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Author Topic: LETTER TO MY SONS  (Read 6174 times)
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Tylergal
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« on: July 26, 2006, 02:58:55 AM »

Interesting, when in my young adult life, I adored the trees from which my children hung swings of chains and boards, tires and ropes; camps were built and laughter rang out and it was an easy-care garden fit for a busy young wife, the mother of three active, inquisitive sons, whose hormones raced more quickly than my vacuum cleaner, but more slowly than the graying locks, boys whose character was steeped in building model cars to perfection but who when nudged would load the dishwasher or mow the lawn. When days turned into nights and weeks and months, the years piled up and the children were off to college, never more to return, no more voices coming from the trees and I promised myself to move on. I tried to busy myself in my newly acquired home but as the brakes of the school bus slowed the big yellow limo to a halt, emptiness cast a dark and foreboding shadow that I could not loose and the color was bleak and my life seemed suddenly as a vacuum had sucked me in and I knew there had to be a nest in which I could lay some more eggs and set some more roots, and thus my quest for the physical labor which comes from setting fruit and bearing bloom began. I move more slowly than I did when they were chasing one another, riding bicycles, scraping knees, but I know that if I am to live, I must have a purpose and the planting, watering, deadheading, spraying and cutting bouquets makes my step a little lighter, my heart a little happier. Please don't deprive me in the winter of my life of a garden full of roses and fragrance so ripe.
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There is always one more imbecile than you counted on
casa
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« Reply #1 on: July 26, 2006, 03:01:25 AM »

Tylergal. you should come and teach my class!  That was wonderful and so touching!  Thank you for sharing with me.  I feel honored!
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Sam
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« Reply #2 on: July 26, 2006, 01:45:55 PM »

Tyler that was beautiful. Thank you for sharing.

 Now get back to writing the reunion story. LOL
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Just a swinging with the tribe
tcumom
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« Reply #3 on: July 26, 2006, 03:02:37 PM »

Tyler~you are so eloquent and inspiring~I still have goosebumps after reading your thoughts.  You write what I feel, but am not able to express well.  Thank you for your graciousness, and your caring heart.
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mishy
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« Reply #4 on: July 26, 2006, 03:32:40 PM »

Tyler, that was lovely...and for some reason I have tears running down my face...very touching...
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Bring Natalee home...
nonesuche
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« Reply #5 on: July 28, 2006, 01:00:02 AM »

tyler finds poetry in all things, what a joy it is to read this, thank you!!
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I continue to stand with the girl.
Tylergal
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« Reply #6 on: July 30, 2006, 12:51:35 AM »

Thank you all for your nice comments.  There are stories in all of us.  I am anxious to read yours.  I would love to read some of Casa's writing.
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AZLady
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« Reply #7 on: July 31, 2006, 04:36:32 AM »

I've learned to consider my life a series of passages.  I move through the passages, sometimes reluctantly, but always forward.  As a child, I could hardly wait to move to adulthood where I imagined the coveted freedom lay to control my own life, my own decisions, my own actions.  

I wonder sometimes if I really had the courage to enter into that enticing land of independence, for it seems I moved straight from my parent's home into marriage and my husband's home.  Throughout my young adulthood, my life centered on my work and my husband who set the tone and tenor of our life.  It didn't seem much different than childhood until my children came.

My children truly opened a new passage in my life.  The nexis of my being centered on them.  I reveled in being needed and loved unconditionally.  It might seem to an outsider's eyes that two small children could be a burden.  How far from the truth!  These two little people gave me my life!  I now made the decisions for myself and my adorable little boy and girl.  I moved easily into the role of Mom as if I'd been waiting all my life for the opportunity.   I finally found the freedom and contentment I'd restlessly searched for in both a career and a marriage.  Such a paradox!  But this was only the first puzzling experience motherhood and my children gave me.

I read somewhere that we begin teaching our children to leave us from the day they are born.  At least, that's what a good mother is supposed to do.  How could I ever bear these precious children to leave my side?  They needed me, and I needed them.  Yet, I managed to find the strength and a smile to send them to kindergarten, and then to college.  And each time, I thought I was ready--they were ready--and we would both be happier for this was what was supposed to be.  I was happy for their success--for about an hour after they left.  

Moving into the passage of my life without my children is just not working for me.  Well, it's not really complete yet, as my daughter has moved back home to finish college, and I must admit that I love having her here.   My son has bought his own home and landed a good job and I'm happy for him--really, I am.  But I can't quite figure out how to get over missing him, here in our home where he used to be.  And I wonder how I will be able to gracefully face my daughter's graduation and inevitable move to her own place.  

I even fantasize about building a big house someday where we can all live together, my daugher and her family, my son and his family, and my husband and myself.  I see us all gathered at a big round table, laughing, and talking and sharing our day at the evening meal.   It's silly, I know.  I've never told anyone of this as it's not the kind of thing a rational and stable woman my age can share with anyone without them regarding her as a few fries short of a Happy Meal.   I know it most likely won't happen, but I hold this dream very tightly in my heart and bring it out late at night to comfort me.

I see the commercials on TV with the couples holding hands and smiling into each other's eyes as they move into retirement together, childless and free.  I know this is the next passage, but how does one get there?  How do I let go of the children?  It seems impossible, but my rational mind says it can and will happen.  Maybe it's similar to when I was a child and could hardly imagine what it would be like to be an adult and make all my own decisions.  I can't help wondering, though, if there is a way to stop this procession of passages...
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BRING NATALEE HOME
LouiseVargas
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« Reply #8 on: July 31, 2006, 10:11:49 PM »

Dear AZLady,

I feel the same way you do. But I always had this (below) in the back of my mind but it doesn't lessen the pain.

With Love.



Kahlil Gibran

On Children

Your children are not your children.
They are the sons and daughters of Life's longing for itself.
They come through you but not from you,
And though they are with you yet they belong not to you.

You may give them your love but not your thoughts,
For they have their own thoughts.
You may house their bodies but not their souls,
For their souls dwell in the house of tomorrow,
which you cannot visit, not even in your dreams.
You may strive to be like them,
but seek not to make them like you.
For life goes not backward nor tarries with yesterday.

You are the bows from which your children
as living arrows are sent forth.
The archer sees the mark upon the path of the infinite,
and He bends you with His might
that His arrows may go swift and far.
Let our bending in the archer's hand be for gladness;
For even as He loves the arrow that flies,
so He loves also the bow that is stable.
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Hope is everything. I see angels everywhere.
AZLady
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« Reply #9 on: July 31, 2006, 10:44:35 PM »

Ah, LV, Gibran is one of my favorites!  I read his wisdom and understand his message.  I know you understand me when I say that it is hard to live his wisdom.  I wrote my little story because Tyler's story to her sons reminded me of the struggle I am now living.  I hope that others might read our experiences and know they are not alone.  We are sisters in this pain of letting go.  It doesn't make it easier, but the friendships and shared experiences do bring comfort and salve to the pain of doing what we must do and turn our babies free to live their own lives.

Thank you for the beautiful poem.  I appreciate it.
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BRING NATALEE HOME
Tylergal
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« Reply #10 on: August 01, 2006, 01:20:21 AM »

Great story, AZLady.

Two more Gibran fans, I see.
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nonesuche
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« Reply #11 on: August 03, 2006, 01:21:52 PM »

Make it three tyler  Wink

My mother always said we can't know if we've been good parents until we see our children go forth and build successful lives as adults. Somehow that helped to assuage some of the pain AZLady speaks of, but I'd also say I think when you are lucky enough to have a family that truly wants to spend time together then that is also a statement of having done something very right. To each his own I think, the world is a much tougher place than when I leaped out there, so if home is some safe haven then I can't see that as a negative.
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I continue to stand with the girl.
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