the last three months with him 24/7. Being there for him and with him made his passing so much easier. If that makes since. But with my mom I was out of state and didn't get to be with her or tell her good bye. But I know they are both with me always. I know people say time will make it better. But it really does. Know that you are in my thoughts and prayers
GE

[Green Eyes]

Hey MyTime

[Deenie]

  Green Eyes

<a href="http://www.youtube.com/v/QbAZiVRG6h0&amp;hl=en&amp;fs=1&amp;rel=0&amp;color1=0x402061&amp;color2=0x9461ca&amp;border=1" target="_blank">http://www.youtube.com/v/QbAZiVRG6h0&amp;hl=en&amp;fs=1&amp;rel=0&amp;color1=0x402061&amp;color2=0x9461ca&amp;border=1</a>

Yes, I did read. I cannot even thank you enough for all your heartfelt words.
You know we all come here to SM to fight for Justice and the Missing, Exploited Children. We spend so many hours and fearless nights ..working our hearts and minds concentrating on the babies ..who are lost and or found within a early death that is unfathomable.
And we all have our hearts torn to shreds for these children whom we have never held, nor met.. And then it comes that your Parent Dies out of the blue. You have to imagine me being hit ten times harder than Sandra Cantu.  I have been in phases of " I can deal" and then I go to downward spirals.. because GE I think I am still in shock. I have not yet come to grips with it all about my Dad. I try to use my hover brick walls - to carry me. I try to keep me safe with all my known inane so called band aids .. and I know it will be soon enough that I will fall down. For now I am weeding through the paper work and so.

But I do have to face this and maybe you can offer me something. My Dad is ready to pick up. His Ashes are waiting for me to pick him up. They at the funeral home wanted me to take him - a week ago.  They showed me this little gift bag with a personal size kleenex box inside ..and they said " Simply sign here" and you can take your Father.
I about passed out. I said very loudly in shock .. MY DAD is in that BAG. And the man from the funeral home said Yes.. this is your Father.

GE I thought it would take weeks. It was only 2 days after my Dads service. I was blown away. I never thought My Daddy would or could fit into a kleenex box. I have never seen anyone cremated. I wanted to bury my Dad whole. I so wanted to. But I found out the cost to bury him ..which would be 8k more than to have him cremated. I am not made of money and I am " alone" handling his end ..his all .. he had no money. No one is aiding me, everyone has told me to my face .. Its You or nothing .. We are not helping.

I think its morbid to take my Dad home in a kleenex size box and sit him on a shelf - ooo my body chills at the thought. I can't do it. Yet to put his " cremains" as they speak of it - in the plot .. within his family - will cost me yet another 2k ...and I don't have it.
Guilt ridden .. Yes in too many ways.
I have already spent 800 with arrangements out of pocket cash and yet have to pay for his 1/2 day Service which is 5k .. and my Taxes are due on my House which I have to Pay ... I have too.

 

[Deenie]

GE  I owe 5k in full the 2nd wk of July to the funeral home - I do not not have a credit card.
they gave me 30 days grace ..isnt that special to find or figure out if my father had a will and or any benefits to put towards his burial. .. I think I need a credit plan.
I cannot fathom anyone having 5k to just hand over ..like OK ..sure why not ..Its not that easy.  I was a month ago ok ..now my DAD died out of the blue and he is 77 yrs old - and I am the only ONE person on this entire planet that is willing to take care of him ..after death.
Is it Shame on Me to think this way .. or is it my Duty as his only one person/his daughter to care of him after death. He left me with a ton of mystery - No answers, no nothing not even any money .. NO money .. I mean none.. not even 100.00. He left me with so much crap and he knew he was sick. He never told me. He was very very sick and he and I were extremely close .. talked all the time. But he never told me. I am mad at him GE .. I am.

[Bearlyhere]

It's the Lean Green Posting Machine!!!!!

 

How is the quilt and what did you bake?  How is your family and your husband and his tools?  Did you go shopping?  Spill...!!!

 

Hi Miss Bearly,
Hubby is better, scared the you know out of me let me to tell you. He inhaled to much dust when doing his yard work. Sister is home and doing better. Has some infection in here lungs kind a like TB but not TB. Older brother found a blood clot on his heart when doing strees test. So now he is on blood thinners.
But the best newa is 99% chance daughter and kids are moving here. The quilt for grand daughter is on hold as can't find the fabric I want for the backing. But almost fifnshed with MIL memory quilt.
How are you doing?
 

I am glad your hubby, sister, and brother are okay.  Family has a way of making us feel older.   

That is so great about your daughter and grand-kids moving close to you.   

Did you try the internet for backing?  Can you give me the type and the measurement you are looking for in case I spot it?

You have really worked hard on that quilt for your MIL.  She will be thrilled to get it.  Do you have a picture you can share?

I am fine, thank you.

How are you??

[Green Eyes]

Green Eyes

<a href="http://www.youtube.com/v/QbAZiVRG6h0&amp;hl=en&amp;fs=1&amp;rel=0&amp;color1=0x402061&amp;color2=0x9461ca&amp;border=1" target="_blank">http://www.youtube.com/v/QbAZiVRG6h0&amp;hl=en&amp;fs=1&amp;rel=0&amp;color1=0x402061&amp;color2=0x9461ca&amp;border=1</a>

Yes, I did read. I cannot even thank you enough for all your heartfelt words.
You know we all come here to SM to fight for Justice and the Missing, Exploited Children. We spend so many hours and fearless nights ..working our hearts and minds concentrating on the babies ..who are lost and or found within a early death that is unfathomable.
And we all have our hearts torn to shreds for these children whom we have never held, nor met.. And then it comes that your Parent Dies out of the blue. You have to imagine me being hit ten times harder than Sandra Cantu.  I have been in phases of " I can deal" and then I go to downward spirals.. because GE I think I am still in shock. I have not yet come to grips with it all about my Dad. I try to use my hover brick walls - to carry me. I try to keep me safe with all my known inane so called band aids .. and I know it will be soon enough that I will fall down. For now I am weeding through the paper work and so.

But I do have to face this and maybe you can offer me something. My Dad is ready to pick up. His Ashes are waiting for me to pick him up. They at the funeral home wanted me to take him - a week ago.  They showed me this little gift bag with a personal size kleenex box inside ..and they said " Simply sign here" and you can take your Father.
I about passed out. I said very loudly in shock .. MY DAD is in that BAG. And the man from the funeral home said Yes.. this is your Father.

GE I thought it would take weeks. It was only 2 days after my Dads service. I was blown away. I never thought My Daddy would or could fit into a kleenex box. I have never seen anyone cremated. I wanted to bury my Dad whole. I so wanted to. But I found out the cost to bury him ..which would be 8k more than to have him cremated. I am not made of money and I am " alone" handling his end ..his all .. he had no money. No one is aiding me, everyone has told me to my face .. Its You or nothing .. We are not helping.

I think its morbid to take my Dad home in a kleenex size box and sit him on a shelf - ooo my body chills at the thought. I can't do it. Yet to put his " cremains" as they speak of it - in the plot .. within his family - will cost me yet another 2k ...and I don't have it.
Guilt ridden .. Yes in too many ways.
I have already spent 800 with arrangements out of pocket cash and yet have to pay for his 1/2 day Service which is 5k .. and my Taxes are due on my House which I have to Pay ... I have too.

 

DEENIE,
I truly wish I could give you a big hug and tell you it is going to be alright.  Trying to handle everything on your own is a tough road. It is understandable you are still in shock over everything. But think about your dad for a minute, do you think he would want you to be in this pain quilt you are feeling. You did what you had to do and he understands. He is in a better place with no pain, no anger, just a beautiful peaceful place with all the past loved ones.
I had a dear friend who passed away not long ago. She had her husbands ashes in his favorite cookie tin in his favorite desk. Where he loved to work out. She told me it gave her great comfort knowing he was always close to her. When she passed her children put her and their dad together in their church columbaim(sp)
You have to take care of you. And I am sure your dad would want you too.
I don't have a throw away addy but Klaas when she gets better can give you mine and we can talk.
Hugs
GE

[Bearlyhere]

Hi Cappy!!!  Pull up a stool.  What'll you have?

Drinks on me tonight!!!

 

[Green Eyes]

It's the Lean Green Posting Machine!!!!!

 

How is the quilt and what did you bake?  How is your family and your husband and his tools?  Did you go shopping?  Spill...!!!

 

Hi Miss Bearly,
Hubby is better, scared the you know out of me let me to tell you. He inhaled to much dust when doing his yard work. Sister is home and doing better. Has some infection in here lungs kind a like TB but not TB. Older brother found a blood clot on his heart when doing strees test. So now he is on blood thinners.
But the best newa is 99% chance daughter and kids are moving here. The quilt for grand daughter is on hold as can't find the fabric I want for the backing. But almost fifnshed with MIL memory quilt.
How are you doing?
 

I am glad your hubby, sister, and brother are okay.  Family has a way of making us feel older.   

That is so great about your daughter and grand-kids moving close to you.   

Did you try the internet for backing?  Can you give me the type and the measurement you are looking for in case I spot it?

You have really worked hard on that quilt for your MIL.  She will be thrilled to get it.  Do you have a picture you can share?

I am fine, thank you.

How are you??

Isn't that the truth about family making you feel old. I am so excited about daughter and kids moving here. I wish all my kids would move here. But the boys will stay in Calif as their wifes families all live there.
I have looked on line for the fabric. Since I made it in black/purple and lavender, I have been looking for something with all three colors. They have fabric called batek that is just colors mixed together. So when I find the right one I will get it. That and I made the thing so darn big it's going to take like 8 yards or more to have enough.
I will post a pic of both quilts when I get battaries for camera. 
I am glad you are doing better. You are a very special lady. 

[Deenie]

GE... as Much as I worshiped my Dad. We only became close in the last few years.
My Dad we had very close times when I was little ..very little. He was then my ALL and I have to rely and cherish those times because they are the only precious times I had with him.  But in the Mid years he was incredibly verbally awful ..and at was of ill health with major cluster headaches and .. those years I wish and can pray for all my worth to forget and I can't. They were heinous years of fear and terror as a child.  My Dad was a very very vulgar hateful alcoholic all my mid years - and was very very abusive in language. He destroyed my Mom's heart and her trust * now I recognize. She is 12 yrs younger than him. Then add his served years as a Corpsman in the Korean war.  My Dad not to speak ugly of him, not my intent. He though did major major damage within my core family and none has ever been repaired. My Parents divorced and that was his way of easy out - I blame it on your Mother.. I never have to say I am sorry for torturing you or your brother mindfully and or destroying your home life ..that you never knew when you walked in the door at any given moment ..what would await you.

Me the Dj - perfect song - and has been of my Dad ..

<a href="http://www.youtube.com/v/1P4GhVTgXh4&amp;hl=en&amp;fs=1&amp;rel=0&amp;border=1" target="_blank">http://www.youtube.com/v/1P4GhVTgXh4&amp;hl=en&amp;fs=1&amp;rel=0&amp;border=1</a>

[Deenie]

For GE

Just Cuz ..
Its a song that makes me feel ..feel in a good way .. maybe it will give you some insight of me. I am a lot like Michael Jackson .. I never had a childhood either not really so I live today ( like a child) even though I own a house and pay bills on time and have responsibility up the gazoo. Thank U GE for loving Me.

<a href="http://www.youtube.com/v/uFbE4fytZzY&amp;hl=en&amp;fs=1&amp;rel=0&amp;color1=0x234900&amp;color2=0x4e9e00&amp;border=1" target="_blank">http://www.youtube.com/v/uFbE4fytZzY&amp;hl=en&amp;fs=1&amp;rel=0&amp;color1=0x234900&amp;color2=0x4e9e00&amp;border=1</a>

[Green Eyes]

GE... as Much as I worshiped my Dad. We only became close in the last few years.
My Dad we had very close times when I was little ..very little. He was then my ALL and I have to rely and cherish those times because they are the only precious times I had with him.  But in the Mid years he was incredibly verbally awful ..and at was of ill health with major cluster headaches and .. those years I wish and can pray for all my worth to forget and I can't. They were heinous years of fear and terror as a child.  My Dad was a very very vulgar hateful alcoholic all my mid years - and was very very abusive in language. He destroyed my Mom's heart and her trust * now I recognize. She is 12 yrs younger than him. Then add his served years as a Corpsman in the Korean war.  My Dad not to speak ugly of him, not my intent. He though did major major damage within my core family and none has ever been repaired. My Parents divorced and that was his way of easy out - I blame it on your Mother.. I never have to say I am sorry for torturing you or your brother mindfully and or destroying your home life ..that you never knew when you walked in the door at any given moment ..what would await you.

Me the Dj - perfect song - and has been of my Dad ..

<a href="http://www.youtube.com/v/1P4GhVTgXh4&amp;hl=en&amp;fs=1&amp;rel=0&amp;border=1" target="_blank">http://www.youtube.com/v/1P4GhVTgXh4&amp;hl=en&amp;fs=1&amp;rel=0&amp;border=1</a>

Deenie,
As far as being mad at your dad for not saying any thing to you about being sick and leaving you to handle all that stuff by your self. Of course you are mad any of us would be. I don't know why so many just leave this for the children to handle. Is it selfishness on their parts or trying to shield their love ones from worry. I don't know. But I do know that we as the surviving loved ones get mad, upset and guilt ridden over it all.
I hope you can make arrangements to make payments, you can't loose you home over this.
My dad was an alcoholic and was verbable  mean when he drank, and the great guy when he didn't. It's hard to get pass that. All you can do is live your life as not to repeat his actions. I leaned a very love time ago that I loved my dad and will always love him. But there were times when I didn't like him very much. But that was okay not to like his actions. It never has stopped me from loving him. after all he was my dad. If truth be known we all have some kind of problem growing up. That is what life is about. Learning to grow from the hurts that have happened to us.
You are a good daughter and it's okay to be mad at the mess he left you. 

[Deenie]

GE... as Much as I worshiped my Dad. We only became close in the last few years.
My Dad we had very close times when I was little ..very little. He was then my ALL and I have to rely and cherish those times because they are the only precious times I had with him.  But in the Mid years he was incredibly verbally awful ..and at was of ill health with major cluster headaches and .. those years I wish and can pray for all my worth to forget and I can't. They were heinous years of fear and terror as a child.  My Dad was a very very vulgar hateful alcoholic all my mid years - and was very very abusive in language. He destroyed my Mom's heart and her trust * now I recognize. She is 12 yrs younger than him. Then add his served years as a Corpsman in the Korean war.  My Dad not to speak ugly of him, not my intent. He though did major major damage within my core family and none has ever been repaired. My Parents divorced and that was his way of easy out - I blame it on your Mother.. I never have to say I am sorry for torturing you or your brother mindfully and or destroying your home life ..that you never knew when you walked in the door at any given moment ..what would await you.

Me the Dj - perfect song - and has been of my Dad ..

<a href="http://www.youtube.com/v/1P4GhVTgXh4&amp;hl=en&amp;fs=1&amp;rel=0&amp;border=1" target="_blank">http://www.youtube.com/v/1P4GhVTgXh4&amp;hl=en&amp;fs=1&amp;rel=0&amp;border=1</a>

Deenie,
As far as being mad at your dad for not saying any thing to you about being sick and leaving you to handle all that stuff by your self. Of course you are mad any of us would be. I don't know why so many just leave this for the children to handle. Is it selfishness on their parts or trying to shield their love ones from worry. I don't know. But I do know that we as the surviving loved ones get mad, upset and guilt ridden over it all.
I hope you can make arrangements to make payments, you can't loose you home over this.
My dad was an alcoholic and was verbable  mean when he drank, and the great guy when he didn't. It's hard to get pass that. All you can do is live your life as not to repeat his actions. I leaned a very love time ago that I loved my dad and will always love him. But there were times when I didn't like him very much. But that was okay not to like his actions. It never has stopped me from loving him. after all he was my dad. If truth be known we all have some kind of problem growing up. That is what life is about. Learning to grow from the hurts that have happened to us.
You are a good daughter and it's okay to be mad at the mess he left you. 

thank u GE 

[Green Eyes]

Good Night Deenie
Sweet Dreams and God Bless
xoxo
GE

[Green Eyes]

thank u GE 
Your welcome Deenie.
Get some rest.
GE

[Deenie]

Funny you mention that .. that I am to be the opposite of his patterns and or ugly ..
I am nothing like him in that respect. I am just the total opposite of him .. for every hateful word he gave out .. I have never done that to my own daughter.. I would not, nor could not. Yes I have yelled at her when she flipped inside out " In cause of panic" and or she did something that would cause her bodily harm without her knowing ...like when she was MAD at Me ..when she was 3 yrs old and chose to open the car door while I was driving 45 mph .. sure I grabbed her hard enough and quick enough to cause her pain.. Any mother would.

I am the one that will stop and pick up a worm on the sidewalk for fear he/she may dry out in the sun .. I will pick them up and plunk them in wet grass.  I don't honor ugly.
Me I am me. I cherish my fur kids as if they are born of my body .. I have a goldfish that was One inch long .. um I got him in 1999. He is right now next to me in a tank .. He cost 89 cents. He is now and always been my child.  He is friggen Huge too. He is my Baby.
I have almost lost him ... 3 times .. My gf says .. He is fish that will never Die..


He is a good boy 

[Deenie]

Love to all My Girls .. Don't know what I would do with out You all
GE .. Dolce, Boo and Klaas have my email ..just so you know.
I don't know if you have a myspace - you can find me on myspace. Bixah.
Dolce, Boo, KcJackie are on my  myspace.
ooxx Night - love to YOU .. ((hug))