Begging for Ban Thread #11

[Green Eyes]

So, monks, I have a ethical/moral question. If you knew that someone was going to die within the next 12-24 hours (verified by hospice nurses) would you make sure that someone was not left alone? Or would you just let nature take its course? I believe the patient was non-responsive for most of his last day.....

(And ain't that a cheery question to wake up to????) Sorry, this has been bugging me since yesterday, and I need other's input. Not so much to validate my position, but to hear other's opinions. Perhaps change my mind....

I would want to be with the loved one. For many reasons. You started you thought they were non-responsive for most of the day. From my personal experience and my opinion although they might seem that way, I believe they know you are there. It's a hard call and some have a difficult time being there when they pass. I would pray when my time comes my family is with me.
Prayers to you.

Thanks, darla, banana and GreenEyes. You've all confirmed what I thought. The person in question was my BIL, married to Bad Sister. She couldn't be bothered to stay with him, and it hurts my heart to know he was alone. I couldn't be there (grandkid duty), and it wasn't my PLACE to be there...but I think it was hers. Now I'm just gonna have to get over it, and save this discussion for the next time I spend the night at her house and she's all boozed up and she and I can tell the TRUTH to each other. I think (hope) she's feeling guilty, and so for that, I won't fault her. But if she's full of excuses why she should have been out drinking with her friends...well, that I'm gonna have a hard time with.

I have been with folks when they've died. I know that right up until the last second, they're still "there", and I know hearing and touch are the last sensations to go. I hate for people to be scared...I hope he wasn't scared.

I am sorry to hear about your BIL Tevye.  Prayers to you and the family. 

[trimmonthelake]

Tevye     

[Babybear]

So, monks, I have a ethical/moral question. If you knew that someone was going to die within the next 12-24 hours (verified by hospice nurses) would you make sure that someone was not left alone? Or would you just let nature take its course? I believe the patient was non-responsive for most of his last day.....

(And ain't that a cheery question to wake up to????) Sorry, this has been bugging me since yesterday, and I need other's input. Not so much to validate my position, but to hear other's opinions. Perhaps change my mind....

Hi Tevye.  IMO it depends on who the patient is and what the relationship is.  In my case, I stayed with my husband and he died in my arms, but he was the love of my life .  I actually think I would stay with anyone.  In Nov. my neighbor was dying and I stayed with him and his wife til the end.

[theboyzmom]

So, monks, I have a ethical/moral question. If you knew that someone was going to die within the next 12-24 hours (verified by hospice nurses) would you make sure that someone was not left alone? Or would you just let nature take its course? I believe the patient was non-responsive for most of his last day.....

(And ain't that a cheery question to wake up to????) Sorry, this has been bugging me since yesterday, and I need other's input. Not so much to validate my position, but to hear other's opinions. Perhaps change my mind....

Well, good morning to you too! 

I would not leave someone alone who is dying soon. When I worked at the hospital (oncology ward) and the nursing home, we always tried to have someone with a person who was passing on. I just think that even if you are not sure they know, a held hand during the journey is only human.

[theboyzmom]

So, monks, I have a ethical/moral question. If you knew that someone was going to die within the next 12-24 hours (verified by hospice nurses) would you make sure that someone was not left alone? Or would you just let nature take its course? I believe the patient was non-responsive for most of his last day.....

(And ain't that a cheery question to wake up to????) Sorry, this has been bugging me since yesterday, and I need other's input. Not so much to validate my position, but to hear other's opinions. Perhaps change my mind....

I would want to be with the loved one. For many reasons. You started you thought they were non-responsive for most of the day. From my personal experience and my opinion although they might seem that way, I believe they know you are there. It's a hard call and some have a difficult time being there when they pass. I would pray when my time comes my family is with me.
Prayers to you.

Thanks, darla, banana and GreenEyes. You've all confirmed what I thought. The person in question was my BIL, married to Bad Sister. She couldn't be bothered to stay with him, and it hurts my heart to know he was alone. I couldn't be there (grandkid duty), and it wasn't my PLACE to be there...but I think it was hers. Now I'm just gonna have to get over it, and save this discussion for the next time I spend the night at her house and she's all boozed up and she and I can tell the TRUTH to each other. I think (hope) she's feeling guilty, and so for that, I won't fault her. But if she's full of excuses why she should have been out drinking with her friends...well, that I'm gonna have a hard time with.

I have been with folks when they've died. I know that right up until the last second, they're still "there", and I know hearing and touch are the last sensations to go. I hate for people to be scared...I hope he wasn't scared.

I am so sorry Tevye. Perhaps she was afraid of facing her own mortality if she was there? Or perhaps she though if she was not there it would not happen (that magical thinking thing). Either way, the guilt will hers to feel or not feel.

[no rose colored glasses]

Good Morning, I also would stay with the person that was dying  Glad you made it home safe JSM  Hope everyone has a great day today 

[Tevye]

Thanks for all your input. I think it's only humane to have one's hand held as one passes over.  But, everyone must do what they think is best, and I know I better keep my mouth shut on this one until bad sis asks my opinion. I'll sugarcoat it, cos she is my sis, but I will tell her the truth.

And, to carry on this bright and cheerful subject, one of my nephews saw me at Christmas. I was making all kinds of jokes about cancer ("do you have any idea how much money I'm saving on hair conditioner? Be sure and put this pic of me and DH with deer antlers on our heads on my headstone....") and my poor nephew thought I was really really sick and contacted his brother and said "Is she sicker than we thought?" Poor thing! I had to write his wife a letter and explain my wicked morbid sense of humor (which, in our family, goes with the territory!) and reassure them all that I'm not going anywhere soon! Poor kids! I guess I better not joke around about it anymore. Carp, I was having fun with it! Cancer gets you: an iPod Classic, your own pink bedroom, awesome scarves, naps whenever you need them, some sympathy from DH, but not enough to spoil me...there are all kinds of plusses. But for the kids, I better lay off!

Now, today, I'm gonna go spend my Christmas money on a new flatscreen TV. I don't really need one, and could better send the money to the doctors, but darn it, I've given away every cent that anyone has given me this year (paying it forward for kids) and this time, I'm gonnna use it for me! Oh, I feel so selfishly wickedly good!!!

[trimmonthelake]

Turkey anyone?    This is Digger's challenge for today.He is going crazy.     They were outside my window in the den. 

[trimmonthelake]

New TV for Tevye.      You go you wicked monkey.   

[trimmonthelake]

See you monkeys in a little while.Digger and I are going "faux" hunting.   

[Missiontoconvict]

Yep I knew I missed someone. Good morning miss Sassy. Has that poor cat of yours got any skin left. lol Hope you had a fun New Years party.

That cat must be clean as a whistle.

[Missiontoconvict]

TRIMM  Prayers for you and your friend. Just want you to know that JSM is praying for you both. 

Me too Trimm 

Me three Trimm 

[Missiontoconvict]

Hi everyone happy new year my lovely monkeys!!! Hope everyone is having a great one

Hi ScareyCarrie and Happy New Year to you too, how is MonkeyMunk doing?

[Missiontoconvict]

Good evening monkeys. I just got home about 10 minutes ago. Just wanted to say hey and I missed the cage today and thank God for a safe trip home. 

Glad you made it home safe JSM  Josef is going to be happy when he sees you 

[Missiontoconvict]

Thanks for all your input. I think it's only humane to have one's hand held as one passes over.  But, everyone must do what they think is best, and I know I better keep my mouth shut on this one until bad sis asks my opinion. I'll sugarcoat it, cos she is my sis, but I will tell her the truth.

And, to carry on this bright and cheerful subject, one of my nephews saw me at Christmas. I was making all kinds of jokes about cancer ("do you have any idea how much money I'm saving on hair conditioner? Be sure and put this pic of me and DH with deer antlers on our heads on my headstone....") and my poor nephew thought I was really really sick and contacted his brother and said "Is she sicker than we thought?" Poor thing! I had to write his wife a letter and explain my wicked morbid sense of humor (which, in our family, goes with the territory!) and reassure them all that I'm not going anywhere soon! Poor kids! I guess I better not joke around about it anymore. Carp, I was having fun with it! Cancer gets you: an iPod Classic, your own pink bedroom, awesome scarves, naps whenever you need them, some sympathy from DH, but not enough to spoil me...there are all kinds of plusses. But for the kids, I better lay off!

Now, today, I'm gonna go spend my Christmas money on a new flatscreen TV. I don't really need one, and could better send the money to the doctors, but darn it, I've given away every cent that anyone has given me this year (paying it forward for kids) and this time, I'm gonnna use it for me! Oh, I feel so selfishly wickedly good!!!

Personally I don't think anyone should die alone, I truly believe that part of the fear of dying is to be alone and not surrounded by those who love you and support you.  I lost a sister (she was very young) although she was very sick and in a coma and on a vent we were told that she knew we were there - they are stimulated by touch and feel your presence.  I hope your sister didn't do something she will regret later - guilt has a way of sneaking up on you.  She is fortunate to have you as a sister who is willing to talk with her about it and be honest about your feelings.  It is hard to find balance using your wit and humor when younger loved ones are around - they don't have enough wisdom to understand our humor is a sort of coping mechanism. Don't loose your sense of humor.   

On a lighter note I am glad you feel wickedly good and damn get the nicest TV money can buy. 

[joesamas mama]

Glad you made it home safe.  Did you get to go to mass? Did you eat at any of those neat places?

Happy New Year.

Happy New Year Northern. Yes, made it to Mass but didn't get to eat at any of those cool places. My parents picked me up a burrito at some fancy burrito place so I had something to eat on the way home. We wanted to make it home in one day.

[joesamas mama]

So, monks, I have a ethical/moral question. If you knew that someone was going to die within the next 12-24 hours (verified by hospice nurses) would you make sure that someone was not left alone? Or would you just let nature take its course? I believe the patient was non-responsive for most of his last day.....

(And ain't that a cheery question to wake up to????) Sorry, this has been bugging me since yesterday, and I need other's input. Not so much to validate my position, but to hear other's opinions. Perhaps change my mind....

Good Morning Tevye. Personally, with both my grandmothers, they passed away with family in hospice. I wasn't there because I couldn't deal with it, but other family members were. I would hope at the time of my passing, someone would be there with me. JMO JSM 

[joesamas mama]

Is your mom mad at me about the beer?

Nah, she wasn't mad at all.

[joesamas mama]

Good evening monkeys. I just got home about 10 minutes ago. Just wanted to say hey and I missed the cage today and thank God for a safe trip home. 

Yeah! I'm so glad you're home, and I'm so glad you went! I bet it meant the world to your mom. What was your favorite part of the trip?

The ride home. I watched Slap shot all the way home. I think pond skating was my favorite. 

[joesamas mama]

Valentine avatars have been posted!!!

Go get yours!

(Trimm and JSM ... yours come tomorrow. I left you a special post.)

Thanks Brandi, I am looking forward to it. 

OH, yeah, and GET CABLE BEFORE THE OLYMPICS START! I will not be able to enjoy them without your commentary!

I will be calling AT&T this week. I can't live without cable after this past week.