Missed you guys so much

[Lucinda]

We are all coping well after Josh suicide.  I will be back online Monday,
Im having a chemical dialysis (nothing to worry about)  tomorrow, unless they decide to keep me in for a night (they will)  Im fine, got a tat, dragonfly on my ankle.  Love Lucinda

[MuffyBee]

Prayers for you my monkey friend down under. 

[Bearlyhere]

Hi Lucinda!

The cage isn't the same without you here.  I am thinking about you and Josh's family as well as your own. 

While I was married, I lived next door to a man who never got over his parents' early death.  We would talk into the night when he was feeling very down.  Several years after I left my husband, our neighbor committed suicide, leaving a wife and twin teenage girls.  On Facebook, I have just recently came in contact with his daughter who reunited me with her mother, Buddy's wife.  I am re-living those moments when I first learned of his suicide and the devastation he left behind.

I can tell you, there is a light at the end of a very long tunnel.  Life though, will never be the same.  His decision changes the lives of people who cared for Josh forever.  There will always be the what if's, the I wish he was here to see this or to experience that.  Life will be different, hopefully his Mom can use the emotions she feels to help others who may have the same experience or hopefully to save a life before it even happens.

I am so sorry for what you, your son, Josh's Mom, and all those who care about Josh are going through.  I know it was not his intention to hurt others, only to stop the hurt he was feeling.  After my nephew died, there was terrible pain in knowing he was gone and a life was wasted, but there was some relief in knowing that he was no longer suffering. 

I do not have the words to comfort you, because there are none.  I just want you to know that I care and I will help you in any way I can.  There are a whole lot of monkeys here who care about you and are praying for all those who loved Josh.

I hope you are feeling physically better today and that the dialysis didn't take too much from you.  If you need to talk, come to musings, there are monkeys there night and day (and for you, day and night).

Love you,
Bearly

[Lucinda]

Thank you Muffy and Bearly.  Huge hugs for your kind words.  Bearly, your words have comforted me.  I will always be there for Josh mum and my son.  I have to go back to hospital on monday    its about my heart this time, but been thru the same stuff before, so dont worry, all part and parcel of having scleroderma.  You just have to keep your spirits up.  A heap of people went to barbs house and gave her a yard makeover.  She is overwhelmed by all the love and kindness, and this gesture has made her feel better.  I know soon as the time goes on, and people get on with their lives, thats when the hurt sets in.  thats where I always will be there for her, she can cry, scream, and let it all out with me.  She is just holding up a strong front now, and on adrenaline, still.  Thank you monkeys for being here for me.  I am so far behind, but have missed everyone here.  you all rock and are the best people eva, love Lucinda

[Lucinda]

I cant remember if i posted this in here, but i joined the cfs (country fire service) and am learning to become a volunteer fire fighter, then get this, they are going to train me up to become an arson forensic scientist.  Theres a shortage here of arson forensics, and I dont need uni, just courses and on the job training.  Soon as my police check clears, i begin.   

[JuJu]

Love and Prayers Lucinda

[Bearlyhere]

I cant remember if i posted this in here, but i joined the cfs (country fire service) and am learning to become a volunteer fire fighter, then get this, they are going to train me up to become an arson forensic scientist.  Theres a shortage here of arson forensics, and I dont need uni, just courses and on the job training.  Soon as my police check clears, i begin.   

Wow!!!  Lucinda, you never cease to amaze me, ever!

 

[Sassycat]

You're in my prayers Lucinda.   Hugs.

[MuffyBee]

I cant remember if i posted this in here, but i joined the cfs (country fire service) and am learning to become a volunteer fire fighter, then get this, they are going to train me up to become an arson forensic scientist.  Theres a shortage here of arson forensics, and I dont need uni, just courses and on the job training.  Soon as my police check clears, i begin.   

Wow Lucinda!  That's great.  I came by here to see how you are doing and this is good news.  I think it would be interesting work, and helping toward solving arson crimes would be so helpful, especially in light of the last fires that devastated your country.  Please keep us updated.  I hope your health is improving. 

[Lucinda]

Thanks everyone, I am impatiently waiting for my police check, I know Im clean    Oh and we got lil Maxy back, a lady found him and turned him in to the dog catcher.  I gotta go to work, feeling a lot better, go back on april 29th to see the cardiologist and my rhemi to discuss what they will do wif me 

[Bearlyhere]

Thanks everyone, I am impatiently waiting for my police check, I know Im clean    Oh and we got lil Maxy back, a lady found him and turned him in to the dog catcher.  I gotta go to work, feeling a lot better, go back on april 29th to see the cardiologist and my rhemi to discuss what they will do wif me 

Keeping good thoughts and prayers coming your way!

[Lucinda]

Thank you bearly, we are getting there.  Im a bit concerned for barb, she is being very busy, fast, wont sit still, hyper, I have been with her every day, and she wears me out, she wont sit still, and cleaning, driving, keeping herself so busy she doesnt sleep.  its like she is on speed.  i know she isnt, Im worried she will come crashing down soon, Im waiting for that.  I just dont know how i would be if it was my son, let alone both my sons (I just have one son), how I would react.  She talks about joshie in the "present" like for example, my hubby was putting up a new clothesline for her, and she says "Go to Js shed, and get his sander, he doesnt use it very much, he wont care"  etc like that.
Anyway, for a five foot lady, she sure is strong.  Way stronger than me, and im five foot seven.  I wonder about adrenaline, and i think thats whats stopping her from going into shock.  And her small body, she just has so much adrenaline in there.  Adrenaline protects us from shock.  If you ever slip, and you feel that slight "rush", that is adrenaline working.  Im worried too much will be harmful, i just dont know.  Its a life noone would ever dream of, lose one son to murder, then another to suicide.  She used to say to me, when my son was with Joshie, "dont worry (I used to be a bag of nerves when my son began driving a car) lightening wont strike twice, as long as jeff and Joshie are together they will be safe."  This is long, so sorry, but getting it off my chest helps. 
Om OK, got a flue shot next week, and could you believe im scared and nervous, but i got some awesome tattoos    show me a flu shot, and i pass out with fear 
Specialists the week after, i feel OK, just tired i suppose. 
CFS is tomorrow night, and if my police check doesnt come in the mail tomorrow, well, Im still going, They all know me and Im clean    I want my pager and overalls and boots goddammitt  j/k