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Author Topic: JSM's BEGGING FOR BANNING #31 3/25/12 - 5/20/13  (Read 1218261 times)
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Sister
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« Reply #580 on: April 18, 2012, 11:12:59 PM »

Hope everyone has a peaceful night and has the most wonderful dreams.
 
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« Reply #581 on: April 19, 2012, 01:12:06 AM »

Bearly  I am sure there are many a monkey that have gone though taking care of their elderly parents or have just starting to do so. We all have our own way with dealing with the hurtles that life gives us. Some seem to walk on thru them while others stumble along doing their best to deal with them.

You are right there is a scroll function. Every one has a free choice to use it. I am a firm believer that we all can learn from one another. And to know you are not alone with what you are going thru. It seems more and more are being diagnosed with dementia and Alzheimerís.  And like any other diseases every body acts differently.

I donít think the professionals tell us what to really expect when our love ones have them. They give a general list but I have found thatís all. They donít tell you that in the end they are unable to sallow food with out choking. And you might have to make the decision to have them put on a feeding tube. Or that as the there are different types of the disease. Which all have a different ways that our loved ones will act as it progresses. Thatís way I keep saying it isn't the same person that took care of you. It really isn't. They are still our parent but then again they aren't. You will always love them because they are your parents or loved one.

I have experienced family and friends that have gone both ways. Just as sweet and nice until they pass and the ones that break our hearts with what feels like  abuse to the ones closes to them. From verbal to physical.  You are right itís so easy to say you should do this or that. When it isn't our loved one. Giving advice is easy, having to do whatís best for everyone is hard.

You are right you need to stay clam to deal with them. But I also know how hard that is to do when you feel like a knife is being driven into your heart. I guess what I am trying to say is that all you can do is try the best to your ability.  But there will come a time when you will have to take a step back and let some of those responsibilities be taken over by the staff where your mom is at. That is a very hard step to take. That does not make you a bad daughter. As far as taking xanax  I am like sister there are times when it has made a difference in me being able to stay up right rather than crawl in bed and say no more.  There is nothing wrong needing to use them to help coop with life some times.

There are times when I read about when someone is having a stressful time. That I want to reach thru the screen and hug them and tell them this to shall pass.  It breaks my heart it really does.  I think itís wonderful that we all have a place to come and vent or just talk about whatís going on. Knowing we will have support and understanding.  an angelic monkey

Green Eyes, as you know, I love you, my neighbor is calling to help her out with Bart, or I would write more.  Thank you so very much.

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« Reply #582 on: April 19, 2012, 01:41:37 AM »

Good morning Monkeys!

Trim - good to see you!   

Bearly - Glad you find some comfort here.   an angelic monkey






Thanks, Can, I hope others do, too.  Right now I am helping Bart's Mom try to find out what plane she is going on for the 20th time, she is leaving in 2 days.  Alcoholism is a very serious disease and I can see why it alienates people.  Do they all live in the past?  Do they all keep recounting over and over things that happened in their past?  Do they not have a present?

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There is no foot too small that it cannot leave an imprint on this world.
Time spent with monkeys is never wasted. 
I believe in miracles!
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« Reply #583 on: April 19, 2012, 01:43:15 AM »

Good morning.
 
Taking Connie to the eye doctor and the dentist and hope to stop by and say hi to Mom as well.
Blessings.

I hope everything went well today.  My prayers are with you.

 an angelic monkey

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There is no foot too small that it cannot leave an imprint on this world.
Time spent with monkeys is never wasted. 
I believe in miracles!
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« Reply #584 on: April 19, 2012, 09:12:52 AM »

Bearly, thank you, yes things went well with us at the various appointments and we did get to stop and see Mom and have some lemonade and banana nut bread.
I had a total meltdown on Monday and have not recovered from it yet.  Simply put, just plain overwhelmed with everything.  The sound advice from everyone about taking time for yourself is so true, but very hard to do.  It does catch up with you though.  Doing a lot of sighing right now.
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« Reply #585 on: April 19, 2012, 09:17:19 AM »

Bearly, thank you, yes things went well with us at the various appointments and we did get to stop and see Mom and have some lemonade and banana nut bread.
I had a total meltdown on Monday and have not recovered from it yet.  Simply put, just plain overwhelmed with everything.  The sound advice from everyone about taking time for yourself is so true, but very hard to do.  It does catch up with you though.  Doing a lot of sighing right now.


 
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« Reply #586 on: April 19, 2012, 09:47:28 AM »

Bearly, thank you, yes things went well with us at the various appointments and we did get to stop and see Mom and have some lemonade and banana nut bread.
I had a total meltdown on Monday and have not recovered from it yet.  Simply put, just plain overwhelmed with everything.  The sound advice from everyone about taking time for yourself is so true, but very hard to do.  It does catch up with you though.  Doing a lot of sighing right now.


Prayers for you Sister. an angelic monkey

When I say take care of you and saving time for yourself..it may be a scheduled 15min a day for listening to your favorite music, taking a stroll in the yard or having a favorite snack. Just time to bring the blood pressure down and your spirits up. Keeping you in my thoughts.
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« Reply #587 on: April 19, 2012, 09:55:52 AM »

Bearly, thank you, yes things went well with us at the various appointments and we did get to stop and see Mom and have some lemonade and banana nut bread.
I had a total meltdown on Monday and have not recovered from it yet.  Simply put, just plain overwhelmed with everything.  The sound advice from everyone about taking time for yourself is so true, but very hard to do.  It does catch up with you though.  Doing a lot of sighing right now.


 an angelic monkey an angelic monkey  Yes it is Sister. Prayers for you & Connie. an angelic monkey an angelic monkey
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Green Eyes
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« Reply #588 on: April 19, 2012, 09:59:17 AM »

Good morning Monkeys!

Trim - good to see you!   

Bearly - Glad you find some comfort here.   an angelic monkey






Thanks, Can, I hope others do, too.  Right now I am helping Bart's Mom try to find out what plane she is going on for the 20th time, she is leaving in 2 days.  Alcoholism is a very serious disease and I can see why it alienates people.  Do they all live in the past?  Do they all keep recounting over and over things that happened in their past?  Do they not have a present?



Bearly continued Prayers for you, Cubby Bear your dad & Mom. an angelic monkey
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Sister
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« Reply #589 on: April 20, 2012, 09:41:15 AM »

Good morning monkeys.
Slowly recovering from meltdown . . . had several long walks (thanks for the suggestion 4Donks) and feeling somewhat better.
Excited about Sunday . . . doing 3 (count em 3) baptisms.  Have only done one at a time before so this should prove interesting!
Hope everyone has a good day.
 
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« Reply #590 on: April 20, 2012, 09:50:41 AM »

Good morning monkeys.
Slowly recovering from meltdown . . . had several long walks (thanks for the suggestion 4Donks) and feeling somewhat better.
Excited about Sunday . . . doing 3 (count em 3) baptisms.  Have only done one at a time before so this should prove interesting!
Hope everyone has a good day.
 
Sister, I had a good friend (and my counselor) tell me that the best walk to take requires that you eat a banana and crunchy peanut butter, walk briskly for 30 minutes, and then sit on the porch in a rocking chair for 15 minutes with your eyes closed just listening to nature.  There is something about kick-starting your brain chemistry so that you can overcome anxiety and the blues.  It works for me.
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« Reply #591 on: April 20, 2012, 04:02:34 PM »

Our ground is so full of tree roots and stone that we cannot get a decent garden to grow in it.

This year, we are trying a raised bed with cinder blocks to grow tomatoes.

I have petunias and marigolds in the holes of the blocks and will fill in the other holes with parsley and basil as soon as they are ready to transplant. I am growing them from seed and they are not quite ready to transplant yet.

Have some more tomato plants and pepper plants in another raised bed that we made several years ago with timbers. Am curious to see how this cinder block idea works out. Wink





Just wanted to share Wink
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« Reply #592 on: April 20, 2012, 04:12:37 PM »

I love it Brandi! we have been doing a combination of bed gardens and a large tarp over a section of yard to keep the weeds down for a couple of years. I love both. I am so excited to have fresh veggies!
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« Reply #593 on: April 20, 2012, 04:26:45 PM »

Morning everyone.
Thoughts going out to monkeys who are care givers...difficult ....
Been there, done that...
Don't forget to take care of you along the way..

 an angelic monkey

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There is no foot too small that it cannot leave an imprint on this world.
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« Reply #594 on: April 20, 2012, 04:29:21 PM »

Bearly hon, as I recently dealt with my dad as his care giver PLEASE the most important thing is to take care of yourself, first and foremost!

Mentally & most important physically it can wear YOU down, listen to your doctor, take a step back you can't do it on your own.....Zanax was a lifesaver so don't fret about having to to take "mothers little helpers" they have a place in your life right now!

My dad became the meanest, most vile person both mentally & physically abusive and it was almost totally directed at me, being that I was closest to him and had the total responsibilty for his care.

  It never gets better, there are no fix-its for the patient, no happy pills that will bring them back to who they once were, so please don't wait for that "Someday" daddy or mom will suddenly re-appear, please try and remember that.....They are no longer with us mentally no matter how much we want them to get better.

Point being once again......TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF........If you have to completely walk away from the situation, than DO IT.......No guilt, don't let other family members lay that on you, they are shucking their responsibilties and it matters not what they say......you....and only you are whats important!   

You have a wonderful son that needs his mom .... and if you let this wear you down, who will be there for him?  Put the two of you first, please hon, there is nothing more important.  Your parents gave you life and cherish the time you have had them, but let go when you must for yourself ...... please.......from one thats been there as so many of us have....We all love you and need our Bearly!



 an angelic monkey

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There is no foot too small that it cannot leave an imprint on this world.
Time spent with monkeys is never wasted. 
I believe in miracles!
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« Reply #595 on: April 20, 2012, 04:32:21 PM »

We had to take my mother in law to a retirement center after 2 1/2 years of her living with us. It was the worst 2 1/2 years of my life..it was hard on our marriage,hard for my hubs, myself and my mother in law when she lived with us. The more I did for her, the more he expected me to do. She refused to cook for herself once she moved in with us...she wanted her dinner by 5:00..  Hubs got home around 6:00.. I was serving dinner twice in the evening...that got old real quick..if she wanted to eat with us, she would have to wait until hubs ot home or cook for herself. She had her own kitchen but wanted me to wait on her...
When she oved into her own apartment for assisted living, we were all happier. We enjoyed her  when we saw her instead of resenting her. She had her own place again and social life with people her own age etc..it was a win win for all of us...hubs and I felt like kids on spring break once she was gone..we had our house back to ourselves...woo hoo!
There were family members who could not understand my frustration of having her live with us,,,however, those who were the first to tsk tsk tsk at me were the last to pack a bag and come over to give hubs and I a break..
MIL has since moved onto a nursing home at her own request. She feels safe there with medical people available in case something happens...easier that it was her ideal and not ours...she will be 91 in November ! She has her wits about her completely..it is amazing really...and she get around by herself..
She is happy, we are happy..but it took a lot of tears and frustration to get there. You feel like your whole life is wrapped around this person and in some ways, it is...caregivers have to let go of the guilt and get your own life back....I have seen it over and over with my friends..and lived it myself.
Some elder parents are considerate of their children who help take care of them, others just expect it like my MIl...oh, and we also help her out financially as she and my father in law did not plan for their old age...they expected that my hubs who is their only child would take care of them and that is exactly what is happening.  Sigh...


 an angelic monkey

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There is no foot too small that it cannot leave an imprint on this world.
Time spent with monkeys is never wasted. 
I believe in miracles!
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« Reply #596 on: April 20, 2012, 04:33:12 PM »

Good day my monkeys!  Hope everyone is having a blessed day - guess I will head off to my little job - and thanks for everyone sharing their stories about care giving - it DOES make it easier to cope.

 

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There is no foot too small that it cannot leave an imprint on this world.
Time spent with monkeys is never wasted. 
I believe in miracles!
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« Reply #597 on: April 20, 2012, 04:34:39 PM »

Good day my monkeys!  Hope everyone is having a blessed day - guess I will head off to my little job - and thanks for everyone sharing their stories about care giving - it DOES make it easier to cope.


It does make it easier to cope. I even joined an online support group for caregivers which was like an oasis in the desert..finally, others who were going through the same things that I was going through, who were non judgmental ! It was a wonderful place for peace and understanding....I urge others to try the support groups for care givers..

Have a wonderful day Cadi and others.

 

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There is no foot too small that it cannot leave an imprint on this world.
Time spent with monkeys is never wasted. 
I believe in miracles!
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« Reply #598 on: April 20, 2012, 04:35:33 PM »

cookie, I think many are willing to give advice and judgement but few are actually willing to give up their time and energy to care for an elder. 

 

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There is no foot too small that it cannot leave an imprint on this world.
Time spent with monkeys is never wasted. 
I believe in miracles!
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« Reply #599 on: April 20, 2012, 04:36:51 PM »

cookie, I think many are willing to give advice and judgement but few are actually willing to give up their time and energy to care for an elder. 

I think that is so true. I know that my BIL was full of advice on how to help mom - but no where around when it came time to do it.


 an angelic monkey

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There is no foot too small that it cannot leave an imprint on this world.
Time spent with monkeys is never wasted. 
I believe in miracles!
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