MONKEY MUSINGS DAILY OPEN DISCUSSION #56 9/30/10 - 12/17/10

[sunshine12]

Sunshine - It has been my experience that when an emotionally abusive partner is trying to hang onto to the other so tightly as he is to you that he likely has someone else he's seeing.  It's almost as if they get mad at themselves and take it out on you.  Sometimes realizing that the guy is mostly FOS helps.   

That said, you sure you want what you posted in an open forum.  What if he reads it?

i hope he has someone else he is seeing, that would make me feel better actually.  and he doesn't use the internet at all, and has no clue i go to this website, he has no internet access at his house either so i don't mind it being on here, in fact he has no computer at his home.  thank you so much for taking the time to respond

[Green Eyes]

hi everyone,

i don't really post in here much but i was wondering if anyone had any advice on the best way to survive the breakup of an emotionally abusive relationship.  i just ended all contact with my emotionally abusive ex today and had verizon block him from calling me or texting me.  he has emotionally blackmailed me for the past 6 months into staying with him by threatening to call my job and make up lies about me, and all sorts of other crazy things.  i was weak at the time, and stayed out of fear that he would try to ruin my life. today i finally couldn't take it anymore and ended contact once and for all after he sent me a string of disgusting text messages.  he has never threatened to hurt me in anyway, but the emotional abuse was so traumatizing.   has anyone else ever experienced anything like this before?  part of me feels bad about breaking up with him and bad for hurting him, i know it's insane for me to feel guilty for hurting him but I just couldn't take it anymore. i'm sorry, i just needed to vent.  thanks for listening/reading

Sunshine I can only say that you have to think about you and your health.  I think people that that sound like your ex are people that feel they must be in control. And really have no self worth so they try and control those around them to make themselves feel better. IMO any way.  You have taken the first step. Good for you. Just remember you are not responsible for his actions or feelings. You are responsible for you. Baby steps forward. And good luck.

[Leroy]

hi everyone,

i don't really post in here much but i was wondering if anyone had any advice on the best way to survive the breakup of an emotionally abusive relationship.  i just ended all contact with my emotionally abusive ex today and had verizon block him from calling me or texting me.  he has emotionally blackmailed me for the past 6 months into staying with him by threatening to call my job and make up lies about me, and all sorts of other crazy things.  i was weak at the time, and stayed out of fear that he would try to ruin my life. today i finally couldn't take it anymore and ended contact once and for all after he sent me a string of disgusting text messages.  he has never threatened to hurt me in anyway, but the emotional abuse was so traumatizing.   has anyone else ever experienced anything like this before?  part of me feels bad about breaking up with him and bad for hurting him, i know it's insane for me to feel guilty for hurting him but I just couldn't take it anymore. i'm sorry, i just needed to vent.  thanks for listening/reading

Sunshine I can only say that you have to think about you and your health.  I think people that that sound like your ex are people that feel they must be in control. And really have no self worth so they try and control those around them to make themselves feel better. IMO any way.  You have taken the first step. Good for you. Just remember you are not responsible for his actions or feelings. You are responsible for you. Baby steps forward. And good luck.

Sunshine - I am so sorry you are going through this.  Stay strong and focus on yourself -- in time it will get easier.  Sometimes the hardest thing and the right thing are the same.  And GE is right, baby steps forward.  Hang in there Sunshine    

[crazybabyborg]

Sunshine - It has been my experience that when an emotionally abusive partner is trying to hang onto to the other so tightly as he is to you that he likely has someone else he's seeing.  It's almost as if they get mad at themselves and take it out on you.  Sometimes realizing that the guy is mostly FOS helps.   

That said, you sure you want what you posted in an open forum.  What if he reads it?

i hope he has someone else he is seeing, that would make me feel better actually.  and he doesn't use the internet at all, and has no clue i go to this website, he has no internet access at his house either so i don't mind it being on here, in fact he has no computer at his home.  thank you so much for taking the time to respond

Sunshine, you're doing the right thing. I'm confident without knowing either you or your ex, that you do not know the entire story. A guy with the sort of control issues you allude to is hiding something and he is not what he presents to you. Emotional abuse leaves scars....... they're just on the inside, and sometimes it's more painful than physical abuse. I predict that in 6 months to a year from now, if you manage to really end it, you'll see him differently; more clearly and you'll also begin to feel more like you again, too. Don't waiver, stay strong. Whatever your purpose in life is, it is not to be a doormat and anyone who diminishes your worth is blocking the path you were given to walk.

I have an ex that excercised total control while I was blind with total trust. He wore me like a shiny bracelet and there was enough acceptance and approval from elsewhere in my life, that it took tremendous loss for me to begin to feel the full impact from him. My God, what I discovered is almost too hard to believe. I'm through it, but Sunshine, seeing it sooner would have saved me so much. You'll be fine; you'll be better. The world will always hold challenges, but you'll be in a better place to meet them. God Bless and I'll keep you in my prayers.

[Red]

The Reason for the Season …Christmas Food Court Flash Mob, “Hallelujah Chorus”

Must see VIDEO to bring a smile to your face.

http://scaredmonkeys.com/2010/12/05/the-reason-for-the-season-christmas-food-court-flash-mob-%e2%80%9challelujah-chorus%e2%80%9d/

[klaasend]

The Reason for the Season …Christmas Food Court Flash Mob, “Hallelujah Chorus”

Must see VIDEO to bring a smile to your face.

http://scaredmonkeys.com/2010/12/05/the-reason-for-the-season-christmas-food-court-flash-mob-%e2%80%9challelujah-chorus%e2%80%9d/

I saw that Red, it is so awesome!

[crazybabyborg]

The Reason for the Season …Christmas Food Court Flash Mob, “Hallelujah Chorus”

Must see VIDEO to bring a smile to your face.

http://scaredmonkeys.com/2010/12/05/the-reason-for-the-season-christmas-food-court-flash-mob-%e2%80%9challelujah-chorus%e2%80%9d/

Oh Gosh.......... Where's the stupid Kleenex!! I'm a mess.

THAT pings my heartstrings!!! Thank you Red!! Best tears I've had all year!   

[BabsKats]

The Reason for the Season …Christmas Food Court Flash Mob, “Hallelujah Chorus”

Must see VIDEO to bring a smile to your face.

http://scaredmonkeys.com/2010/12/05/the-reason-for-the-season-christmas-food-court-flash-mob-%e2%80%9challelujah-chorus%e2%80%9d/

Oh Gosh.......... Where's the stupid Kleenex!! I'm a mess.

THAT pings my heartstrings!!! Thank you Red!! Best tears I've had all year!   

Thanks so much, agree CBB, pass the kleenex!

[Sister]

The Reason for the Season …Christmas Food Court Flash Mob, “Hallelujah Chorus”

Must see VIDEO to bring a smile to your face.

http://scaredmonkeys.com/2010/12/05/the-reason-for-the-season-christmas-food-court-flash-mob-%e2%80%9challelujah-chorus%e2%80%9d/

Thank you so much for posting this . . . truly, truly awesome!
We are blessed to be a blessing . . .

[Itaryl Moosee]

Sunshine, take a moment to breathe a sigh of relief. You got away from the abuse, and that takes courage and determination.

There's no buts about it... relationships that become abusive are very destructive towards the person being abused, and it's worse if there are children involved.

I hope it works out for you, and don't worry about him. He will eventually find himself a new woman to step on. Abusers may appear to change, but they never do.

Remember that in a relationship, if a person is happier being away from the other person than when being together, then there is no use to being a couple.

Ask yourself if smile more, with or without him.

Good luck to you!

[sunshine12]

thank you so much everyone for your comments, you all made me feel so much better

red that video brought tears to my eyes, i love the holiday season so much and i am so happy to be a monkey..

god bless each and every one of you 

[Bearlyhere]

I see Bearly is /was on line.  Hoping she checks in to musings.  Hi Bearly
How did you trip to Disney World Go? Hope you and cub had a wonderful time.  We have missed you

Thanks, GE.  I could only get on for a minute here and there on the trip.  Then it went out on me.

 

[Bearlyhere]

                  

Awwww, how adorable!   

Thanks for sharing Klaas, she's going to grow up so fast! 

She is a cutie!  So alert and smart.  She does look older than she is.

 

[Bearlyhere]

The Reason for the Season …Christmas Food Court Flash Mob, “Hallelujah Chorus”

Must see VIDEO to bring a smile to your face.

http://scaredmonkeys.com/2010/12/05/the-reason-for-the-season-christmas-food-court-flash-mob-%e2%80%9challelujah-chorus%e2%80%9d/

...and a tear (or two) to your eye(s).

[Bearlyhere]

thank you so much everyone for your comments, you all made me feel so much better

red that video brought tears to my eyes, i love the holiday season so much and i am so happy to be a monkey..

god bless each and every one of you 

 

[Bearlyhere]

http://www.foxnews.com/us/2010/12/02/finger-flipping-crosswalk-sign-fixed/



Finger-Flipping Crosswalk Sign Fixed

Published December 02, 2010 | FoxNews.com


There's "Walk," "Don't Walk" and "Say WHAT!?!?"

A “Don’t Walk” signal at a crosswalk in Spokane, Wash., sent a most impolite message to pedestrians on Wednesday, "flipping the bird" at people waiting on the corner until the city got around to fixing it.

The electronic sign's raised hand, the universal signal to stop, was working fine. But it was missing some fingers -- two on the left and one on the right -- leaving the middle digit proudly standing alone.

"The Bronx Salute," they called it in Spokane. The Bronx had no comment, which probably was just as well.

Spokane spokeswoman Marlene Feist said no offense was intended. It was all because of bad weather, she said.

“We fixed it, snow was embedded in the electric sign,” she told Foxnews.com.

She described the signal's message as "unintentional" and said it wasn't fixed quickly because city workers' first priority was clearing the snow from the roads, not the signs.

 

My brother's truck says, Horn broken, watch for finger.

 

[Green Eyes]

OMG What is next
http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20101206/ap_on_re_us/us_explosive_house

ESCONDIDO, Calif. – Neighbors gasped when authorities showed them photos of the inside of the Southern California ranch-style home: Crates of grenades, mason jars of white, explosive powder and jugs of volatile chemicals that are normally the domain of suicide bombers.

Prosecutors say Serbian-born George Jakubec quietly packed the home with the largest amount of homemade explosives ever found in one location in the U.S. and was running a virtual bomb-making factory in his suburban neighborhood. How the alleged bank robber obtained the chemicals and what he planned to do with them remain mysteries.

Now authorities face the risky task of getting rid of the explosives. The property is so dangerous and volatile that that they have no choice but to burn the home to the ground this week in a highly controlled operation involving dozens of firefighters, scientists and hazardous material and pollution experts.

Authorities went into the home after Jakubec was arrested, but encountered a maze of floor-to-ceiling junk and explosives that included 13 unfinished shrapnel grenades.

Bomb experts pulled out about nine pounds of explosive material and detonated it, but they soon realized it was too dangerous to continue given the quantity of hazardous substances. A bomb-disposing robot was ruled out because of the obstacle of all the junk Jakubec hoarded.

That left only one option — burn the home down.

San Marcos Fire Chief Todd Newman acknowledges it is no small feat: Authorities have never dealt with destroying such a large quantity of dangerous material in the middle of a populated area, bordered by a busy eight-lane freeway.

"This is a truly unknown situation," said Neal Langerman, the top scientist at the safety consulting firm, Advanced Chemical Safety in San Diego. "They've got a very good inventory of what's in there. Do I anticipate something going wrong? No. But even in a controlled burn, things occasionally go wrong."

He said the burning of the house would provide "an amazing textbook study" for bomb technicians in the future.

San Diego County authorities plan to burn the home Wednesday but need near perfect weather, with no rain, no fog, and only light winds blowing toward the east, away from the city. They have warned residents in the danger zone that they will be given less than 24 hours notice to evacuate their homes for a day, and that nearby Interstate 15, connecting the area to San Diego, will be closed.

Gov. Arnold Schwarzenegger has declared a state of emergency, and hospitals will be on standby in case there is a rash of people getting sick, Newman said.

Read the rest at the site

[BabsKats]

  1.  HOW DO YOU DECIDE WHOM TO MARRY?   
(written by  kids)     



You got to find somebody who likes the same stuff. Like, if you like sports, she should like it that you like sports, and she should keep the chips and dip coming.   
--  Alan,  age 10

-No person really decides before they grow up who they're going to marry. God decides it all way before, and you get to find out later who you're stuck with.   
--  Kristen, age   10   


2.   WHAT IS  THE RIGHT AGE TO GET MARRIED?   
Twenty-three is the best age because you know the person FOREVER by then.   
--   Camille, age  10   


3.  HOW CAN A STRANGER TELL IF TWO PEOPLE ARE MARRIED?   
You might have to guess, based on whether they seem to be yelling at the same kids.
--   Derrick, age  8   


4.  WHAT DO YOU THINK YOUR MOM AND DAD HAVE IN  COMMON?   
Both don't want any more kids.   
--  Lori,  age  8   


5.  WHAT DO MOST PEOPLE DO ON A DATE?   
-Dates are for having fun, and people should use them to get to know each other. Even boys have something to say if you listen long  enough.   
--   Lynnette, age  8     (isn't she a treasure) 

-On the first date, they just tell each other lies and that usually gets them interested enough to go for a second date. 
--  Martin, age   10   


6.  WHEN IS  IT OKAY TO KISS SOMEONE?     
-When they're rich.   
--  Pam, age   7

-The law says you have to be eighteen, so I wouldn't want to mess with that.   
-  - Curt, age    7

-The rule goes like this:  If you kiss someone, then you should marry them and have kids with them. It's the right thing to do.     
-  - Howard,   age 8   


7.    IS IT BETTER TO BE SINGLE OR MARRIED?   
It's better for girls to be single but not for boys. Boys need someone to clean up  after them. 
--  Anita, age  9   (bless you child )   


8.  HOW WOULD THE WORLD BE DIFFERENT IF PEOPLE DIDN'T  GET MARRIED?     
There sure would be a lot of kids to explain, wouldn't there? 
--   Kelvin, age 8   

And   the #1  Favorite is.......   


9.  HOW WOULD YOU MAKE A MARRIAGE WORK?     
Tell your wife that she looks pretty, even if she looks like a dump  truck.
--  Ricky,  age  10   

[crazybabyborg]

 

Those are great Babs!!  

One of my favorites is from Art Linkletter's  "Kids Say The Darndest Things":

What is "getting old?"

Child#1:  "It's when you're a Granny!"

Child#2: "It's what happens just before you go to heaven!"

Child #3: "It's when your bones quit growing but your skin doesn't!"

 

[SuzieQ]

Here is my youngest ggson. Born 7/11/10. Haven't seen him in person yet, but they are coming up between Christmas and New Years.