Haleigh Marie Cummings #18 8/6/09 - 8/30/09

[crazybabyborg]

I am very sorry for what you and your son endured  I don't know anything really on this subject, I brought it up, rather as another way to look at it. I have no idea if Misty was sexually abused by a brother and cousin, but if she was not I also would hate for someone to look at both of them as molesters, and treat them differently because of it. It is probably rare, but some people do lie and say horrible things like that to ruin another's reputation, and to me that is very wrong. But again, I don't know about Misty, but what I do see is a girl that has had one heck of a bad time growing up, and for that I don't like to see that with anyone. Maybe her parents if they cared for her more would have pushed for at least a high school graduation, I do believe that Misty latched on to Ron for a roof over her head, food, and other various things.

I think she latched on to Ron to get away from her family... JMO. When you are in a bad situation (home life) young and not really taught much of anything, sometimes you do go from a bad situation(home) to worse, just to get away from the family you love that betrayed you. Make sense?

Perfect sense, Searching.  {{HUGS!}}

[Searching]

I think that Hank C., Misty's dad looks a bit shady and like he has a temper...anyone else have an opinion on him?

Refresh me, Cookie - was he the lovely gentleman who sat through a scheduled interview in his home with sunglasses, no shirt on, and scratching himself? Bleckkk.

Who in the he!! lets their daughter drop out of school in the 7th grade in this, the 21st century America? I have absolutely NO respect for any parent who does that. JMHO.

errr Tams, my parents did, in the seventh grade as a matter of fact, I went back and dropped back out at the end of eighth grade.
I obtained my GED and have some college experience as well.

Wow, Searching - I did not know that. I apologize profusely if I offended you in any way - was absolutely NOT my intention. And I admire you for going back and completing your education. What a great example you set for kids like Misty.

I just know with Misty, she left school just 5 years ago - that would have been 2004-ish. It is so had for me to fathom that happening in our country today.

Most of the monkeys that I have conversed with here are parents of older/grown children or grandparents even - so I guess that I just take for granted that everyone here is 'over 40' - LOL.

Tams, I am not offended at all.I am not sure how long you have been here, but I have told my history before and am not embarrassed by it . I am not over 40, but I am a grand mother, I had my first child when I was 14, she was a product of rape, but very very much loved ( she was an innocent baby,not her fault)and is a college graduate herself with 2 daughters and has already bought her own home. I have had many struggles through out my life, abusive relationships and all, mostly trying to get out of a bad situation, only to jump into worse. I was hidden in an crawlspace under a house by a 25 year old man when I was 12,kept there for a year plus, until I managed to sneak and use a phone a couple of times while he was out of the house ,and a call was traced finally . I heard a car drive up and thought it was him, so went back in the hole and shut the door, heard the thud of the front door and thought he was going to kill me, it was the police, they found me because of the dust that had come up through the cracks, they opened the door slowly and said who they were, I came out and cried and well, things are a whirl, but I did go through therapy, he went to jail, plead the case out as the prosecutor did not want me to have to face him again. and many many more things I could tell you about. Sometimes a persons life story seems so horrid that you can not believe it is true, but at times it is true. Granted, people do make up stories but something in those of us who have lived in the horrors can see through those who are making it up most of the time. I can not say for sure if Misty is telling the truth about her horrors,but I kind of feel like she is, I can not tell for sure by watching a tv screen though. I would know if I sat and talked with her though.but I have not, so I can not say for sure.


 My son dropped out at age 16, but here where I am at, they legally can and we can not make them go. The schools tell the teens this also. I was not happy about it and I talked to him for days trying to prevent it, he still did it and now regrets it and wishes he could go back.

[Searching]

I am very sorry for what you and your son endured  I don't know anything really on this subject, I brought it up, rather as another way to look at it. I have no idea if Misty was sexually abused by a brother and cousin, but if she was not I also would hate for someone to look at both of them as molesters, and treat them differently because of it. It is probably rare, but some people do lie and say horrible things like that to ruin another's reputation, and to me that is very wrong. But again, I don't know about Misty, but what I do see is a girl that has had one heck of a bad time growing up, and for that I don't like to see that with anyone. Maybe her parents if they cared for her more would have pushed for at least a high school graduation, I do believe that Misty latched on to Ron for a roof over her head, food, and other various things.

I think she latched on to Ron to get away from her family... JMO. When you are in a bad situation (home life) young and not really taught much of anything, sometimes you do go from a bad situation(home) to worse, just to get away from the family you love that betrayed you. Make sense?

Perfect sense, Searching.  {{HUGS!}}

Hi CBB, (((HUGS))) back, and thanks, I needed that.     Good to see you here.

[islandmonkey]

snip from NRCG:

I will have to agree with you. And one other thing, that I don't want anyone to take the wrong way, because it is a terrible and serious topic. But I really wonder if Misty was abused by any family member? Is she just saying this for sympathy, or to get family members in trouble. It would be horrific either way, if it really happened, or she is making it all up. I just don't believe anything that comes out of her mouth.

Rosie...I have said this same thing before today, that I was skeptical if her allegations were even true....my one question that I asked in the past was if her cousin Joe had really molested her in the past, why is she and the family still friendly with him? IIRC,  supposedly he had even visited her the evening that Haleigh went missing...now if someone in the past had "messed" with you...would you allow them into your home when you are there alone with 2 little kids? I don't believe anything that she might say if it was to her advantage to lie..
I almost posted what you said today myself...minds thinking alike and all that heh?

Hello monkeys!

Well, then - that makes 3 of us all thinking the same thing, then . . . I have found myself wondering the same, but feeling perhaps a bit guilty for thinking it - somehow it doesn't sit right to say one doesn't believe a rape victim, does it? But it makes absolutely NO sense to me that she would maintain ties with her attackers if it were true - no way! And like you both said: she had Joe over at her house with the kids there, and Hank says he saw the kids pretty much daily . . . I don't think so. Interesting how the list keeps growing of those who have "messed with her" . . . constant excuses for the mess that is her life . .  . just like all of her other lies keep accumulating as she tries to dig herself out of this giant mess she has gotten herself into. She may be "street smart", but she is emotionally VERY immature. (Her emotional maturity and education levels are probably very similar, IMO).

4 I posted about it earlier today myself.........she wants us to believe she's been molested by 3 different people So not buying it. My son was a victim at age three as most know, and I was told by the psychologist and rape crisis center that he would have a very strong intuition about people who "aren't right" IYKWIM and he has a very heightened sense of aawareness and is super cautious.

Well I for one will not jump out there and say that she is lying.  That dysfunctional drug infested family, I would not put it pass them.

I worked with a woman that had been molested by two different stepfathers and an uncle when she was a young girl. She  had no choice but to continue to be around them, because when she informed her mother about one of them, her mother did not believe her and became upset with her.

I wonder just why Misty was not sent, made to go to school.

Everyone does not react or respond the same. Everyone does not have the state of mind to seek assistance of a psychologist and rape crisis center.


Mothers of incest survivors: another side of the story - Google Books Result

of family dysfunction that is handed down from one generation to the next, ... Diane was molested by an uncle and an older brother but said she chose to

http://books.google.com/books?id=Y8hC2sqbsDwC&pg=PA83&lpg=PA83&dq=family+dysfunction+and+molestation&source=bl&ots=xUpVD6IOTM&sig=eWtn2TYzVeB0l9dqz88iskJ_wIs&hl=en&ei=6gGaSujaD6rxnQecwfmVCA&sa=X&oi=book_result&ct=result&resnum=5#v=onepage&q=&f=false

Well, I AM the mother of an incest victim..............and he is hypersensitive to men and I was told by everyone I spoke with over those 3yrs of hell if he would be more suseptible to this now and their statement s were absolutely not, he would be more aware and proetective of himself and that has shown to be true for the past 6 yrs.

As well as I am the mother of a son that endured a brutal rape when he was 3 and the specialists he went to told me that children at that age forget the act after time if it is not being talked about constantly, They heal and they grow and forget,and as brutal as his was,he did forget until a family member mentioned it in front of him and little bits have been coming back to him unfortunately. I was the one that had the difficulties forgetting and getting over the over whelming need to castrate someone.

I also am an incest survivor myself,who had parents that would not believe what my 2 brothers were doing,even though we were ran out of a town because they did the same to 2 little girls from an childrens home that butted up to the woods. My mother called me terrible names for a 5 year old to hear,my father well, he did the same,called me names and hit me for the smallest things. I ended up finally spending some of my teen years in foster care. I ended up being the one reporting one of those brothers  missing for my father as an adult,and handling that for dad. I was sent back home 5 times because CPS was told my brothers no longer lived in the home, well, they did. Today, people can talk to me, see me and never know what I have been through,but that does not make it any less real. I have just forgiven and moved on in life,as has my son and you can not tell he went through what he did either. He is a normal outgoing 20 year old married man.If not for his health issue, he would be out having a great time meeting people,how ever, he is not able to at this time, but before he started having this problem, he did meet knew people and was in marching band , played the sax and had many many friends.

What I am trying to say is please do not discount that Misty was molested,you can not tell by looking at a person and hearing a tape. We do not wear tags saying we were victims so you can not just look and say someone is lying.

Searching~I'm so sorry for what you and your son endured, however thru 6 yrs of my going to counseling with other family members of molestation, 3 different pyschologist, children's advocates, and the rape crisis center wher I aske if he would forget (I was praying he would), I was told emphatically no, and not one member of my support groups I've attended had a child that forgot. It's possible many may block it to try and protect themselves from the awful memories or they might even try to dissasociate from it, but to forget, no way (I guess we will have to agree to disagree. Many do move past it to lead productive lives and it seems my son is on that path thank God. We NEVER talk about it ever unless he brings it up himself (I'd prefer to never talk about it as it enrages me to a point that I can't even express). I would not usually discount anyone who speaks about their victimization, however it seems Misty is frankly NOT believable IMO, if she had brought this info forward in the beginning about all 3 cases I MIGHT believe her, yet she has proven to be a liar so it makes it truly difficult to cull out the truth from fiction  when it comes to Misty. I had this article bookmarked for quite a while about abuse victims and thought I'd share:

Victims of Sexual Abuse

Rosenberg and Associate


It is very important that when a victim of sexual abuse comes forth and reports the crime to family, friends, law enforcement, and others, that he or she be listened to in the most sincere fashion possible. Studies have shown that the most credible account of what occurred during a rape or child molestation comes from the victim him/herself. Studies suggest that approximately 3-5% of all rape or child molestation allegations that are reported are false...Therefore, nearly 95% are based on a factual incident. When a victim comes forth and reports the crime, there will almost undoubtedly be two sides to the story: the victim's disclosure and the offender's. It is important to remember that the offender will most likely find people to support his/her story. This is a part of the offender's mode of operation--to have a planned out alibi with people to support it. When the victim is related to the offender, a sharp divide may consume the family system, with some family members supporting the alleged offender's story and others supporting the victim's. This divide not only serves to facilitate familial dysfunction, but also can severely traumatize the victim and create a very strong perception of shame and guilt for reporting.

There are thousands of victims of sexual abuse that never come forward and report the crime. This may be due to a number of factors. First, the grooming technique an offender uses can make the victim feel as if he or she was an active participant in the abuse itself. If the victim feels this way, they may not report the crime because they may feel responsible in some way. A rape victim may not report the crime out of fear, since many rapists will tell the victim that if they disclose the crime, he will return (however, very few rapists actually do). The victim of sexual abuse may be very aware that people may doubt his/her disclosure, their character, their choices, and because of this perception, they may not disclose. This would be considered the community reaction to the crime, and it includes boyfriends/husbands, the police, neighbors, family, the court, etc.

There are still numerous people in our society that feel that rape is justified under certain conditions. Many people believe that a prostitute "cannot" be raped. Just imagine if a prostitute entered a police station and reported that she had just been raped. If the police are aware that she is a prostitute, how might they react? Moreover, maybe the woman chooses not to tell the officers that she is a prostitute. How would she relate the dynamics of the crime? How would the police react when they discover she is a prostitute?

In an American Medical Association study, over half of the 6000 teenagers stated that there were some circumstances under which rape is acceptable, such as if the male and female had dated six months or longer or if he'd spent considerable money on her.

Much of the psychological damage a victim receives comes not from the assault itself, but from the post assault reactions from others. It is very important that police investigators and prosecutors recognize how their behavior with the victim affects not only the immediate and long-term ability to deal with the incident, but also his or her willingness to assist in a prosecution. Recognizing this fact, the first people who come in contact with a victim post assault have an opportunity to set the stage, through their behavior and reactions, for an easier or more difficult recovery for the victim.

It is important to understand that there is no single, standard, or "appropriate" victim response to rape or molestation. There would be two general response types that many victims follow: expressive or guarded. Some victims will be very verbal, be in tears, and be angry, and so forth following the offense. Others will be guarded, quiet, attempt to go on. Some victims may switch back and forth from being expressive to guarded.

When a sexual assault occurs, there are numerous victims that are produced. Obviously, there is the primary victim--the one in which the assault was directly targeted to. There are many other secondary victims. The children of the victim, husband, and other family members. They will all grieve in their own way, and it is important for professionals to assist everyone involved.

Investigators, juries, judges, prosecutors, and everyone else must understand that rape victims, immediately following the assault, may not react with all of their normal faculties. When someone suffers a traumatic event, it may take a while for your head to clear and your heart rate to return to normal. For sexual assault victims, this temporary detachment may result in delays in reporting...Which can also hinder a successful prosecution. If there is a delay in reporting the assault, it is imperative that investigators and prosecutors do not berate her, or challenge her for not reporting immediately. Instead, they should recognize the courage it takes to report a crime of this nature (and to survive such crimes), and no one should ever second-guess the victim’s tactics in handling the crisis.

Many victims of sexual abuse do fully recover. This is not to suggest that they ever forget about what occurred, because they do not. However, they can, with the help of family, friends, and professionals, go on with their lives and be happy again.
Victims of Child Molestation

Being sexually abused as a child or as a teenager can have a wide-range of both short and long-term effects. Many times, the offenders will try and use the following line in their defense, "if I really sexually abused him/her, why did she still want to play with me?". I will also be told from family members of offenders that the alleged victim and offender are very close and have a good relationship. These dynamics can be very confusing (especially for the victim) for mental health professionals, law enforcement, judges, and prosecutors. How can a child be sexually abused by someone close to him/her, yet still want to "play" with that person, or have a relationship with that person?

The reason this may occur is due to what we call grooming, or the method the offender used to have the victim comply with his or her wishes. For instance, if the offender was very nice to the victim prior to the offending, bought gifts, or gave special attention to the victim, the child victim would naturally yearn for such behaviors or items. Just as important, however, is the fact that the victim may be a close relative to the offender, and truly does not want the offender to leave (especially if this is in conjunction with gifts and attention); however, this does not mean the victim wants the abuse to continue.

Many people erroneously believe that child victims of sexual abuse are always traumatized by the abuse, and overtly angry with the offender. Sometimes this could not be farther from the truth. I have worked with both adult men and women who have been sexually abused as children, who state that they were not traumatized, nor did they want the offender to be incarcerated. Did the sexual abuse affect them? Of course, just not in a traumatic way. The abuse may have affected their boundaries, sexual interests and behaviors, trust, and sexual orientation; however, it did not traumatize them. What may traumatize them, however, is the reaction from others. For instance, if the child and offender were caught by the child's mother, and the mother, rightfully so, goes ballistic. Within minutes the police arrive and take the child away. In a few hours, the child is being interviewed by child protective service workers, who may be acting like something traumatic happened. The child will then interpret the entire situation as traumatic, even if the child did not interpret the abuse, at the time, as traumatic.

A very high degree of psychological damage can occur if the offender makes the victim feel physical pleasure during the offense(s). This will produce a level of guilt and shame that is very powerful. Moreover, the victim is less likely to disclose the abuse, and if he or she does, they are very likely to minimize it. This would be because the victim may feel partly to blame for the abuse because they experienced pleasure (this is a grooming technique). I have treated countless victims who, after the abuse was revealed (either through someone observing, or indirectly), did not disclose the full extent. They fear they will get in trouble for not telling themselves, and fear and shame because they experienced physical pleasure. As the victims grow older, they may be unable to process the abuse, and continue to blame both themselves as well as the offender. The shame produced can be so intense as to create suicidal ideation, a loss of "self", and self-destructive behaviors.

Victims of child sexual abuse can go on to lead normal, healthy lives. They can learn to let go of the pain, and to increase their self-awareness of how the abuse affected them. Sometimes it takes the right therapist, just the right book, or even just time.

Return to The American Academy of Experts in Traumatic Stress Homepage

Rosenberg and Associates can be reached at www.angelfire.com/mi/collateral/victims.html.
 
 

 

http://www.aaets.org/article123.htm

[no rose colored glasses]

I thought that Misty's brothers were ok boys. I don't recall either one of them having records. Hank Jr. works the drywalling business with his dad and Tommy seemed like a young guy who was in love with his wife and kids.
Maybe not the best educated, but compared to Ron, they seemed like good boys.
There was Ms. Neves's brother who looked like a scary dude ( to me )but he had just hunting violations, which up here and in Satsuma are not the crimes of the century.

Well thanks, so it was Teresa's brother who had hunting violations, I knew it was someone  Am I dreaming, because dog fighting is in the back of my head, or somekind of cruelty to animals, I'm losing it, I though it was either Hank or Hank Jr.

[Tams]

I think that Hank C., Misty's dad looks a bit shady and like he has a temper...anyone else have an opinion on him?

Refresh me, Cookie - was he the lovely gentleman who sat through a scheduled interview in his home with sunglasses, no shirt on, and scratching himself? Bleckkk.

Who in the he!! lets their daughter drop out of school in the 7th grade in this, the 21st century America? I have absolutely NO respect for any parent who does that. JMHO.

errr Tams, my parents did, in the seventh grade as a matter of fact, I went back and dropped back out at the end of eighth grade.
I obtained my GED and have some college experience as well.

Wow, Searching - I did not know that. I apologize profusely if I offended you in any way - was absolutely NOT my intention. And I admire you for going back and completing your education. What a great example you set for kids like Misty.

I just know with Misty, she left school just 5 years ago - that would have been 2004-ish. It is so had for me to fathom that happening in our country today.

Most of the monkeys that I have conversed with here are parents of older/grown children or grandparents even - so I guess that I just take for granted that everyone here is 'over 40' - LOL.

Tams, I am not offended at all.I am not sure how long you have been here, but I have told my history before and am not embarrassed by it . I am not over 40, but I am a grand mother, I had my first child when I was 14, she was a product of rape, but very very much loved ( she was an innocent baby,not her fault)and is a college graduate herself with 2 daughters and has already bought her own home. I have had many struggles through out my life, abusive relationships and all, mostly trying to get out of a bad situation, only to jump into worse. I was hidden in an crawlspace under a house by a 25 year old man when I was 12,kept there for a year plus, until I managed to sneak and use a phone a couple of times while he was out of the house ,and a call was traced finally . I heard a car drive up and thought it was him, so went back in the hole and shut the door, heard the thud of the front door and thought he was going to kill me, it was the police, they found me because of the dust that had come up through the cracks, they opened the door slowly and said who they were, I came out and cried and well, things are a whirl, but I did go through therapy, he went to jail, plead the case out as the prosecutor did not want me to have to face him again. and many many more things I could tell you about. Sometimes a persons life story seems so horrid that you can not believe it is true, but at times it is true. Granted, people do make up stories but something in those of us who have lived in the horrors can see through those who are making it up most of the time. I can not say for sure if Misty is telling the truth about her horrors,but I kind of feel like she is, I can not tell for sure by watching a tv screen though. I would know if I sat and talked with her though.but I have not, so I can not say for sure.


 My son dropped out at age 16, but here where I am at, they legally can and we can not make them go. The schools tell the teens this also. I was not happy about it and I talked to him for days trying to prevent it, he still did it and now regrets it and wishes he could go back.

Searching, I do not even know what to say.

Yes, I am a newbie of sorts - Sandra Cantu brought me here, as I live close to Tracy CA., and travel there often for my work. We posted her 'Missing' fliers in our store windows there.

No, I did not know your story. I hear stories such as yours, and realize what an easy, charmed life I have had - and how much I need to realize how lucky I am. The bumps in my life are so trivial compared to what those such as yourself have endured. Your perspective here is invaluable.

I am off to work; I leave and start my work day humbled by your courage and perserverance.

[Searching]

As well as I am the mother of a son that endured a brutal rape when he was 3 and the specialists he went to told me that children at that age forget the act after time if it is not being talked about constantly, They heal and they grow and forget,and as brutal as his was,he did forget until a family member mentioned it in front of him and little bits have been coming back to him unfortunately. I was the one that had the difficulties forgetting and getting over the over whelming need to castrate someone.

I also am an incest survivor myself,who had parents that would not believe what my 2 brothers were doing,even though we were ran out of a town because they did the same to 2 little girls from an childrens home that butted up to the woods. My mother called me terrible names for a 5 year old to hear,my father well, he did the same,called me names and hit me for the smallest things. I ended up finally spending some of my teen years in foster care. I ended up being the one reporting one of those brothers  missing for my father as an adult,and handling that for dad. I was sent back home 5 times because CPS was told my brothers no longer lived in the home, well, they did. Today, people can talk to me, see me and never know what I have been through,but that does not make it any less real. I have just forgiven and moved on in life,as has my son and you can not tell he went through what he did either. He is a normal outgoing 20 year old married man.If not for his health issue, he would be out having a great time meeting people,how ever, he is not able to at this time, but before he started having this problem, he did meet knew people and was in marching band , played the sax and had many many friends.

What I am trying to say is please do not discount that Misty was molested,you can not tell by looking at a person and hearing a tape. We do not wear tags saying we were victims so you can not just look and say someone is lying.

Searching - I had not seen that you had posted even earlier - am just now finding this.

I am so very sorry for what you have had to endure in your life. No one should have to live through such horrors - and that is surely what brings so many of us to these boards - wanting to help and put an end to it. I do admire you tremendously, not only for completing your education, but now I also know for making it through such a difficult life. Your insight can surely help to shed a very real light on so many of these cases because of your life experiences. Thank you for sharing where you are coming from - that took a lot of courage. I post this with great respect.

Thank you Tams. I am here because I know that though some have not had the misfortune to see it, there are horrors in this world that are hidden for a long time for many reasons. I myself, as a survivor,and with a son who endured his horror, never ever ever discount any person saying they have been abused until it is proven to be false claims. I know how I felt when my parents did not believe me and would never make a victim feel that way.

[no rose colored glasses]

Well, Searching what all you went through, you should be very proud of yourself the way you turned the horrific things that happened into a productive life with children and grandchildren, you are a survivor, and a much stronger person than I could ever be.    Like I said before, I don't know much at all on this topic, but with articles and reading experiences of rape and molestation on this forum my eyes have opened up and my heart goes out to all that have been treated in such a horrible way    And if Misty was molestated, raped and whatever other horrible things happened, I can't help but feel some sympathy. But at the same time I have great sympathy for Haleigh, and little Jr.

[strayze]

snip from NRCG:

I will have to agree with you. And one other thing, that I don't want anyone to take the wrong way, because it is a terrible and serious topic. But I really wonder if Misty was abused by any family member? Is she just saying this for sympathy, or to get family members in trouble. It would be horrific either way, if it really happened, or she is making it all up. I just don't believe anything that comes out of her mouth.

Rosie...I have said this same thing before today, that I was skeptical if her allegations were even true....my one question that I asked in the past was if her cousin Joe had really molested her in the past, why is she and the family still friendly with him? IIRC,  supposedly he had even visited her the evening that Haleigh went missing...now if someone in the past had "messed" with you...would you allow them into your home when you are there alone with 2 little kids? I don't believe anything that she might say if it was to her advantage to lie..
I almost posted what you said today myself...minds thinking alike and all that heh?

Hello monkeys!

Well, then - that makes 3 of us all thinking the same thing, then . . . I have found myself wondering the same, but feeling perhaps a bit guilty for thinking it - somehow it doesn't sit right to say one doesn't believe a rape victim, does it? But it makes absolutely NO sense to me that she would maintain ties with her attackers if it were true - no way! And like you both said: she had Joe over at her house with the kids there, and Hank says he saw the kids pretty much daily . . . I don't think so. Interesting how the list keeps growing of those who have "messed with her" . . . constant excuses for the mess that is her life . .  . just like all of her other lies keep accumulating as she tries to dig herself out of this giant mess she has gotten herself into. She may be "street smart", but she is emotionally VERY immature. (Her emotional maturity and education levels are probably very similar, IMO).

To my understanding, she has a 4th grade education or slightly less.  We are talking about backwoods culture, where even though it's against the law, nonetheless it's not uncommon.

[no rose colored glasses]

IM, that is a very interesting article. And while I read it I wondered how does Jaycee who was held for 18 years, ever go forward from there. I know with therapy I suppose she might be somewhat okay, but I can't grasp how. And her two kids, maybe she will try as hard as possible for them. It is just so hard to understand how one moves forward after such terrible things happen. I'm so glad your son is on the path to a productive life, thanks to you and your family and therapy.

[Searching]

snip from NRCG:

I will have to agree with you. And one other thing, that I don't want anyone to take the wrong way, because it is a terrible and serious topic. But I really wonder if Misty was abused by any family member? Is she just saying this for sympathy, or to get family members in trouble. It would be horrific either way, if it really happened, or she is making it all up. I just don't believe anything that comes out of her mouth.

Rosie...I have said this same thing before today, that I was skeptical if her allegations were even true....my one question that I asked in the past was if her cousin Joe had really molested her in the past, why is she and the family still friendly with him? IIRC,  supposedly he had even visited her the evening that Haleigh went missing...now if someone in the past had "messed" with you...would you allow them into your home when you are there alone with 2 little kids? I don't believe anything that she might say if it was to her advantage to lie..
I almost posted what you said today myself...minds thinking alike and all that heh?

Hello monkeys!

Well, then - that makes 3 of us all thinking the same thing, then . . . I have found myself wondering the same, but feeling perhaps a bit guilty for thinking it - somehow it doesn't sit right to say one doesn't believe a rape victim, does it? But it makes absolutely NO sense to me that she would maintain ties with her attackers if it were true - no way! And like you both said: she had Joe over at her house with the kids there, and Hank says he saw the kids pretty much daily . . . I don't think so. Interesting how the list keeps growing of those who have "messed with her" . . . constant excuses for the mess that is her life . .  . just like all of her other lies keep accumulating as she tries to dig herself out of this giant mess she has gotten herself into. She may be "street smart", but she is emotionally VERY immature. (Her emotional maturity and education levels are probably very similar, IMO).

4 I posted about it earlier today myself.........she wants us to believe she's been molested by 3 different people So not buying it. My son was a victim at age three as most know, and I was told by the psychologist and rape crisis center that he would have a very strong intuition about people who "aren't right" IYKWIM and he has a very heightened sense of aawareness and is super cautious.

Well I for one will not jump out there and say that she is lying.  That dysfunctional drug infested family, I would not put it pass them.

I worked with a woman that had been molested by two different stepfathers and an uncle when she was a young girl. She  had no choice but to continue to be around them, because when she informed her mother about one of them, her mother did not believe her and became upset with her.

I wonder just why Misty was not sent, made to go to school.

Everyone does not react or respond the same. Everyone does not have the state of mind to seek assistance of a psychologist and rape crisis center.


Mothers of incest survivors: another side of the story - Google Books Result

of family dysfunction that is handed down from one generation to the next, ... Diane was molested by an uncle and an older brother but said she chose to

http://books.google.com/books?id=Y8hC2sqbsDwC&pg=PA83&lpg=PA83&dq=family+dysfunction+and+molestation&source=bl&ots=xUpVD6IOTM&sig=eWtn2TYzVeB0l9dqz88iskJ_wIs&hl=en&ei=6gGaSujaD6rxnQecwfmVCA&sa=X&oi=book_result&ct=result&resnum=5#v=onepage&q=&f=false

Well, I AM the mother of an incest victim..............and he is hypersensitive to men and I was told by everyone I spoke with over those 3yrs of hell if he would be more suseptible to this now and their statement s were absolutely not, he would be more aware and proetective of himself and that has shown to be true for the past 6 yrs.

As well as I am the mother of a son that endured a brutal rape when he was 3 and the specialists he went to told me that children at that age forget the act after time if it is not being talked about constantly, They heal and they grow and forget,and as brutal as his was,he did forget until a family member mentioned it in front of him and little bits have been coming back to him unfortunately. I was the one that had the difficulties forgetting and getting over the over whelming need to castrate someone.

I also am an incest survivor myself,who had parents that would not believe what my 2 brothers were doing,even though we were ran out of a town because they did the same to 2 little girls from an childrens home that butted up to the woods. My mother called me terrible names for a 5 year old to hear,my father well, he did the same,called me names and hit me for the smallest things. I ended up finally spending some of my teen years in foster care. I ended up being the one reporting one of those brothers  missing for my father as an adult,and handling that for dad. I was sent back home 5 times because CPS was told my brothers no longer lived in the home, well, they did. Today, people can talk to me, see me and never know what I have been through,but that does not make it any less real. I have just forgiven and moved on in life,as has my son and you can not tell he went through what he did either. He is a normal outgoing 20 year old married man.If not for his health issue, he would be out having a great time meeting people,how ever, he is not able to at this time, but before he started having this problem, he did meet knew people and was in marching band , played the sax and had many many friends.

What I am trying to say is please do not discount that Misty was molested,you can not tell by looking at a person and hearing a tape. We do not wear tags saying we were victims so you can not just look and say someone is lying.

Searching~I'm so sorry for what you and your son endured, however thru 6 yrs of my going to counseling with other family members of molestation, 3 different pyschologist, children's advocates, and the rape crisis center wher I aske if he would forget (I was praying he would), I was told emphatically no, and not one member of my support groups I've attended had a child that forgot. It's possible many may block it to try and protect themselves from the awful memories or they might even try to dissasociate from it, but to forget, no way (I guess we will have to agree to disagree. Many do move past it to lead productive lives and it seems my son is on that path thank God. We NEVER talk about it ever unless he brings it up himself (I'd prefer to never talk about it as it enrages me to a point that I can't even express). I would not usually discount anyone who speaks about their victimization, however it seems Misty is frankly NOT believable IMO, if she had brought this info forward in the beginning about all 3 cases I MIGHT believe her, yet she has proven to be a liar so it makes it truly difficult to cull out the truth from fiction  when it comes to Misty. I had this article bookmarked for quite a while about abuse victims and thought I'd share:

Victims of Sexual Abuse

Rosenberg and Associate


It is very important that when a victim of sexual abuse comes forth and reports the crime to family, friends, law enforcement, and others, that he or she be listened to in the most sincere fashion possible. Studies have shown that the most credible account of what occurred during a rape or child molestation comes from the victim him/herself. Studies suggest that approximately 3-5% of all rape or child molestation allegations that are reported are false...Therefore, nearly 95% are based on a factual incident. When a victim comes forth and reports the crime, there will almost undoubtedly be two sides to the story: the victim's disclosure and the offender's. It is important to remember that the offender will most likely find people to support his/her story. This is a part of the offender's mode of operation--to have a planned out alibi with people to support it. When the victim is related to the offender, a sharp divide may consume the family system, with some family members supporting the alleged offender's story and others supporting the victim's. This divide not only serves to facilitate familial dysfunction, but also can severely traumatize the victim and create a very strong perception of shame and guilt for reporting.

There are thousands of victims of sexual abuse that never come forward and report the crime. This may be due to a number of factors. First, the grooming technique an offender uses can make the victim feel as if he or she was an active participant in the abuse itself. If the victim feels this way, they may not report the crime because they may feel responsible in some way. A rape victim may not report the crime out of fear, since many rapists will tell the victim that if they disclose the crime, he will return (however, very few rapists actually do). The victim of sexual abuse may be very aware that people may doubt his/her disclosure, their character, their choices, and because of this perception, they may not disclose. This would be considered the community reaction to the crime, and it includes boyfriends/husbands, the police, neighbors, family, the court, etc.

There are still numerous people in our society that feel that rape is justified under certain conditions. Many people believe that a prostitute "cannot" be raped. Just imagine if a prostitute entered a police station and reported that she had just been raped. If the police are aware that she is a prostitute, how might they react? Moreover, maybe the woman chooses not to tell the officers that she is a prostitute. How would she relate the dynamics of the crime? How would the police react when they discover she is a prostitute?

In an American Medical Association study, over half of the 6000 teenagers stated that there were some circumstances under which rape is acceptable, such as if the male and female had dated six months or longer or if he'd spent considerable money on her.

Much of the psychological damage a victim receives comes not from the assault itself, but from the post assault reactions from others. It is very important that police investigators and prosecutors recognize how their behavior with the victim affects not only the immediate and long-term ability to deal with the incident, but also his or her willingness to assist in a prosecution. Recognizing this fact, the first people who come in contact with a victim post assault have an opportunity to set the stage, through their behavior and reactions, for an easier or more difficult recovery for the victim.

It is important to understand that there is no single, standard, or "appropriate" victim response to rape or molestation. There would be two general response types that many victims follow: expressive or guarded. Some victims will be very verbal, be in tears, and be angry, and so forth following the offense. Others will be guarded, quiet, attempt to go on. Some victims may switch back and forth from being expressive to guarded.

When a sexual assault occurs, there are numerous victims that are produced. Obviously, there is the primary victim--the one in which the assault was directly targeted to. There are many other secondary victims. The children of the victim, husband, and other family members. They will all grieve in their own way, and it is important for professionals to assist everyone involved.

Investigators, juries, judges, prosecutors, and everyone else must understand that rape victims, immediately following the assault, may not react with all of their normal faculties. When someone suffers a traumatic event, it may take a while for your head to clear and your heart rate to return to normal. For sexual assault victims, this temporary detachment may result in delays in reporting...Which can also hinder a successful prosecution. If there is a delay in reporting the assault, it is imperative that investigators and prosecutors do not berate her, or challenge her for not reporting immediately. Instead, they should recognize the courage it takes to report a crime of this nature (and to survive such crimes), and no one should ever second-guess the victim’s tactics in handling the crisis.

Many victims of sexual abuse do fully recover. This is not to suggest that they ever forget about what occurred, because they do not. However, they can, with the help of family, friends, and professionals, go on with their lives and be happy again.
Victims of Child Molestation

Being sexually abused as a child or as a teenager can have a wide-range of both short and long-term effects. Many times, the offenders will try and use the following line in their defense, "if I really sexually abused him/her, why did she still want to play with me?". I will also be told from family members of offenders that the alleged victim and offender are very close and have a good relationship. These dynamics can be very confusing (especially for the victim) for mental health professionals, law enforcement, judges, and prosecutors. How can a child be sexually abused by someone close to him/her, yet still want to "play" with that person, or have a relationship with that person?

The reason this may occur is due to what we call grooming, or the method the offender used to have the victim comply with his or her wishes. For instance, if the offender was very nice to the victim prior to the offending, bought gifts, or gave special attention to the victim, the child victim would naturally yearn for such behaviors or items. Just as important, however, is the fact that the victim may be a close relative to the offender, and truly does not want the offender to leave (especially if this is in conjunction with gifts and attention); however, this does not mean the victim wants the abuse to continue.

Many people erroneously believe that child victims of sexual abuse are always traumatized by the abuse, and overtly angry with the offender. Sometimes this could not be farther from the truth. I have worked with both adult men and women who have been sexually abused as children, who state that they were not traumatized, nor did they want the offender to be incarcerated. Did the sexual abuse affect them? Of course, just not in a traumatic way. The abuse may have affected their boundaries, sexual interests and behaviors, trust, and sexual orientation; however, it did not traumatize them. What may traumatize them, however, is the reaction from others. For instance, if the child and offender were caught by the child's mother, and the mother, rightfully so, goes ballistic. Within minutes the police arrive and take the child away. In a few hours, the child is being interviewed by child protective service workers, who may be acting like something traumatic happened. The child will then interpret the entire situation as traumatic, even if the child did not interpret the abuse, at the time, as traumatic.

A very high degree of psychological damage can occur if the offender makes the victim feel physical pleasure during the offense(s). This will produce a level of guilt and shame that is very powerful. Moreover, the victim is less likely to disclose the abuse, and if he or she does, they are very likely to minimize it. This would be because the victim may feel partly to blame for the abuse because they experienced pleasure (this is a grooming technique). I have treated countless victims who, after the abuse was revealed (either through someone observing, or indirectly), did not disclose the full extent. They fear they will get in trouble for not telling themselves, and fear and shame because they experienced physical pleasure. As the victims grow older, they may be unable to process the abuse, and continue to blame both themselves as well as the offender. The shame produced can be so intense as to create suicidal ideation, a loss of "self", and self-destructive behaviors.

Victims of child sexual abuse can go on to lead normal, healthy lives. They can learn to let go of the pain, and to increase their self-awareness of how the abuse affected them. Sometimes it takes the right therapist, just the right book, or even just time.

Return to The American Academy of Experts in Traumatic Stress Homepage

Rosenberg and Associates can be reached at www.angelfire.com/mi/collateral/victims.html.
 
 

 

http://www.aaets.org/article123.htm

I notice there is no age in that article and if you are trying to debunk my story of my sons rape, that is pretty hateful to put it mildly and that is what it seems to me you are doing. I think it depends on age and my son was 3,I asked the specialists if he would forget and was told most at THAT AGE do, BECAUSE of the age. I think I will go back to lurking now. It is best as every time I post,you seem to try to discount what I post.

[Brandi]

Please forgive my ignorance. monkeys - but I am a bit confused about something . . .   

Misty has 2 brothers - Tommy and Hank Jr.? I know Hank Jr. was the one involved in the fight, who Misty supposedly called for help. But which one was taken in for questioning yesterday? I saw the video with Hank Jr. whining that he didn't know why Misty is accusing him, he sees the kids every day, he's only tried to help his sister, etc. But I keep reading the name 'Tommy' in reports as well. . . And which one owns the van? Ugh - sorry . . . TIA.

Misty has two brothers: Hank Thomas Croslin Jr (aka Tommy), Timothy A. Croslin (aka Timmy)

Hank Thomas Croslin Jr (aka Tommy) and his wife Lindsy, live at 116 Tyler St, about 2 minutes away from the trailer on Green Ln where Haleigh was living. They were brought in for questioning by LE last week.

I believe that Lindsy actually owns the van.

Hope this helps.

[Nut44x4]

BUMP

[Searching]

http://www.news.harvard.edu/gazette/2006/10.12/01-abuse.html


One more thing IM, here is an article including stories of children who "chose" to forget who were abused at 8 and older. They said he would probably forget, whether that meant suppress his memories or forget, they said he would forget. The last time I shared my son and my story with you, you slapped me in the face with it with your verbal attack that I still to this day do not understand ,and I could not even bring myself to this thread for over a week and I cried for 3 days straight.  I will not allow you to bring me to that point again.

Have a great day monkeys.

Praying for Haleigh.

[Fanny Mae]

SEARCHING.((((((((((((((HUGS))))))))))))))))


With much love,
Sister Frankie

[Brandi]

http://www.news.harvard.edu/gazette/2006/10.12/01-abuse.html


One more thing IM, here is an article including stories of children who "chose" to forget who were abused at 8 and older. They said he would probably forget, whether that meant suppress his memories or forget, they said he would forget. The last time I shared my son and my story with you, you slapped me in the face with it with your verbal attack that I still to this day do not understand ,and I could not even bring myself to this thread for over a week and I cried for 3 days straight.  I will not allow you to bring me to that point again.

Have a great day monkeys.

Praying for Haleigh.

Hugs to you, Searching.

I am glad to see you posting here again.

     

[islandmonkey]

snip from NRCG:

I will have to agree with you. And one other thing, that I don't want anyone to take the wrong way, because it is a terrible and serious topic. But I really wonder if Misty was abused by any family member? Is she just saying this for sympathy, or to get family members in trouble. It would be horrific either way, if it really happened, or she is making it all up. I just don't believe anything that comes out of her mouth.

Rosie...I have said this same thing before today, that I was skeptical if her allegations were even true....my one question that I asked in the past was if her cousin Joe had really molested her in the past, why is she and the family still friendly with him? IIRC,  supposedly he had even visited her the evening that Haleigh went missing...now if someone in the past had "messed" with you...would you allow them into your home when you are there alone with 2 little kids? I don't believe anything that she might say if it was to her advantage to lie..
I almost posted what you said today myself...minds thinking alike and all that heh?

Hello monkeys!

Well, then - that makes 3 of us all thinking the same thing, then . . . I have found myself wondering the same, but feeling perhaps a bit guilty for thinking it - somehow it doesn't sit right to say one doesn't believe a rape victim, does it? But it makes absolutely NO sense to me that she would maintain ties with her attackers if it were true - no way! And like you both said: she had Joe over at her house with the kids there, and Hank says he saw the kids pretty much daily . . . I don't think so. Interesting how the list keeps growing of those who have "messed with her" . . . constant excuses for the mess that is her life . .  . just like all of her other lies keep accumulating as she tries to dig herself out of this giant mess she has gotten herself into. She may be "street smart", but she is emotionally VERY immature. (Her emotional maturity and education levels are probably very similar, IMO).

4 I posted about it earlier today myself.........she wants us to believe she's been molested by 3 different people So not buying it. My son was a victim at age three as most know, and I was told by the psychologist and rape crisis center that he would have a very strong intuition about people who "aren't right" IYKWIM and he has a very heightened sense of aawareness and is super cautious.

Well I for one will not jump out there and say that she is lying.  That dysfunctional drug infested family, I would not put it pass them.

I worked with a woman that had been molested by two different stepfathers and an uncle when she was a young girl. She  had no choice but to continue to be around them, because when she informed her mother about one of them, her mother did not believe her and became upset with her.

I wonder just why Misty was not sent, made to go to school.

Everyone does not react or respond the same. Everyone does not have the state of mind to seek assistance of a psychologist and rape crisis center.


Mothers of incest survivors: another side of the story - Google Books Result

of family dysfunction that is handed down from one generation to the next, ... Diane was molested by an uncle and an older brother but said she chose to

http://books.google.com/books?id=Y8hC2sqbsDwC&pg=PA83&lpg=PA83&dq=family+dysfunction+and+molestation&source=bl&ots=xUpVD6IOTM&sig=eWtn2TYzVeB0l9dqz88iskJ_wIs&hl=en&ei=6gGaSujaD6rxnQecwfmVCA&sa=X&oi=book_result&ct=result&resnum=5#v=onepage&q=&f=false

Well, I AM the mother of an incest victim..............and he is hypersensitive to men and I was told by everyone I spoke with over those 3yrs of hell if he would be more suseptible to this now and their statement s were absolutely not, he would be more aware and proetective of himself and that has shown to be true for the past 6 yrs.

As well as I am the mother of a son that endured a brutal rape when he was 3 and the specialists he went to told me that children at that age forget the act after time if it is not being talked about constantly, They heal and they grow and forget,and as brutal as his was,he did forget until a family member mentioned it in front of him and little bits have been coming back to him unfortunately. I was the one that had the difficulties forgetting and getting over the over whelming need to castrate someone.

I also am an incest survivor myself,who had parents that would not believe what my 2 brothers were doing,even though we were ran out of a town because they did the same to 2 little girls from an childrens home that butted up to the woods. My mother called me terrible names for a 5 year old to hear,my father well, he did the same,called me names and hit me for the smallest things. I ended up finally spending some of my teen years in foster care. I ended up being the one reporting one of those brothers  missing for my father as an adult,and handling that for dad. I was sent back home 5 times because CPS was told my brothers no longer lived in the home, well, they did. Today, people can talk to me, see me and never know what I have been through,but that does not make it any less real. I have just forgiven and moved on in life,as has my son and you can not tell he went through what he did either. He is a normal outgoing 20 year old married man.If not for his health issue, he would be out having a great time meeting people,how ever, he is not able to at this time, but before he started having this problem, he did meet knew people and was in marching band , played the sax and had many many friends.

What I am trying to say is please do not discount that Misty was molested,you can not tell by looking at a person and hearing a tape. We do not wear tags saying we were victims so you can not just look and say someone is lying.

Searching~I'm so sorry for what you and your son endured, however thru 6 yrs of my going to counseling with other family members of molestation, 3 different pyschologist, children's advocates, and the rape crisis center wher I aske if he would forget (I was praying he would), I was told emphatically no, and not one member of my support groups I've attended had a child that forgot. It's possible many may block it to try and protect themselves from the awful memories or they might even try to dissasociate from it, but to forget, no way (I guess we will have to agree to disagree. Many do move past it to lead productive lives and it seems my son is on that path thank God. We NEVER talk about it ever unless he brings it up himself (I'd prefer to never talk about it as it enrages me to a point that I can't even express). I would not usually discount anyone who speaks about their victimization, however it seems Misty is frankly NOT believable IMO, if she had brought this info forward in the beginning about all 3 cases I MIGHT believe her, yet she has proven to be a liar so it makes it truly difficult to cull out the truth from fiction  when it comes to Misty. I had this article bookmarked for quite a while about abuse victims and thought I'd share:

Victims of Sexual Abuse

Rosenberg and Associate


It is very important that when a victim of sexual abuse comes forth and reports the crime to family, friends, law enforcement, and others, that he or she be listened to in the most sincere fashion possible. Studies have shown that the most credible account of what occurred during a rape or child molestation comes from the victim him/herself. Studies suggest that approximately 3-5% of all rape or child molestation allegations that are reported are false...Therefore, nearly 95% are based on a factual incident. When a victim comes forth and reports the crime, there will almost undoubtedly be two sides to the story: the victim's disclosure and the offender's. It is important to remember that the offender will most likely find people to support his/her story. This is a part of the offender's mode of operation--to have a planned out alibi with people to support it. When the victim is related to the offender, a sharp divide may consume the family system, with some family members supporting the alleged offender's story and others supporting the victim's. This divide not only serves to facilitate familial dysfunction, but also can severely traumatize the victim and create a very strong perception of shame and guilt for reporting.

There are thousands of victims of sexual abuse that never come forward and report the crime. This may be due to a number of factors. First, the grooming technique an offender uses can make the victim feel as if he or she was an active participant in the abuse itself. If the victim feels this way, they may not report the crime because they may feel responsible in some way. A rape victim may not report the crime out of fear, since many rapists will tell the victim that if they disclose the crime, he will return (however, very few rapists actually do). The victim of sexual abuse may be very aware that people may doubt his/her disclosure, their character, their choices, and because of this perception, they may not disclose. This would be considered the community reaction to the crime, and it includes boyfriends/husbands, the police, neighbors, family, the court, etc.

There are still numerous people in our society that feel that rape is justified under certain conditions. Many people believe that a prostitute "cannot" be raped. Just imagine if a prostitute entered a police station and reported that she had just been raped. If the police are aware that she is a prostitute, how might they react? Moreover, maybe the woman chooses not to tell the officers that she is a prostitute. How would she relate the dynamics of the crime? How would the police react when they discover she is a prostitute?

In an American Medical Association study, over half of the 6000 teenagers stated that there were some circumstances under which rape is acceptable, such as if the male and female had dated six months or longer or if he'd spent considerable money on her.

Much of the psychological damage a victim receives comes not from the assault itself, but from the post assault reactions from others. It is very important that police investigators and prosecutors recognize how their behavior with the victim affects not only the immediate and long-term ability to deal with the incident, but also his or her willingness to assist in a prosecution. Recognizing this fact, the first people who come in contact with a victim post assault have an opportunity to set the stage, through their behavior and reactions, for an easier or more difficult recovery for the victim.

It is important to understand that there is no single, standard, or "appropriate" victim response to rape or molestation. There would be two general response types that many victims follow: expressive or guarded. Some victims will be very verbal, be in tears, and be angry, and so forth following the offense. Others will be guarded, quiet, attempt to go on. Some victims may switch back and forth from being expressive to guarded.

When a sexual assault occurs, there are numerous victims that are produced. Obviously, there is the primary victim--the one in which the assault was directly targeted to. There are many other secondary victims. The children of the victim, husband, and other family members. They will all grieve in their own way, and it is important for professionals to assist everyone involved.

Investigators, juries, judges, prosecutors, and everyone else must understand that rape victims, immediately following the assault, may not react with all of their normal faculties. When someone suffers a traumatic event, it may take a while for your head to clear and your heart rate to return to normal. For sexual assault victims, this temporary detachment may result in delays in reporting...Which can also hinder a successful prosecution. If there is a delay in reporting the assault, it is imperative that investigators and prosecutors do not berate her, or challenge her for not reporting immediately. Instead, they should recognize the courage it takes to report a crime of this nature (and to survive such crimes), and no one should ever second-guess the victim’s tactics in handling the crisis.

Many victims of sexual abuse do fully recover. This is not to suggest that they ever forget about what occurred, because they do not. However, they can, with the help of family, friends, and professionals, go on with their lives and be happy again.
Victims of Child Molestation

Being sexually abused as a child or as a teenager can have a wide-range of both short and long-term effects. Many times, the offenders will try and use the following line in their defense, "if I really sexually abused him/her, why did she still want to play with me?". I will also be told from family members of offenders that the alleged victim and offender are very close and have a good relationship. These dynamics can be very confusing (especially for the victim) for mental health professionals, law enforcement, judges, and prosecutors. How can a child be sexually abused by someone close to him/her, yet still want to "play" with that person, or have a relationship with that person?

The reason this may occur is due to what we call grooming, or the method the offender used to have the victim comply with his or her wishes. For instance, if the offender was very nice to the victim prior to the offending, bought gifts, or gave special attention to the victim, the child victim would naturally yearn for such behaviors or items. Just as important, however, is the fact that the victim may be a close relative to the offender, and truly does not want the offender to leave (especially if this is in conjunction with gifts and attention); however, this does not mean the victim wants the abuse to continue.

Many people erroneously believe that child victims of sexual abuse are always traumatized by the abuse, and overtly angry with the offender. Sometimes this could not be farther from the truth. I have worked with both adult men and women who have been sexually abused as children, who state that they were not traumatized, nor did they want the offender to be incarcerated. Did the sexual abuse affect them? Of course, just not in a traumatic way. The abuse may have affected their boundaries, sexual interests and behaviors, trust, and sexual orientation; however, it did not traumatize them. What may traumatize them, however, is the reaction from others. For instance, if the child and offender were caught by the child's mother, and the mother, rightfully so, goes ballistic. Within minutes the police arrive and take the child away. In a few hours, the child is being interviewed by child protective service workers, who may be acting like something traumatic happened. The child will then interpret the entire situation as traumatic, even if the child did not interpret the abuse, at the time, as traumatic.

A very high degree of psychological damage can occur if the offender makes the victim feel physical pleasure during the offense(s). This will produce a level of guilt and shame that is very powerful. Moreover, the victim is less likely to disclose the abuse, and if he or she does, they are very likely to minimize it. This would be because the victim may feel partly to blame for the abuse because they experienced pleasure (this is a grooming technique). I have treated countless victims who, after the abuse was revealed (either through someone observing, or indirectly), did not disclose the full extent. They fear they will get in trouble for not telling themselves, and fear and shame because they experienced physical pleasure. As the victims grow older, they may be unable to process the abuse, and continue to blame both themselves as well as the offender. The shame produced can be so intense as to create suicidal ideation, a loss of "self", and self-destructive behaviors.

Victims of child sexual abuse can go on to lead normal, healthy lives. They can learn to let go of the pain, and to increase their self-awareness of how the abuse affected them. Sometimes it takes the right therapist, just the right book, or even just time.

Return to The American Academy of Experts in Traumatic Stress Homepage

Rosenberg and Associates can be reached at www.angelfire.com/mi/collateral/victims.html.
 
 

 

http://www.aaets.org/article123.htm

I notice there is no age in that article and if you are trying to debunk my story of my sons rape, that is pretty hateful to put it mildly and that is what it seems to me you are doing. I think it depends on age and my son was 3,I asked the specialists if he would forget and was told most at THAT AGE do, BECAUSE of the age. I think I will go back to lurking now. It is best as every time I post,you seem to try to discount what I post.

Never would I try to debunk what you or your son went thru EVER, it's a horrific vile act and I have only questioned one person as to their accounts and that is Misty as she has proven to continually play the victim card. I was simply stating that no one really forgets, they may make a conscious effort to file it away and move or or dissasociate as a defense mechanism. I don't think there is a right or wrong way to get past a tragedy as molestation or rape, I just know from every counselor I have ever talked to ever the yrs that forgetting was not an option even in a 2 yr old I was told.

As for slapping you in the face regarding your story you told me once, I apologize and don't remember ever doing that to you, but if I did I certainly apologize for whatever I said that made you feel that way.

[strayze]

I am very sorry for what you and your son endured  I don't know anything really on this subject, I brought it up, rather as another way to look at it. I have no idea if Misty was sexually abused by a brother and cousin, but if she was not I also would hate for someone to look at both of them as molesters, and treat them differently because of it. It is probably rare, but some people do lie and say horrible things like that to ruin another's reputation, and to me that is very wrong. But again, I don't know about Misty, but what I do see is a girl that has had one heck of a bad time growing up, and for that I don't like to see that with anyone. Maybe her parents if they cared for her more would have pushed for at least a high school graduation, I do believe that Misty latched on to Ron for a roof over her head, food, and other various things.

It is my understanding that Misty dropped out in 4th grade.  Just have a look at her note written to Tim Miller.  Barely legible.  The word "make" is spelled "mach" repeatedly, for example.  The print style is totally inconsistent internally.

[no rose colored glasses]

Well, whether fourth or seventh grade it is bad, and if Ron cared anything about his child bride, he should encourage her to go back to school. I know that isn't probably going to happen......   I realize that some kids quit school for various reasons, such as having to work to help the family, and basically for some families I guess an education isn't important. I'm wondering if perhaps she has some learning disabilities and that is why she dropped out?

[seahorse]

This is my view on the blood, deer and van:

They say there is a little bit of truth in a lie according to the guests on TV shows.

Did Misty see Haleigh as the "deer"?   Is she referring to the blood, deer and van, referring to the child?

Did someone run over Haleigh?  Was Misty was trying to tell the story without committing herself.

It is my opinion the blood, "seeing the deer put into the van", perhaps, was not the deer, instead, possibily the child.

Does anyone remember Casey Anthony's version of the squirrel being scraped off the car?

Good Morning Monkeys!

Wow - what a great post! Many items in there that really got me thinking . . . The highlighted statement I think is especially true, and we should probably keep that in mind, as Misty is clearly piling lie on top of lie. Excellent point.

How very interesting  - your thoughts about the deer - especially given the juxtaposition of the words 'deer' and 'dear'. Made me go "hmmmmmm" . . . and the comparison to Casey Anthony and the squirrel is so powerful. Wow.

Following you out of the box, then - expanding on your thoughts a bit - what if there really was a deer, which means they had been hunting, right? Dick Cheney surely showed us all that hunting accidents CAN happen! A gun misfire, Haleigh running into line of fire, one of those hillbillies thinking they would teach Haleigh how to fire a gun . . . all perhaps scenarios of a hunting accident?

So much to think about!

Tams,

Yes, he does hunt, accidents do happen. He could be hunting posseum in the yard. Ron enjoyed showing Haleigh how to fish, etc.  He may have really showed her how to hunt, too. Hard core hunters do show children at a very young age how to hunt.

Misty bought up the subject of the van and seeing blood, there was no reason to bring that up unless she and Ronald are trying to frame the brother. If you listen to that tape, she later says "I think it was deer blood" I found that unsettling, first she said, deer blood, and then later, say, she thinks it was deer blood,then said "I don't know"> it was one or the other. I think she wanted to imply or leave it to the imagination that the blood could have been human blood or deer blood. She is a slipperly fish.

( IMO) They (RC & MC) are going to frame someone.  The Police Chief was "very pleased" with the brother's interview.  I do not believe one thing Misty says, but, with saying that, pieces of what she said have some connection. I understand why after ten interviews with the law there were no results, she is a master at confusion and manipulation.  Just an opinion.