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Author Topic: MONKEY MUSINGS DAILY OPEN DISCUSSION #54 1/21/10 - 6/18/10  (Read 542216 times)
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islandmonkey
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« Reply #1180 on: March 28, 2010, 09:25:32 PM »

IM, if I may try to help. I know somewhat how you feel. I have not lost a grandchild like you have, but I literally feel apart after my mom passed away. I didn't have time to think for months after she died, I was helping my dad, and when I got back home I had lost almost 50 lbs and had a nervous breakdown. I sought help was put on many medicines, I can't say that I'm a whole lot better after five years, but it does get somewhat better. You will be able to see the light through the darkness clearer, you just got to somehow hang on to that. When things get rough I hold my mom's rosary, perhaps holding something of Eli's may help.  an angelic monkey I am more than glad to help you, I feel the despair in your posts, I know the despair, keep talking, okay  an angelic monkey
Thanks NRCG, I have his blanket with me and the one of his outfits....
You hang onto that tight. Someone said to me when my mom passed, that now she is watching over you more than ever, Eli is watching over you and will help you. I can't begin to tell you how that helped me, I hope it will help you.
I am NRCG.........when we tossed the roses in the water Friday night, I asked Eli to share some of his stregth with me....

   Marissa's first birthday was very hard for me.  All the pain, all the hurt came back and was just so huge.  I think it has to do with the day to day learning to cope.  So much love, so much hope.  All the dreams.  Shattered.  And we go about our lives, living it day to day and all the while the thoughts and memories are there.  We set them aside just far enough so that we can function.  And then there is the birthday, and all the feelings come flooding out.  I compare it to having all my feelings behind a big door.  I want to think about her, and her beauty and all that she is and was and could be but along with it are the feelings of loss and sorrow and what could have been.  So when I open the door a little bit, I think of her softly, but with sadness.  Sometimes I would have to slam the door shut before the feelings overwhelm me.  But I want to think of her.  A song will play, one by Cat Stevens "Oh Very Young"  and I'm taken back.  Over time, instead of the big door, it's become more like the ocean.  The sadness and grief come in and out like the tide.  It's taken me a lot of years to learn to live with it.  There is no "closure", no getting over anything.  I'm not over her birth or death.  I've learned to accept it and I've learned that anger will not bring her back.  I see her in every sunrise, for she was born in the early morning  and passed just as the sun rose in the sky.  I see her in the tulips and daffodil blooms I planted.  She's not here, but she's here everywhere.  She's in my heart.  IM, my email is MuffyBeeScaredMonkey at my g mail address if you want to email me.
Thanks Muffy, you seem to have summed it up exactly! Again, I am so sorry for reaching out ....and I will email you miss B an angelic monkey
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Zoe you will always be in my heart and soul


« Reply #1181 on: March 28, 2010, 09:28:15 PM »

Muffy, I'm so sorry  an angelic monkey But your post summed it up beautifully.
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MuffyBee
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« Reply #1182 on: March 28, 2010, 09:30:53 PM »

Don't you call yourself selfish again, needing help and talking to people is never selfish, never. If that is what helps, then that is what you need to do.

I understand, but to some it increases their pain..........and I think I may have done that
Everybody here on this forum is kind and considerate, nobody would ever think you are selfish IM. I am more than wanting to help, along with everyone else. Please, you can ask me anything that may help, I have never been shy to discuss depression, I've been clinically depressed since age 14, have felt at times that I would never make it, nor did I want too make it at times. I am here and want to help you get through this if I may.


I'm sorry I didn't post quickly.  I was giving thought to what I was typing, and then I deleted that and tried it again.  And then did it again.  I believe what IM is feeling is very normal, and it helps to talk about it.  We need to talk about.  Talking about it isn't selfish, imo.  Can and no rose colored glasses, you are both wonderful and compassionate people.   
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MuffyBee
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« Reply #1183 on: March 28, 2010, 09:33:30 PM »

Muffy, I'm so sorry  an angelic monkey But your post summed it up beautifully.

no rose, even though you've been carrying a burden since an early age, you are willing to not only say that, but you're also willing to help others.   an angelic monkey 
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no rose colored glasses
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Zoe you will always be in my heart and soul


« Reply #1184 on: March 28, 2010, 09:36:26 PM »

Don't you call yourself selfish again, needing help and talking to people is never selfish, never. If that is what helps, then that is what you need to do.

I understand, but to some it increases their pain..........and I think I may have done that
Everybody here on this forum is kind and considerate, nobody would ever think you are selfish IM. I am more than wanting to help, along with everyone else. Please, you can ask me anything that may help, I have never been shy to discuss depression, I've been clinically depressed since age 14, have felt at times that I would never make it, nor did I want too make it at times. I am here and want to help you get through this if I may.


I'm sorry I didn't post quickly.  I was giving thought to what I was typing, and then I deleted that and tried it again.  And then did it again.  I believe what IM is feeling is very normal, and it helps to talk about it.  We need to talk about.  Talking about it isn't selfish, imo.  Can and no rose colored glasses, you are both wonderful and compassionate people.   
Thank-you, and so are you, Can, and everyone on here. I also believe it is normal what IM is feeling  an angelic monkey It is horribly difficult. Talking always helps.
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numbersgirl
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« Reply #1185 on: March 28, 2010, 09:37:25 PM »

IM, I've never had a child, so I can't begin to know your particular type of grief.  I have lost both of my parents and the anniversaries of their passing hits me like a ton of bricks.  I understand what you said about going about your days and being able to feel joy...and then what you're feeling now at little Eli's 1st birthday is profound sadness.  I'm no expert, but I have felt it and I thinks it's perfectly normal.  I'm glad your daughter's coming over.  Talking and acknowledging your feelings is good.   an angelic monkey 

Ok, so it's normal for anniversaries and such to hit you like a ton of bricks........I just wanted to make sure that was it because it was so sudden and profound.

IM, it is for me.  On the first anniversary of my Dad's death, I thought I was having a nervous breakdown.  I shook and cried for 2 days straight.  Now, I realize that it hit me so hard because I had to be so strong for my mom that I really hadn't grieved as thoroughly as I needed.  I was busy taking care of mom's needs, etc.  When I had the chance to sit alone and get quiet within myself is when the profound sadness hit me.  Please allow yourself all the time you need.  Take good care of yourself during this time and allow yourself to feel everything you are feeling.  Don't try to push it back down.
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no rose colored glasses
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Zoe you will always be in my heart and soul


« Reply #1186 on: March 28, 2010, 09:38:30 PM »

Muffy, I'm so sorry  an angelic monkey But your post summed it up beautifully.

no rose, even though you've been carrying a burden since an early age, you are willing to not only say that, but you're also willing to help others.   an angelic monkey 
I have to, wish more people would, so people would understand it is an illness that can't be helped anymore than any other illness. Some people are ashamed, and I don't believe there is any reason to be.
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« Reply #1187 on: March 28, 2010, 09:39:13 PM »

Something  just came back to me.  When my daughter Marissa died shortly after birth, my son had just turned 4 and attended preschool.  I didn't realize how much it all affected him until his teacher called me in to look at his artwork.  He had started coloring his pictures with black crayon.  And there was a drawing he made with stick people, a man, a woman a little boy and a headstone, done in black crayon.  I realized then that the family needed some counseling.  I thought I was doing okay, going along with life and I realized how grief and depression can affect even very young children. 
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numbersgirl
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« Reply #1188 on: March 28, 2010, 09:43:47 PM »

Muffy and NoRose, prayers going out to you as well.  I didn't know.   an angelic monkey   an angelic monkey
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« Reply #1189 on: March 28, 2010, 09:47:08 PM »

IM, I've never had a child, so I can't begin to know your particular type of grief.  I have lost both of my parents and the anniversaries of their passing hits me like a ton of bricks.  I understand what you said about going about your days and being able to feel joy...and then what you're feeling now at little Eli's 1st birthday is profound sadness.  I'm no expert, but I have felt it and I thinks it's perfectly normal.  I'm glad your daughter's coming over.  Talking and acknowledging your feelings is good.   an angelic monkey 

Ok, so it's normal for anniversaries and such to hit you like a ton of bricks........I just wanted to make sure that was it because it was so sudden and profound.

IM, it is for me.  On the first anniversary of my Dad's death, I thought I was having a nervous breakdown.  I shook and cried for 2 days straight.  Now, I realize that it hit me so hard because I had to be so strong for my mom that I really hadn't grieved as thoroughly as I needed.  I was busy taking care of mom's needs, etc.  When I had the chance to sit alone and get quiet within myself is when the profound sadness hit me.  Please allow yourself all the time you need.  Take good care of yourself during this time and allow yourself to feel everything you are feeling.  Don't try to push it back down.
Numbergirl  an angelic monkey I sympathize, I understand, and hope you found some inner peace.
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numbersgirl
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« Reply #1190 on: March 28, 2010, 09:49:40 PM »

Thank you NoRose.  You are very kind.  an angelic monkey
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Zoe you will always be in my heart and soul


« Reply #1191 on: March 28, 2010, 09:51:27 PM »

Muffy and NoRose, prayers going out to you as well.  I didn't know.   an angelic monkey   an angelic monkey
Thank-you  an angelic monkey I know that I joke a lot on JSM's thread, that has helped me find some peace. This is a wonderful place with great people. My prayers are with all on here that are hurting, the people that are opening up, and the people who are silently hurting who don't feel comfortable about discussing the hurt  an angelic monkey
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« Reply #1192 on: March 28, 2010, 09:52:15 PM »

Thank you NoRose.  You are very kind.  an angelic monkey
  an angelic monkey
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« Reply #1193 on: March 28, 2010, 10:09:50 PM »

Something  just came back to me.  When my daughter Marissa died shortly after birth, my son had just turned 4 and attended preschool.  I didn't realize how much it all affected him until his teacher called me in to look at his artwork.  He had started coloring his pictures with black crayon.  And there was a drawing he made with stick people, a man, a woman a little boy and a headstone, done in black crayon.  I realized then that the family needed some counseling.  I thought I was doing okay, going along with life and I realized how grief and depression can affect even very young children. 
an angelic monkey Yes it can, bless his heart.
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Zoe you will always be in my heart and soul


« Reply #1194 on: March 28, 2010, 10:11:06 PM »

Hope everyone has a good night and sleep well  an angelic monkey
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seahorse
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« Reply #1195 on: March 28, 2010, 11:08:24 PM »

Hi Monkey's,

Two silly dog's in Tutu's. 

http://www.peoplepets.com/photos/cute/this-week-s-cutest-twitter-pics-barking-ballerinas-crafty-kitties-and-more/1


This Week's Cutest Twitter Pics: Barking Ballerinas, Crafty Kitties and More!

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crazybabyborg
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« Reply #1196 on: March 29, 2010, 01:54:43 AM »

IM, Muffy, and NoRose............ my heart goes out to you. I can't imagine the experience of loosing a child, and I won't pretend to. Grief and I are uncomfortable acquaintances that I've encountered too often and I'll share what I've learned from that in hopes it will help.

It comes in waves. At first, they crash one after the other, and all are powerful enough to drown in. As time passes, the waves begin to get a bit further apart, and the intense ones come unexpectedly, but less often. Anniversaries and birthdays are the seeds of storms and you feel tossed back to the beginning. It's a shocking blow and you fight to gain back the footing you've gained, unwilling to go through all that has been so hard, again. I know that feeling, and have struggled harder than I can say to keep my head above the turmoil and pain.

Here's the thing to remember: The road back is not the same path as you've already travelled. The storm will pass, and the calm will return easier. It's OK to trust the progress, you've just defined the process more clearly. It includes setbacks.......... they're temporary. You haven't lost ground, you've just stumbled in a ditch that's part of the ground. Learn from it, if you can. I try to forget the dates of death, but remember the dates of birth. I remind myself that the life that began on those dates has not ended, but will always live. I try to remember that the hand that holds my loved one, also holds mine.

I've come to expect the Christmas tears and it helps me to give myself permission to "ride the wave". I've learned to stop fighting them, but to ride it out and let it out. As years tick by, Christmas isn't over before I can at least recognize joy in others, and that I can't honor the joy that was given me without the ability to pass the memories on. I'm much more aware of opportunities to make a memory than I would have been without suffering loss. Faith is the touchstone for me to get all things in perspective. There is a plan. There is a purpose. I believe that. I bet my life on it.

You're in my prayers, IM, Muffy, and NoRose. Sending you heartfelt hugs!    
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Bearlyhere
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« Reply #1197 on: March 29, 2010, 02:01:41 AM »

Hi Monkey's,

Two silly dog's in Tutu's. 

http://www.peoplepets.com/photos/cute/this-week-s-cutest-twitter-pics-barking-ballerinas-crafty-kitties-and-more/1


This Week's Cutest Twitter Pics: Barking Ballerinas, Crafty Kitties and More!



I think Magnolia should get Tutus for all of her puppies.  Magnolia, I am so proud of you, you are the best puppy Mom.  Those puppies are so lucky to have you.  I loved the TV show and am looking forward to hearing lots of new things about them.  My son loves watching your puppies grow, too.

Klaas, I love the picture show.  I can't stop watching it.

IM, my heart breaks for you, you are never far from my thoughts.  You have every right to be sad, you were robbed.  Robbed of his first birthday party where he puts his hands in the cake and sucks on his little fist, and robbed of so many other occasions.  But, you are also very gifted, you were given the gift of Eli and the gift of memories that are all yours to keep and unwrap when you need them.  He is with you, even at this moment of sorrow when you may not feel his living presence.  When you are still, your memories will comfort you, you were given a great gift and you are an awesome Grandmom.

Muffy, I am so sorry for your loss.  Thank you for sharing with IM, I am sure it is not easy to reopen those wounds.

Take care, all of you who have lost someone you love, may your memories give you great joy.

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crazybabyborg
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« Reply #1198 on: March 29, 2010, 02:03:57 AM »

Don't you call yourself selfish again, needing help and talking to people is never selfish, never. If that is what helps, then that is what you need to do.

I understand, but to some it increases their pain..........and I think I may have done that
Everybody here on this forum is kind and considerate, nobody would ever think you are selfish IM. I am more than wanting to help, along with everyone else. Please, you can ask me anything that may help, I have never been shy to discuss depression, I've been clinically depressed since age 14, have felt at times that I would never make it, nor did I want too make it at times. I am here and want to help you get through this if I may.


I'm sorry I didn't post quickly.  I was giving thought to what I was typing, and then I deleted that and tried it again.  And then did it again.  I believe what IM is feeling is very normal, and it helps to talk about it.  We need to talk about.  Talking about it isn't selfish, imo.  Can and no rose colored glasses, you are both wonderful and compassionate people.   

Hey, Sweetie! You said it so well! Talk about it until YOU'RE through talking. It sounds silly, but putting it into words helps get it out where you can deal with it. Keeping it in, can cause the pain to just bore deeper. So, so, true, Muffy!
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crazybabyborg
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« Reply #1199 on: March 29, 2010, 02:04:57 AM »

Hey Miss Bear!   
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