JSM's BEGGING FOR BANNING #28 8/23/11 - 10/24/11

[Green Eyes]

Funny story....

You all know Josef and his tummy problems. The girls, vet and me are (I know this is sick) all excited when his tummy isn't bothering him and has normal poop. Anyways, I went to pick up Josef and the girl asked me if I got the pictures she texted me. I said no, what picture, she looked at her phone and it said they were sent. She looked at the number and it was the wrong one. She sent someone pictures of Josef outside with his poop with the title "seems like old times"   

  Can you imagine who ever got them asking themselves WTH.

  I know, the girl that sent them was mortified   

Tell the girl at the vets. She made my day. Poor thing. But it is funny.

[joesamas mama]

  My sister works as a dispatcher for the University Police until she graduates from Po Po school in a week, then she will be a Po Po.

So she is having to baby sit this at her desk.....



Baby squirrel. When I first saw the post on facebook, I thought of Buddy and No Rose. I miss her so much.

[joesamas mama]

Funny story....

You all know Josef and his tummy problems. The girls, vet and me are (I know this is sick) all excited when his tummy isn't bothering him and has normal poop. Anyways, I went to pick up Josef and the girl asked me if I got the pictures she texted me. I said no, what picture, she looked at her phone and it said they were sent. She looked at the number and it was the wrong one. She sent someone pictures of Josef outside with his poop with the title "seems like old times"   

  Can you imagine who ever got them asking themselves WTH.

  I know, the girl that sent them was mortified   

Tell the girl at the vets. She made my day. Poor thing. But it is funny.

I will Greeneyes. It made my day too  She did change my phone number in her phone 

[trimmonthelake]

I am laying here trying to watch a movie.Hubby came in and ask me if I knew they were discussing Casey on all the shows tonight....
He said there is not mystery...we all know what happened.
Then he said JSM get better,and he did ask how she messed her self up.   

Back to my movie...prayers for all Monkeys.   

[Green Eyes]

My sister works as a dispatcher for the University Police until she graduates from Po Po school in a week, then she will be a Po Po.

So she is having to baby sit this at her desk.....



Baby squirrel. When I first saw the post on facebook, I thought of Buddy and No Rose. I miss her so much.

Me too JSM

[joesamas mama]

I am laying here trying to watch a movie.Hubby came in and ask me if I knew they were discussing Casey on all the shows tonight....
He said there is not mystery...we all know what happened.
Then he said JSM get better,and he did ask how she messed her self up.   

Back to my movie...prayers for all Monkeys.   

Your husband is smart, not a mystery at all about what happened to Caylee.

Don't know how JSM got messed up Trimm. Wish I did so I won't do it again. Prayers you have a good day today and those Hockers leave you alone.

[joesamas mama]

  Sorry forgot my manners, GOOD MORNING MONKEYS!!! 

[trimmonthelake]

Good Morning Monkeys.

[joesamas mama]

Good Morning Monkeys.

Morning Trimm

[ZooMomology]

So, hi everybody!  It has been a while since I have been down in the pen with you all.  I hope everybody is doing well.  It took me a good while to get over Caylee and the wenches acquittal, which is evidence to me that the world is ending. 

Anywho, first let me say, I am not a very religious person and am not looking for any sympathy.  I am just so confused and scared and looking for advice.

My mother (not close with her at all, lives out of state, but have started talking to her about 3 years ago, long story) about 3 weeks ago went to a doctor for what I was told was shortness of breath but if you asked her, she said no, and her hubby said he brought her because she kept asking the same question over and over (she is only 66).  Anywho, this doc thought she had emphysema and pneumonia and put her on antibiotics and steroids and said that her asking the same question was due to a low pulse oximetry (92% which I know from doing Medical Transcription to be barely low, so I just kept this in my mind but worried about her brain function as my mother has always been sharp a whip). 

Two days later, she has my sister take her to the ER for a chest x-ray to rule out cancer because she was worried.  No cancer seen on chest x-ray, I get texts saying mom is cancer free, woo hoo.  Two days later, her hubby brings her to the ER again for what reason I do not know.  However, they keep her overnight and do brain scan and find spots and then do a chest MRI and find spots there too.  The doc tells my sister (cause by now my mother is in la la land) that he thinks it is cancer that spread from somewhere to her brain) and sends her home with nothing but a followup with an onco doc.  My sister also makes an appointment with a Neuro doc.  They must wait for these appointments.  This all started on 08/14.  They go see the onco doctor I would say by 8/30.  He says reading the scans and information from hospital, he sees nothing that screams cancer and thinks she is having mini-strokes but wants to do a contrast and noncontrast CT scan of her head and the onco doc also said same thing but to rule it out did lumbar puncture.  We wait all weekend to find out what these tests show.

In the span of 3 weeks, my mother went from walking, talking, smoking, cooking, to wearing diapers, being in a wheelchair, thinking her mother was still alive, till last night my sister telling me my mother cannot even speak any more and is writhing in pain.  The scans showed too numerous to count lesions in the brain which the onco says is cancer that has gone way too far to offer any treatment and he puts her on hospice.  My sister said she does not even think she will live the rest of today. 

Few things: 
1.  My mother hates docs and will not go at all to docs, until the past 3 weeks where she has become almost child like according to my sister.
2.  She has always said if she had cancer, from when I was a child, she did not want to know and just wanted to die.
3.  I have talked to her frequently in the last few years and she has never complained of pain or anything, other than knee pain.
4.  In all my convos with my mother of late, last in June when it was her birthday, where she was very clear in mentation and beotched me out about my mothering skills just like her little old self, never sounded anything but her usual self.  Actually, last time I spoke to my mother we were knee deep in the Casey Anthony trial and we were discussing it and she was getting on me about how there is no evidence, and I was so mad at her and after the acquittal, did not call for a while because I did not want to hear I told you so. 

Now, the onco says that to find out where the cancer came from would involve many scans and other things that would just put my mother through hell and really would do nothing to better her outcome, so my sister and my mother's hubby have decided to forego any further diagnostic tests to find out the original cancer, which I am fine with. 

I guess what is freaking me out is I was not aware of a cancer that could kill somebody in 3 weeks. 

This also puts cancer on both my side and my hubby's side of the family.  I am literally so depressed about my chances and my children's chances of a nice long life, I am feeling like giving up living.  I would not kill myself at the moment because I have small children, but I feel what is left of my life.  My sister was putting my mother to bed other day and she felt a huge lump in her stomach, so the doc thinks she has ovarian cancer as primary and that she has probably had this for 30 years (which sounds like my mother to ignore a lump in her stomach). 

My mother has terminal cancer.
My father died of prostate cancer. 
My aunt had tongue cancer and treated successfully and has been cancer free, but who knows for how long.
My hubby's mother died of rectal cancer within weeks of her diagnosis, but it did not affect her mentation and she had had this for a while and she knew it but had just not gone to the doctor. 

I have done nothing but surf cancer sites for days now.  I have no appetite.  I have not showered in days.  I am going through the motions of getting the kids up for school, I am working at night, but I am at the edge of tears constantly.  I swear every pain I feel is cancer, I just keep wondering which one will kill me first. 

I have no medical insurance so I cannot even go to get scanned or whatever.  Many years ago, I had to have a cone biopsy (cervix) and then some type of procedure which cleared up my abnormal Pap smears, but I have not had one in 8 years, so of course, I swear I have cervical cancer now.  I wish I could just go to sleep and not wake up so I do not have to worry about wearing a diaper in 20 years.  I told hubby this morning that at least I have 20 years and the kids will be grown by then.  Then, there is the thought that if I did have cancer, I do not want to know unless I can be cured 100%, and would rather just die, but I do not want to die the way my mother is dying. 

Is this normal for family members of cancer victims to go through? 

I, of course, do not want my mother to suffer and my sister is hoping she just goes in her sleep really soon.  I also cannot say or do anything for my mother.  She will not know who I am.  If I call, she is sleeping.  They are keeping her sleeping 24/7 now.  She is on morphine every 1.5 hours for pain.  I am so confused.  I cannot accept talking to her 3 months ago and arguing about Casey Anthony to her now being not able to speak or know who I am.  I do not know what to do with my mind.  I cannot stop thinking about death and dying and what my future holds and my kids and worrying about my husband who is older than I am. 

I think that what bothers me most is that like with AIDs/HIV, you get an HIV test and you are either negative or positive, and then if it is negative you move on and get on with your life.  With cancer, there is no test to tell you if you have cancer.  You pretty much have to wait for symptoms.  There is no blood test you can have to tell you if you have cancer.  Even if you are tested for and found negative say for cervical cancer, who is to say you do not have lung cancer, or liver cancer, or any other cancer? 

OMG, I could go on and on and mostly I feel so badly for my mother, although I am told she is so out of it, she has no idea she even has cancer.  I close my eyes and see her laying there in a diaper and her last breaths.  I cannot go see her, we cannot afford it currently, and even if we could, I could not handle it.  I am a wimp.  Plus, there are parts of me that are so angry with her because of the life we have had, our horrible relationship, the things she has said to me and done to me.  Not once in my life has she ever hugged me or told me she loved me.  I am over that, trust me, but I feel guilty for these thoughts now, but deep down I have some horrible thoughts too. 

Anyway, has anybody ever gone through this and these feelings?

[ZooMomology]

My sister works as a dispatcher for the University Police until she graduates from Po Po school in a week, then she will be a Po Po.

So she is having to baby sit this at her desk.....



Baby squirrel. When I first saw the post on facebook, I thought of Buddy and No Rose. I miss her so much.

I want one of these.  So cute.

[joesamas mama]

Zoo, sorry about your mom, my prayers are with you.

Your feelings are normal about worrying that you will get cancer, but what you need to do is find a low cost clinic and get yourself checked out just to ease your mind.

What your mom is going through happened to my Grandma, but we knew she had breast cancer 25 plus years earlier but didn't know it came back to her lungs until it was too late.

Please know you are in my prayers as is your mom. 

[CasuallyCool]

Eat your pickles JSM.

[CasuallyCool]

Prayers for Zoo.

[Brandi]

So, hi everybody!  It has been a while since I have been down in the pen with you all.  I hope everybody is doing well.  It took me a good while to get over Caylee and the wenches acquittal, which is evidence to me that the world is ending. 

Anywho, first let me say, I am not a very religious person and am not looking for any sympathy.  I am just so confused and scared and looking for advice.

<snipped>

Anyway, has anybody ever gone through this and these feelings?

I'm sorry to hear this is happening to you, but I believe what you are feeling is quite normal.

Hearing this news about your mother has to be shocking and confusing for you.

Your feelings of shock, depression, anger, and guilt are all a part of the grieving process, which I believe you are going through.

We too, have lost our health benefits and that is a scary, helpless place to be. I understand your fears, but I also think they may be exaggerated right now because of what you are going through.

When I lost my mother, I read all I could on the grieving process, and that did help me feel that my feelings were normal.

I’m not sure what else to to say, but I want you to know I care.

[ZooMomology]

Zoo, sorry about your mom, my prayers are with you.

Your feelings are normal about worrying that you will get cancer, but what you need to do is find a low cost clinic and get yourself checked out just to ease your mind.

What your mom is going through happened to my Grandma, but we knew she had breast cancer 25 plus years earlier but didn't know it came back to her lungs until it was too late.

Please know you are in my prayers as is your mom. 

Thank you JSM.     You are such a sweetie.  I knew you would be the first to answer my post.  You have such a good heart. 

[ZooMomology]

So, hi everybody!  It has been a while since I have been down in the pen with you all.  I hope everybody is doing well.  It took me a good while to get over Caylee and the wenches acquittal, which is evidence to me that the world is ending. 

Anywho, first let me say, I am not a very religious person and am not looking for any sympathy.  I am just so confused and scared and looking for advice.

<snipped>

Anyway, has anybody ever gone through this and these feelings?

I'm sorry to hear this is happening to you, but I believe what you are feeling is quite normal.

Hearing this news about your mother has to be shocking and confusing for you.

Your feelings of shock, depression, anger, and guilt are all a part of the grieving process, which I believe you are going through.

We too, have lost our health benefits and that is a scary, helpless place to be. I understand your fears, but I also think they may be exaggerated right now because of what you are going through.

When I lost my mother, I read all I could on the grieving process, and that did help me feel that my feelings were normal.

I’m not sure what else to to say, but I want you to know I care.

Thanks Brandi.  It does not feel like grieving, but what do I know.  It is definitley a dark place to be.  I also have a horrible cold for a few days now with a nasty cough, so not feeling the best. 

Thanks CC!!!

[cadillac]

Zoo - I just read your post and wanted you to know how sad I am to hear of your mother's illness and fast demise.

For what it's worth, I also think what you are feeling is very normal.  You have been handed quite alot in a short amount of time.  Your emotions, and warranted emotions, have overwhelmed you.

It seems that you are saying there is not much you can do to help your mother right now, being that she is so ill and so far from you.  May I suggest that being the case, then you need to make peace with her.  In your heart.  However you are comfortable doing that - writing her a letter, writing your sister a letter, talking to a counselor/friend, or just going someplace quiet and talking to her from the heart?  I don't know - but you must not harbor any quilt about your relationship with her, as that could possibly affect the way you "mother".  And if I read between the lines, you are a great mother!

So from a stranger, make peace with your mother in your heart, and make your soul healthy with regard to her situation.

You have to eat, take care of your family and household, and you have to be healthy both physically and emotionally to do that.  Take care of yourself first right now and the rest will follow.

Cad

[cookie]

Prayers to you and your family Zoo!

[joesamas mama]

Eat your pickles JSM.

  Not hungry.