HUMOR

[Katysmom]

To be posted VERY LOW on the refrigerator door - nose height.
 
Dear Dogs and Cats,
 
The dishes with the paw print are yours and contain your food. The other
 
dishes are mine and contain my food.  Please note, placing a paw print in the middle of my plate and food does not stake a claim for it becoming your food and dish, nor do I find that aesthetically pleasing in the slightest.
 
The stairway was not designed by NASCAR and is not a racetrack. Beating me to the bottom is not the object.  Tripping me doesn't help because I fall faster than you can run.
 
I cannot buy anything bigger than a king sized bed.  I am very sorry about this. Do not think I will continue sleeping on the couch to ensure your comfort.  Dogs and cats can actually curl up in a ball when they sleep.
It
is not necessary to sleep perpendicular to each other stretched out to the fullest extent possible.  I also know that sticking tails straight out and having tongues hanging out the other end to maximize space is nothing but sarcasm.
 
For the last time, there is not a secret exit from the bathroom.  If by some miracle I beat you there and manage to get the door shut, it is not necessary to claw, whine, meow, try to turn the knob or get your paw under the edge and try to pull the door open.  I must exit through the same door I entered.  Also, I have been using the bathroom for years --canine or feline attendance is not required.
 
The proper order is kiss me, then go smell the other dog or cat's butt.
I
cannot stress this enough!
 
To pacify you, my dear pets, I have posted the following message on our front door:
 
To All  Non-Pet Owners Who Visit & Like to Complain About Our Pets:
 
1. They live here.  You don't.
2. If you don't want their hair on your clothes, stay off the furniture. (That's why they call it "fur"niture.)
3. I like my pets a lot better than I like most people.
4. To you, it's an animal.  To me, he/she is an adopted son/daughter who is short, hairy, walks on all fours and doesn't speak clearly.

[Katysmom]

Remember: Dogs and cats are easier than kids because they:
 
1. Eat less
2. Don't ask for money all the time
3 . Are easier to train
4. Normally come when called
5. Never ask to drive the car
6. Don't hang out with drug-using friends
7. Don't smoke or drink
8. Don't have to buy the latest fashions
9. Don't want to wear your clothes
10. Don't need a gazillion dollars for college, and...
11. If they get pregnant, you can sell their children.

[sharon]

 

Katysmom

Thx! I needed a good laugh.

"I also know that sticking tails straight out and having tongues hanging out the other end to maximize space is nothing but sarcasm. "

roflmao

[LouiseVargas]

   
Thank you, that was hilarious.
     

[Katysmom]

This may come as a surprise to those of you who don't live in Las Vegas, Nevada, but there are more Catholic Churches there than casinos.


Not surprisingly, some worshippers at Sunday services will give casino chips rather than cash when the basket is passed.


Since they get the chips from many different casinos, the churches have devised a method to redeem these offertory chips. The churches send all their collected chips to a nearby Franciscan monastery for sorting, then the chips are taking to the casinos of origin and cashed in.


This, of course, is done by the chip monks....