Obama, Clinton, McCain Join Forces To Form Nightmare Ticket

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Obama, Clinton, McCain Join Forces To Form Nightmare Ticket

Even without any opponents, the new ticket plans to triple spending on political ads.

WASHINGTON—Presidential hopefuls John McCain (R-AZ), Barack Obama (D-IL), and Hillary Clinton (D-NY) announced Monday their plans to form what many Beltway observers have already dubbed the "2008 Nightmare Ticket," a calculated move that political analysts say offers voters the worst of both worlds.

After nearly a year of verbal attacks and negative campaign ads, the nominees announced that, for the good of the country, they were willing to push their differences to the forefront and grant the American people the ticket they've been dreading all along.

"No other ticket is capable of rallying this nation around a clearer, more unified message of chaos and hopelessness," the candidates said in unison from three separate podiums, each adorned with its own American flag arrangement and personal message. "Together, we will lead this nation into the future—a future where absolute deadlock over even the most minute decisions and total inefficiency on matters of the war, the economy, and the environment will launch a bold new age of confusion and social decay. For America, the only choice is [indecipherable]!"

The candidates said they had not yet decided who would fill the offices of president, vice president, and a new post the nominees are calling "the middle president." ...

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A CBS News/New York Times poll taken after the announcement revealed that the nightmare ticket has invigorated almost all voters, inspiring blacks, whites, senior citizens, college graduates, liberals, conservatives, both blue-collar and white-collar workers, and military veterans alike to remain at home by the millions this November, exercising their American right not to vote.

"So now a vote for Clinton is also a vote for McCain and Obama?" 43-year-old West Virginia resident Joe Biller said. "Jesus Christ."

Added Biller. "Looks like I'll be going with Nader/LaRouche/Sharpton/Ventura/Edwards after all."

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