Living Together Before Marriage- How'd That Work For You?

[no rose colored glasses]

Wow
As I sit here(being my over sensitive self)and trying not to be offended by posters implying that my life is just"playing house"......I'll try to explain something to you all(not that I owe anyone a explanation)
I have never wanted to get married,nope,I don't believe a person(me)has to have a piece of legal paper to make a life with someone.

My first long term relationship ended(2 kids)but it would have ended with or without that legal paper.

My 2nd long term relationship(the one and last relationship I'll have with a man)has lasted for 20 years.This man has helped me raise my 2 kids,has made it possible for me to be financially settled.We both own our home,cars,etc.

He is the most gentle man I have ever known,the most loving and caring and I so appreciate him every day of my life and......I don't need a legal paper to tell me that our love is not real,that we are "just playing house".........WE live our lives both happy and content in the fact that we are not"playing"....we are just living the best that we can.

Thank you for the poll Tev   

Hey, I actually agree, just becaused I married young and am still married. It is just a piece of paper, and that piece of paper has nothing to do with you being happy or not happy. Actually if you are very unhappy with the marriage for whatever reason, look at all the bs one usually has to go through with a divorce. So if you are happy with your arrangement, I think it's great. And if someone is happy being married, that's great too.

[danabar]

Tevye,
I got married right out of hs.  Did not live with him before we got married.  My mom and his would have had a coniption fit.  I was only 18 and he was 22.
 
My husband and I sent ourselves to college. I am a teacher and he is in the truck business (not doing too well at the moment ) due to the economy.  "shrugs"

September, 2009, will make 42 years.  It hasn't been a bed of roses the whole time, but we are proud of what we have worked for and what we have now.

Danabar

Tevye, just wanted to say that I enjoy your posts.

[Tevye]

Tevye,
I got married right out of hs.  Did not live with him before we got married.  My mom and his would have had a coniption fit.  I was only 18 and he was 22.
 
My husband and I sent ourselves to college. I am a teacher and he is in the truck business (not doing too well at the moment ) due to the economy.  "shrugs"

September, 2009, will make 42 years.  It hasn't been a bed of roses the whole time, but we are proud of what we have worked for and what we have now.

Danabar

Tevye, just wanted to say that I enjoy your posts.

Thanks, Danabar! I agree, life together isn't always a bed of roses, but every now and then, a rose blooms, and that makes it all worthwhile.

[KarmaRoundUp]

Wow
As I sit here(being my over sensitive self)and trying not to be offended by posters implying that my life is just"playing house"......I'll try to explain something to you all(not that I owe anyone a explanation)
I have never wanted to get married,nope,I don't believe a person(me)has to have a piece of legal paper to make a life with someone.

My first long term relationship ended(2 kids)but it would have ended with or without that legal paper.

My 2nd long term relationship(the one and last relationship I'll have with a man)has lasted for 20 years.This man has helped me raise my 2 kids,has made it possible for me to be financially settled.We both own our home,cars,etc.

He is the most gentle man I have ever known,the most loving and caring and I so appreciate him every day of my life and......I don't need a legal paper to tell me that our love is not real,that we are "just playing house".........WE live our lives both happy and content in the fact that we are not"playing"....we are just living the best that we can.

Thank you for the poll Tev   

Hey, I actually agree, just becaused I married young and am still married. It is just a piece of paper, and that piece of paper has nothing to do with you being happy or not happy. Actually if you are very unhappy with the marriage for whatever reason, look at all the bs one usually has to go through with a divorce. So if you are happy with your arrangement, I think it's great. And if someone is happy being married, that's great too.

Exactly NoRose
I'm very open minded and what ever floats your boat,go for it(as long as no one is being hurt)
I know that if we ever split up I'll still get half of everything as half of everything already has my name on it    

[Northern Rose]

I voted but only once even though I have two votes that would count.

First marriage I was 20 he was 22 we lived together for one year before we tied the knot.  I was with him 10 years, he was very insecure and controlling which I did not see at the time.  As I grew up and I mean that as looking back we were too young to get married, I wanted to further my education and career and he would put me down about it.  We had two kids together and daily he would tell me if I loved my kids I would stay at home and not think about myself.  I left him after catching him "in the act" with a neighbour in my house.  Walked away from it all with the kids.

I did go back to University as a single mother worked nights, went to class during the day full time, no support from him whatsoever or settlement from the divorce (when I say I walked away from it all I really did).

After I got my degree I started dating a man I met at school.  We dated for 2 years , lived together for two years.  He wanted to get married I did not.  Another 2 years we did get married even though I was still gun shy.  We have been together for 17 years now, 2 more kids and every day gets better and better.  He is the most caring, supportive and giving person I have ever know and has really shown me what life and living is all about.  I cherish every day with him as he is fighting Cancer right now.

[Sassycat]

Wow
As I sit here(being my over sensitive self)and trying not to be offended by posters implying that my life is just"playing house"......I'll try to explain something to you all(not that I owe anyone a explanation)
I have never wanted to get married,nope,I don't believe a person(me)has to have a piece of legal paper to make a life with someone.

My first long term relationship ended(2 kids)but it would have ended with or without that legal paper.

My 2nd long term relationship(the one and last relationship I'll have with a man)has lasted for 20 years.This man has helped me raise my 2 kids,has made it possible for me to be financially settled.We both own our home,cars,etc.

He is the most gentle man I have ever known,the most loving and caring and I so appreciate him every day of my life and......I don't need a legal paper to tell me that our love is not real,that we are "just playing house".........WE live our lives both happy and content in the fact that we are not"playing"....we are just living the best that we can.

Thank you for the poll Tev   

Karma - I hope I didn't offend you or anyone else when I said "get to know the person - even if you have to play house for awhile".  What I meant by that is that I personally don't have a problem with people living together, at all.  I meant it in a silly way - because whether you or married or not, living together takes a huge commitment.  It is not "playing" but a serious commitment.   I know for a fact that if something should happen to my hubby, I would never remarry - but I would consider living with a person that I cared about/loved. 

Like I said earlier, I married my second husband after living with him for awhile.   The main reason we got married was because without that piece of paper, I wouldn't be entitled to his military benefits.    Otherwise, I would have been content to live with him - without the piece of paper.    Our love is strong enough that we didn't need "the piece of paper".
Again, I'm sorry if my words were confusing or hurt anyone.    Hugs.
 

[KarmaRoundUp]

I voted but only once even though I have two votes that would count.

First marriage I was 20 he was 22 we lived together for one year before we tied the knot.  I was with him 10 years, he was very insecure and controlling which I did not see at the time.  As I grew up and I mean that as looking back we were too young to get married, I wanted to further my education and career and he would put me down about it.  We had two kids together and daily he would tell me if I loved my kids I would stay at home and not think about myself.  I left him after catching him "in the act" with a neighbour in my house.  Walked away from it all with the kids.

I did go back to University as a single mother worked nights, went to class during the day full time, no support from him whatsoever or settlement from the divorce (when I say I walked away from it all I really did).

After I got my degree I started dating a man I met at school.  We dated for 2 years , lived together for two years.  He wanted to get married I did not.  Another 2 years we did get married even though I was still gun shy.  We have been together for 17 years now, 2 more kids and every day gets better and better.  He is the most caring, supportive and giving person I have ever know and has really shown me what life and living is all about.  I cherish every day with him as he is fighting Cancer right now.

{{{{{Northern}}}}}
You and your soulmate are in my prayers.

[theboyzmom]

Karma (and anyone else I upset!)- I want you to know that I was in no way addressing my comments to anyone nor did I mean to offend anyone. I understand that sometimes co-habitation works out - and sometimes it does not. My husband points out that statistics are just that - the average results for a given set of facts. People are different and will behave differently. I spoke only from generalities. Being a Libertarian from way back - I have no right to tell others how to live - as long as it does not directly affect me. I am just a bit sensitive myself as I watch generation after generation of kids think that life and kids are trivial. But I certainly did not mean to offend!

[KarmaRoundUp]

Sassy wrote:

Karma - I hope I didn't offend you or anyone else when I said "get to know the person - even if you have to play house for awhile".  What I meant by that is that I personally don't have a problem with people living together, at all.  I meant it in a silly way - because whether you or married or not, living together takes a huge commitment.  It is not "playing" but a serious commitment.   I know for a fact that if something should happen to my hubby, I would never remarry - but I would consider living with a person that I cared about/loved. 

Like I said earlier, I married my second husband after living with him for awhile.   The main reason we got married was because without that piece of paper, I wouldn't be entitled to his military benefits.    Otherwise, I would have been content to live with him - without the piece of paper.    Our love is strong enough that we didn't need "the piece of paper".
Again, I'm sorry if my words were confusing or hurt anyone.    Hugs.

Awww,thank you Sassy
I wasn't really offended and I'm sorry for coming off all on the defensive.

[KarmaRoundUp]

Karma (and anyone else I upset!)- I want you to know that I was in no way addressing my comments to anyone nor did I mean to offend anyone. I understand that sometimes co-habitation works out - and sometimes it does not. My husband points out that statistics are just that - the average results for a given set of facts. People are different and will behave differently. I spoke only from generalities. Being a Libertarian from way back - I have no right to tell others how to live - as long as it does not directly affect me. I am just a bit sensitive myself as I watch generation after generation of kids think that life and kids are trivial. But I certainly did not mean to offend!

It's all OK BoyzMom
I wasn't offended really.I just get on the defensive at times and shoot my mouth off.We are all intitled to our opinions and yeah,those opinions will differ.
But's it's all OK and I am sorry for coming off that way.I really enjoyed Tev's poll thread.

[Northern Rose]

I voted but only once even though I have two votes that would count.

First marriage I was 20 he was 22 we lived together for one year before we tied the knot.  I was with him 10 years, he was very insecure and controlling which I did not see at the time.  As I grew up and I mean that as looking back we were too young to get married, I wanted to further my education and career and he would put me down about it.  We had two kids together and daily he would tell me if I loved my kids I would stay at home and not think about myself.  I left him after catching him "in the act" with a neighbour in my house.  Walked away from it all with the kids.

I did go back to University as a single mother worked nights, went to class during the day full time, no support from him whatsoever or settlement from the divorce (when I say I walked away from it all I really did).

After I got my degree I started dating a man I met at school.  We dated for 2 years , lived together for two years.  He wanted to get married I did not.  Another 2 years we did get married even though I was still gun shy.  We have been together for 17 years now, 2 more kids and every day gets better and better.  He is the most caring, supportive and giving person I have ever know and has really shown me what life and living is all about.  I cherish every day with him as he is fighting Cancer right now.

{{{{{Northern}}}}}
You and your soulmate are in my prayers.

Karma that means alot as I know first hand the amazing power of prayer.

[Green Eyes]

I voted but only once even though I have two votes that would count.

First marriage I was 20 he was 22 we lived together for one year before we tied the knot.  I was with him 10 years, he was very insecure and controlling which I did not see at the time.  As I grew up and I mean that as looking back we were too young to get married, I wanted to further my education and career and he would put me down about it.  We had two kids together and daily he would tell me if I loved my kids I would stay at home and not think about myself.  I left him after catching him "in the act" with a neighbour in my house.  Walked away from it all with the kids.

I did go back to University as a single mother worked nights, went to class during the day full time, no support from him whatsoever or settlement from the divorce (when I say I walked away from it all I really did).

After I got my degree I started dating a man I met at school.  We dated for 2 years , lived together for two years.  He wanted to get married I did not.  Another 2 years we did get married even though I was still gun shy.  We have been together for 17 years now, 2 more kids and every day gets better and better.  He is the most caring, supportive and giving person I have ever know and has really shown me what life and living is all about.  I cherish every day with him as he is fighting Cancer right now.

Northern Rose, 
You and your husband and family are in my prayers. Prayers are very powerful. May you have many more wonderful years together. God Bless GE

[Sassycat]

I voted but only once even though I have two votes that would count.

First marriage I was 20 he was 22 we lived together for one year before we tied the knot.  I was with him 10 years, he was very insecure and controlling which I did not see at the time.  As I grew up and I mean that as looking back we were too young to get married, I wanted to further my education and career and he would put me down about it.  We had two kids together and daily he would tell me if I loved my kids I would stay at home and not think about myself.  I left him after catching him "in the act" with a neighbour in my house.  Walked away from it all with the kids.

I did go back to University as a single mother worked nights, went to class during the day full time, no support from him whatsoever or settlement from the divorce (when I say I walked away from it all I really did).

After I got my degree I started dating a man I met at school.  We dated for 2 years , lived together for two years.  He wanted to get married I did not.  Another 2 years we did get married even though I was still gun shy.  We have been together for 17 years now, 2 more kids and every day gets better and better.  He is the most caring, supportive and giving person I have ever know and has really shown me what life and living is all about.  I cherish every day with him as he is fighting Cancer right now.

{{{{{Northern}}}}}
You and your soulmate are in my prayers.

Karma that means alot as I know first hand the amazing power of prayer.

Same here, Northern.   You and your husband will be in my prayers.   My hubby was treated and cured of prostate cancer last year.  He goes back every six months - but so far, no sign of the cancer.   Hugs.

[Sassycat]

Sassy wrote:

Karma - I hope I didn't offend you or anyone else when I said "get to know the person - even if you have to play house for awhile".  What I meant by that is that I personally don't have a problem with people living together, at all.  I meant it in a silly way - because whether you or married or not, living together takes a huge commitment.  It is not "playing" but a serious commitment.   I know for a fact that if something should happen to my hubby, I would never remarry - but I would consider living with a person that I cared about/loved. 

Like I said earlier, I married my second husband after living with him for awhile.   The main reason we got married was because without that piece of paper, I wouldn't be entitled to his military benefits.    Otherwise, I would have been content to live with him - without the piece of paper.    Our love is strong enough that we didn't need "the piece of paper".
Again, I'm sorry if my words were confusing or hurt anyone.    Hugs.

Awww,thank you Sassy
I wasn't really offended and I'm sorry for coming off all on the defensive.

I just didn't want to offend anyone, either!         This thread has been interesting - and a neat way to get to know each other better!  I like reading all the different viewpoints, also.

[joesamas mama]

  Tevye, you need a check box for poor sad saps like JSM that choose their dog over a man. Just Sayin, I did that and look where I am, sitting here talking to monkeys on the internet.

Maybe you could use me and Josef in your paper on relationships titled Crazy lady that loves dogs and monkeys more than a man  

[joesamas mama]

I voted but only once even though I have two votes that would count.

First marriage I was 20 he was 22 we lived together for one year before we tied the knot.  I was with him 10 years, he was very insecure and controlling which I did not see at the time.  As I grew up and I mean that as looking back we were too young to get married, I wanted to further my education and career and he would put me down about it.  We had two kids together and daily he would tell me if I loved my kids I would stay at home and not think about myself.  I left him after catching him "in the act" with a neighbour in my house.  Walked away from it all with the kids.

I did go back to University as a single mother worked nights, went to class during the day full time, no support from him whatsoever or settlement from the divorce (when I say I walked away from it all I really did).

After I got my degree I started dating a man I met at school.  We dated for 2 years , lived together for two years.  He wanted to get married I did not.  Another 2 years we did get married even though I was still gun shy.  We have been together for 17 years now, 2 more kids and every day gets better and better.  He is the most caring, supportive and giving person I have ever know and has really shown me what life and living is all about.  I cherish every day with him as he is fighting Cancer right now.

I was just in here trying to give Tevye h*ll cause I wanted to vote twice. I'm sorry Northern Rose about your husband. I will keep ya'll in my prayers. JSM

[Tevye]

  Tevye, you need a check box for poor sad saps like JSM that choose their dog over a man. Just Sayin, I did that and look where I am, sitting here talking to monkeys on the internet.

Maybe you could use me and Josef in your paper on relationships titled Crazy lady that loves dogs and monkeys more than a man  

Ahh JSM! But you lived with or married a man, right? so, you should click a box. And you aren't a crazy lady who loves her dog more than men, just THAT man. Says way more about the man than it does about you. (but, yeah, you're crazy, but in a good way ) We love ya!

I think maybe I need a "Tevye's Study Hall" thread...stickied and all. It's nice to be able to chat and not keep going OT....I always feel so bad when a mod has to remind me to get back on track. Like I let them down (and I swear Klaas has a tri-cornered metal ruler that I NEVER want to see! )

[Tevye]

  I cherish every day with him as he is fighting Cancer right now.

Prayers for you and your guy. I hope you have a good, caring cancer treatment center to go to. My sis is an oncologist nurse, and somedays I can't believe all the support she gives her patients. Not just with the actual treatment, but with "life with cancer" issues.

[joesamas mama]

  Tevye, you need a check box for poor sad saps like JSM that choose their dog over a man. Just Sayin, I did that and look where I am, sitting here talking to monkeys on the internet.

Maybe you could use me and Josef in your paper on relationships titled Crazy lady that loves dogs and monkeys more than a man  

Ahh JSM! But you lived with or married a man, right? so, you should click a box. And you aren't a crazy lady who loves her dog more than men, just THAT man. Says way more about the man than it does about you. (but, yeah, you're crazy, but in a good way ) We love ya!

I think maybe I need a "Tevye's Study Hall" thread...stickied and all. It's nice to be able to chat and not keep going OT....I always feel so bad when a mod has to remind me to get back on track. Like I let them down (and I swear Klaas has a tri-cornered metal ruler that I NEVER want to see! )

Yeah Tevye, I have a bunch of boxes to check here. Was married 5 years, never lived with him. I gave him my checks when I wanted my own bank account he made me pay half the bills. He made 3 times as much as me, but I paid 1/2 the bills just to get a checking account. That lasted about 2 months. I left, moved home for a week or two, got my own apartment and became so depressed because I didn't have a "significant other", then I found the "love of my life" he was a great guy. I kept my apartment, but drove 90 miles a day so I could be with him or he would come into town and stay with me. Got rid of the apartment, moved in with him everything was great until his mom passed away. Then he started making loads of money and kicked me to the curb. Oh well I got my Josef because of him, he helped with some of Josef's bills when he was attacked by the coyotes. Sorry for being off topic, I just wanted to tell you make one more check mark for cat/dog ladies. 

[Tevye]

Sorry for being off topic, I just wanted to tell you make one more check mark for cat/dog ladies. 

Hunny, you can't be off-topic on this thread! It's in the lounge, so we can talk about anything we want.I kinda like it here, I'm thinking of putting a couch in that corner, and a lamp next to it. Oh, and smoking IS allowed!