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Author Topic: Do You have an Opinion? Sex in High School  (Read 6251 times)
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GreatOwl
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« on: June 12, 2007, 08:58:07 AM »

Please leave "race" out of the discussion, as I really do not wish to see that as a discussion here.

http://tinyurl.com/ytj8st

I have wondered for years about this issue, having taught and observed student behavior since the early 60's.  I in no way condone sexual activity among our teen set, but I don't see how putting someone in prision for 10 years is going to change anything.  These students lack the maturity, in most cases, to make consistent emotional judgements.  This is what growing up is.  Whether it was  sexual or not I doubt that anyone here can claim that all their teen activity was all that wise when they look back on how they acted in their own maturing years.

In this case given when the birthdays took place we could very well be dealing with young persons who were a Junior and Sophomore in high school.  I do not know the details.   All I know is that we as a society have put these young people together in an environment socially and academically since the beginning of the educational establishment.  We hold dances, athletic events, plays, concerts etc. which place them in close proximity for at times eight to ten hours a day.

We are then shocked when we hear of them becoming sexual infatuated with each other.  Sounds a little bit like placing some of us as a table of chocolates and donuts eight hours a day and not expecting us to sneak a bite.  While the example is making light of the situation, I still think the anology is pretty good.  Everyone makes mistakes in judgement.  In these cases, we can preach all we wish. However, I know for a fact that since I entered school back around the civil war there has been sexual activity going on in high school.  

Is there a better way of dealing with this issue than throwing someone in jail and labeling them a sexual offender?

My God,  this Owl's first wife was a sophomore when I met her and I was a senior.  We are only sixteen months apart in our ages.  In some states I know our activity crossed the line.  How about some of you?  Dare you admit it?

I hope I do not offend any one's religious beliefs with this discussion, but I just feel that when dealing with hormones we need to look a little more closely at how we handle situations.
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nonesuche
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« Reply #1 on: June 12, 2007, 09:45:17 AM »

GO-

I think it's worse than this, sex was happening in the stair well at school in middle school, according to my son and to teachers  Shocked This was a top private school in our area which honestly, I think some of the financially fortunate families also have a very relaxed approach to all of this? I also think exposure to media and elements of TV, plus parents who aren't vigilant even in their own home regarding boy/girl activities have worsened this issue.

Sex is everywhere in youth now, almost a rite of passage for boys going into high school. If you are a junior and a virgin, it's almost a guarantee you will be hounded and teased, so I hope lots of them lie about it? Both of my kids were awarded scholarships to this school, it's a noted school nationally also - daughter started there as a freshman. I noticed she didn't accept invites to the "in crowd's" spend-the-night-parties. I knew this was a hard transition post our divorce to a new home/state/school. Finally I spoke with her about it, it turned out she was avoiding them because these girls would have same sex encounters at these parties and then tell the boys, because the boys thought it was 'hot' ?

I don't have the answers either, I was lucky my daughter valued her values and herself over the in crowd, son was harder and rick played a large part in keeping him in the right direction. Son never had a 'girlfriend' come over even to watch a movie, that we didn't insist that bonus room door stay open (we peeked in deliberately too), and that he was never allowed to take a girl into his bedroom. Rick was candid with him about the possible repercussions of sex with an underage girl, he also drove him to planned parenthood for a teen education meeting once too. Son was humiliated but hopefully it made an impact?

I hid the car keys every night too, hard to sneak out if you don't have wheels where we live. Beyond that I really think sex is rampant with teens these days, long before their hearts, souls, and bodies are ready for it.

How do teachers with 20+ students per class watch and be vigilant? I don't know how they can with the numbers?

What do you think GO?? Any ideas?
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GreatOwl
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« Reply #2 on: June 12, 2007, 01:53:36 PM »

No real ideas that are any different than what has been impressed upon for years.  School can have sex education only if parents agree.  Parents need to play a larger role in this aspect of their childrens lives.  

However, throwing them in jail is no way to handle it. Crying or Very sad
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bleachedblack
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« Reply #3 on: June 12, 2007, 06:31:43 PM »

This year the girls tennis team in our high school had a good year. My daughter (pround parent) had an undefeated year on the varisity team. Last year however, the team captain didn't play, she was arrested in school. Apparently when she found out that another girl on the team had slept with her boyfriend, she keyed both sides of this other girls car while it was parked it the student parking lot. Call me naive but I found this to be an eye opener.

In the case mentioned above, I would have to agree with the judge. Mr Wilson should have been charged with a misdemeanor. Each case is an individual one, and IMO should be heard as such. Without making excuses, there is afterall a reason that we try juveniles as such when they have commited murder in this country. Depending on the circumstance(s) this can change. There are neurological reasons which prevent  teens from understanding consequences of their actions in certain cases. I am not condoning violent acts, the knowledge of right and wrong should be understood, but beyond that considerations need be made.

In the ca
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BTgirl
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« Reply #4 on: June 12, 2007, 06:49:12 PM »

We run a program for pregnant teens. I'm here to tell you that it is not unusual for 15 year old girls to have sex with 17 year old boys. The way our program operates is that the our classrooms are on high school campuses. The school guidance counselors tell us which girls are pregnant and need to be enrolled. We make sure the girls get all their prenatal care, and then when the baby is born we take care of the baby during the day while the girls attend their high school classes. We even provide formula (since most teens refuse to breastfeed) and diapers for the babies. Part of each girl's day is spent in our classroom learning parenting skills. There are so many high school (and some middle school) girls in our area right now who are pregnant that we could open several more classrooms if we only had funding for them. I can't believe someone sentenced that young man to 10 years in prison for doing what huge numbers of other teens are doing.
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MsVada
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« Reply #5 on: June 12, 2007, 08:09:55 PM »

Quote from: "BTgirl"
We run a program for pregnant teens. I'm here to tell you that it is not unusual for 15 year old girls to have sex with 17 year old boys. The way our program operates is that the our classrooms are on high school campuses. The school guidance counselors tell us which girls are pregnant and need to be enrolled. We make sure the girls get all their prenatal care, and then when the baby is born we take care of the baby during the day while the girls attend their high school classes. We even provide formula (since most teens refuse to breastfeed) and diapers for the babies. Part of each girl's day is spent in our classroom learning parenting skills. There are so many high school (and some middle school) girls in our area right now who are pregnant that we could open several more classrooms if we only had funding for them. I can't believe someone sentenced that young man to 10 years in prison for doing what huge numbers of other teens are doing.


Wow, BT, You have a big heart to work with these teens.  There was only 1 girl pregnant this past year at school, and I think 1 other one who left school.  Years ago, this was an epidemic here, where they had to open up a similar classroom situation as yours.

 My sister's son just graduated too, he and his girlfriend met their sophomore years and had sex after school on a church lawn prior to Awana!  They were only 15 years old!
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BTgirl
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« Reply #6 on: June 12, 2007, 08:33:17 PM »

Quote from: "Ms.DarthVada"
Quote from: "BTgirl"
We run a program for pregnant teens. I'm here to tell you that it is not unusual for 15 year old girls to have sex with 17 year old boys. The way our program operates is that the our classrooms are on high school campuses. The school guidance counselors tell us which girls are pregnant and need to be enrolled. We make sure the girls get all their prenatal care, and then when the baby is born we take care of the baby during the day while the girls attend their high school classes. We even provide formula (since most teens refuse to breastfeed) and diapers for the babies. Part of each girl's day is spent in our classroom learning parenting skills. There are so many high school (and some middle school) girls in our area right now who are pregnant that we could open several more classrooms if we only had funding for them. I can't believe someone sentenced that young man to 10 years in prison for doing what huge numbers of other teens are doing.


Wow, BT, You have a big heart to work with these teens.  There was only 1 girl pregnant this past year at school, and I think 1 other one who left school.  Years ago, this was an epidemic here, where they had to open up a similar classroom situation as yours.

 My sister's son just graduated too, he and his girlfriend met their sophomore years and had sex after school on a church lawn prior to Awana!  They were only 15 years old!


OMG! If I had even thought about having sex on a church lawn when I was 15 my mother would have read my mind and locked me up until I was 21!

I can't take credit for working directly with the teens. We have a lot of really nice ladies who do that. I only work at the administrative office and help administer the program. The really good people are the ones who go to Lamaze classes with them because their own moms won't.
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nonesuche
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« Reply #7 on: June 13, 2007, 12:06:51 AM »

Sam, I guess it must be being from the south, but I'm like BT or worse - I would have feared lightning would strike me having sex on a church lawn  Shocked

BT what your organization does for these teens is an invaluable service. I remember when son was a preemie in neo-natal, that the majority of those babies had teen moms who had not had adequate pre-natal care. some of the babies were so premature one could not tell the race or sex of the baby either  Sad

GO I saw the case and I haven't heard any particulars that lead me to believe it wasn't consensual. Yes the parents have to do a better job but after having chaired a latchkey program county-wide with kid's crisis line, even the showing at PTA meetings were lean with few parents so I guess I don't have much hope of that happening. As it is absentee fathers is at an all-time high now, up 40% in this decade.

I will say however that teachers, really good teachers, can indeed make a tremendous difference in the lives of teens who need guidance.
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GreatOwl
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« Reply #8 on: June 13, 2007, 10:20:51 AM »

none:  you do not have to tell me about "lean" attendance" by parents.  I spent my entire professional career working with any where from "at-risk" to emotional, behavioral and just plain discipline students.  Parent conferences were sometimes 3-4 times a year.   There were some of those times where I sat in my room an entire day/evening and didn't have a single parent show up.  If they did show up it was to complain on how the school wasn't "learning their kid nuttin."  

I remember the times I worked at a high school level and lined up businesses for work experience or even real jobs.  It was to try to "job coach" students so they would have a fall back in cases they needed help adapting.  It happened several times where parents berated the program and told me that they (parents) had gotten along just fine on welfare and government programs and that they would teach there own children how to live without a job.

Needless to say, those were the exact families who wanted nothing to do with the school sex education programs and their kids usually had their own children by age 17.  The youngest instance I had was a girl of 14 who already had two children.

Now this is in rural "conservative Wisconsin".  I can't imagine what it may be like in other places.
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nonesuche
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« Reply #9 on: June 13, 2007, 12:03:44 PM »

GO you are a noble man and teacher.

I fear I've lost so much hope for parents today, teachers seem to feel so overworked and underpaid too. I agree that jail isn't the answer IF it's not a case of statutory rape which it appears this one was not. I just think the parents of that young man failed him by not teaching him you don't violate a minor or take advantage of that immaturity.

heavy sigh...
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Sam
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« Reply #10 on: June 13, 2007, 01:29:11 PM »

It is so sad. Babies having babies. Generations after generation on welfare or other Governement programs.

Sex has always been around. I am sure it always will be. Yet we get rid of an attorney general (Joceln Elders Sp.) who tries to say abstinence or masturbation.

Nonesuch, you must have had me on your mind. LOL this is my first post in this thread.

In my generation, I would have been scared to death to have sex without marriage. No birth control, no abortions that were legal. I can remember reading (True Confessions) about young gals going to quacks to have illegal abortions or using coat hangers to try and rid themselves of these unwanted pregnancys'.Some of these girls died. I did know a few gals who went off and had babies that were given up for adoption. I personally think that is still the best option. Just one I could not have handled. I also was from the generation of females who thought sexual intercourse should be for love not lust. I never loved anyone enough to put myself in that position.

 So somewhere along the line we have folks trying to convince us that oral sex is not sex at all.

I do think the young man should be released..
As far as answers to the problem of sex and teens I wish I knew what they are. I do think some of our movies and some of the tv programs and of course porn could be eliminated. Our children are growing up much to soon. JMHO[/b]
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A's Fever
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« Reply #11 on: June 13, 2007, 02:49:04 PM »

The problem I have with this young man's sentence is that there are such glaring inconsistencies between sentences for violent crimes and acts such as this.  Here at SM over the years we have lamented sex offenders who have done little or no time, let out to harm again.  We have discussed murderers who have been let back out on the streets to hurt innocent people after serving only a few years.  There are so many violent crimes that are "punished" by far less than ten years, it just boggles the mind.  Even Mary Winkler comes to mind, although there may indeed be extenuating circumstances, she took a man's life and got three years.  And here this kid engaged in what by all accounts were consensual acts, and he gets ten years! I see very little justice in our justice system.
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LouiseVargas
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« Reply #12 on: June 14, 2007, 11:29:34 PM »

Just to let you know, teenage sex has been taking place for years and years. It's not new.

This is my story.

Before I tell you about that, I want to tell you that one night in NYC, a nice man got my mother drunk in the early 1940s and got her pregnant. She woke up with him on top of her. Fortunately, her uncle Nathan was an OBGYN and safely aborted her. She had faith and married four more times. I was born from the third marriage.

My mother and stepfather worked every day so I had a good amount of hours to myself after school. In 1961, I had a boyfriend from San Marino HS, Paul Lawrence. His father was an executive at Union Oil and entertained the president of Indonesia in his house. His parents liked me very much. I was a lonely child and looked for love via men re my absent father. His mother loved me and bought me the perfume she wore that I loved. It was the first Estee Lauder perfume called "Youth Dew. I had the entire Pasadena HS drill team as well as the coach drooling over the perfume.

Paul and I had frequent sex without any worries. One day the doorbell rang, he freaked out and I got pregnant. He wanted to marry me but I didn't want to marry him.

My mother called the boy's family and worked out a deal. The father would pay for everything. Of course money solves everything. I was sent to a Salvation Army home for unwed mothers for five months. I went through labor alone and my mother made me give up the baby for adoption. My son found me in 1995 via a Dear Abby site online. He presented me with a wife and four children and an MD, PhD. He is a good MD but self focused. His wife does not like me. They live in KS.

This teenage sex complicated my life beyond belief. He is another VERY long story. Born December 28, 1961.
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« Reply #13 on: June 16, 2007, 10:10:26 AM »

Our nation, with parents at the helm, need to address this very serious issue. Teens are in the difficult position of having raging hormones and little ability to perceive the multitude, depth and far reaching consequences of engaging in sexual activity.
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nonesuche
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« Reply #14 on: June 16, 2007, 11:36:25 AM »

Louise,

You did the right thing however hard it was on you to stay at that unwed mother's home and have your baby, you really did do the right thing. Unfortunately doing the right thing often has a long-term cost emotionally. It is heartening despite the difficulty of reconnecting with your son, that you stepped up to do so. I hope you can focus on that.

I am proud of you for doing the right thing.

You are so pretty, often pretty is a magnet for hurt just as not being pretty can be as well.

Life is so complicated.
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« Reply #15 on: June 16, 2007, 02:02:25 PM »

Louise,
 Ditto to what None said.
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LouiseVargas
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« Reply #16 on: June 16, 2007, 09:36:32 PM »

Thank you Nonesuche and Angie. When my mother made contact with the boy's family, the first words out of his mother's (an upstanding Catholic) mouth was "abortion." My mother said, "Over my dead body." This was 1961. I was 17.

To this very day, I am so glad I never had an abortion. It was very difficult emotionally at the home and I was very lonely.

I went into labor during the night and at about 3 a.m. I went over to the hospital area. They put me in a room with three other girls who were also in labor. They were screaming and no one came to help them. Eventually it was my time to give birth and they took me into an OR and the baby was born at 11 a.m. on December 31, 1961, in the Xmas season.

Since it was previously arranged that this baby would be adopted by a rich family, they did not let me touch him or hold him. I could only see him through the nursery room glass window. My mother and his mother came to look at the baby and both were crying.

After that I got an infection and they pumped antibiotics into me until I got better.

Then I was released and went home without my baby. I transitioned back into the second semester of the 12th grade. My looks had changed from a chubby teenager to a mature woman. Guys who shunned me in HS, were now flocking around me vying for attention. The first thing I did was try to find birth control. I called MDs from the yellow pages and many said they did not sanction birth control. How nice, eh. Eventually, I found an MD who fit me with a diaphragm so I would never get pregnant again accidentally.

Regarding my first baby, I cried for three years over the loss.

I got married in 1964 and had Kristi in 1966, a mere five years later. At that time it was perfectly acceptable to have a baby out of wedlock. This is a long story but I will quit for now and maybe explain it all later.

With love, Louise
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