MONKEY MUSINGS DAILY OPEN DISCUSSION #52 10/03/09 - 11/24/09

[dsntslp]

I think I am in the right place...this is the active musings thread right?

[dsntslp]

Hiya Bud's Girl!  I see your name up there!

[Bud's Girl]

Hey dsn - you made it !   

Didn't want to disrupt Haleigh's thread anymore with what we were talking about - tho it was sort of on topic because of Ron keeping Haleigh & Jr..    But your post reminded me so much of what we went thru yrs ago with our granddaughter. 

[Bud's Girl]

Hiya Bud's Girl!  I see your name up there!

yes -- and I started a post to you & click on "Post" before I finished!  My cursor is super sensitive on this laptop I just got & sometimes it does its own thing.   

[dsntslp]

Yes, it's hard.  I just want to go steal him and rescue him.  He's such a sweet boy and if the Judge leaves him in that environment he will not be for long.

[dsntslp]

What happened with your grand daughter?

[Bud's Girl]

What happened with your grand daughter?

She was 18 months old at the time.  My son did end up with primary custody of her.  But you know what - I was writing a post as to what we did & realized         I can't repeat what we did on this board.   It was illegal but the lawyer who advised us to do the things we did said it was an inside job, and we had to get proof from the inside.  It took some thinking & planning but we did it.  Do you have a lawyer who can advise you ? 

You can also steal the child & hide him if no custody has been awarded.   It's not nice, but it's definitely not illegal.  And a judge won't hold it against you if you testify as to why you did it.

[Bud's Girl]

Hello MV   

[dsntslp]

I can't take the chance of doing anything illegal.  I have my dad here (71 and alzheimers) plus the rest of the family etc...I am the supporting keystone so to speak.  At this point the gs dad will not even let us pick him up to visit because he knows we will not return him (I wouldn't).  We tried to get LE to go with us (my daughter was with us too) to get him back and we are being told LE will do nothing without a Court order from a Judge.  I wonder how many mothers think they have custody of the children they gave birth to and they do not until a Judge says so.  It never occurred to us my daughter did not have legal custody of her own son until a Judge said so.  She even has a child support order.  LE says that is not good enough.  For them to remove the child from the father (all he has is a DNA test paper) LE needs a Ct order.

[dsntslp]

When all is said and done I am sure to write an article about it and submit it to many blogs and outlets though.  These girls need to know the law is NOT on their side and that possesion of the child seems to be the only enforceable thing until a Judge says differently.  I would never let a child visit a nun-custodial parent again without having a custody agreement in place.  Being nice hurts the child in the long run when it happens like this. 

[Bud's Girl]

I can't take the chance of doing anything illegal.  I have my dad here (71 and alzheimers) plus the rest of the family etc...I am the supporting keystone so to speak.  At this point the gs dad will not even let us pick him up to visit because he knows we will not return him (I wouldn't).  We tried to get LE to go with us (my daughter was with us too) to get him back and we are being told LE will do nothing without a Court order from a Judge.  I wonder how many mothers think they have custody of the children they gave birth to and they do not until a Judge says so.  It never occurred to us my daughter did not have legal custody of her own son until a Judge said so.  She even has a child support order.  LE says that is not good enough.  For them to remove the child from the father (all he has is a DNA test paper) LE needs a Ct order.

That's true here in Texas as well... until custody has been decided by a judge, either parent can keep the child & keep him from the other one if they want to because the child belongs to both parents.

I completely understand the scary part of doing something illegal.  We took the chance because we were so scared for her safety and because we were under the advice of our lawyer who would stand up in court & tell why he advised same.  He told us that judges have been through such things a zillion times & if you can show cause or have witnesses that prove you had cause to try to get proof of child abuse, the judge will do nothing to you even if you did something illegal to gain that proof.  The safety of the child outweighs the illegality is what we were told.  We did not get in any trouble at all.

[dsntslp]

Nun- custodial = non custodial  (ugh)

I have no way to get him out of there, they will not let us pick him up. 

[Bud's Girl]

Nun- custodial = non custodial  (ugh)

I have no way to get him out of there, they will not let us pick him up. 

oh ok, I thought you were still having visitation since you were saying about the bruises.  Same with DIL, she kept her door locked against us.   Had to get lawyer to file emergency hearing for temporary custody.

[dsntslp]

Yes, that is what we just did today, filed for an emergency hearing.

No, he filed and now has denied anyone visitation. 

[Bud's Girl]

Yes, that is what we just did today, filed for an emergency hearing.

No, he filed and now has denied anyone visitation. 

Oh that's good that you filed.

Hopefully the judge will set him straight !

[dsntslp]

I am glad it worked out for your son and family.  I am sure ours will as well.  I just don't like the idea gs may have to stay there through a long Court battle.  I want him back in his own bed, ya' know?

[Bud's Girl]

I am glad it worked out for your son and family.  I am sure ours will as well.  I just don't like the idea gs may have to stay there through a long Court battle.  I want him back in his own bed, ya' know?

I definitely do know.  I lost many an hour sleep while all that was going on & my heart goes out to you.

Judges usually favor the mom for primary custody - unless the father knows the judge somehow and can sway him, or unless the father has something big he can bring to court to prove the mom is unfit. 

But usually the mom gets awarded temporary custody & the father visitation rights, so that is probably what will happen with you all.   

[dsntslp]

Yeah.  It's just so sad that he can get away with this in the meantime.  If we had only known that a DNA test gave him the right to take him my daughter would have filed for custody herself.  At the time though it seemed so silly to file for custody of a child you gave birth to and were never married to the father.  The father saw twice until he turned two years old.  I guess more than anything it irks me that if this can happen to us then other moms need to be warned.  They need to be warned not to be nice and let the child go anywhere with the other parent or this can happen.  It is so disrupting and upsetting to the childs life, it is not fair to the child.  When parents have DNA done they ought to be forced to have the Court hear the custody issue so this does not continue to happen.  Barring that, all I can hope to do is educate others so they preserve their rights from the outset so other children do not have to go through this.

[Bud's Girl]

dsn -- I need to run, but if you're still here....  keep those pictures no matter what child services said about them, make sure they're dated ... and keep a detailed, dated diary of what has gone on, every phone call, every incident.   


 

[dsntslp]

Ok Bud's Girl.  Thank you for everything.  Have a fantabulous night!