A Confession

[LouiseVargas]

Dear None,

I didn't boomerang.

1) I suggested he get help regarding getting over the lost love.
2) I asked him to not leave Scared Monkeys.

I'm sorry for any misunderstanding.

Love, Louise

[Carnut]

Louise,

My email is carnut@carnut.com if you wish to email me.

I related my jail experience on the same thread that you had posted yours.

[nonesuche]

A day ago I would not have bothered posting this but after reading these subsequent posts, I think it's time to share information here.

Months ago, early last year a group of us were doing the monkey chat room. That was where we got to know carnut, and tried to be very tolerant of his off the wall comments and also demands for attention. It was also where I first began to see females express being offended by his chauvinism but also him chasing/pursuing them online, flirting and making them uncomfortable. This was occurring more overtly in the chat room.

I tried very hard to be nice to carnut nonetheless, to understand this was a very lonely man and to be compassionate. I also messaged with him over Yahoo IM, again I listened to his big bag of hurts and complaints often. I also remember who on SM he criticized without cause, and to this day it's those women he torments.

Well folks, he does want compassion for himself but has no compassion for others. That's my personal experience, he also seems to like to toy with others, to play mind games as if for entertainment. At this point in my life I don't have to tolerate that, nor will I waste my own precious time in that way, so this post is just to clarify why I don't post much on the lively anymore.

I miss Blah, I miss being able to go post on the lively and not be subjected to sophomoric pot shots by him, and I miss the brainstorming which used to occur when he wasn't lording over the lively as he is now.

If Carnut is being stalked by someone threatening to expose him about something, I have a feeling it's not someone at SM but just one more manufactured play for sympathy.

[BTgirl]

I'm sticking my nose in here because I sort of feel like a couple of remarks have been pointed in my direction. Maybe not, but I still think what I have to say might illustrate something about the different backgrounds we all have and how that affects our communication style.

Let me start by saying that Carnut's posts don't really bother me. If he says something I'm interested in, I read it. If I'm not interested, I scroll past it, just like I would do with anyone else. However, I can see that his style of communication and sense of humor might be a little jarring for people who aren't accustomed to those things.

In an earlier post, I had said that Carnut reminds me of some of the males in my own family. One of those males is my dad. Let me say that my dad is the sweetest, kindest, gentlest of men. He has been a wonderful father to my sister and myself, and a kind and faithful husband to my mother. He loves us all very much, and tells people constantly that he considers himself the luckiest man in the world because of his family. However, if you just heard my father in idle conversation, you would think he is the world's worst male chauvinist pig. Much like I suspect Carnut does, he throws out remarks in order to get a response. It doesn't matter what kind of response - he just likes to debate. He also has a very, very dry sense of humor.

Once when I was about 16, my friend Linda was having dinner at our house. My dad said to me (in his gruffest voice) "I dropped my fork on the floor. Get up and get me another one." I replied, "What's wrong with you - are your legs broken?" My dad said, "Anything to do with the kitchen is women's work. There's no reason to have a dog if you have to do all the barking yourself." I got up from the table and went and got him a clean fork. When I handed it to him I said, "Here - take this and stick it up your butt." My friend Linda had been sitting through this whole exchange with a shocked expression, and when I made my last remark, she gasped out loud. My dad just looked at me calmly, though, and said, "Is that mandatory or optional?" and then we both started laughing. Everything he had said was tongue in cheek and not meant to be taken seriously. That is the kind of sense of humor my dad has, but my friend Linda had never been exposed to that before, and I think the poor thing nearly had a stroke before she realized it was all just silliness.

Just like with everything else, what bothers a person is based on his/her own background. We are a very diverse group of people here, so I hope everyone can negotiate a peace treaty and resume posting happily together.

[nonesuche]

BT-

I don't believe I have mentioned your name once in this thread so please don't make assumptions. You obviously are very comfortable around carnut, I can count on two hands the females who have complained regarding him to me.  Make of that what you will, it is the truth.

Having worked at Director level professionally within human resources in my very old career does qualify me to make this comment. This is a community yes, it is not a family founded on unconditional love. Comparisons to your father are not accurate for this venue. That being said, had carnut not worked with predominately males in IT it is very likely he would have found himself entangled in a significant lawsuit for harassment by many females against him in most typical and metropolitan workplaces.

{{edit - let's not discuss private conversations please}}

Now you seem to want to yank my chain BTGirl, I have to ask you why? When actually do I post on the lively more than 2 posts per day now? Get real, this has become a feast on certain people and truly IS a double standard and I'd point to you as one of the leaders within that.

{{edit - let's not discuss this please}}

NO THANK YOU !

[BTgirl]

No, I'm not yanking anyone's chain. I have the utmost respect for Anna, just as I do all the posters at SM. Engaging in internet battles of words is not something I'm willing to do. I was hoping I could do something to help smooth things over because I do like everyone at SM. However, since it appears that my attempts are not successful, I'm done with this discussion and this topic.

[klaasend]

ENOUGH!  This is getting rediculous.  I'm locking and moving this thread.