JSM's BEGGING FOR BAN THREAD #20 8/27/10 -

[4 Donks]

Hello Monks---A beautiful Sunday here in E. TN.  Still hot though.

[snippage]
  Well, I don't think it would be possible not to know this was going on.  She wants me to tell her it wasn't her fault but I won't do it because I think she probably knew.  I want her to admit she knew, but she denies knowing.   This is all unspoken, but an undercurrent. She said her daughter told her about this after he died.  I can't speak to the daughter because she doesn't know I know.  I am very fond of the daughter.

On one of the other threads, I think it was Kyron's, someone was talking last week about this kind of thing lasting until the victim was 17-18.  I just don't understand how that would happen.  I wish whoever it was would explain it to me so I could understand my friend's daughter more.

ASorry to be such a downer, but this has upset me a lot thinking about that dirty old man and a three year old.

From the daughter's point of view, she may have told her mother, and her mother shut her down. Once ya tell your mom something like that and she doesn't believe you, believe me, you stop talking about it...to anyone. I mean, if Mom won't believe you, who will? If the one person whose job it is to have your back lets you down, why bother? (knowing of what I speak here)

From the mom's perspective, if she knew, she had to figure out, real fast, how this would affect the family. In family sytems theory, this would be the boulder that got thrown in the pond of the family life. In Mom's mind, it was easier to maintain status quo, and just ignore it. Later, the mom will feel guilty. And you are right, she is looking to you to tell her she did the right thing. She's seeking forgiveness..but from the wrong person. She needs to have a talk with her daughter, and she needs to tell her daughter she believes her. Mom has to accept her portion of the guilt.

Many girls tolerate this abuse because Daddy has told them if they tell, the whole family will fall apart, and it will be the daughter's fault. Also, Dad makes sure to tell them that no one will believe them (which is proven true when Mom refuses to believe). In many cases, the girls put up with it to keep the family together, which is why the mom looks the other way...and Daddy skates.

Tevye you are one smart monkey and I've missed all your insightful posts.

[Tevye]

Hello Monks---A beautiful Sunday here in E. TN.  Still hot though.

[snippage]
  Well, I don't think it would be possible not to know this was going on.  She wants me to tell her it wasn't her fault but I won't do it because I think she probably knew.  I want her to admit she knew, but she denies knowing.   This is all unspoken, but an undercurrent. She said her daughter told her about this after he died.  I can't speak to the daughter because she doesn't know I know.  I am very fond of the daughter.

On one of the other threads, I think it was Kyron's, someone was talking last week about this kind of thing lasting until the victim was 17-18.  I just don't understand how that would happen.  I wish whoever it was would explain it to me so I could understand my friend's daughter more.

ASorry to be such a downer, but this has upset me a lot thinking about that dirty old man and a three year old.

From the daughter's point of view, she may have told her mother, and her mother shut her down. Once ya tell your mom something like that and she doesn't believe you, believe me, you stop talking about it...to anyone. I mean, if Mom won't believe you, who will? If the one person whose job it is to have your back lets you down, why bother? (knowing of what I speak here)

From the mom's perspective, if she knew, she had to figure out, real fast, how this would affect the family. In family sytems theory, this would be the boulder that got thrown in the pond of the family life. In Mom's mind, it was easier to maintain status quo, and just ignore it. Later, the mom will feel guilty. And you are right, she is looking to you to tell her she did the right thing. She's seeking forgiveness..but from the wrong person. She needs to have a talk with her daughter, and she needs to tell her daughter she believes her. Mom has to accept her portion of the guilt.

Many girls tolerate this abuse because Daddy has told them if they tell, the whole family will fall apart, and it will be the daughter's fault. Also, Dad makes sure to tell them that no one will believe them (which is proven true when Mom refuses to believe). In many cases, the girls put up with it to keep the family together, which is why the mom looks the other way...and Daddy skates.

Tevye you are one smart monkey and I've missed all your insightful posts.

Thanks, 4donks! I'm not that smart, just been around a bit.

Oh, and theboyzmom, send pink up Lake Michigan and into Grand Traverse Bay. I'll hear about it on the news!

[no rose colored glasses]

That is so wonderful Tevye  And the walking part is great, and that was fast with your walking, considering it is hot and you had new shoes on.  Tevye, 4 Donks, and Babybear are all cancer survivors if I forgot someone, I apologize 

Thanks for remembering that, NoRosie.  My sister gave me a little angel for my hospital room and I passed it on to a man who's wife had cancer and I understand it's been passed on and on. 

How wonderful  And just now read your post about your friend and neighbor, I just don't know what to say, how awful. Maybe she really didn't know that was happening, it does seem like it would be very hard not to have known, but maybe she really didn't.

[no rose colored glasses]

That is so wonderful Tevye  And the walking part is great, and that was fast with your walking, considering it is hot and you had new shoes on.  Tevye, 4 Donks, and Babybear are all cancer survivors if I forgot someone, I apologize 

Thanks for remembering that, NoRosie.  My sister gave me a little angel for my hospital room and I passed it on to a man who's wife had cancer and I understand it's been passed on and on. 

When I started treatment a group of friends got the LIVESTRONG bracelets from Lance Armstrong's Foundation and gave me one. Everyone including me are still wearing them..I'm on my 3rd one. It reminds me how important your friends are during this time.

That is so great also 

[Babybear]

Hello Monks---A beautiful Sunday here in E. TN.  Still hot though.

[snippage]
  Well, I don't think it would be possible not to know this was going on.  She wants me to tell her it wasn't her fault but I won't do it because I think she probably knew.  I want her to admit she knew, but she denies knowing.   This is all unspoken, but an undercurrent. She said her daughter told her about this after he died.  I can't speak to the daughter because she doesn't know I know.  I am very fond of the daughter.

On one of the other threads, I think it was Kyron's, someone was talking last week about this kind of thing lasting until the victim was 17-18.  I just don't understand how that would happen.  I wish whoever it was would explain it to me so I could understand my friend's daughter more.

ASorry to be such a downer, but this has upset me a lot thinking about that dirty old man and a three year old.

From the daughter's point of view, she may have told her mother, and her mother shut her down. Once ya tell your mom something like that and she doesn't believe you, believe me, you stop talking about it...to anyone. I mean, if Mom won't believe you, who will? If the one person whose job it is to have your back lets you down, why bother? (knowing of what I speak here)

From the mom's perspective, if she knew, she had to figure out, real fast, how this would affect the family. In family sytems theory, this would be the boulder that got thrown in the pond of the family life. In Mom's mind, it was easier to maintain status quo, and just ignore it. Later, the mom will feel guilty. And you are right, she is looking to you to tell her she did the right thing. She's seeking forgiveness..but from the wrong person. She needs to have a talk with her daughter, and she needs to tell her daughter she believes her. Mom has to accept her portion of the guilt.

Many girls tolerate this abuse because Daddy has told them if they tell, the whole family will fall apart, and it will be the daughter's fault. Also, Dad makes sure to tell them that no one will believe them (which is proven true when Mom refuses to believe). In many cases, the girls put up with it to keep the family together, which is why the mom looks the other way...and Daddy skates.

Tevye you are one smart monkey and I've missed all your insightful posts.

Hi 4 Donks---

Thanks for your insight, Tevye.  The mother claims that her daughter told her after the monster died.  I don't know if that's true or not.  She did say that the daughter said that he told her no one would believe her and she would be taken away from the family.  I asked her why she put her little baby girl in bed with a man not related to her and she said, "Oh it wasn't for long."  I told her, "It was long enough, wasn't it?"  Anyway she claims she didn't know things like that happened because it never happened to her.   I told her that I knew about it and it never happened to me either. IMO she thinks I have to forgive her or something, but her daughter says she forgives her and if that's true, OK.  I personally would never forgive my mother if she had allowed this to happen to me. The daughter's husband died about a year ago and she married a wonderful man a short time later.  I thought it was good because her husband hadn't been able to tell a potted plant from the toilet for some time. He was about 80 something.  She's in her early 50's now and is very happy.  But the kicker here is that her  step-father got mad when she remarried because he said she must have been having an affair with her new husband before her old husband died.  Frankly, I hope she was.  She needed some comfort in her life and I hope she found it.

If I had known about this on the day he died I think I would have just slapped him instead of holding his hand as he passed.

There is something I know to be a fact.  It doesn't matter what else you do in life, if you fail your children, your life is a failure.

[theboyzmom]

Tevye - the pink is on it's way up . . . I am sure you will hear it coming.   

[MuffyBee]

GREAT NEWS TEVYE!!!

[Green Eyes]

GREAT NEWS TEVYE

You are absolutely an amazing women.   

[Green Eyes]

BabyBear  I don't know what to say about your neighbor.  Besides may he rot in hell.  I have no tolerance for any body that harms children.  Prayers for his daughter and you. I remember you talking about the old man and his passing. 

[Green Eyes]

Trimm  I hope you sign in this morning.  I have been worried about you all day and tonight. I haven't seen you back on since this afternoon.  Hope you and the family are all right. Prayers for you all.  I am not as good as some on here for researching but if I can help let me know. I am more than willing to help.

[Green Eyes]

Since I forgot how to post Videos I am just posting the link.

It's called Don't send your Husband to the Store.

NRCG I thought about you sending your husband. Hope you all enjoy it.

http://www.youtube.com/watch_popup?v=-YFRUSTiFUs#t=65

[Green Eyes]

Bearly  I saw this tonight and thought of you and your darling son.  I have never heard of Temple Grandin. But will definitely be looking for some of her books.  I don't have HBO so I can't watch the story about her life.  I hope it was done with love and care.

[Green Eyes]

Bearly  I saw this tonight and thought of you and your darling son.  I have never heard of Temple Grandin. But will definitely be looking for some of her books.  I don't have HBO so I can't watch the story about her life.  I hope it was done with love and care.

Duh forgot the link

http://awards.tv.yahoo.com/blog/50-who-is-temple-grandin?nc

[trimmonthelake]

One look at the Kyron thread and I am so lost.I will try to catch up.See you monkeys in a bit.   

Trimm use your monkey skills and see if you can't find something in their background you can use

  I see you are psychic.

[trimmonthelake]

Trimm  I hope you sign in this morning.  I have been worried about you all day and tonight. I haven't seen you back on since this afternoon.  Hope you and the family are all right. Prayers for you all.  I am not as good as some on here for researching but if I can help let me know. I am more than willing to help.

Hey GreenEyes.It was late when Sidekick left,and then I was pooped.   
I did some checking around,and the one Hocker that really is pushy is a spoiled rotten,boarding school,mommy's money,I like to talk about myself,and don't like a woman challenging me azz hat. I got a rest yesterday because he made another neighbor mad.This guy has had enough schooling he should be anywhere but here.    He is burning the candle from both ends as far as his lifestyle,and momma's money won't last forever.    

[trimmonthelake]

Hello Monks---A beautiful Sunday here in E. TN.  Still hot though.

[snippage]
  Well, I don't think it would be possible not to know this was going on.  She wants me to tell her it wasn't her fault but I won't do it because I think she probably knew.  I want her to admit she knew, but she denies knowing.   This is all unspoken, but an undercurrent. She said her daughter told her about this after he died.  I can't speak to the daughter because she doesn't know I know.  I am very fond of the daughter.

On one of the other threads, I think it was Kyron's, someone was talking last week about this kind of thing lasting until the victim was 17-18.  I just don't understand how that would happen.  I wish whoever it was would explain it to me so I could understand my friend's daughter more.

ASorry to be such a downer, but this has upset me a lot thinking about that dirty old man and a three year old.

From the daughter's point of view, she may have told her mother, and her mother shut her down. Once ya tell your mom something like that and she doesn't believe you, believe me, you stop talking about it...to anyone. I mean, if Mom won't believe you, who will? If the one person whose job it is to have your back lets you down, why bother? (knowing of what I speak here)

From the mom's perspective, if she knew, she had to figure out, real fast, how this would affect the family. In family sytems theory, this would be the boulder that got thrown in the pond of the family life. In Mom's mind, it was easier to maintain status quo, and just ignore it. Later, the mom will feel guilty. And you are right, she is looking to you to tell her she did the right thing. She's seeking forgiveness..but from the wrong person. She needs to have a talk with her daughter, and she needs to tell her daughter she believes her. Mom has to accept her portion of the guilt.

Many girls tolerate this abuse because Daddy has told them if they tell, the whole family will fall apart, and it will be the daughter's fault. Also, Dad makes sure to tell them that no one will believe them (which is proven true when Mom refuses to believe). In many cases, the girls put up with it to keep the family together, which is why the mom looks the other way...and Daddy skates.

Tevye,you are a smart monkey.I have been missing you.   

[trimmonthelake]

Good Morning.I am so far behind.
don't forget we have court today.Judge Perry!   

[4 Donks]

Good Morning.I am so far behind.
don't forget we have court today.Judge Perry!   

Good morning.
  I was thinking about you this morning...well actually your neighbours as I was mucking out the barn thinking at least I can get rid of the shit here...too bad you can't muck out their place

[Tevye]

Good Morning.I am so far behind.
don't forget we have court today.Judge Perry!   

Dagnabbit! Will someone please tell His Honor to stop scheduling court on days when I have a full docket of jury trials??? 

[no rose colored glasses]

Since I forgot how to post Videos I am just posting the link.

It's called Don't send your Husband to the Store.

NRCG I thought about you sending your husband. Hope you all enjoy it.

http://www.youtube.com/watch_popup?v=-YFRUSTiFUs#t=65

  I did send my husband to the store yesterday