Kyron Horman, 7 years old, PORTLAND, OR #35 11/11/10 - 11/21/10

[sassifrass]

http://blinkoncrime.com/2010/11/02/kyron-horman-case-terri-horman-sexts-sent-to-kaine-hormans-phone-what/



1.   zeus says:
November 19, 2010 at 3:37 am
http://www.katu.com/news/local/109138704.html
I just read what Kaine said on KATU Nov 18th. It’s interesting because I know that most Moms would word it differently and feel differently about it. Here’s some of what he said:
* ..said he no longer feels responsible for what happened to his son
* ..he came to realize he didn’t stand a chance against this circumstance. (after therapy)
* Kaine said he now believes there was no way to know his son would disappear
* ..said he believes there was nothing he and others close to Kyron could have done to prevent it
* That if it helps people to put blame on me for this then go right ahead if it makes you feel better as long as you get right back out and start looking for him then that’s fine. But I don’t hold myself responsible. I’m not going to hold myself hostage for this event that happened to him
* “I know that she’s extremely upset. I don’t know it’s necessarily at me or anyone else in particular. We’re all having a hard time with this,” he said. “I’m just chalking it up to just one of those really difficult times that we’re going through right now (discussing Desiree)
____________________
Man, if that had been me, as a mom, I would always blame myself. Even if there was no way I could have caused any of it. There would be no amount of therapy that would make me feel better-none-ever. The what ifs would haunt me until I died. Especially in circumstances like Kaine and Terri’s, with some of her odd behavior. I believe poor Desiree feels extreme guilt (even though she shouldn’t), and I wonder how she will react to what Kaine said?
But as a curious thought-I wonder how everyone feels reading or listening to what Kaine said. If he himself feels clear of any responsibility in Kyron’s disappearance-do you all feel better that he is being honest and putting it out there? Or do you think he is not telling the truth for some reason?
I am REALLY wondering about his choice of words for this particular sentence:
*****************
“I’m not going to hold myself hostage for this event that happened to him”
*****************
I’m sorry-but that feels sort of heartless/cold and definitely weird!
______________

My 2 cents:

Re post from BOC:  I haven’t seen anything for myself that Kaine said these things, but, if he did, I just don’t understand this man.

IMO, one thing’s for sure:  We are seeing Kaine trying to manipulate people’s thoughts.  Have you noticed that every time Desiree comes out and talks, Kaine speaks out right afterwards.  Last word.  This time though, Desiree spoke out against Kaine…so he’s been out twice since Desiree last spoke. 

He makes it clear he takes no blame, yet he filed court papers saying that Terri was a passing-out drunk several nights a week and he didn’t state anything he did to get help for her with her problems OR any steps he took to keep his children safe.  Wow, just wow!

As far as Kaine and his comments in that interview, IMO, I feel he's in a bit of denial with Desiree's anger towards him, and him neglecting to inform her of what was happening in that house. Having said that, I don't feel for one minute that Kaine is responsible, or should feel responsible for what happened to Kyron. The ONLY one responsible is Terri Moulton Homon.

His wording may seem off base to many people, but we really don't know him. For all we know, that's how he speaks. IMO, I think the content of the words spoken are more important than the choice of his words expressing his feelings. JMO

Yes, Desiree is angry at Kaine. That can't be denied if you watched her in the video.  There still is emotion going all the way back to when they were married. It's their history and has only worsened with time.

IMO we do not know the the ONLY one responsible is Terri...even LE has NOT told us that.  There could be a number of people involved.  I just hope we find out for sure one day. I want the whole truth to come out and every single person involved to be brought to justice!

I respect those who don't feel Kaine is involved in any way. IMO I just want the truth...even "if" Kaine is involved in some way.

At the very least, if we take into consideration Kaine's court filings and his assertion that Terri was a passing-out drunk and possibly mentally unstable, then why wouldn't Kaine have taken some sort of action to protect his children?  Why wouldn't Kaine hide the truth from the bio mom?  Why wouldn't Kaine consider letting Desiree have a little more custody (if not full custody) if his child was in such a bad situation? Why didn't Kaine intervene to try to help his spouse if he thought she had such problems?


 

Puzzler: I believe there were a chain of events that happened within that family that ended up having Kyron gone from his family. By that I mean, each family member is guilty in some way of either ignoring what's going on within the family and/or not reacting to situations that are going on within the family. I think this dynamic happens in many families but many of them choose to walk away and ignore it.

Terri had the chance to walk away, but she didn't. She made decisions that ultimately put Kyron in harms way, and he disappeared.

[Scatty]

Kaine has obviously gotten therapy and probably some medication. I'm glad that he has otherwise he wouldn't be able to function at work, or taking care of his child, or doing what he can to help find Kyron. Anti depressants take about 3 weeks to kick in, so they may be working now. Feelings of guilt are also helped by antidepressants, which is good because while it's necessary to learn from your mistakes, it's nonconstructive to wallow in guilt over them. Learn from them and being vigilant in the future is the way to turn it around.

[sassifrass]

For some reason, when I read Kaine's comments, I get the feeling that now that the attention (read as "blame") is focusing more on him, he's being a defensive.  I feel because of that feeling of defensiveness,  he's trying a little too hard to convince us (and possibly himself) that he's not feeling guilty about things. 

I know when I lost my mom to suicide, there was a lot of guilt to deal with.  There was a point where I would say things like "I know now that I couldn't have stopped her reasonably" that I didn't really feel it.  But I felt it *some* which was a lot more than I felt it at first, and *some* felt like a whole lot at that point.  I needed to say it out loud to remind myself, and remind others that it was ok not to flog myself daily for something that yes - maybe I could have stopped, but reasonably I couldn't have.   

Perhaps I'm projecting my memory of the feelings of combined guilt/loss/hopelessness onto him, but it would make sense.  Really HE probably doesn't even really know what he's feeling.  And I think because he's been well spoken usually throughout this, we all tend to have had hopes for him being a more sensitive man than most. 

But maybe in the end he's just a guy who is confused and feeling defensive in the sudden hot-spotlight for something that ultimately he didn't do - which is abduct (or kill) Kyron.

Just my thoughts.

starwynn   I'm sorry you went through such a horrible experience.

I Do believe Kaine is feeling guilty. I just don't think he has really reached that stage of forgiveness even though he states that he has. I think that NRCG is right about the antidepressants. They can have an effect on people in the sense where it suppresses their real feelings.

Do we "know" that Kaine is on antidepressants?  I mean, I could guess that he is considering the horrible situation Kaine is in, but I would only be guessing.  Has anyone seen or read where Kaine states he's on antidepressants?

It was never stated he was on antidepressants. The comment was a general comment that NRCG made. She stated IF he was on them. Nothing was ever said that it was factual.   

[Tracygirl]

p.s.  Maybe I should say "OK to STOP flogging myself daily"  >.>   I do agree with the others that I don't think you ever completely get rid of the guilty feelings or WIFS (what-ifs) that come with a traumatic loss.

I am so sorry this happened....Prayers to you

[Puzzler]

Sassifras:

I hear you; and some days I totally agree.

But because I don't "know facts", there are other days that I say "Wait...I really don't know anything much because LE has not told us and the United States law is that you're innocent until proven guilty."  Yes, I, too, do "feel" and "believe" certain things...but I don't "know the facts".  So, I'm trying very hard to keep an open mind because what I really, really want to see happen is that "every one" who is involved in this tragedy to be brought to justice: whether that means Terrri alone, or whether that means an accomplice or accomplices or whether it means other people not even on our radar.  I don't care who it is...just so long as LE gets ALL the guilty one(s)!

I try very hard not to "exclude" anyone...anyone...simply because LE has made no arrests and there are too many questions at this point.

 

[Puzzler]

For some reason, when I read Kaine's comments, I get the feeling that now that the attention (read as "blame") is focusing more on him, he's being a defensive.  I feel because of that feeling of defensiveness,  he's trying a little too hard to convince us (and possibly himself) that he's not feeling guilty about things. 

I know when I lost my mom to suicide, there was a lot of guilt to deal with.  There was a point where I would say things like "I know now that I couldn't have stopped her reasonably" that I didn't really feel it.  But I felt it *some* which was a lot more than I felt it at first, and *some* felt like a whole lot at that point.  I needed to say it out loud to remind myself, and remind others that it was ok not to flog myself daily for something that yes - maybe I could have stopped, but reasonably I couldn't have.   

Perhaps I'm projecting my memory of the feelings of combined guilt/loss/hopelessness onto him, but it would make sense.  Really HE probably doesn't even really know what he's feeling.  And I think because he's been well spoken usually throughout this, we all tend to have had hopes for him being a more sensitive man than most. 

But maybe in the end he's just a guy who is confused and feeling defensive in the sudden hot-spotlight for something that ultimately he didn't do - which is abduct (or kill) Kyron.

Just my thoughts.

starwynn   I'm sorry you went through such a horrible experience.

I Do believe Kaine is feeling guilty. I just don't think he has really reached that stage of forgiveness even though he states that he has. I think that NRCG is right about the antidepressants. They can have an effect on people in the sense where it suppresses their real feelings.

Do we "know" that Kaine is on antidepressants?  I mean, I could guess that he is considering the horrible situation Kaine is in, but I would only be guessing.  Has anyone seen or read where Kaine states he's on antidepressants?

It was never stated he was on antidepressants. The comment was a general comment that NRCG made. She stated IF he was on them. Nothing was ever said that it was factual.   

Thank you.

[Puzzler]

Kaine has obviously gotten therapy and probably some medication. I'm glad that he has otherwise he wouldn't be able to function at work, or taking care of his child, or doing what he can to help find Kyron. Anti depressants take about 3 weeks to kick in, so they may be working now. Feelings of guilt are also helped by antidepressants, which is good because while it's necessary to learn from your mistakes, it's nonconstructive to wallow in guilt over them. Learn from them and being vigilant in the future is the way to turn it around.

Agree.

[Tracygirl]

Kaine has obviously gotten therapy and probably some medication. I'm glad that he has otherwise he wouldn't be able to function at work, or taking care of his child, or doing what he can to help find Kyron. Anti depressants take about 3 weeks to kick in, so they may be working now. Feelings of guilt are also helped by antidepressants, which is good because while it's necessary to learn from your mistakes, it's nonconstructive to wallow in guilt over them. Learn from them and being vigilant in the future is the way to turn it around.

Have we ever read comment from a parent so shortly after a child goes missing? It is strange to me. I just cannot understand where he is coming from. It doesn't matter because I don't think he was the one that actually hurt kyron, but it just seems sort of mean to Desiree. There was no reason for him to say these things today. I agree he is probably feeling defensive, however Desiree is very upset. Kaine should have just let it go.

[Tracygirl]

Sassifras:

I hear you; and some days I totally agree.

But because I don't "know facts", there are other days that I say "Wait...I really don't know anything much because LE has not told us and the United States law is that you're innocent until proven guilty."  Yes, I, too, do "feel" and "believe" certain things...but I don't "know the facts".  So, I'm trying very hard to keep an open mind because what I really, really want to see happen is that "every one" who is involved in this tragedy to be brought to justice: whether that means Terrri alone, or whether that means an accomplice or accomplices or whether it means other people not even on our radar.  I don't care who it is...just so long as LE gets ALL the guilty one(s)!

I try very hard not to "exclude" anyone...anyone...simply because LE has made no arrests and there are too many questions at this point.

 

You have said, you just want whom ever is responsible to held accountable. I so much agree with this. I also do not care who is it, this is about Kyron.

[sassifrass]

Sassifras:

I hear you; and some days I totally agree.

But because I don't "know facts", there are other days that I say "Wait...I really don't know anything much because LE has not told us and the United States law is that you're innocent until proven guilty."  Yes, I, too, do "feel" and "believe" certain things...but I don't "know the facts".  So, I'm trying very hard to keep an open mind because what I really, really want to see happen is that "every one" who is involved in this tragedy to be brought to justice: whether that means Terrri alone, or whether that means an accomplice or accomplices or whether it means other people not even on our radar.  I don't care who it is...just so long as LE gets ALL the guilty one(s)!

I try very hard not to "exclude" anyone...anyone...simply because LE has made no arrests and there are too many questions at this point.

 

Puzzler 

I think many, if not all of us, are or have at one time felt frustration in this case. We get angry at times, we rant at times, and we cry at times.

Everyone wants ALL of the people involved in Kyrons disappearance to be punished. It will happen, IMO, but I also realize that it's not happening fast enough. If we had a resolution of where Kyron was, then we would be able to concentrate on the justice part of the case.

[Puzzler]

Kaine has obviously gotten therapy and probably some medication. I'm glad that he has otherwise he wouldn't be able to function at work, or taking care of his child, or doing what he can to help find Kyron. Anti depressants take about 3 weeks to kick in, so they may be working now. Feelings of guilt are also helped by antidepressants, which is good because while it's necessary to learn from your mistakes, it's nonconstructive to wallow in guilt over them. Learn from them and being vigilant in the future is the way to turn it around.

Have we ever read comment from a parent so shortly after a child goes missing? It is strange to me. I just cannot understand where he is coming from. It doesn't matter because I don't think he was the one that actually hurt kyron, but it just seems sort of mean to Desiree. There was no reason for him to say these things today. I agree he is probably feeling defensive, however Desiree is very upset. Kaine should have just let it go.

Totally agree.  I don't understand "why" he feels like he has to have the last word and it seems to hurt Desiree, IMO.

[Puzzler]

Just thinking that:

Maybe it's good that Desiree can let out some statements that help somewhat vent her immense hurt and anger.  She hasn't said much and I'm sure what she said didn't go far in easing her emotions....hopefully, a little bit though.

Maybe it's good for Kaine, too, in his way to let out some emotion.

Maybe it's good for all of us to finally be able to see them speak out individually, because it allows us to get to know Kaine/Desiree a little bit more.  We have formed attachments to these people because of their missing son and our feelings toward Kyron, but the truth is we really don't know Kaine/Desiree.  The more they talk, their reactions and how they handle themselves, the more insight we have on them.   

[no rose colored glasses]

JMO but when I hear a man say he does not feel guilt I think he feels the opposite.  But like I said that is JMO. 

That may be, because it would be impossible imo, not to feel some guilt or responsibility.

I don't understand not feeling guilt or responsibility if you ask me. He must have some therapist, wish I could go see him/her because I still have issues from year's and year's ago.
I don't think it is a man thing either. My ex, (I have been mentioning him a lot, ugh) he feels guilt and responsibility for my son having autism, we both do. We have asked ourselves over and over again if there was any way we could have prevented it, did we accidently cause it, have we done enough to help him.... I think that is a normal part of parenting any child. So I don't get where Kaine is coming from, jmo.

That is what I was wondering, and you answered with your ex feeling guilt, I never see any guilt from men in my life so I wasn't sure. And you took the words out of my mouth about the therapist, must be a real good one.

[Tracygirl]

Kaine has obviously gotten therapy and probably some medication. I'm glad that he has otherwise he wouldn't be able to function at work, or taking care of his child, or doing what he can to help find Kyron. Anti depressants take about 3 weeks to kick in, so they may be working now. Feelings of guilt are also helped by antidepressants, which is good because while it's necessary to learn from your mistakes, it's nonconstructive to wallow in guilt over them. Learn from them and being vigilant in the future is the way to turn it around.

Have we ever read comment from a parent so shortly after a child goes missing? It is strange to me. I just cannot understand where he is coming from. It doesn't matter because I don't think he was the one that actually hurt kyron, but it just seems sort of mean to Desiree. There was no reason for him to say these things today. I agree he is probably feeling defensive, however Desiree is very upset. Kaine should have just let it go.

Totally agree.  I don't understand "why" he feels like he has to have the last word and it seems to hurt Desiree, IMO.

I don't either. Sometimes it is better to just say you are sorry and let it go.

[no rose colored glasses]

Just thinking that:

Maybe it's good that Desiree can let out some statements that help somewhat vent her immense hurt and anger.  She hasn't said much and I'm sure what she said didn't go far in easing her emotions....hopefully, a little bit though.

Maybe it's good for Kaine, too, in his way to let out some emotion.

Maybe it's good for all of us to finally be able to see them speak out individually, because it allows us to get to know Kaine/Desiree a little bit more.  We have formed attachments to these people because of their missing son and our feelings toward Kyron, but the truth is we really don't know Kaine/Desiree.  The more they talk, their reactions and how they handle themselves, the more insight we have on them.   

Very true, what I've been wondering, do the LE think this is a good idea, or would they rather not have either parent speak. I know it is keeping Kyron's name out there, but other then that it seems these things are being said, maybe because Kaine and Desiree aren't speaking to each other?

[Puzzler]

Just thinking that:

Maybe it's good that Desiree can let out some statements that help somewhat vent her immense hurt and anger.  She hasn't said much and I'm sure what she said didn't go far in easing her emotions....hopefully, a little bit though.

Maybe it's good for Kaine, too, in his way to let out some emotion.

Maybe it's good for all of us to finally be able to see them speak out individually, because it allows us to get to know Kaine/Desiree a little bit more.  We have formed attachments to these people because of their missing son and our feelings toward Kyron, but the truth is we really don't know Kaine/Desiree.  The more they talk, their reactions and how they handle themselves, the more insight we have on them.   

Very true, what I've been wondering, do the LE think this is a good idea, or would they rather not have either parent speak. I know it is keeping Kyron's name out there, but other then that it seems these things are being said, maybe because Kaine and Desiree aren't speaking to each other?

If they didn't want either parent to speak then why is LE showing them "evidence".  Some days I think LE is using the parents, especially Desiree, so they will get out and pass along information.  Obviously, the information about the emails about how Terri feels about Kyron is designed to put more pressure on Terri.  LE didn't let that information out to the public and they should have been the ones to do it IMO.  LE passed the information along to the parents and let them to the deed. 

Now is LE "showing" the evidence to Terri/Kaine or "telling them about the evidence"?  Big difference.  I don't recall off the top of my head that Desiree said she "read" the emails.  Does anyone recall?

[Tracygirl]

Just thinking that:

Maybe it's good that Desiree can let out some statements that help somewhat vent her immense hurt and anger.  She hasn't said much and I'm sure what she said didn't go far in easing her emotions....hopefully, a little bit though.

Maybe it's good for Kaine, too, in his way to let out some emotion.

Maybe it's good for all of us to finally be able to see them speak out individually, because it allows us to get to know Kaine/Desiree a little bit more.  We have formed attachments to these people because of their missing son and our feelings toward Kyron, but the truth is we really don't know Kaine/Desiree.  The more they talk, their reactions and how they handle themselves, the more insight we have on them.   

Very true, what I've been wondering, do the LE think this is a good idea, or would they rather not have either parent speak. I know it is keeping Kyron's name out there, but other then that it seems these things are being said, maybe because Kaine and Desiree aren't speaking to each other?

Yep I agree with you. Personalities are certainly coming out...

[Kokos Cat]

I'm happy kgw decided to re-air the Kyron Dateline special because they should not have pre-empted it for the game.  It's on tonight.

 

Oops, I guess it's on tomorrow night.

O!  Okey, dokey, then.  Thanks for the update!
 

[Kokos Cat]

No word on the news today about another search this weekend.  Perhaps tomorrow?
It's gonna be c-c-c-old though.  They should have done it last summer with the sonar. 

Or, perhaps MCSO will quietly return to the island for some results this time, without the media circus.

I hope and pray they will be safe in their endeavors.  Very dangerous diving conditions. 

 

[islandmonkey]

Kaine has obviously gotten therapy and probably some medication. I'm glad that he has otherwise he wouldn't be able to function at work, or taking care of his child, or doing what he can to help find Kyron. Anti depressants take about 3 weeks to kick in, so they may be working now. Feelings of guilt are also helped by antidepressants, which is good because while it's necessary to learn from your mistakes, it's nonconstructive to wallow in guilt over them. Learn from them and being vigilant in the future is the way to turn it around.

Have we ever read comment from a parent so shortly after a child goes missing? It is strange to me. I just cannot understand where he is coming from. It doesn't matter because I don't think he was the one that actually hurt kyron, but it just seems sort of mean to Desiree. There was no reason for him to say these things today. I agree he is probably feeling defensive, however Desiree is very upset. Kaine should have just let it go.

Totally agree.  I don't understand "why" he feels like he has to have the last word and it seems to hurt Desiree, IMO.

Agreed, I felt that way Monday when his pc was after her GMA appearance and today. I am glad he's getting help for his frustration and guilt, and I can only imagine the anger he must have and rightly so. That being said he should try and be sensitive to Desiree also, seeing all the signs that were ignored and not shared when he stated in a sworn oath that she passed out a few times a week from alcohol, slurred speech and staggered....I am sure Desiree must also feel a tremendous amount of guilt too from asking for a change in custody, but never filing legal papers. I don't think she'd have necessarily won since she couldn't prove a substantial change in circumstance since she was never made aware of what was going on in the house. I also know or I believe they bot still feel some level of guilt, that's just a parent thing IMO and I don't know one parent who doesn't carry guilt whether they admit it or not. I just pray this child is found, justice is served and parents with blended families will learn to really listen to their children and the cues/hints they give them, and I hate to say it but they need to remember that the child is their flesh and blood, wife/husband isn't and may not love and care for your child the way the child deserves, so in some ways I hope a lesson is learned from this case.....the what if's will never go away nor will we know the answers but is it not better to err on the side of caution/child?