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Author Topic: Hey You!  (Read 16553 times)
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LouiseVargas
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« Reply #20 on: July 30, 2006, 10:44:17 PM »

2NJSons_Mom wrote: You opened the thread...been waiting for you to talk...if you need a bigger audience, maybe 'they will come'. I know I've been watching & waiting.
****************

Easy, now you have an entire thread on which to post your thoughts. I'm sure lots of Monkeys are watching and waiting.
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2NJSons_Mom
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« Reply #21 on: July 30, 2006, 11:14:57 PM »

I didn't mean for my post to be antagonistic toward Easywriter, but your quote from it, Louise, could most certainly be perceived as such.  I must read and reread before submitting.  What I began with was more important to me:

Easy, I understand, in a way what you are saying, here. I have my own personal, inherited situations that make my daily existence a challenge

What you quoted was just my way of prodding him to talk to us...guess I felt I had to emphasize this.  

Hoping things have not taken a turn for the worst in his case.
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Dihannah1
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« Reply #22 on: August 01, 2006, 12:27:40 AM »

Ok, just catching up here. I too missed the posts from Easy.  However, just from reading here, I see both sides..  Easy is going through some personal turmoil, which we've all been through or may currently experiencing of some kind.  Natalee's forum is not the place to speak or vent  personal problems.  However, there are alot of caring and loving people who want to help!  We all need help at one time or other and I've found Monkeys to be such wonderful friends.  So the Lounge seems to be the perfect place to go and talk, find comfort and advice.

Now, to address Easy's current problem, I can speak from personal experience of family members addicted to drugs and have even watched them lost their children over it.  I know, because I provided foster care for them.  But I also gained tons of knowledge about drug addiction and can attest to how horrible it is, to see somebody you love go through it and struggle with the ups and downs from it.  I have learned not to judge, but their are ways to deal with it and possibly get help for those experiencing it, including the family members suffering as well.

Easy,  Please email me,  I've been their, done that.  I hope I can help you get through it and offer some good advice...
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terryd270
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« Reply #23 on: August 01, 2006, 08:47:00 PM »

Easy,

I find it nice that you share with us and have no problem with whatever you share.. You have done a lot for this case and your one of the first posters I look for when I come to SM's..  I think that this forum is more for support of Natalee and her family and if we just post about the case then there will be one poster posting to themselves.  I guess when I come here I want to know how your day or week went and I'm here just to show that I support the caused and the people that I feel that are here for the same.  

So when people get upset with Easy showing us his life, then I feel that these same people have no life and I lots rather have a 1 poster like Easy then a million like the others..  I knew someone that was looking for some friends and found an old friend and went to meet this old friend.  Well the old friend wanted to show this person some pictures of her grandchild and this person got upset and told me that they left because she didn't go down to meet this old friend to listen to her talk about her grandchild.. I told her that I thought her friend was just trying to bring her up to where she is in life and was sharing..  So I accept Easy sharing and I want to thank him for sharing..

td
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terryd270
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« Reply #24 on: August 01, 2006, 09:01:23 PM »

One of the hardest things to do successfully is to listen.  I'm pretty good at listening to other people most of the time. It's one of my better qualities, as long as they don't figure out that I'm listening in lieu of speaking for myself. I'm pretty good at active listening, that is, I don't just sit there like a lump, I do express interest and animation, and I am interested. Especially when it's a friend, someone I love, I'm extremely interested in what they have to say, in knowing them better, in taking the friendship deeper. If it's someone that I don't particularly care about, it's harder. Well, I say that, but actually it's probably easier.  It's harder to appear to be interested, maybe, if all I'm wishing is that they'd go away and leave me alone. But easier in that I don't have to absorb what they're saying, I only have to hear it at a surface level, and once the conversation is over, I don't have to retain it. So yes, easier.

There are the people who talk all the time, who never seem to listen, who can't abide a moment's silence, but have to fill it with something, anything. All I have to do when I'm with those people is nod, and smile, and interject a token comment here and there. It's hard to imagine that somewhere among all that chatter might be a pearl of wisdom. Or that there might be an unhappy soul that really needs someone to listen. Sometimes it's too much work to glean the important stuff out of such a one-sided "conversation." But still, I must listen with some part of my being, or at least hear, if not listen, because it's all in there, somewhere, waiting to be brought out when prompted.

I love Tylergals stories and would put salt on her tail and keep her if I could..  She would be someone I would enjoy having lunch with and so is Easy..  Sometimes just listening is enough. When you're listening to a friend who is troubled, who needs to unburden himself and simply needs someone to listen, just being there is enough. Being there, of course, with an open heart and really listening, not waiting for him to finish so you can interject your own opinions, and not offering any solutions or answers, just listening.  I know Easy knows that those that care for him, will be there for him..  
I have noticed that a lot of posters here are teachers and therefore I need to run this through spell check before posting but this is how I feel about finding out about a person.. When you're in a class or a seminar, attempting to absorb some new knowledge or polish what you already know, sometimes it's best to just sit back and listen. In the past, I've found myself stuck on a certain point, and trying to formulate a question in my mind. In my attempt to clarify my question so that it sounds intelligent, but yet conveys the fact that I'm not sure I understand what's being said, but of course if it was explained better, I would, I'm sure I missed the very answer to that question. Give things a chance to become clear. Don't rush in to try to ask a question without waiting for the answer first.  I guess I talked way too long and way too serious but like I said I like Easy and I too felt some anger with some that think he wants attention and I think he was looking at us as friends that would urge him and encourage him and support him, and then he might listen to you, and want to believe you.  And that takes some strong listening. Because the answer is there, if you would only listen.
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Sam
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« Reply #25 on: August 01, 2006, 09:15:15 PM »

Easywriter,

It took me a long time to find the post about your son and your experience the other day. I know you feel terrible about what happened but you are not to blame. You did what you felt you had to do to protect yourself. Do not feel guilty for your son's problem. He is an adult now and responsible for his own actions. Sometimes tough love can be the best love. If you talk to him explain that to him.

I do know it is the drugs that are blinding him to things. Someone on here suggested Al Anon s support group for you. These are others who have went through this experience and can help you to get through it too.

We all love you here friend. JMHO

Sam
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tcumom
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« Reply #26 on: August 01, 2006, 10:20:14 PM »

Terry ~ your postings are wonderful and insightful ~ I so enjoy *listening* to both you and Tyler, and reading between the words ~

Easy ~ you have many friends here, and you have contributed so very much to helping the monkeys.

I'll stay tuned, and hope to hear an update from you ~

The monkeys have kept me going during some very trying times the pasts 9 months.......no matter what, I feel better just hanging out with ALL of you!
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Bearlyhere
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« Reply #27 on: August 02, 2006, 03:11:48 AM »

Easy, things have been anything but easy.  I am right here waiting...when you are ready.

BH
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Easywriter
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« Reply #28 on: August 02, 2006, 11:09:56 PM »

Thank You!  Thank You All!
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nonesuche
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« Reply #29 on: August 02, 2006, 11:24:33 PM »

Quote from: "tcumom"
Terry ~ your postings are wonderful and insightful ~ I so enjoy *listening* to both you and Tyler, and reading between the words ~

Easy ~ you have many friends here, and you have contributed so very much to helping the monkeys.

I'll stay tuned, and hope to hear an update from you ~

The monkeys have kept me going during some very trying times the pasts 9 months.......no matter what, I feel better just hanging out with ALL of you!


well said tcumom, I second that emotion!
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BTgirl
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« Reply #30 on: August 03, 2006, 01:50:04 PM »

Terry,

I really do wub you lots!

Smoochies
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Peaches
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« Reply #31 on: August 05, 2006, 09:44:22 AM »

Quote from: "nonesuche"
Quote from: "tcumom"
Terry ~ your postings are wonderful and insightful ~ I so enjoy *listening* to both you and Tyler, and reading between the words ~

Easy ~ you have many friends here, and you have contributed so very much to helping the monkeys.

I'll stay tuned, and hope to hear an update from you ~

The monkeys have kept me going during some very trying times the pasts 9 months.......no matter what, I feel better just hanging out with ALL of you!


well said tcumom, I second that emotion!


Excellent job, Terry.  I totally agree.  It makes my day just to be here with all of you.
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Jerry from Ohio
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« Reply #32 on: August 05, 2006, 11:30:55 AM »

Howdy Easy  I am just getting back online after my old Laptop took a deep six dive  LOL
   But now i have a new to me one and am back when i worked for the dept of corrections i was a drug and alcohal counsler so i do know just what you are feeling  and can only say thet if there is anything I can do or listen too please just dont be afraid to ask or to let it go in my ear.
   your friend Jerry from Ohio










Quote from: "Easywriter"
Thank You!  Thank You All!
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IBE
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« Reply #33 on: August 06, 2006, 12:45:21 AM »

Monkeys are Great!
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justinsmama
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« Reply #34 on: August 06, 2006, 09:00:08 AM »

Quote from: "IBE"
Monkeys are Great!



Yup, I gotz to agree! Easy, we love ya and are here for you.
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msmarple
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« Reply #35 on: August 08, 2006, 10:52:42 AM »

Easy - I posted on the LCD thread after you described that terrible night. As you can see from THIS thread, there are MANY who have been through this. You would really be surprised.

There are resources. I don't know where you are other than Ala., but do a Google search on "drug rehab" and Alabama.

Inpatient, the longer the better, is the best option. Some are pricey but many aren't, and some have job programs whereby the patient "works his way through treatment."

The totally no-cost option is NA (Narcotics Anonymous) or AA (Alcoholics Anonymous). Some AA chapters do not object to drug addictions. Both use the same 12-step program, and these days, most drug addicts also are alcohol addicts. "The brain doesn't care what it is, it just LIKES it."

In the case of drug addiction, the 12-step programs work out better as "maintenance" than they do as withdrawals, but it's a start.

1. You need to talk to a qualified counselor. This person will explain some things that you need to do for YOURSELF as well as ways you can try to help your son.

2.You will need to set up something called a "confrontation intervention" with your son and his family & friends. The counselor will help with this and be present.

3. Present your son with the treatment options you have found. The last thing a chemical addict is going to do is surf the net or Yellow Pages for rehab programs.

4. The most unpleasant option is that there should now be an ultimation. "Everybody in the room loves you, but if you don't begin to help yourself now - none of us are, either." In other words, he will be homeless ...  or whatever. Each person in the room has to be committed to NOT enabling your son's destructive addiction.

5. Immediately after the confrontation, your son needs to BEGIN whatever program it is. That is, directly from intervention meeting to a treatment facility or 12-step meeting.

... or something similar to the above.

It's very hard. But you will tear yourself apart things continue as they are ...

P.S.
Be prepared for a relapse or two. Chit happens.
Encourage each and every positive effort - but discourage the negative ones.
Good luck to both of you!
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Easywriter
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« Reply #36 on: August 08, 2006, 03:11:14 PM »

No longer do I count the days.  Hours seem more appropriate.  I died three years ago and I’ve just been slow leaving.  Breathing is a struggle and walking only causes pain.  Survival just prolongs the inevitable.  A quick good-bye would have been more kind.
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Anna
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« Reply #37 on: August 08, 2006, 03:14:19 PM »

.
Monkeys are great and I am sure we are all here for Easy!  I feel there is nothing much else I can do not being qualified to deal with problems of this magnitude.  Few of us are with the exception of Justinsmama and I think Jerry?  

It can be frightening to think a person is in so much distress and we are lucky that any of us can come here and start our own thread like this for private matters.  Monkeys will always respond and I think Easy should know by now that we all do care very much and hope he is able to resolve this situation that is causing him so much anguish.  

Having reared three sons, we have gone through just about every possible scenario with one or the other of them with the exception of substance abuse.  Not sure how we missed that one but do have one with the strangest diet on the planet so imagine it is sort of the same.  You take it one day at a time and do the best you can.  I always have in the back of my mind that he is going to forget some morsel or other in his very sparse diet and get something vital out of balance like potassium and stop his own heart but these are things parents endure because we really don't have much choice after they turn 21 as one can no longer get medical records, etc without a court order.  There have been times when it was taking it one hour at a time, too.  Confused

I hope Easy has posted these concerns of his in the prayer thread so that we will all remember to include him and his son in our prayer vigil as well.  It has had very positive things result for many of us.



.
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All posts reflect my opinion only and are not shared by all forum members nor intended as statement of facts.  I am doing the best I can with the information available.

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Easywriter
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« Reply #38 on: August 08, 2006, 03:33:10 PM »

Yesterday seems like a long time ago, but it leaves memories.

Life has been beating me down for a few years now and I think I am just tired.  Yesterday, I took a walk through the Wal*Mart and I couldn’t make it down one isle without stopping to catch my breath.  That is when I realized my life was over.

Surviving a heart attack just prolongs the inevitable and leaves a person counting the days.
Yesterday seems like a long time ago, but it leaves memories.

Life has been beating me down for a few years now and I think I am just tired.  Yesterday, I took a walk through the Wal*Mart and I couldn’t make it down one isle without stopping to catch my breath.  That is when I realized my life was over.

Surviving a heart attack just prolongs the inevitable and leaves a person counting the days.
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Easywriter
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« Reply #39 on: August 08, 2006, 03:36:02 PM »

I must have double clicked!
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