"Obama's state of the union speech … in an alternate universe"

These are my favorites -

Quote

In striking evidence for the many-worlds interpretation of quantum mechanics, which predicts that all possible versions of events are taking place in parallel universes, physicists have detected this alternative version of last night's state of the union address, delivered in another dimension and provided exclusively to the Guardian:

::snipping2::

(By the way, isn't it strange how it doesn't count as "class warfare" if the class you go to war for is the middle one? I mean, you can't even have a middle class without lower and upper ones, can you? Oh, man, that's such a weird thought when you really focus on it. Woah.)

That's why tonight I'm announcing a "Solve The Problems" program, to put people to work as soon as possible, solving America's problems, using state-of-the-art problem-solving techniques developed at America's leading universities. Details to follow.

And, you know, I've been thinking: we talk all the time about hardworking families, but is it really fair that families who aren't hardworking should be disadvantaged economically? I mean, if you're born into a family where you're brought up to be lazy, is that really your fault? Also, what about single people?

It's also long past time that our wives, our daughters and our mothers enjoyed full equality of pay, freedom from discrimination, and the right to fight on the frontlines, as part of our military. And then one day, if we really crack this whole gender-equality thing, I might even stop referring to women, in speeches, as "our wives, our daughters and our mothers". We'll see!

enjoy more here = http://www.guardian.co.uk/commentisfree/oliver-burkemans-blog/2013/feb/13/state-of-the-union-flattering-people