Scared Monkeys Discussion Forum

Obama birth controversy resolved

The proof provided about Barack Obama’s actual birthplace has relieved supporters who feared a constitutional crisis, while this truth has provided a shock of a different sort.

Obama's official birthplace, Hawaii, was disputed by political groups who speculated that he was born in Kenya, on  a plane, or somewhere in between. The Obama campaign hasn't been forthcoming about the matter, and has not supplied the original birth certificate that legally confirms the date and time.

But it turns out the truth is far worse than if Obama had been born in some mosquito-infested Third World hellhole: In fact, Barack Hussein Obama was born July 23, 1961 in Midland Memorial Hospital on the Texas prairie.

The campaign provided a certified copy of Obama’s birth certificate to reporters on Wednesday morning. It is viewable on www.barackisreallyatexan.com.

How Obama's mother ended up in Midland is still a bit of a mystery. At 17 years old she was characterized as "high spirited," and reportedly jumped on the private plane of an oilman who was visiting Hawaii during the latter stages of her pregnancy.

Conspiracy theorists attempted to link the unnamed oilman to the Bush family, which was living around Midland at the time. They could find no connection, but it did emerge that Obama was in the same maternity ward as future actor Woody Harrelson.

Shortly after the birth mother and child returned to Hawaii, finding a sympathetic doctor to issue a birth certificate that reflected the now-official August 4 date.

“We felt that the public would support an African-American candidate," the spokesman said. "But it was clear that anyone from Texas would be unelectable this year.”

This is satire. Many people have been born in Texas and have overcome that particular handicap to become president, play football and record hundreds of country and western albums.