JSM's BEGGING FOR BAN THREAD # 7

[Bearlyhere]

I really need a military "boyfriend" (pretend one), that when someone asks me out I can say, "no I don't think my boyfriend in Afghanistan, Iraq, etc, would want me going to dinner while he is fighting for our country".

I think I will ask that guy at the hospital that is in the Reserves, if he will be my pretend boyfriend.

That way when my stalker asks me to dinner I don't have to make up an excuse I can use the boyfriend excuse. It wouldn't be a "lie" because my friend at the hospital is a "boy" and a "friend".

What do you monkeys think? 

JSM, I just happened to see this post.  I about busted my computer trying to get back in here and answer you.  I have been locked out more times tonight than an ex-husband with bent key and a bounced alimony check.

Do not, please, do not date a stalker.  Lie, lie, lie, or do what you have to do.  Do not talk to him again or make eye contact.  Please, if he is really stalking you or following you, make up anything and stick with it.  Make sure you carry mace or something else with you.  It is not cute to be stalked, it is criminal.  If this is the same guy you talked about before, your hinky meter has been in overdrive about him.  Please, get away and stay away now.

               

[Bearlyhere]

It is only 6 here, but I'm getting ready for bed, my head is all stuffed and full of pain, probably a good thing I'm going to the doctor tomorrow, I hope it isn't the flu, where my husband works so many are out sick with it, and he probably brought it home  I'll check some of the threads, then see you all in the morning.

NoRose get some rest - I hope you feel better and if not good thing you are seeing the doc tomorrow.

Speaking of illness I must tell you monks that this story hits to close to home for me. My sister went to school with the gal in this story and I went to school with her brother.  She was sick on Thursday and decided to go to the Dr. they quickly transported her to another hospital and then to Mayo Clinic where she died 4 days later, she had H1N1 with no underlying health issues - this has me feeling very sad and shocked because I myself have been rather skeptical of the H1N1 and rather thumbed my nose at it.......now I am not sure what to think. 

http://kstp.com/news/stories/S1233444.shtml?cat=1

This link gives a more detailed account of the events leading up to her death - I post it if you are interested, because it explains further what was occurring in those days. 

http://www.caringbridge.org/visit/debbielindstrom/mystory

I am so, so sorry!  I read this and my heart is aching for this family.

This flu is a butt kicker.  They feel that is what my son had.  His fever was 104.5.  It knocked him on his butt.  He has never slept when he was sick...ever, except when hospitalized as a pre-schooler.  If you can get the vaccine and your doctor thinks you should, you should seriously consider it.  It is very frightening.

[trimmonthelake]

Wake up Monkeys! Baby Shannon Dedrick has been found alive!       

[joesamas mama]

JSM--I always miss you.  I'm a night owl.  You're right about not driving around at night in a place with which you are not familiar.  It's dangerous.  Just ask Mary Jo Kopechne.  Oh yeah, she's dead.

As to the man who wants to take you out, why not go with him?  You might not like him but you could meet someone you do like while you are out with him.  Unless he is really obnoxious or has two heads or something, don't just dismiss him out of hand.  Hey, I live with Charlie so I know Josef is more fun than any ole man, but a little dinner and conversation might be nice.

Baby, I always miss you too. Poor Mary Jo, that SOB left her there to drown. I still get pizzed when I think about how Saint Teddy was treated and no one ever said a word about what he did.

I don't know if obnoxious is the word for him, more like persistent and full of himself is the best way to describe it. You are right Charlie and Josef are more fun anyways. 

[CasuallyCool]

I really need a military "boyfriend" (pretend one), that when someone asks me out I can say, "no I don't think my boyfriend in Afghanistan, Iraq, etc, would want me going to dinner while he is fighting for our country".

I think I will ask that guy at the hospital that is in the Reserves, if he will be my pretend boyfriend.

That way when my stalker asks me to dinner I don't have to make up an excuse I can use the boyfriend excuse. It wouldn't be a "lie" because my friend at the hospital is a "boy" and a "friend".

What do you monkeys think? 

Works for me. You can buy one of the fake diamond rings and tell him you are "engaged." I did that when I was on the truck by myself, and I brought it out if someone started hitting on me. 

I never thought about wearing a ring, good thinking Fanny. Only think is this guy is always around and if I said I was engaged, he would wonder where is the fiancee.  So IF I had a pretend bf in Iraq/Afgahnistan, then that would be the reason he was never around. 

 JSM~ I'm liking the bf in the military. And also maybe you could casually mention that he should be back fairly soon. Whatever you do , don't do what I usually end up doing. To be nice I'll go and then have to really come up with some rambling nonsense why I can't meet again. Just bring out the big guns right away. wouldn't hurt to embelish it even more and say yall met at the shooting range!
                                                                  

  Mizjay, thanks for the advice. My excuses are usually rambling nonsense like "I am going to dinner with my parents" or "I think I am coming down with the flu" I used that one Sunday.  But that was by text. It is even harder for me to say NO in person. There are two different guys wanting me to go out with them. One would love to go to the gun range and I can't shoot a gun at a distance, so that is out of the question. So I guess I am gonna have my best friend stalk the guy at work before he leaves for active duty and hope he wants to be my "boyfriend". Either that or get a picture of General Petreaus and use him as my "boyfriend". 

Tell him you're a LESBIAN!!!!

[joesamas mama]

JSM is still confused about those three girls in ND. I wish they would say more about why they were where they were found. I don't mean to speak ill of the dead, but I don't think they were star gazing. None of them were majoring in astronomy, so why go looking at stars? I don't think there was any foul play involved, I just want to know what kind of tracks they saw in the air that made LE realize these girls drove into a pond. I know ND is kind of flat, so not much big time four wheeling there, but where they "mudding"? I would really like to know because maybe this could be a wake up call to people that if you don't know where you are driving off road, it is best to stay away when it is dark. JMO JSM

I heard it was a farm pond, and there was grass growing around it. They may not have seen it or if they did, they thought it wasn't as deep as it was.   

  That's what I read, but what I want to know is why they were driving in a field, at dark. I understand not seeing the pond in the dark, but my problem and PLEASE don't get me wrong, is IF they were on private property and were mudding/four wheeling then it is possible that the people that own the property could be liable for their deaths.

I will shut up now, go eat my frozen pizza and go to bed.

I worry about this happening to my nephew and want to know details in order to send this as a wake up call to my sister.

Night Monkeys see ya'll in the AM.

Good Night JSM & JOSEF. I doubt if there is many places to go mudding in North Dakota. It's pretty dry up there, more like desert. Sleep tight and maybe reconsider going on a date. You are a very pretty and attractive woman. 

  I didn't think about ND being dry like a desert. Thanks for saying I am pretty, this guy still just oogs me out. I guess I could go, but if I go once, then he may want me to go again.  Maybe I will become a nun (without the eye patch). 

[joesamas mama]

I really need a military "boyfriend" (pretend one), that when someone asks me out I can say, "no I don't think my boyfriend in Afghanistan, Iraq, etc, would want me going to dinner while he is fighting for our country".

I think I will ask that guy at the hospital that is in the Reserves, if he will be my pretend boyfriend.

That way when my stalker asks me to dinner I don't have to make up an excuse I can use the boyfriend excuse. It wouldn't be a "lie" because my friend at the hospital is a "boy" and a "friend".

What do you monkeys think? 

You wouldn't be lying that is for sure if you say "boy" "friend" but I say go out - if he is a 2 headed tail dragging serpent I say what the hay go - you have nothing to lose.  Meet him somewhere for dinner and if you absolutely hate the way it is going you can make a quick exit and if you are having a good time then all the better.  I say you should give it a whirl. Open yourself up to meeting other people - I think you may be pleasantly surprised 

Thanks Mission. I will think about going, I don't know. I just don't find the guy attractive and have nothing in common. 

[joesamas mama]

I really need a military "boyfriend" (pretend one), that when someone asks me out I can say, "no I don't think my boyfriend in Afghanistan, Iraq, etc, would want me going to dinner while he is fighting for our country".

I think I will ask that guy at the hospital that is in the Reserves, if he will be my pretend boyfriend.

That way when my stalker asks me to dinner I don't have to make up an excuse I can use the boyfriend excuse. It wouldn't be a "lie" because my friend at the hospital is a "boy" and a "friend".

What do you monkeys think? 

Works for me. You can buy one of the fake diamond rings and tell him you are "engaged." I did that when I was on the truck by myself, and I brought it out if someone started hitting on me. 

I never thought about wearing a ring, good thinking Fanny. Only think is this guy is always around and if I said I was engaged, he would wonder where is the fiancee.  So IF I had a pretend bf in Iraq/Afgahnistan, then that would be the reason he was never around. 

 JSM~ I'm liking the bf in the military. And also maybe you could casually mention that he should be back fairly soon. Whatever you do , don't do what I usually end up doing. To be nice I'll go and then have to really come up with some rambling nonsense why I can't meet again. Just bring out the big guns right away. wouldn't hurt to embelish it even more and say yall met at the shooting range!
                                                                  

  Mizjay, thanks for the advice. My excuses are usually rambling nonsense like "I am going to dinner with my parents" or "I think I am coming down with the flu" I used that one Sunday.  But that was by text. It is even harder for me to say NO in person. There are two different guys wanting me to go out with them. One would love to go to the gun range and I can't shoot a gun at a distance, so that is out of the question. So I guess I am gonna have my best friend stalk the guy at work before he leaves for active duty and hope he wants to be my "boyfriend". Either that or get a picture of General Petreaus and use him as my "boyfriend". 

Careful what you wish for - he might say YESSSS!! 

  That will work!!

[joesamas mama]

It is only 6 here, but I'm getting ready for bed, my head is all stuffed and full of pain, probably a good thing I'm going to the doctor tomorrow, I hope it isn't the flu, where my husband works so many are out sick with it, and he probably brought it home  I'll check some of the threads, then see you all in the morning.

NoRose get some rest - I hope you feel better and if not good thing you are seeing the doc tomorrow.

Speaking of illness I must tell you monks that this story hits to close to home for me. My sister went to school with the gal in this story and I went to school with her brother.  She was sick on Thursday and decided to go to the Dr. they quickly transported her to another hospital and then to Mayo Clinic where she died 4 days later, she had H1N1 with no underlying health issues - this has me feeling very sad and shocked because I myself have been rather skeptical of the H1N1 and rather thumbed my nose at it.......now I am not sure what to think. 

http://kstp.com/news/stories/S1233444.shtml?cat=1

This link gives a more detailed account of the events leading up to her death - I post it if you are interested, because it explains further what was occurring in those days. 

http://www.caringbridge.org/visit/debbielindstrom/mystory

Oh Mission, that is so sad for her and her family. I think I may get the flu shot this year. God be with her and the family. They are in my prayers. 

[Fanny Mae]

Wake up Monkeys! Baby Shannon Dedrick has been found alive!       

Hot Dam! Going there now. 

[joesamas mama]

I really need a military "boyfriend" (pretend one), that when someone asks me out I can say, "no I don't think my boyfriend in Afghanistan, Iraq, etc, would want me going to dinner while he is fighting for our country".

I think I will ask that guy at the hospital that is in the Reserves, if he will be my pretend boyfriend.

That way when my stalker asks me to dinner I don't have to make up an excuse I can use the boyfriend excuse. It wouldn't be a "lie" because my friend at the hospital is a "boy" and a "friend".

What do you monkeys think? 

JSM, I just happened to see this post.  I about busted my computer trying to get back in here and answer you.  I have been locked out more times tonight than an ex-husband with bent key and a bounced alimony check.

Do not, please, do not date a stalker.  Lie, lie, lie, or do what you have to do.  Do not talk to him again or make eye contact.  Please, if he is really stalking you or following you, make up anything and stick with it.  Make sure you carry mace or something else with you.  It is not cute to be stalked, it is criminal.  If this is the same guy you talked about before, your hinky meter has been in overdrive about him.  Please, get away and stay away now.

               

Thanks Bearly, yes he is the one that was on my hinky meter. Maybe I am letting my guard down, so you are right I will just go ahead and say no. Thanks Bearly.    You are an angel.

[CasuallyCool]

JSM--I always miss you.  I'm a night owl.  You're right about not driving around at night in a place with which you are not familiar.  It's dangerous.  Just ask Mary Jo Kopechne.  Oh yeah, she's dead.

As to the man who wants to take you out, why not go with him?  You might not like him but you could meet someone you do like while you are out with him.  Unless he is really obnoxious or has two heads or something, don't just dismiss him out of hand.  Hey, I live with Charlie so I know Josef is more fun than any ole man, but a little dinner and conversation might be nice.

Baby, I always miss you too. Poor Mary Jo, that SOB left her there to drown. I still get pizzed when I think about how Saint Teddy was treated and no one ever said a word about what he did.

I don't know if obnoxious is the word for him, more like persistent and full of himself is the best way to describe it. You are right Charlie and Josef are more fun anyways. 

Tell him you have HERPES!!!

[joesamas mama]

Wake up Monkeys! Baby Shannon Dedrick has been found alive!       

       

I saw that when I got to work this morning Trimm. THANK GOD, finally a child found alive.

I didn't read the story, but they are charging the mom and the babysitter, right?

[joesamas mama]

I really need a military "boyfriend" (pretend one), that when someone asks me out I can say, "no I don't think my boyfriend in Afghanistan, Iraq, etc, would want me going to dinner while he is fighting for our country".

I think I will ask that guy at the hospital that is in the Reserves, if he will be my pretend boyfriend.

That way when my stalker asks me to dinner I don't have to make up an excuse I can use the boyfriend excuse. It wouldn't be a "lie" because my friend at the hospital is a "boy" and a "friend".

What do you monkeys think? 

Works for me. You can buy one of the fake diamond rings and tell him you are "engaged." I did that when I was on the truck by myself, and I brought it out if someone started hitting on me. 

I never thought about wearing a ring, good thinking Fanny. Only think is this guy is always around and if I said I was engaged, he would wonder where is the fiancee.  So IF I had a pretend bf in Iraq/Afgahnistan, then that would be the reason he was never around. 

 JSM~ I'm liking the bf in the military. And also maybe you could casually mention that he should be back fairly soon. Whatever you do , don't do what I usually end up doing. To be nice I'll go and then have to really come up with some rambling nonsense why I can't meet again. Just bring out the big guns right away. wouldn't hurt to embelish it even more and say yall met at the shooting range!
                                                                  

  Mizjay, thanks for the advice. My excuses are usually rambling nonsense like "I am going to dinner with my parents" or "I think I am coming down with the flu" I used that one Sunday.  But that was by text. It is even harder for me to say NO in person. There are two different guys wanting me to go out with them. One would love to go to the gun range and I can't shoot a gun at a distance, so that is out of the question. So I guess I am gonna have my best friend stalk the guy at work before he leaves for active duty and hope he wants to be my "boyfriend". Either that or get a picture of General Petreaus and use him as my "boyfriend". 

Tell him you're a LESBIAN!!!!

I knew that would be your answer CC. 

[CasuallyCool]

So, you know how Jan Brady had a fake boyfriend named George Glass?

[joesamas mama]

JSM--I always miss you.  I'm a night owl.  You're right about not driving around at night in a place with which you are not familiar.  It's dangerous.  Just ask Mary Jo Kopechne.  Oh yeah, she's dead.

As to the man who wants to take you out, why not go with him?  You might not like him but you could meet someone you do like while you are out with him.  Unless he is really obnoxious or has two heads or something, don't just dismiss him out of hand.  Hey, I live with Charlie so I know Josef is more fun than any ole man, but a little dinner and conversation might be nice.

Baby, I always miss you too. Poor Mary Jo, that SOB left her there to drown. I still get pizzed when I think about how Saint Teddy was treated and no one ever said a word about what he did.

I don't know if obnoxious is the word for him, more like persistent and full of himself is the best way to describe it. You are right Charlie and Josef are more fun anyways. 

Tell him you have HERPES!!!

    You are making my stomach hurt CC.

[trimmonthelake]

Wake up Monkeys! Baby Shannon Dedrick has been found alive!       

       

I saw that when I got to work this morning Trimm. THANK GOD, finally a child found alive.

I didn't read the story, but they are charging the mom and the babysitter, right?

Yes.Babysitter's husband also.   http://www.wesh.com/news/21523565/detail.html

[CasuallyCool]

YOU AND YOUR IMAGINARY BOYFRIEND
By Marni Rebecca Malarkey
A woman is nothing without a boyfriend. How many times have you heard that? Probably millions, but the astronomical number of times you've heard it, or said it yourself, doesn't make it any less true. We are nothing without boyfriends. In our modern world, though, having a decent boyfriend is next to impossible. Men are either wonderful and commitmentphobic, or available yet so horrendous you'd rather be barren and alone forever than stuck with them. And the rest are married. The good ones, as the saying goes, are all taken. And as I absolutely do not advocate being a party to-or of, or in-adultery, I have come up with another solution to the boyfriend problem.

Imaginary ones.





Imaginary boyfriends. With an imaginary boyfriend, you can appear, in the eyes of your friends, family, co-workers and various and sundry, worthwhile. And you can appear worthwhile without having to stoop to the tawdry lows of meeting your married lover at the NoTell Motel, or without having to bring your 50-something never-married dreamboat to a family gathering where he will make a point of telling everyone in the room that you and he are "just friends" and nothing more, or without having to date a guy with a combover, bad teeth and bad manners.

The steps to having a successful relationship with your imaginary beau, and of making sure he has a successful relationship with your social circle, are simple. Start slowly, as you would with a real man. For example, don't say to your mother and girlfriends "Cyril and I...oh, haven't I mentioned him before? He's a dish. He's the best. We just met, and well, now Cyril and I are planning a weekend together in wine country. And we've signed up for a scuba diving course next month, which we figure will benefit us when we go cruising in the South Caribbean next winter." If you've been alone for a while and all of a sudden you're talking like that, chances are people won't buy it. Start by dropping your new paramour's name here and there—"This funny thing happened at the gym last Wednesday. Cyril, he's a guy I know there, he accidentally dropped a fifty pound weight on this surgeon's hand! Isn't that a hoot? Ha, ha, ha!" Then mention "Cyril" a few more times and then start telling people that "Cyril" has been asking you out. Only after all of that can you and Cyril start planning holidays together.

In order to make your imaginary honey realistic, give details.

Details about his family, appearance, where he went to school, his car, his house (he owns one, of course), the restaurants you go to, the movies you've seen together and so forth, will add texture, quality and believability to your "relationship." You might as well give him a good job, since it's our real, in-the-flesh boyfriends who tend to be waiters, customer service representatives, unemployed actors, artists, aging students and welfare recipients.

So go for the gusto! Make him a bank president, a senior partner at a law firm, the head of surgery at a children's hospital, a professor, a restaurateur, a crown prince or even the former head of a major New York crime family who is now in the Witness Protection Program. That last one is an especially good choice for "Cyril" (though you may then want to call him "Tony") since a drawback of imaginary boyfriends is that your friends and family will probably want to know why he never accompanies you to anything.

Polish up your excuses! He's a surgeon? "Sorry mum, he couldn't make it to your and Dad's anniversary because he had to perform emergency surgery on a small child who had to be pulled out of a car by the jaws of life." He's a lawyer? "Sorry Susie, Cyril would have loved to have come with me to your Jack and Jill wedding shower, but he's been called into an emergency court session where he is trying to help a battered woman get her children back from her powerful ex." Don't hold back. Make him sound noble, kind, trustworthy, brave and true.

Be careful though, that you don't create an imaginary boyfriend whose details can be verified. Only give away so much information. It would be a grave error, for instance, to say "my boyfriend, Kofi Annan, would have loved to have come to your book launch, Allison, but he had to fly to Baghdad to meet with Hans Blix." It would be fairly easy for all but your dimmest friends to find out that you and Kofi have never met.

And what should happen if you meet an actual man you like? A male incarnate? A decent, single guy without a combover? That's easy. Drop "Cyril." Send him packing. Tell your friends he hit you/stole from you/cheated on you or that you just "met someone better." That last part wouldn't be a lie, right? Not only will you have met someone better, you'll have met someone real (those two things are not necessarily mutually exclusive...or inclusive, come to think of it). Make sure you shed a few tears, of course. Talk about "grieving" your relationship before you go out in the open with your new living doll. You don't want people thinking you're callous.

Until the magical day that you meet Mr. Right-Mr. Breathing-Mr. Imaginary can do the trick. And he won't complain about your weight, your makeup, your housekeeping ability, your pets, your moods or your political opinions. Imaginary boyfriends can fulfill your every need...well, your every need but one. So you'll have to take care of that yourself. But that's for another article.


 

[Tevye]

I found Teyve and No. Rose

  Speaking of Tevye.......I have not seen her since last week - have you all seen her? 

I's here, just been busy/tired/lazy. But I'm here! 

[CasuallyCool]

JSM: Knock knock
JSM's Imaginary Boyfriend: who's there?
JSM: JSM
JSM's Imaginary Boyfriend: JSM who?
JSM: JSM doesn't want to be your girlfriend anymore.