For Cat Lovers from Little None

[nonesuche]

My daughter sent this to me and asked if I could post it in the lounge for all of you cat lovers, she's a bonafide pet-a-holic and the kitties have been such a comfort lately.

I have picked out a few of these that were certainly best practices by our cats!!!

Some Rules for Cats who have a House to Run

1. DOORS: Do not allow closed doors in any room. To get door opened, stand on hind legs and hammer with forepaws. Once door is opened, it is not necessary to use it. After you have ordered an "outside" door opened, stand halfway in and out and think about several things. This is particularly important during very cold weather, rain, snow, or mosquito season. Swinging doors are to be avoided at all costs.

2. CHAIRS AND RUGS: If you have to throw up, get to a chair quickly. If you cannot manage in time, get to an Oriental rug. If there is no Oriental rug, shagpile is good. When throwing up on the carpet, make sure you back up so that it is as long as the human's bare foot.

3. BATHROOMS: Always accompany guests to the bathroom. It is not necessary to do anything - just sit and stare.

4. HAMPERING: If one of your humans is engaged in some close activity and the other is idle, stay with the busy one. This is called "helping", otherwise known as "hampering". Following are some of the many rules for "hampering":


When supervising cooking, sit just behind the left heel of the cook. You cannot be seen and thereby stand a better chance of being stepped on and then picked up and comforted.


For book readers, get in close under the chin, between eyes and book, unless you can lie across the book itself.


For knitting projects or paperwork, lie on the work in the most appropriate manner so as to obscure as much of the work or at least the most important part. Pretend to doze, but every so often reach out and slap the pencil or knitting needles. The worker may try to distract you; ignore it. Remember, the aim is to hamper work. Embroidery and needlepoint projects make great hammocks in spite of what the humans may tell you.


For people paying bills (monthly activity) or working on income taxes or Christmas cards (annual activity), keep in mind the aim-to hamper! First, sit on the paper being worked on. When dislodged, watch sadly from the side of the table. When activity proceeds nicely, roll around on the papers, scattering them to the best of your ability. After being removed for the second time, push pens, pencils, and erasers off the table, one at a time.


When a human is holding the newspaper in front of him/her, be sure to jump on the back of the paper. Humans love surprises!

[cubbeegirl]

Thank you little none....that was just too cute, and true!

[cubbeegirl]

Thank you little none....that was just too cute, and true!

[tidycat]

Nonesuche, thanks for this!  Whoever wrote that definitely has lived with cats!

 

[Peaches]

Thank you, little None!  As the keeper of five cats, I can honestly say, truer words were never spoken.

[sharon]

   

Little none has been watching my house?

Very cute.

But the picture you posted -- I call it the 'double decker' kitties -- should win an award  

[Tylergal]

My cat says he is trying to learn new skills, such as paying bills, reading, etc., and that it is a human's fault that he has not already been taught.

[Cat]

meow,you bore me monkeys.We are Siamese if we please,we are simese if you don't please.You forgot the between the feet on stairs,my favorite.Meow nap time cat

[Cat]

We are awake humans.It is not our job to do human,our job is to hunt,play,sleep,and whatever we feel like,you pay bills.cat

[Bearlyhere]

Thanks LN, this made me laugh 'til the tears rolled down my face.

[Cat]

My namesake is not trusted by monkeys in the wildHow do approach and greet a monkey in the wild,without offence,rotten fruit , and dungballs.She was drinking from a sm coffee cup.cat

[justinsmama]

Justin read this and was tickled by it. He could identify it with Milo, his own little snot nosed fur ball.