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Author Topic: JSM's BEGGING FOR BANNING #31 3/25/12 - 5/20/13  (Read 1171532 times)
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Sister
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« Reply #440 on: April 11, 2012, 09:17:18 AM »

The dress for JSM is beautiful


Thanks. I am so happy that she let me do it for her. I put lots of good mojo in it for her performance!  an angelic monkey
Is there a picture of it that I missed?
Cadi, pic must be in the last thread, I can't find it here.......Maybe CC or JSM can post it again????

Haven't seen you since we found Trimm, did you see GE's message?
Must have missed the picture!  I would love to see her dress !  Is it in the last thread or a few pages back?

No - I don't recall GE's message?? Been lurking a lot lately and not replying, though.

I am doing okay personally ... Was sooooo happy to see Trimm is okay as that had me really worried about her safety.

Don't wish to burden with my issues but my Mom is not doing well.  She was to move to AL from Memory Care ( no, not a logical move really) but the day I was to move her she was put in the hospital so spent the weekend trying to sort that out.  Seems to be a pattern with CHANGE... She cannot adapt and the hospital found no medical issues with her again.  Then we got the siblings who all are on different pages... That part of my life is messed up.

But I count my blessings everyday with my hubs and three wonderful kids...

Can't wait it to hear from Trimmy!!!
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« Reply #441 on: April 11, 2012, 09:30:36 AM »

Yipes, something happened and what I typed didn't post.  Used to say the nut behind the wheel, in this case, the nut at the keyboard.
Good morning everyone.
Cadi, my heart aches for your situation.  I have been taking care of George since 1989 and he has 5 brothers and 2 sisters, plus a mother.  They seldom even call him.  We have been divorced since 2004, but I still take care of him.  Why?  Because it is the right thing to do.  I have had to think in terms of they don't even exist in terms of George's care and therefore I have no expectations of them.  Having no expectations means for me they can't disappoint me.  In the beginning they were filled with all kinds of "advice" on what should be done and quite frankly I simply told them if they were willing to take "complete" care of him, then they could follow their own advice.  Needless to say, none of them has stepped up to the plate even once.  George also has two children who in the last years have seen him once.  Again, I don't wish them any harm, but I don't wish them anything.  It used to aggravate me so much that they wouldn't help, even on occasion, but I have learned not to expect it and therefore my blood pressure went down considerably.
Is it right or fair that I have financial and personal responsibility for him?  Absolutely not, what about my own life.  However, I have recognized about myself that doing the right thing is part and parcel of who I am, and I like who I am.  Others may not understand it, but that doesn't change anything for me.  I am who I am, with God's grace.  Sometimes I get so tired of being the caregiver; however, George is happy and that gives me a lot of peace. 
Hang in there my dear friend.  I know you will.  Please know there are many here who pray for you and your family every day.  That's the best we can do!
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cadillac
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« Reply #442 on: April 11, 2012, 10:33:25 AM »

Wow- I love being a monkey.

GE- thanks for extending your hand in friendship by way of offering your email addy.  I have my sister in this journey and we communicate via email almost everyday. We don't live in the same town, so we share our emotions that way.  It is so helpful.

Bearly- I think our Moms are related or we just might be long lost sisters?

TBM-I always enjoy your wisdom on this topic, since you have the Hans on experience.  Much of what you tell is what is happening to her.  My sis is POA and we have taken all finances away from her. She saw a gerontologist for about 8 years when she lived in the same city with my sis. (of course, she did not like him). I think part of the challenge we face with her is  her personality.  I have come to my own conclusion that we are dealing with age related dementia and mental illness and you can throw in some personality disorders as well.  She has been in two psychiatric hospitals in the last six months.

She was moved to my brother's city recently. In some ways that was a mistake.  She is in a nice facility however and my sis is getting. A break from the day to day issues - even though sis still talks to the facility almost daily - to keep up with her care.  I guess MY issue is that my two brothers are the closest to her in distance and they are saying that they just can't deal with going to visit because of her demeanor.

She "heard" my brother say he was coming to get her to come live with him, so she packed all her things up. When he didn't show the next day, she called him.  He had never told her that he was doin that.  She swears he did and he says he didn't.  (He didn't).  So now they are not talking to each other.  Who is more mature here?

Sister - you really are an angel.  Thank you for your encouragement - like you, I always try to do the "right thing" and some times I wish I would just say to hell with it - but it is it who I am and I keep on keeping on.

Thanks my monkey friends for letting me vent!

May all of you have a blessed day!
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CasuallyCool
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What a beauty!!!


« Reply #443 on: April 11, 2012, 01:59:20 PM »

Prayers to all monkeys in need.   an angelic monkey

Hey, TBM - JSM got her concealed weapons permit just like you.   

 

Hope to see GE and Babs this Saturday at JSM's skating competition.   

Will take a video of her performance and email it to TBM to post here.   
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Do No Evil 
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What a beauty!!!


« Reply #444 on: April 11, 2012, 02:14:26 PM »

Bearly - please get ahold of JSM.  You and Cubby are welcome to come stay with us for your much needed and recommended vacation.   
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What a beauty!!!


« Reply #445 on: April 11, 2012, 02:23:21 PM »

JSM and I have our own version of the "Hunger Games".  2 nights ago she almost finished all the velvetta shells and ranch style bean caserole - she left me with one large tablespoon the following morning.  Well I got even for lunch today.  Ate the rest of her left over lasagna from her brother's Bday party at last night's dinner.  Now to proceed to finish the left over banana pudding stuff before she gets home from work.   
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« Reply #446 on: April 11, 2012, 02:44:47 PM »

I love being a monkey too.  Read all the posts (I think) and commend all of you for being care givers and kind to those in need. 

Our older dog Benji is at the vet right now having tests ...he has been throwing up and pooping blood since the weekend..this could be it for him..mentally I have already said goodbye..but maybe it is something that he can take meds to make him better..
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cadillac
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« Reply #447 on: April 11, 2012, 02:54:48 PM »

Cookie - Hope Benji is doing well, and you too, of course.  Keep us updated, please.
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Brandi
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« Reply #448 on: April 11, 2012, 03:05:24 PM »

I love being a monkey too.  Read all the posts (I think) and commend all of you for being care givers and kind to those in need. 

Our older dog Benji is at the vet right now having tests ...he has been throwing up and pooping blood since the weekend..this could be it for him..mentally I have already said goodbye..but maybe it is something that he can take meds to make him better..

It's so sad when our beloved pets get old and sick, cookie.

I am sorry.

I wish the best for both of you. Let us know how he does.

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Green Eyes
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Happy Spring


« Reply #449 on: April 11, 2012, 09:07:59 PM »

I love being a monkey too.  Read all the posts (I think) and commend all of you for being care givers and kind to those in need. 

Our older dog Benji is at the vet right now having tests ...he has been throwing up and pooping blood since the weekend..this could be it for him..mentally I have already said goodbye..but maybe it is something that he can take meds to make him better..

Cookie I am so sorry to hear about Benji. Prayers for you all.  an angelic monkey
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Green Eyes
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« Reply #450 on: April 11, 2012, 09:11:04 PM »

JSM and I have our own version of the "Hunger Games".  2 nights ago she almost finished all the velvetta shells and ranch style bean caserole - she left me with one large tablespoon the following morning.  Well I got even for lunch today.  Ate the rest of her left over lasagna from her brother's Bday party at last night's dinner.  Now to proceed to finish the left over banana pudding stuff before she gets home from work.   


CC you are cruising for trouble 
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Green Eyes
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« Reply #451 on: April 11, 2012, 09:12:26 PM »

Brandi  Hows your son doing? Praying you are both well. an angelic monkey
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« Reply #452 on: April 11, 2012, 09:30:47 PM »

Benji came home..he was severely dehydrated but they gave him fluids and meds for his tummy...he is much better.. Not his time..
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« Reply #453 on: April 11, 2012, 09:46:20 PM »

Benji came home..he was severely dehydrated but they gave him fluids and meds for his tummy...he is much better.. Not his time..

I'm glad to hear Benji's on the mend.   
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theboyzmom
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Brandi is making sure I get around!


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« Reply #454 on: April 11, 2012, 10:02:29 PM »

Benji came home..he was severely dehydrated but they gave him fluids and meds for his tummy...he is much better.. Not his time..

Great news!
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KittyMom
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« Reply #455 on: April 11, 2012, 10:10:50 PM »

Bearly and Caddy - First I am so sorry that you are going through this - it is one of the toughest things to endure - almost worse than seeing your parent die - I have done both and I speak from experience.

I feel like you told our story with my mother in law. She became very paranoid and was doing very strange things before I finally convinced the family that she must be put in a safe environment. We were "lucky" in that her husband has been gone for a long time so she was really only endangering herself.

My MIL would claim (and still does) to be working on something when she was not even in charge of it. She did the books for our restuant years ago but we hired a bookkeeper about 15 years ago - but when I would go over there she would say that I needed to think about hiring someone because she did not have the time to do them. I still hear that same thing when we go to visit her.

The most frustrating thing was that most of the kids did not see the problem. My husband was an ostrich and chose not to see it, but his sister and brother would argue that she is just fine - she is just tired. I ended up taking care of her medications (which she was hiding everywhere in the house) and got a locking pill minder so she could only take one dose at a time and she could not mix them up. Before that she would often call me and let me know she was out of meds when I had just filled the weekly pill minder. Turns out she was either hiding them or resorting them and taking multiple doses a day of some and none of others. After the locking pill minder, she would call me and yell that I had not left any meds. The others in the family would actually believe her and call and yell at me also.

After research and talking to experts, I learned that paranoia and the need to "do something" even when there is nothing to do, is very common in early Alzheimer and related diseases. The emotional feeling that the patient get early in the disease is that they know they are forgetful but are terrified. So they lash out at the people around them. Even when you do things exactly as they wish, the feeling does not go away.  It is like that feeling we get when we know we have forgotten to do something but have no idea what it is - but it is magnified 1000 fold.

So, the long and short of it is that is YOU think something is wrong, you are probably correct. A visit with a gerontologist (they specifically deal with older people) will be super helpful. The one MIL saw helped the family understand that she was not safe.

Also, as painful and as sad as it is, you may need to get the doctor to conclude that your mother is not able to take care of herself. You may, for her own good, need to take control of her money.  Irrational spending with no idea what they have spent it on is another problem with early to mid disease.

Bless you all.  I've experienced Alzheimer's with my mother-in-law.  She lived next door to us for 12 years.  My husband and his siblings wouldn't admit there was a problem.  It progressed over about a 5 year period.  The last 2 yrs being especially bad.  I was told by her doc that patients tend to take their frustrations out on the main caregiver.  My m-i-l would accuse me of doing all sorts of things.  Her children would laugh about it.  I think it was their way of coping.  She was pitiful in the end.  But, I know that I tired to do the right thing and I was there when her own children were too busy to be bothered.  My husband left me to deal with things much of the time because he couldn't do it emotionally.  Now, he's dealing with the fallout.  It eats him up that he ignored her when he could've been spending time with her. 

Try to hang in there.  Take breaks as often as you can.  And this is something that all the kids needs to experience.  Nothing opens eyes like having to spend a week in mama's house sorting out her mess and dealing with her craziness. 

One thing that we were told by a couple of different docs was that the elderly tend to be dehydrated and Alzheimer's patients more than most.  If possible, keep them hydrated(water, juice, slushies, fruit, etc) and get them B12 shots.  That helped so much with my m-i-l.  She would have really good days for a couple of weeks after the shots.
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Green Eyes
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« Reply #456 on: April 11, 2012, 10:59:03 PM »

Benji came home..he was severely dehydrated but they gave him fluids and meds for his tummy...he is much better.. Not his time..

Good news Cookie
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Green Eyes
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« Reply #457 on: April 11, 2012, 11:13:25 PM »

Kitty Mom well said. It's so had when our parents or loved ones become ill. Dementia and Alzheimer's are such nasty diseases. I do understand how hard it is to see our parents like this. And how hard it is not to take what they say to heart when they say things that hurt. After all they are our parents. But what we have to remember they aren't really our parents any more. They aren't the same person that cared for us. Prayers for all that have had to care for their parents thru these diseases and prayers for the ones that are having it happen now.  an angelic monkey
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« Reply #458 on: April 12, 2012, 06:08:27 AM »

Good morning Monkeys!  

Have had a lot on my plate lately but had to stop by to send my love to Bearly and Cadi before I begin my day.

TBM - I so appreciate the wisdom and clarity in your message to Cadi and Bearly.  I always learn from you.  Thank you.

Bearly.  No hon, it isn't funny, imo.  However I expect it is how your brothers cope. It must hurt you so.  

Cadi - Thank heaven for your sister that provides you so much support.

Sister - I like you too!
 an angelic monkey

JSM - Your dress is lovely and you will look magnificent in it.  Happy skating on Saturday!

cookie - glad Benji is back home.

kittymom - your hubs must appreciate you so much for being there for his Mom.

GE and BABS  Have fun on Saturday  

Monkeys, my brother is here and is looking well.   We will spend the day together with our Mom.  Hubs will prepare a steak dinner for us when we return. Bless him.

 

 
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« Reply #459 on: April 12, 2012, 08:03:18 AM »

Thinking of all my monkey friends..hoping that your struggles become less...

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