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Author Topic: JSM's BEGGING FOR BANNING #31 3/25/12 - 5/20/13  (Read 1040431 times)
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Bearlyhere
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« Reply #640 on: April 25, 2012, 05:08:53 AM »

You all rock!
What a bunch of neat people on this board!

Love the garden idea Brandi..my DIL does a raised garden every year with timbers..she has amazing results just as I know that u will!
 Have a blessed weekend everyone!


I have a raised garden.  The most well-fed groundhog in the world just loves it.

 

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« Reply #641 on: April 25, 2012, 05:12:29 AM »

Good morning Monkeys!

Trim - good to see you!   

Bearly - Glad you find some comfort here.   an angelic monkey



Thanks, Can, I hope others do, too.  Right now I am helping Bart's Mom try to find out what plane she is going on for the 20th time, she is leaving in 2 days.  Alcoholism is a very serious disease and I can see why it alienates people.  Do they all live in the past?  Do they all keep recounting over and over things that happened in their past?  Do they not have a present?



Hi bearly.  Hope your friend gets the help she needs. Apparently numerous rehabs are not uncommon.  I hope this one sticks.

Having a relative who has alienated herself from the family I would have to say she lives in the past.  When she calls, which is less and less over the years she cries and recalls the same old issues of her childhood.  It's as though she is frozen in time. 

My pleadings and offers of assistance have fallen on deaf ears.  She has had blackouts where she was rushed to the hospital, found in the nick of time by a boyfriend or a landlord.

It's sad.   Her father has reached the point where he fears the worst. 

It seems that her 'present' is her love affair with booze.      

Hey guys - I was quiet on this for a bit to think about it. As a disclosure -I am a recovered alcoholic - almost 7 years sober. It is a baffling and sad issue. The simple fact is that rehabs and such do not work on the real deal. That is because booze is only a symptom of our problem. What it really comes down to is a spiritual sickness. Most of us, at some point, want to quit but we can not. It is very much like having diarrhea and being told not to go. You really want to follow the instruction but you just can not. No reason in the world or any pleading from anyone you love can change the fact that you can not stop on your own. I know - I wanted to - I needed to - I had good support to quit - but I could not. I was baffled. Finally, I accepted defeat and went to AA - there I learned that with God's help I could stop and stay stopped. It work, if the person is willing to do anything to recover. My personal belief is that rehabs want to help, but they want to make money too. And since they can not mention the "God" word at the risk of offending someone, they are at a disadvantage.

So I will now crawl off the soap box. Please know that I am praying for all the people affected by alcoholism - both the alcoholic and the circle of destruction around them.
TBM, thank you for sharing from the sacred part of your heart.  My father was an alcoholic and he too, by the grace of God, recovered.  Unfortunately, it was after he had destroyed our family, but we survived and God blessed us in other ways.  During the later years of his life, I took care of him and we grew to love one another again.  I miss him every day.
Proud of you and encouraged by your thoughts.  Blessings.

I am so glad you had good memories with him from the later years.

 

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« Reply #642 on: April 25, 2012, 06:06:46 AM »

Good evening, everybody!  I don't usually post here as it's all I can do most days to just catch up on the Missing threads. LOL! The discussion on alcoholics living in the past reminded me of something I read recently.  In a nutshell, they've done some recent studies on alcoholics, alcoholism, and brain development.  They discovered that the age at which a person begins heavily drinking matters. In layman's terms, the alcohol usage actually changes the brain's chemistry and physiology (physical design). It stunts the person's emotional maturity and they will more than likely be forever that age emotionally and mentally. I forgot that little tidbit when I recently went to an elderly relative's milestone birthday party. As a child, I was often drug along to family parties, with the grown-ups drinking and drunk in the backyard and the minor children (from babies up) along for the ride. We were often left to entertain ourselves (the just-don't bother-us mentality). All the parties ended the exact same way, drunken grown-ups and huge blowouts.  When we finally got old enough to have a voice and a choice, we chose to stay home.

So, having recently seen these same relatives at a local reunion behaving very well and wanting to honor my elderly aunt, I went to her birthday party. I assumed they'd finally outgrown the high school party hardy mentality. Not! It was my childhood nightmare all over again and more.  I literally saw how my aunts & uncles had passed down this curse to their children (my cousins) and the cousins were in the process of passing it down to the next generation.  None of those parents were looking out for their children at a hotel full of strangers in a strange town-and it was perfectly normal for them! The party had been booked at that restaurant apparently because it had a bar adjoining the conference room and a hotel across the parking lot (cuts down on DUI's). Had there been a fire in the hotel that night, they and their children would have died-they'd have been in no condition to get them out. The family was horribly loud, children running around unsupervised all night, we had to wait for family members to get back from the bar before we could sing, cut the cake, and open presents-it was total chaos.  Then of course, the inevitable tempers flared and yelling matches ensued. What a way to honor the oldest sister/Mom/Grandma/Great Grandma/Aunt/Great Aunt! She was rightfully hurt and angry too. Long story short, the alcoholics in our family have never grown up. Emotionally and physiologically, they are stuck at 17-18 years old (no offense to all the responsible and wiser 17-18 yr olds out there).  It was my last family event on that side (minus funerals).  That's one family tradition I/we won't be passing down. That doesn't mean I don't love them-I just won't be joining them.

What a horrible way to honor a loved one.  So sorry ISPY!  Thank you for sharing this.

 an angelic monkey

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« Reply #643 on: April 25, 2012, 08:02:56 AM »


 ::snipping2::

By the way, TBM, you have mentioned that in the past.  I admire you for that, I have meant to tell you before.  You are a hero to me.  That is a very hard fight.  I lost a fiance to that disease, he was perfect in every other way.  We also lost my son's father to the same disease.  My neighbor is perfectly happy the way she is.  She works with a child during the day and does not drink.  She comes home and makes meals for her tenants and others.  She drinks during this time.  She is pretty wasted by 10 PM and goes to bed about 230 or 300.  She is pretty sloppy during the end.  She has to be at work very late in the morning and never has a hangover.  She is basically a pleasant person.  She has many good qualities, but had a hard childhood, her mother, who did not raise her (her Grandparents did) will not tell her who her father is.  She has lost lots of friends who died due to drugs.  She is Bart's Mom.  She lives for Bart (or a current rescued basset), food, and alcohol.  She lives for drinking and eating lots of good food, she says this is the only things she enjoys in life (except Bart, of course) and would rather be dead than without them.  When Roscoe died, she was really drinking heavily.  She is also one of the most compassionate people I know.  She will help anyone.

The people who I know and who drink all seem to have self-esteem problems.  It usually has to do with parenting/the way they grew up/were raised and the way they were treated when they grew up.  I think it was Phil Donahue, who said, you are 40, 50, 60, don't you think it is time to stop blaming your parents and take responsibility for (in this case) being fat?  I don't hear the people I know blame their parents, I often hear stories about the way they grew up and then start noticing a common denominator.  I find this to be true with a lot of people who have depression/anxiety, also.  Why do people with low self-esteem have to jump on the backs of young children or those who cannot defend themselves, to make themselves seem bigger?  

Some people walk away from abusers, others can't, they think things will change some day.  When things do not change, and they run out of hope, they feel they cannot move forward.  Why do people hurt their children or others who are dependent on them?  They cannot defend themselves.  Like these young kids who wet the beds and then get murdered for it.  Why don't they put diapers on these little ones if the parent cannot handle it and they know they can't?  The kids are asleep, they don't know what they are doing.  They don't make the parents/caretakers angry because they enjoy being abused.  Where is common sense in all of this?

 

left out a word bh



Bearly - having worked with many alcoholics through the years and knowing many more, your assessment is correct as to the PERCEPTION of the past. Many times when the people recover they find that the past is not what they said it was (or thought it was).  We alcoholics main problem is that we think we are the center of the universe. We think that everything done is about us - the best example is if two people get into a fight and one is an alcoholic, no matter who started it the alcoholic will blame the other person. So, many appear to have low self esteem - truth is that they are filled with fear - of not getting what they want, of losing what they have. "Normal" people work around these issues = we do not - we blame, ignore and drink to fix them.

Also, most alcoholics, when sober, are talented and sweet people - but they are lost in the fear and resentment.

I feel almost worse for the people around the alcoholic as I do for the alcoholic. Both are baffled by the problem, neither have a solution. I can go on all day about the subject. Bearly - feel free to get my email from Klaas and email me anytime.
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« Reply #644 on: April 25, 2012, 08:54:48 AM »

 an angelic monkey
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« Reply #645 on: April 25, 2012, 02:14:43 PM »

Tammi trial for Baby Gabriel is getting really interesting today
http://scaredmonkeys.net/index.php?topic=7156.200
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« Reply #646 on: April 25, 2012, 06:15:54 PM »

Tammi trial for Baby Gabriel is getting really interesting today
http://scaredmonkeys.net/index.php?topic=7156.200

I have been reading the local reports every day. Interesting stuff.
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« Reply #647 on: April 26, 2012, 08:57:00 AM »

Tammi trial for Baby Gabriel is getting really interesting today
http://scaredmonkeys.net/index.php?topic=7156.200

I have been reading the local reports every day. Interesting stuff.
I listened to some of the trial yesterday.  That Tammi is obessed.
 
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« Reply #648 on: April 26, 2012, 09:01:35 AM »

Good morning.
 
Feeling much better now.  Sunday's baptisms went to well.  Praise God.  It was a holy and precious time.
Connie was here Tuesday and Wednesday but was sick to her stomach.  Between sinus and medicine, she had real stomach issues.  We're trying again tomorrow.  She was upset she couldn't help more, but I assured her we have plenty time.
Had my hair cut short so now when I look in the mirror I can be visibly reminded to do things differently, including taking a few minutes for just me.  So far it's working.
Be blessed!
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« Reply #649 on: April 26, 2012, 09:05:46 AM »

Good morning.
 
Feeling much better now.  Sunday's baptisms went to well.  Praise God.  It was a holy and precious time.
Connie was here Tuesday and Wednesday but was sick to her stomach.  Between sinus and medicine, she had real stomach issues.  We're trying again tomorrow.  She was upset she couldn't help more, but I assured her we have plenty time.
Had my hair cut short so now when I look in the mirror I can be visibly reminded to do things differently, including taking a few minutes for just me.  So far it's working.
Be blessed!

 an angelic monkey
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« Reply #650 on: April 26, 2012, 10:25:50 AM »

So my hubs got me an Ipad yesterday. Still getting used to it but I think I will love it! Anyone got some app suggestions for me? 
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« Reply #651 on: April 26, 2012, 03:07:06 PM »

So my hubs got me an Ipad yesterday. Still getting used to it but I think I will love it! Anyone got some app suggestions for me? 
I download books from our public library...and my favorite app is Words with Friends.  Like scrabble - it's fun!
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« Reply #652 on: April 26, 2012, 05:47:20 PM »

So my hubs got me an Ipad yesterday. Still getting used to it but I think I will love it! Anyone got some app suggestions for me? 

Love mine..did you get the 3 version? I started with 1 which does not have a camera like 2 and 3...any of them are great though..
I use mine all the time..aren't they fast?
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« Reply #653 on: April 26, 2012, 05:48:04 PM »

So my hubs got me an Ipad yesterday. Still getting used to it but I think I will love it! Anyone got some app suggestions for me? 
I download books from our public library...and my favorite app is Words with Friends.  Like scrabble - it's fun!

Hey...I love that game..we need to hook up for games!
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« Reply #654 on: April 26, 2012, 05:53:37 PM »

So my hubs got me an Ipad yesterday. Still getting used to it but I think I will love it! Anyone got some app suggestions for me? 
I download books from our public library...and my favorite app is Words with Friends.  Like scrabble - it's fun!

Hey...I love that game..we need to hook up for games!

DRAW SOMETHING - currently my favorite app, it's addictive     Sort of like playing Pictionary 
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« Reply #655 on: April 26, 2012, 06:01:55 PM »

So my hubs got me an Ipad yesterday. Still getting used to it but I think I will love it! Anyone got some app suggestions for me? 
I download books from our public library...and my favorite app is Words with Friends.  Like scrabble - it's fun!

Hey...I love that game..we need to hook up for games!

DRAW SOMETHING - currently my favorite app, it's addictive     Sort of like playing Pictionary 
That is so popular with my college daughter and her friends.  I play with her and I am perfectly awful!!  I hooked up with some random people to play and one of them is a child.  I think he is because he has a child's picture next to his name.  anyway, he doesn't draw pictures - - he writes the word!  So at first I was not going to play him anymore but then I decided he could be very, very young and might be learning to read and write?  So we play together by writing out the word!  (My kids think I am ridiculous !
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« Reply #656 on: April 26, 2012, 06:09:18 PM »

So my hubs got me an Ipad yesterday. Still getting used to it but I think I will love it! Anyone got some app suggestions for me? 
I download books from our public library...and my favorite app is Words with Friends.  Like scrabble - it's fun!

Hey...I love that game..we need to hook up for games!

DRAW SOMETHING - currently my favorite app, it's addictive     Sort of like playing Pictionary 

My son plays that - since I can not draw a stick person I think that would not work for me! He loves it though.
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We can never be sure that the opinion we are endeavoring to stifle is a false opinion; and if we were sure, stifling it would be an evil still. - John Stuart Mill On Liberty, 1859
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« Reply #657 on: April 26, 2012, 06:10:12 PM »

So my hubs got me an Ipad yesterday. Still getting used to it but I think I will love it! Anyone got some app suggestions for me? 

Love mine..did you get the 3 version? I started with 1 which does not have a camera like 2 and 3...any of them are great though..
I use mine all the time..aren't they fast?


I got 2 - I could not bring myself to buy the 3 and spend that extra money. I just love it. It is very fast.
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We can never be sure that the opinion we are endeavoring to stifle is a false opinion; and if we were sure, stifling it would be an evil still. - John Stuart Mill On Liberty, 1859
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« Reply #658 on: April 26, 2012, 08:22:27 PM »

So my hubs got me an Ipad yesterday. Still getting used to it but I think I will love it! Anyone got some app suggestions for me? 
I download books from our public library...and my favorite app is Words with Friends.  Like scrabble - it's fun!

Hey...I love that game..we need to hook up for games!

DRAW SOMETHING - currently my favorite app, it's addictive     Sort of like playing Pictionary 

My son plays that - since I can not draw a stick person I think that would not work for me! He loves it though.

Well since I don't have an iPad, only an iPhone, try drawing on the phone, lol.  Much harder than on an iPad. 
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« Reply #659 on: April 26, 2012, 10:03:54 PM »

So my hubs got me an Ipad yesterday. Still getting used to it but I think I will love it! Anyone got some app suggestions for me? 
I download books from our public library...and my favorite app is Words with Friends.  Like scrabble - it's fun!

Hey...I love that game..we need to hook up for games!

DRAW SOMETHING - currently my favorite app, it's addictive     Sort of like playing Pictionary 

My son plays that - since I can not draw a stick person I think that would not work for me! He loves it though.

Well since I don't have an iPad, only an iPhone, try drawing on the phone, lol.  Much harder than on an iPad. 
LOL He does it on the phone. Never will understand how you guys do that.
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We can never be sure that the opinion we are endeavoring to stifle is a false opinion; and if we were sure, stifling it would be an evil still. - John Stuart Mill On Liberty, 1859
- George Bernard Shaw
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