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Author Topic: Terry's Story  (Read 6896 times)
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SunnyinTX
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« on: July 21, 2007, 12:09:16 PM »

I thought this was an amazing story....one filled with LIFE lessons of faith, courage, humility and a lesson to all of us to not take one day for granted....Posted with Terry's permission....please read.

I guess I will write a summary of my adventure with cancer for those that know someone or themselves find out that they are going down the same path..  My diagnosis on 1/09/2007. My life changed that day. While researching my disease, I found quite a bit of information, but not much in the way of "how it feels" to go through it. My hope is that it will help you to put things into perspective. It's no fun, but it can be done . . .This diagnosis came about after I noticed a small lump below my ear and what I thought was swimmer's ear, since I had recurring ear aches since I was a kid..I got concerned and made an appointment with my family doctor to get it checked out. She said it looked like a infected ear, and put me on ten days worth of antibiotics. All through this she kept asking me if I smoked. And I don't. And never did. The doctor still didn't have an idea, and asked again if I smoked. No, I still don't smoke.  I was getting real suspicious at this point, so I made my concern an issue with the doctor, and insisted that further investigation be done. So I scheduled an appointment with an ENT specialist Dr. Mark Clinton.  He seemed pretty young to me (I was 55 at the time), but very forthright, and to-the- point. I described what I had done up to that point, gave some history, and asked if he could tell me what is going on . . . He looked around in my nasal and throat area with a scope (which gagged me somewhat). He felt of the "mass" and sat down to discuss. He said that I have a tumor, and in the neck area when you're talking tumors, you're usually talking cancer. There. It was finally said. At that nanosecond my life changed forever. A tickertape starts running at that moment, and it doesn't stop. Even if you are able to distract yourself, it's still going in the background, just waiting for an opportunity to jump out front again! I cannot in any way truly describe the feelings at that instant. It's numbing. It immediately puts you into a dreamworld where things that are being said around you seem muffled, and distant. Your mind reels with the impact. You consider denial. You feel like bolting. You want to destroy something. On and on . . .But, I was able to keep my cool, and discuss it, because I wanted to know more. Needed to know more. Lots more. This was my life we're taking about here! I have to live!  The only way to find out for sure was to do a biopsy of the lympth node and of the tumor itself. He took three "samples," each from different areas of the tumor. I asked him if one more sample would help in identification of the cancer type. He said if I didn't mind, sure. So four samples were taken.. I received a call at work from Dr. Clinton. He asked if I could come in to talk. Well, I knew what that meant . . . I told my boss what was going on - what I knew to date. And he was very understanding. That tickertape was running at full speed about now . . . When we met in one of the small examining rooms, he told me the news. OK. Now it was official. I asked the likelihood of error. He said it was probably 95% accurate. So what do I do now? This is where it gets scary, when YOU are the one in the hot seat!  He described how the squamous cells are the skin cells, and that if you have an obvious lesion on your skin, say your arm or face, you would know about it. But, if there is a squamous cell problem somewhere else, where you can't see it, it would most likely be in the lining of the nasal passages, throat, or down into the lungs (squamous cells also line the mouth, throat and down into the esophagus). I was told that the only standard treatment options for this situation are surgery and/or radiation treatment. In a very small number of cases chemo would be considered, but not mine. His recommendation was to do surgery followed by a course of radiation treatments. The surgical procedure is called a radical neck dissection. I will describe this in more detail below.  Talk about shocking. I have gone from official diagnosis of cancer to surgery in a matter of minutes. My head was reeling. It was a good thing I was already sitting down, cause I would have probably collapsed!
I guess it's only human to project various scenarios of what may happen . . . I know I was seeing myself butchered, incapacitated, useless, and even dead in some of these imaginary scenarios. The mind is a powerful thing, with the imagination working at full tilt! Now how are you supposed to keep on a "happy face" with news like this on your mind? Tell me please. Another strange task was telling my coworkers. When you have news like this, it is awkward to say the least. You tend to think about all the other coworkers over the years - some that died of cancer . . . but don't mention. I found the best way to do it is flat out drop the bomb. Most people are pretty understanding. I was fortunate that the majority of people that I work with are intelligent, and forthright. Even with something like this. I think people you tell this sort of news to, kind of gauge their reaction to what they perceive you as feeling, if that makes any sense? If you are in control of your situation, their reaction will be more controlled - and, OK..  I went down to the University of Miami School of Medicine to get a second oppinion and met with Dr. Thomas to go over my options.. The surgery procedure is called a radical neck dissection. There are many variations of this procedure, but the classic procedure involves removal of all the lymphatic tissues in the neck (or a given side of the neck). This is accomplished by making two incisions in the neck (left neck in my case). These are in a sort of "T" shaped configuration - along the jawline, and down the side of the neck.  The goal is to get rid of the lymph tissue in the neck. In the process, the sternocleidomastoid muscle (neck muscle) is removed. This allows access to all the lymph nodes that may be hiding cancer cells. The spinal accessory nerve will most likely be severed as well, resulting in limited movement of the arm above the head. There will also likely be numbness of the shoulder, neck and upper chest areas.   Opps, I'm jumping a little because she is a surgeon and before that she told me that I needed to see a radiologist..  The radiation is administered to a field that includes the area from about the bridge of the nose, down to just below the clavicle (or, collarbone).Prior to beginning my radiation treatments, I arranged to have a dental checkup. This is strongly recommended in radiation treatments to the oral cavity. The radiation is very hard on your teeth and gums. There is a pretty nasty word called xerostomia that sums up what happens when you get radiation to your mouth area. After reading about it, I felt compelled to do everything I can to try and preserve my teeth, and practice good oral hygiene! I had panorama x-rays done. Cleaning. Two teeth had cracked fillings - got those taken care of. It seems that radiation treatments accelerate tooth decay, so even the smallest crack or cavity could end up being real problematic down the road. Also had to have 5 bottom teeth removed because they were capped or had silver fillings and time would not allowed them to work on them to save them before my treatments.. Side Effects of radiation:  There are certain things that will definitely happen, however. Some of these include:

    * Skin Burning - My skin burned, but not as bad as some other people that I've talked to. There are things that can be done to help cope with it, but for the most part, you just have to endure it!
    * Sore Mouth - The burns don't just happen on the outside skin. The inside of your mouth/throat get burned also. The things that helped most for me were Miles Solution, UlcerEase, and Lidocaine 2% viscous. In my late 7th week and 8th week, I had a pretty sore ulcer on my inside left cheek.
    * Dry Mouth - This is really aggravating. Your ability to produce "normal" saliva goes away, leaving you with real thick spit that doesn't contain much water. This is what the xerostomia is all about.
    * Loss of Taste - This varies from individual to individual, but I lost almost all my sense of taste. There is actually a medical term for impaired taste - its called "hypogeusia."  This was one of the most aggravating side effects of all!
    * Fatigue - You will get tired. I really didn't start feeling it until about the 4-5th week. But when it hits, you'll know it. Just listen to your body, and take it easy!
    * Hair Loss - If you are a man and have a beard, the radiation will probably cause you lose facial hair in the area being radiated. I lost mine at the end of the 3rd week. This isn't too bad because I didn't have to shave and my face was really smooth..

Before the actual treatments could begin, I had to undergo what is called a simulation. The simulator is a diagnostic tool that has a fluorscope attached that allows better imaging for setting the targets for the linear accelerator used in the actual treatments. I'll get into that in a minute. But before the simulation could be done, I had to be fitted with a mask. This was an interesting procedure, with a good idea behind it. They lay you down on a bench and create a plaster mold of your head (this is probably bad if you're claustrophobic). Your head is covered with the warm plaster, leaving only nose holes and a mouth hole (~ 2" dia.). Once the plaster mold is made, a clear plastic mask replica of your head is created from the mold. This mask is what will be used to bolt your head into place so you cannot move it during the "rad treats." The mask is also what allows the alignment marks to NOT be made on your skin (although you will still probably have to have a few marks drawn on you for field alignment purposes). The majority of marks are made on the mask, which helps to keep everything consistent and keeps you from looking like a jigsaw puzzle.The simulation is the process of getting the alignments made, and marks made so that when you get the real treatments, they will be to the exact same spots - every time! You lay down and are bolted in with your mask. X-rays are taken to assess the exact position necessary for the x-ray blocks to be located. The "blocks" are molded pieces of metal alloy, that will prevent radiation from affecting areas not needing treatment. Also, the fields that will be radiated are defined. In my case, I was to get a dose of 90 cGy (centigrays, or RADS) to both the left and right upper neck and cheek areas (for a total dose of 180 cGy/day). And a lower field of 180 cGy/day to the front clavicle and lower neck area. I had a block on the lower field that left me with a (temporary) white stripe up the center of my throat (this protected my spine and esophogus). The blocks I had on the left and right sides created a definite curved line (from the radiation burning) on my skin, that came forward from the middle of my ear to my cheekbone, and curved down to my jaw.
The simulation lasted about 45 minutes. And that is a long time to be in that mask, believe me!! The normal treatments only take a few minutes. Physically, this was the most uncomfortable part of getting the treatments (notice I didn't say anything about the side effects of the treatments!).Once everything has been aligned, blocks made, and everyone is happy, you can start with the real thing . . .

Week One

    * Well, that "tickertape" has been running like crazy. The first thing that really hit me was when I pulled into the parking lot for the radiation onclogy patients. Each parking space has a little sign that says "Reserved Parking - Radiation Oncology Patients - Permit Required." When I saw that for the first time, it really hit me. I have cancer. The only people that come here and park here have cancer.

    * The first treatment went smoothly. I had already been in the mask during the simulation, so I had already experienced that part of it. There is no pain during the treatment, but I got a distinct sensation of "something" passing through my body.

    * My dosage for treatments was to be 180 cGy per day up 4140 for the left and right neck areas, and up to 5140 for the front. This is subject to change as you get more into the treats. These treatments are with photon x-rays, which penetrate through your body. Later in the course, the photons will be reduced, and electrons will make up the difference. Electrons don't penetrate as far, thereby doing less tissue damage.

    * I also felt slight hypersensitivity of the skin being irradiated, as well as sore jaw joints.

    * Started on Salagen for saliva production.

    * By weeks end, dry mouth had begun to set in.

Week Two

    * Taste sensation starting to go . . .

    * Towards the end of the week, starting to feel some pain in my throat, rawness and trouble swallowing.

    * Tumor is starting to flatten out a little bit - not much.

    * By week's end, I was beginning to feel pretty bad inside my throat. The rad-onc doc said it's common to see fungal growth set in. I noticed some white "rough patches" on my inner gums by my back molars/wisdom teeth.

    * EMOTIONS: By now I am wondering how I'll feel after 5 more weeks of this (!), if I feel this way now. It's grim to contemplate.

Week Three

    * On Monday, I got a prescription for the Miles Solution. This is comprised of 1 gm tetracycline, Nystatin Suspension (2,000,000u), Hydrocortisone (20mg) and Benadryl Elixir. And it does work, thank God! There was a definite "line of demarcation" where the radiation was burning from the roof of my mouth, on down. Ouch!

    * Tumor is now noticeably shrinking.

    * It was a yeast infection that was setting in causing all the pain in my throat. It was much better by mid-week.

    * Loss of taste is the foremost aggravation by week's end.

Week Four

    * The loss of taste is really annoying. I worked up a fantastic image of loaded potato skins in my mind. While out shopping, I stopped at T.G.I.Friday's and I ordered some. They came out looking absolutely mouth watering (or at least as mouth watering as can be with no saliva!). Sour cream, cheese, bacon, butter, ummmmm. I took a bite, and . . . yes . . . it was like eating a napkin. No taste whatsoever! I almost cried right there in the restaurant. This is terrible, and no one will ever know unless they go through it themselves! Amazing how much we take our senses for granted, when there are no problems.

   * Very tired in the evenings. Passed the half way mark this week. Hey, it's a big deal . . .

    * Skin under my neck is getting very dry and turning white in some areas. And brown in other areas (like a peeling sunburn). I have been using aloe vera a couple of times a day, with relief, up until now. It's not helping much with the heat from my skin quickly drying it out . . .

    * EMOTIONS: I have had some strange dreams lately. Also, have had some low days when I've felt like I was being pulled into a "large dark hole." I felt that if I ever went in, it would be real hard to get back out. Trying to stay upbeat.

Week Five

    * Started using UlcerEase (phenol) to deal with the raw throat, that is getting worse. Burns bad when I gargle with it, but provides numbing relief shortly.

    * Skin on my neck is peeling - looks like a bad sunburn underneath. All brown and pink. The burning should diminish 2-4 weeks after the last treatment. The radiation continues to do it's work for ~2 weeks after the last treatment.

   * Talked with Dr. Dass about the changes to my radiation prescription. The total dosage will be dropped from 7000 cGy, to 5140 cGy for all areas except the tonsil (about a 3-4" square area on my left cheek). This means one more week of the current regimen. Then a 10 day "boost" treatment of 200 cGy/day to the left tonsil, for a total of 7040 cGy to that area. The boost will be 100 cGy/day photons, and 100cGy/day electrons.

    * Started the electrons on Thursday. These are in addition to the photons - and take a little extra time to administer. Electrons don't penetrate as far as the photons do. Their energy can be adjusted to penetrate to different depths. This was done in conjunction with going "off chord." Which means a new spinal block was put into place for the neck treatments to protect my spinal chord from the photons.

    * Skin is very burnt. Anything touching it (i.e., shirt collar. etc.) is irritating.

   
Week Six

    * Throat is getting more raw feeling inside. Seems to be a painful "catch" deep inside, around my Adam's apple. Neck and throat skin continue to peel.

   * Did my second simulation this week. This one was needed to make the new blocks for the photons and electrons for the last 10 day boost treatments.

   * Started the "boost" treatments on Friday. Unfortunately, this increased the number of treatments from 35 to 40.

    * Throat (inside) is very uncomfortable. Hurts to swallow any food. Skin is still peeling. Bright pink underneath.

Week Seven

    * Throat is now the main complaint. Started coughing up streaks of blood in the thick phlegm that gets stuck in my throat. Yuck. Coughing is the only way to clear that out. And it hurts to cough.

    * Sometimes gagging results from trying to clear my throat. That creates a short panicy feeling . . . It's like you clear part of the mucous out, but the rest of it obstructs your airway.

    * Began taking a tsp of roxicet along with the numbing agents at bedtime. This provides a couple of hours of relative peaceful relief. If it would only last . . .

    * By week's end, developing painful sores (ulcers) inside my mouth - on the left side where the majority of the radiation is still being concentrated.

   
Week Eight

    * Never thought it would get here!!

    * Not much blood from my throat now. That's encouraging. It's been a week now since stopping the radiation to the neck and throat . . .

 .
Most people won't go more than 7040 cGy. I think that this is a limit for treatment. I'll tell you one thing, 40 treatments is more than enough to last me!


Dr. Dass told me that he felt that he had gotten it all and that I didn't need surgery 95% sure that I wouldn't.. Well I guess Dr. Thomas still wanted to do the surgery and talked me into it.. On Friday, July 6, 2006 (I'm thankful it wasn't Friday the 13th, not that I'm superstitious).  It occured to me that this is really the only time I've ever been in the hospital. I feel nervous for various reasons. One is certainly the procedure itself. I'm not looking forward to getting cut open . . . Other issues in my mind at the moment are more dark and foreboding. I can't help but wonder how all this will turn out. Will it be successful? If so, will there be a recurrance? Will I have to spend my life "looking over my shoulder" wondering if every little swelling or lump that pops up will be cancer? I hate these feelings!

I was taken back to the surgery prep area immediately, along with several other patients there for their own personal battles. Stripped down to "nothing," and put on one of those stupid gowns that tie in the back, and have your butt hanging out. What about dignity?Here comes the nurse. More questions - medical history. Here comes the nurse anesthesist. Same questions. Time to go to sleep soon - they got the IV in my arm and wheeled me into the operating room. I remember hearing a radio in the distance announcing that the temperature is 87 degrees. Funny, the things that stick in your mind. Hustle, bustle. People running around. Making preparations. Clattering sounds. I'm going, going, gone . . .. Waking up in recovery. It's 8:30pm. I thought I'd have been done sooner. Feeling very out of it. Groggy. Fading in and out. There were a lot of people recovering - sort of like planes backed up at the airport, waiting to take off. I was finally wheeled to ICU. Starting to feel a little coherent. Just a little. Enough to notice numbness in my left ear and side of face. Top of my shoulder too. At some point I remember a group of about 5 residents coming in. Still a little out of it, I asked if they were "here to change the light bulb." One actually asked if it was out!  It wasn't long before the pain started cutting through. And it was one powerful hurt, let me tell you. A very steady pain in my shoulder. Right where they put the "wound drain." Otherwise, everything was pretty much numb. Got some morphine. Ah, that's the ticket. Also got some roxicet, since the morphine won't last long.  I can describe my state of awareness as foggy, at best. I had some time to experiment with trying to find a comfortable position. There wasn't one. I did, however, use the time to think about some weird things (must have been the drugs). I reflected on how during my radiation treatments, the transition between wakefullness and sleep (and vice versa), seemed to require a lot of time. I believe this was due to the fact that I had to adjust to the horizontal versus the vertical orientations (associated with sleep and being awake). And these adjustments were confounded by my need to get the phlegm cleared out of my throat (since the cilia cells in my throat weren't doing their normal job of keeping the phlegm moving, any more...thanks to the radiation). This resulted in an hour or two after first lying down (or getting up) being used to cough, gag, and spit my way to comfort! No fun, but that's starting to diminish now. Of course, now I have new pains to distract me from it too.  In order to turn my head, I have to turn my whole body. Things are either numb, or in pain! Strange sensation. By accident, I discovered the source of my shoulder pain. And it wasn't a result of "surgery," necessarily. I found that when I disconnected myself from the drain vacuum pump, the pain subsided. When I hooked it back up, the pain came roaring back. I could definitely feel the "pull" underneath my skin from the vacuum. I didn't really get any sound sleep all night. My throat kept telling me how sore it was - probably due to all the tubes that were crammed down it's radiation stricken surface! It hurts to swallow, and everything feels quite constricted. Neck and shoulder are sore and numb, as is my left ear. Hearing is also muted. My thought is that I certainly hope this improves! Left jaw is swollen, but my most painful complaint remains the drain tube in my neck. The drain is a plastic tube with holes in it, that runs under my skin from the top of my shoulder over to my neck, then up my neck to a spot behind my left ear. This is very irritating, and I wonder if it isn't the source of numbness of my left ear and cheek? Most of the day (Sat.) was spent alternating between resting. I am constantly trying to move my left arm around to regain maximum mobility. I know it will never be the same as it was, but I certainly want to get as much back as possible. So far, so good - I can actually raise my left arm above/behind my head already. The compression packing was removed, revealing 30 nice shiny staples. Now I know where the term "zipper neck" comes from! It really does look like a zipper.  Once they removed the tube, neck started feeling much better . The drain tube was stitched into place, and the doc said it may ooze a little. Supposed to take it real easy for the next week, especially. Left ear and skin around the incision are dead numb. Feels like I've had a megadose of novacaine. A lot of swelling too, that seems to manifest itself on the inside of my throat as well as the outside. And hearing is still muted - like I'm in a fishbowl or something - seems to "match" the numbness. I've been trying to exercise my left shoulder while I sit around taking it easy. Rolling it around. Raising my arm as high as I can. Stretching it. If I'm not careful, though it can get painful. The most difficult moves involve the neck. Up and down, and left and right are very stiff. The numbness is very aggravating, too. I'm trying to figure out a way to get my hearing back, too. For about 5 seconds today, while in the shower, it came back! I was trying the old "swimmers ear" remedy of pinching my nose shut and blowing to build up pressure. My right ear popped, and then with a little more pressure, my left ear gurgled, and popped open too! Suddenly, the roar of the water splashing on the floor of the shower was bright, and very loud. About 5 seconds later, things plugged back up again. But, this gives me hope . . . The muted effect doesn't seem to be permanent.

EMOTIONS Physically I feel very drained. Like I've had enough, and my body can't take any more abuse. And I think this feeling is starting to carry over to my mental and emotional state as well. A sort of ominous feeling has settled in, leaving me with a sense of general frustration. I know we've done everything we can do to fight this cancer. But, I don't know if it's going to be enough!  The ticker tape in my mind is flying right now.  Now I have to see Dr. Thomas for my followup after surgery. I face this meeting with not a small degree of trepidation, because we will be presented with the results of pathology tests of the dissected tissue. There is potential for bad news, and I just can't stand the thought of more bad news. My body can't take any more "bad news." She looked at my incision, and commented on how good it looked ("Really"). And brightly asked, "how did it go?" meaning the surgery. She went and found the paperwork. Came back in with that beautiful grin, and a thumb up! Thank God. Again. Everything was negative. Neck dissection tissue was negative for cancer. Tonsil tissue was also negative. I really needed to hear this good news. We talked about my hearing loss, and numbness also. The hearing should return to normal, and the numbness should go away as the nerves reestablish themselves. This may take up to a year, however, and there will be small areas (i.e., lower ear lobe, and parts of the cheek where the incision is) that will remain numb permanently. If the cancer stays away, I can deal with that . . . Dr. Thomas said, "make an appointment for next month, and we'll see you then." Any questions, call. Black and white.

My main goals were to try and get rid of the throat pain and dryness. The swelling in my throat is still very taut, though not real "big. The surgery scars continue to heal. The tight skin really is evident when I try to turn my head left or right, or up or down. I certainly don't have the mobility I used to have. I sometimes get needle-like pains out of nowhere that cause me to twitch, because I don't know they're coming until they've already passed! I must look like an afflicted person at times! The numb areas have diminished by about 10%. Some of my lower chest, upper left cheek and left shoulder are near normal feeling now.  After doing a lot of research, I know I have somethings to look forward to..

One concern of mine is thyroid problems. The stats say that 30% of patients with radiation to the neck/thyroid area may develop hypothyroidism. This can be regulated by thyroid medication. Unfortunately, this is the risk we must take to have a shot at life. Every once in a while I get a sensation of taste. It's frustrating, though, because it only lasts for about the first bite of something . . . It takes time. Things don't seem to get better on a daily basis - rather every two to three days, I notice an improvement in some area.I can see right now that once a month I will get some anxious moments prior to these visits. I am having some pretty strange stabbing pains in my neck that shoot to my left ear. They only last a few seconds - then they are gone. But, they come back in a minute or so. Neck skin is still taut, and numb.  EMOTIONS: Here's an interesting story that bothered me when it happened last night. I went to nail some boards up and had to use a ladder, I've never had a problem handling a ladder! Until now . . . Yep, I discovered that my limited shoulder movement is a real pain when it comes to this kind of stuff. I was able to get the ladder extended, and into position, with some difficulty. But hammering the nails through the board (even after getting them started on the ground!) proved to be very aggravating. My neighbor ended up helping me out with it. And for some reason, it really bothered me that I couldn't do a simple task that I could have done easily "before cancer." Maybe it's a guy thing or something. Yeah, things have changed. My new goal is to make it through the year without recurrance..  If I make it a year, I am in pretty good shape because most of the recurrences will occur within the first year! My main concern is that I DON'T have a recurrence.  My next goal will be two years, after which I will feel much better about things, since 95% of recurrences happen within two years. I guess after that, it will be 5 years (and one day), which is the official "remission" point for most cancers.  EMOTIONS: One thing I notice every time I go back for a checkup or whatever, is that the parking lot for the Radiation Therapy Dept. is always full. This bothers me when I see it. I think of all the people that this represents . . . When I see the patients coming and going, I know how they feel. The fear. The unknown. The questions. The pain. It's truly tragic.  I will leave you with this, since my updates will be less.. I mean I hopefully will have no more treatments and if I do, I will let you know.. Umm I guess I will leave you with this,  I honestly believe that stress is what caused my cancer in the first place.  Or at least heavily contributed to it.  I hope that whatever your life is bringing you doesn't include excessive stress.  It's a killer, and that has been documented. I think once you faced death as most cancer patients have, not too much can scare you..

Terry
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« Reply #1 on: July 21, 2007, 03:35:50 PM »

This is so strong, I guess we don't know what to say.  I am no stranger to cancer.  I have lost family and friends.  My brother's GF is not doing well and probably will not survive.  I have worked in the health field, but could not imagine what you have described.  My tears will not stop.  I wish I were close by to help.  I pray you will continue to improve Terry.
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BTgirl
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« Reply #2 on: July 21, 2007, 07:06:37 PM »

Some of us have been talking with Terry about his cancer since the day he got the diagnosis. I cannot begin to say how impressed I am with Terry's strength and courage. He is a remarkable human being, and I'm sooooo glad he's doing so well.
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« Reply #3 on: July 21, 2007, 09:43:04 PM »

Dear Terry,

God bless you and I hope things will go well.

I have never heard in all my 62 years of life, a narrative of a struggle with cancer such as your story. Your post was a masterpiece. And I hate like hell for you to be going through this.  

My friend Judith battled cancer for many years but she made light of it. She never explained all the details and emotions like you did. I also had a friend named Bill who got a squamous bump on his shoulder and didn't pay enough attention to it until it was too late. He described the radiation horrors to me.

Good lord, I'm blown away. Thank you so much for taking the time and effort to describe all the minute details of your condition. You did such an educational and coherent job. I'll never forget anything you wrote. I copied it and saved it.

All my love and prayers to you, Terry. You are a mighty strong person.

With all my love,
Louise
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« Reply #4 on: July 21, 2007, 11:46:31 PM »

LV... you said it all! I agree ... this post was/is so painful that I have been reading in pieces... can't do it all at once.

Love and prayers to you terry!!
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« Reply #5 on: July 21, 2007, 11:57:35 PM »

Terry is remarkable, truly remarkable.

Cancer is a thief in the night. Just enduring the treatments is a superhuman effort. I am so proud of Terry for winning against all of the odds, his first prognosis would have defeated many but not Terry.

You are here for a reason Terry, that I do believe with all of my heart.
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« Reply #6 on: July 22, 2007, 01:34:08 PM »

Dear Terry,
Wishing you good health and peace of mind,
Love Leslie
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« Reply #7 on: July 22, 2007, 05:20:44 PM »

Dear Terry:

Thank you so much for taking the time to share your experience with this dreadful disease.  I'm so thankful that you are a survivor.  I have always wondered what my sister Joyce was thinking, and going through.  She didn't want to talk about it, but I needed to know.  Now I do.  I thank you for it has been a burden to me.  The not knowing.  Her story ended Dec. 29th.  Your story continues.  God is not finished with you yet.  God bless you, and you can always count on your monkey buddies to keep you in our prayers.  You inspire me.
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« Reply #8 on: July 22, 2007, 06:30:53 PM »

That was indeed a painful read. Painful to think anyone would ever have to go through what Terry has described. Painful more still to realize that friends, family have gone through this horror. Thank you for detailing this very important information and sharing your story with us, Terry. You are such a courageous man. We are all praying for you and are with you on this. We love you!!
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« Reply #9 on: July 22, 2007, 09:39:46 PM »

I read this the day it was posted and had to just take a rest before I could even respond.  It was enlightening, scary, encouraging, emotional.... what a roller coaster ride.  Your ability to write made me feel like I was living it with you.  I am so sorry you went thru this but am glad you shared it.  I feel you could really impact others by sharing.  You are very special Terry.  I'm glad you are doing so well now.  You are an angel on earth.
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« Reply #10 on: July 22, 2007, 10:49:43 PM »

I agree, Terry, You are an angel on earth.
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« Reply #11 on: July 22, 2007, 11:52:10 PM »

I very recently returned home after visiting in-laws, two of whom are battling cancer.  Two entirely different personalities. The first one is battling bladder cancer and he just says I don't feel the best and it gets painful but no further explanation.  The second one is in final stages of multiple myeloma and just says I'm OK when you can clearly see that is not the case.  Also announced to her specialist that if they cannot guarantee any improvement with more treatment (they have said No) they can just forget about it.  I read all the booklets printed by the Cancer Council as well as their website but nothing comes near to explaining what they have to go through and how it affects them physically, mentally and emotionally.
Thank you Terry for giving me some insight into what they are really going through and how they must be coping with the fear and anxiety.
This article deserves to be more widely published.

Congratulations to Terry for the article and for his strength and determination.  Wishing him all the best of health and happiness in the future.
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« Reply #12 on: July 22, 2007, 11:56:49 PM »

Terry
You already know how I feel about your courage and strength.  There is nothing more devastating as knowing you are battling cancer.  An unseen force that rips your life from you all the while daring you to fight back.  It takes more courage than most can imagine to even begin the fight let alone see it to conclusion.  That is why you and Peaches are my heroes.  You don't have to do something great to be a hero.  You just have to be the best you can be at the time.  Heroes don't ask for that distinction, they receive it without wanting it more often than not.  That is why it is such a special title.  One I don't give out to very many people.  You are a rare and precious gem among all the others in the world.  I am very, very lucky to know you and even more proud to call you friend.
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« Reply #13 on: July 23, 2007, 07:15:57 AM »

Terry - Thank you SO much for sharing your story.  I'm sorry that you have had to endure this, and hope that putting your thoughts to paper has helped you in some way to process everything you have been through.  What a strong person you are.  God speed and good luck with your recovery.  Anne
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« Reply #14 on: July 23, 2007, 09:20:22 AM »

Terry - I am in awe of your story.  Thank you so much for writing and explaining what you have gone through.

Your courage and strength is an inspiration to all.  I wish you all the best.  You are truly a gem!  Hugs and Prayers!
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« Reply #15 on: July 23, 2007, 01:42:29 PM »

Terry's account of his experience is amazing.  Mr. Peaches was so impressed that he wanted to know if Terry planned to publish it!  Somehow I knew Terry's report would be shared here.  I wish every oncologist could read it.  

Cancer is some scary stuff.  There is so much that nobody knows.  I'm being treated with a drug now (Avastin) that was not being approved for that use until a few weeks ago.  That's how fast cancer treatment and technology changes.  

A good support system is vital and I think it's safe to say Terry has a great support system here.  We both do.  Thank you from the bottom of my heart.

Big smoochies to you, Terry!
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« Reply #16 on: July 23, 2007, 02:13:37 PM »

Terry - You are truly courageous to share such a personal story with us. We have been enlightened by your ability to convey the gritty reality of cancer treatment. What I appreciate so much about your story is your candid account of both the emotional and physical trauma that such a diagnosis brings. So many cancer patients are unable, for whatever reason, to tell their friends and family what they are experiencing. You have opened a window for family and friends to look through, so that we can see a little more clearly, and maybe offer more support when needed. It could be you have helped bring a little more comfort to someone else going through cancer treatment. Enlightenment is a powerful tool.
My cousin is battling breast cancer, and I have a better understanding of her struggle now. I never realized the intensity of her fight until I read your story. I thank you for giving me that insight.
It is my sincere wish that you continue to improve, and remain cancer free. You will be in my thoughts and prayers.
Keep the faith, Terry.
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« Reply #17 on: July 23, 2007, 08:42:52 PM »

Terry,

Your story really hit home for me.  My mother passed away in 2002 from Throat Cancer.  She was diagnosed in 1996, had surgery and radiation.  I still have doubts that the Doctor "got it all" when he did her surgery.  Five years later the cancer came back.  She was 67 at the time and refused surgery and radiation.  She had other problems, heart, diabetes, high blood pressure, etc. and did not want to go through all that again.   I just wanted to let you know that I know where you are and I will pray for you everyday.  Keep the faith and the fight!  Never Give Up!!!!
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« Reply #18 on: July 23, 2007, 09:21:56 PM »

Terry, what a story ... I hope writing it was as helpful to you, as reading it will be to so many others.

Sometimes we wind up in one of those subsets of life experiences that we've largely managed to ignore. The big C is one that people just really don't talk about.

Thank you for sharing.
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