Fun With Dumb Metaphors

[nonesuche]

Friday, February 16, 2007

Fun With Dumb Metaphors!
Posted by: Dean Barnett at 5:54 PM
This was White Flag Republican Ric Keller speaking on the floor of the House a couple of days ago:


"Let me give you an analogy. Imagine that you have a next door neighbor who refuses to mow his lawn, and the weeds are up to his waist. You mow his lawn for him every single week. The neighbor never says thank you, he hates you, and sometimes he takes out a gun and shoots at you.

Under these circumstances, would you keep mowing his lawn forever? Would you send even more of your family members over to mow his lawn? Or, would you say to him, you better start mowing your own lawn or there’s going to be serious consequences for you?"

I’ve become all too familiar with Congressman Keller’s type the last few months. They don’t really understand the situation in Iraq or the wider battle against Radical Islam. Because they consider themselves quite bright, they assume that no one else does either. To help everyone make sense of what’s going on, most often themselves, they try to boil down complex matters into simplistic metaphors.


Normally, my inclination in these instances is to help educate our congressmen. In the past I’ve posted helpful cheat sheets to aid our “book larnin’”-averse solons in distinguishing between Sunnis and Shiites. I’ve also posted reading lists for our Congressman, showing extra care to select titles that weren’t particularly long and that usually had relatively large print. Using these as guidelines, my conscience couldn’t allow me to recommend Michael Oren’s outstanding “Power, Faith and Fantasy.” Though brilliant and informative, Oren’s book is a 600-page treatment of America’s historical involvement in the Middle East. Not only is the print small, there are few pictures. It wouldn’t help anything to recommend a book to our congressmen that would likely frustrate even their most sincere efforts.


Even for a congressman, Keller is obviously a special case. In the virtual special-ed class that is our Congress, Keller sits in the virtual corner wearing the virtual dunce cap. If I sent him off to read Walid Phares or Mark Steyn, would it really do any good?


Clearly not. To help Keller understand our geopolitical problems, I must communicate with him via his preferred medium – the idiotic metaphor. So here goes.



"Okay, Congressman, let’s say that we are mowing our neighbor’s lawn. Let’s say the neighbor’s entire family isn’t uniformly grateful and that the place still looks like a pig sty in spite of our best efforts. Still, there are a few more things you want to work into the equation.


For instance, you mentioned the neighbor has weeds, weeds up to his waist. Did you know that those are pernicious weeds? If those weeds are not adequately taken care of, they will take over not only the neighbor’s lawn but soon the whole neighborhood. Someday, those weeds are going to be threatening our very own lawn, even though we live a couple of streets away.


There will probably even be some times when those weeds make serious inroads on our verdant grounds. We had to deal with them before, back in Fall of 2001. Do you remember that? It ruined the entire autumn. We had to spend the whole season spreading Scott’s LawnGro to contain it but it still did incredible damage.

Also, did you know that the neighbor’s lawn has an incredible vegetable garden? That vegetable garden helps everyone in the neighborhood eat right, including us. No matter who controls that garden, people will still want to buy the vegetables it produces. There will be a lot of hungry and sad faces around the neighborhood if everyone doesn’t get their heirloom tomatoes and beautiful cucumbers.


In short, I guess what I’m trying to say is that it’s in our own selfish interest to help our neighbor take care of his lawn. Once we teach him how to ride the Toro and use the Weedwacker, he’ll be able to do it himself. But we can’t just walk away from the situation because we don’t like his attitude. We have to help him for as long as it takes to get that lawn ship-shape and until we’re sure that he can keep it that way. Even if his punk teenage son uses the Toro we gave him as a “lawnmower bomb,” we can’t give up.


Yes, it would be nice if he were a little more grateful. It would be even nicer if he would give us some of those delicious vegetables as a gift for all we’ve done. But we don’t expect that. All we want to do is get him to the point where he can take care of his own lawn. Besides, there are some other houses on the block that have that same weed. "

There you go – so simple even a White Flag Republican can understand it. I hope.






Contact me at Soxblog@aol.com

[nonesuche]

oh I forgot the link to that one http://www.townhall.com/blog#9de617fd-7245-4a59-b07c-e6717400ba2a

[mrs. red]

I liked this one a lot!  It's a metaphor that everyone can understand I think... including the assbite Senators!!  I don't like for one second the idea that they are playing politics right now with people I love serving in Iraq.  I don't like that they don't seem to get it and are acting like children screaming my daddy is bigger than yours.

I want our politicians to stop being self-serving assbites and do some real business.  

Yes the war in Iraq is messy and all of the lives lost are important, but if the brave people who join the military sign up again (and by large numbers,they do reenlist) then it tells me on a personal, human, emotional and logical level that they see something worth fighting for and I am all for letting them do their jobs.

This article written so tongue in cheek is unfortunately, quite appropriate.

[justinsmama]

Also, did you know that the neighbor’s lawn has an incredible vegetable garden? That vegetable garden helps everyone in the neighborhood eat right, including us. No matter who controls that garden, people will still want to buy the vegetables it produces. There will be a lot of hungry and sad faces around the neighborhood if everyone doesn’t get their heirloom tomatoes and beautiful cucumbers.

Herein lies the primary reason for going meddling in that neighbor's lawn. We want the vegetables from it, otr at least to control that garden.

[nonesuche]

justins-

I don't know how to respond honestly, I am not sure what you mean, can you clarify?

[mrs. red]

None,
I could be wrong, but I suspect that Justin's is advancing the argument that the US went to war for oil etc.  That we wish to colonize etc... it's argument I don't get though.. and here's why I don't get that argument.

Why are gas prices climbing?  Why is OPEC withholding production now that it has gotten cold?  Look at Russia helping to put that nail in our backs....

The French got us into Vietnam by trying to colonize them.... and held us to a NATO calll by an "ally"  and we answered.  Funny how most people who think we need to worry about the European Union have forgotten this fact.  

Have we attacked Canada or Mexico to annex them yet? And if all we care about is power, then why the hell not??  In fact, the French Canadians were here fighting (and not for the fledgling US) during the War of 1812.... so let's talk about who wanted to colonize who here...

Also, notice that the Mexican government pulls "rank" and makes us give them the bounty hunter known as Dog... and they want to put him in jail for breaking their laws... but woe be to any US state that wants to enforce US laws by making sure that the immigrants come here legally... but that's another argument,and I digress.

So Justin's, if that is not your theory then I apologize in advance, but I have seen that written and said so many times and I don't get it.  Terrorists attacking us have nothing to do with us trying to control the world...

[nonesuche]

Thanks Mrs Red, I wasn't sure of the intent of Justin's post so I guess I didn't want to make any assumptions. I've never understood that line of reasoning in that our entire Congress would agree to war if only oil were the singular critical issue. If they did then perhaps we just need to clean house overall? I mean where do you place the blame here, did Bush hold a gun to their heads? Either you felt Iraq needed liberation or you did not, no matter how much Pelosi and friends squeal now they voted and not just on military intelligence either. The sentiment was there, I remember watching the proceedings and for a good reason, I have a son who by age was then and still is eligible for the draft. I wanted to understand why and how, I felt his life could be at stake.

But along that thought process I'd like to advance some what if's here. So what if the roles were reversed, what if the US controlled the majority of the world's oil, would that qualify others to harvest our veggies too? I think the world has harvested our veggies in great regard. Just the monies loaned and often never repaid to help establish new democracies, or assist with catastrophic events, or even to ensure free trade thrives which at times involves dollars for investment into third world democracies to have wares for trade?

let's tally up what we've loaned, leverage it with our military support in Europe for the WWI and WWII, nothing else.

Somehow I think it might far exceed what anyone has imagined, monetarily and in humanity.

the US is also a customer of OPEC and one that has helped to line  it's pockets over these many years, so this is the thanks we get? It's a simplistic argument but without our oil consumption the palaces and the regimes they support might not be as large? Actually it's capitalism in it's worst form, using artificial catalysts and agendas to drive up the oil prices to line the pockets deeper and also I think - to exert control over the US who needs to end our dependency on their oil sooner than later as a result. OPEC also does it simply because they can, that's an element in this as well, they like holding that power.

one feeds the other, it's all so entertwined now IMO to point toward the war being solely due to Bush wanting to feast on generating wealth for himself or even to payback Saddaam........well I just do not think it was ever that simple.

Putin helped to make the russian oligarch's by allowing them to 'own' and even seize much of their countries resources. I didn't see Clinton do anything regarding that, heck he is friends with some of these same even now imprisoned oligarchs?

this is so much larger than partisan politics as well......for the democrats have made their fair share of mistakes within the middle east policies and actions as well. No one is without blame unfortunately.

[Cat]

here goes my foot,but we did invade Canada twice.The second time created a sense of being Canadian.We did invade Mexico.I am not saying we were wrong or stared,but the facts are the truth.cat

[Leslie]

Invade Canada?  Remember we were a British colony until we became a country in 1867. Prior to that, there were attempts to invade Canada.
http://www.lutins.org/1812.html
The U.S. had made feeble attempts during the Revolutionary War to invade Canada. In September of 1775, Col. Ethan Alan was taken prisoner during an unsuccessful attempt to capture Montreal. Three months later, Gen. Montgomery led an attack on Quebec during a blinding snowstorm; Montgomery was killed and Gen. Benedict Arnold was wounded. This attack also failed, and half the American forces were killed or wounded.
Attempts to invade Canada during the War of 1812 failed even more spectacularly. An early attempt to invade failed before it began when Gen. William Hull, reportedly frightened into a state of near incoherence, surrendered his entire army at Detroit without firing a shot. Two months later another attempt was bungled when Gen. Stephen Van Rensselaer failed to persuade his militia to cross the U.S.-Canada border. A small detachment of troops which entered Canada was shot down and forced to surrender while Van Rensellaer's troops stood by and watched. Another invasion attempt, on 19 November 1812, collapsed when American troops refused to leave New York State and forced their leader, Gen. Henry Dearborn, to march them back to Pittsburgh. Less than two weeks later, Gen. "Apocalypse" Smythe twice ordered his troops to cross the Niagara, both times failing in his courage and calling off the attacks. On returning from the second attempt, the soldiers turned their weapons on Smythe, forcing him to flee to Virginia.
The following April, U.S. troops attacked again in an unsuccessful attempt to gain control of Lake Ontario. Granted, the U.S. did win some battles, but once Britain was freed from its involvement against France, defeat was inevitable.
In 1813, Buffalo, New York was burned to the ground. In July of 1814, Moose Island and Eastport, Maine were captured and occupied by the British, who forced Americans there to pledge an oath of allegiance to King George. The following August, the British defeated U.S. forces at Maryland, and on August 24th burned down the Capitol Building and the White House. Parts of New York were captured by Sir George Prevost the next month, and the British began a naval blockade of the entire northeastern United States. The British threatened to invade Boston next, at which point the U.S. reluctantly acceded to sign a peace agreement.