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Author Topic: JSM's BEGGING FOR BAN THREAD #22 11/3/10 - 12/13/10  (Read 174171 times)
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joesamas mama
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« Reply #2640 on: December 12, 2010, 08:23:57 PM »

IM I see some suicidal and worse homicidal tendencies. I like you would do anything to protect you and your son. Please take care of yourself and your family. Prayers tonight for you.  an angelic monkey JSM
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islandmonkey
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« Reply #2641 on: December 12, 2010, 08:24:21 PM »

Hi Monkeys..........sorry to keep dropping in like this, but I have been sick with shingles , mom in the hospital, blah blah blah.......you know what I'm talking about "LIFE". Anyway, I am pretty sure I told many of you about my brother who is 41 and his struggle with drug/alcohol addiction. He's never lived anywhere but my parents home or my brothers, and does visit here for a few weeks at a time during the yr. He's never been able to get a job since his pot addiction loowers his motivation. My dad has been his enabler since he was 18yrs old by making excuses for everything and anything, he's been arrested and in jail for numerous crap from DUI's to domestic violence when he would come home so drunk he's try to leave and once punched my 70 yr old dad. Last yr when he was visiting me he got so drunk at a local bar that when he arrived at the house he literally hit the bottom floor with his car, and took about 20 minutes to stumble up 20 stairs. WE ran outside to take the keys out of the car since we know his history of coming home drunk as a dog and trying to leave again. Anyway, it got so bad I had to call 911, my son woke up from the noise outside of me and my dad trying to calm him down, and he screamed at my son who was only 9 "you little p@ssy, and tattletale, you had to tell your mommy" when in fact the only reason I knew he drove into the hosue was that I heard the noise, so it scared my son to death. WE finally came in while waiting for the cops and he kicked my front door in right as the cops pulled up. The court asked what we wanted and rehab was our answer, so he went to rehab for 2 months when he had the option to stay 6 months. He stayed clean about 1 month, and things have escalated down ever since then. Last month, of maybe 6 weeks ago my dad's dog had to be put to sleep since he was in excrutiating pain, the very next day he called the house at 3am and was so drunk that my dad jumped in the car adn drove 10 hrs to check on him since he thought he might have drank so much that he had alcohol poisoning. I have to ask my fellow monkeys what your take is on the screen grab I found this week on his FB but a tiny bit more back story first. Never held a job, never paid rent or mortgage, never been able to take care of even putting gas in his car and he is 41 yrs old. HE is staying at my parents house in TN, and has no job since he thinks everything is beneath him, and doesn't have a friend since nobody wants to be around him so he sits in the house obsessing over the dog and who knows what else.

When mom was in the hospital he sent my dad a text to tell her that he (my brother) loved mom and so did the dog, and that the dog just woke him up with his cold nose on his feet...........ermm the dog is dead

Then my brother told me he had been sending him strange audio cards of the dog who is buried here where I live, and poems etc. He never sent any to me since I am more of a tough love type and he resents me for having him put in rehab a yr ago, and it's possible he resents me for having a normal life, a home, a car that works etc., but I bust my arse for everything I have ever had. So I am showed my dad this poem I will post and asked what he thought, of course he thought it was nothing and that I was making more out of it than I should. I know he's far from objective since he still sends him a few hundred dollars a week for ??? food, and we all know he's using drugs and still drinking, so I am looking for someone looking at this from the outside in's opinion, maybe I can't be objective so I thought I'd ask your impression on this poem and the wording. Thanks in advance for any feedback, and the reason I am so worried is he is supposed to be here for Christmas at my house and told dad he wants to be near the dog, so pls if anyone has any insight I would BEG you to give me your opinion on whether this should have me concerned. Thanks again.......love to all an angelic monkey
Hi IM, sorry about the shingles but ITA your brother needs some help. Prayers for your family and I hope your brother gets help  an angelic monkey

Thanks JSM an angelic monkey I guess what bothered me the most were the words SOON, and WE ALL WILL BE TOGETHER......I confess, it scares the he77 out of me. I loved the dog, but he wasn't my greatest love by any stretch, but since his mind is twisted I wondered of he thingks we'd all be better off with the dog (which means dead). I am petrified to have him here for 2 weeks, I am putting my gun in the safe.......am I overreacting to this? Again, he's never been normal but since the dog died he is just not in reality, and I worry he thinks in some sick way that we are all sitting around crying about the dog, and how we'd all be better of with the dog. Crazy I know, but my gut instinct is almost always right, and I am just not comfortable with him coming here, yet if I tell him no, he'll be by himself at Christmas...I am at my wits end and worried sick . Thanks for the prayers

I must say, I thought the poem was a bit odd considering the circumstances, but, IM ...I never got the feeling of him thinking others would be better off joining Bobo.However, you know your brother, and we don't.

If I did not trust him to visit me and my family (and it sounds like you don't) then I would not hesitate to tell him he is not welcome until he is clean and sober and has won your trust again.

Just my two cents.
Thanks Brandi~that was exactly what I was looking for someone to comment on in regards to the poem, maybe I should insist on a clean drug test.....but it's really his mental health that concerns me so much, he's bipolar and possibly a bit schizo.....that bothers me more than the drugs and alcohol since his thinking is so irrational and unbalanced.
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islandmonkey
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« Reply #2642 on: December 12, 2010, 08:26:48 PM »

IM I see some suicidal and worse homicidal tendencies. I like you would do anything to protect you and your son. Please take care of yourself and your family. Prayers tonight for you.  an angelic monkey JSM

That is the way I read it too....but again I am prolly not as objective. Is CC your DH a mental health counselor? If so, I'd love him to read that poem and toss in his two cents.

Thanks so much for everyone's input, you have no idea how much an objective view of this mean to me. an angelic monkey an angelic monkey
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« Reply #2643 on: December 12, 2010, 08:30:49 PM »

Hi Monkeys..........sorry to keep dropping in like this, but I have been sick with shingles , mom in the hospital, blah blah blah.......you know what I'm talking about "LIFE". Anyway, I am pretty sure I told many of you about my brother who is 41 and his struggle with drug/alcohol addiction. He's never lived anywhere but my parents home or my brothers, and does visit here for a few weeks at a time during the yr. He's never been able to get a job since his pot addiction loowers his motivation. My dad has been his enabler since he was 18yrs old by making excuses for everything and anything, he's been arrested and in jail for numerous crap from DUI's to domestic violence when he would come home so drunk he's try to leave and once punched my 70 yr old dad. Last yr when he was visiting me he got so drunk at a local bar that when he arrived at the house he literally hit the bottom floor with his car, and took about 20 minutes to stumble up 20 stairs. WE ran outside to take the keys out of the car since we know his history of coming home drunk as a dog and trying to leave again. Anyway, it got so bad I had to call 911, my son woke up from the noise outside of me and my dad trying to calm him down, and he screamed at my son who was only 9 "you little p@ssy, and tattletale, you had to tell your mommy" when in fact the only reason I knew he drove into the hosue was that I heard the noise, so it scared my son to death. WE finally came in while waiting for the cops and he kicked my front door in right as the cops pulled up. The court asked what we wanted and rehab was our answer, so he went to rehab for 2 months when he had the option to stay 6 months. He stayed clean about 1 month, and things have escalated down ever since then. Last month, of maybe 6 weeks ago my dad's dog had to be put to sleep since he was in excrutiating pain, the very next day he called the house at 3am and was so drunk that my dad jumped in the car adn drove 10 hrs to check on him since he thought he might have drank so much that he had alcohol poisoning. I have to ask my fellow monkeys what your take is on the screen grab I found this week on his FB but a tiny bit more back story first. Never held a job, never paid rent or mortgage, never been able to take care of even putting gas in his car and he is 41 yrs old. HE is staying at my parents house in TN, and has no job since he thinks everything is beneath him, and doesn't have a friend since nobody wants to be around him so he sits in the house obsessing over the dog and who knows what else.

When mom was in the hospital he sent my dad a text to tell her that he (my brother) loved mom and so did the dog, and that the dog just woke him up with his cold nose on his feet...........ermm the dog is dead

Then my brother told me he had been sending him strange audio cards of the dog who is buried here where I live, and poems etc. He never sent any to me since I am more of a tough love type and he resents me for having him put in rehab a yr ago, and it's possible he resents me for having a normal life, a home, a car that works etc., but I bust my arse for everything I have ever had. So I am showed my dad this poem I will post and asked what he thought, of course he thought it was nothing and that I was making more out of it than I should. I know he's far from objective since he still sends him a few hundred dollars a week for ??? food, and we all know he's using drugs and still drinking, so I am looking for someone looking at this from the outside in's opinion, maybe I can't be objective so I thought I'd ask your impression on this poem and the wording. Thanks in advance for any feedback, and the reason I am so worried is he is supposed to be here for Christmas at my house and told dad he wants to be near the dog, so pls if anyone has any insight I would BEG you to give me your opinion on whether this should have me concerned. Thanks again.......love to all an angelic monkey
Islandmonkey may I ask why you would allow him in your home if he isn't clean ? You have a son that doesn't need to be exposed to his behavior again.

I don't want him here and told my dad if he came I would go and take my son and stay in a hotel.......he thinks that will exaccerbate his "issues" and start a family war. I told him my responsibility is to my family, my son first and foremost as my daughter lives in an apt inland. He thinks he can get him back into rehab where he was last yr, and when he is here he doesn't drink anymore.....we don't even let him leave the house without my dad. More enabling IMO, and I don't understand why my dad thinks repeating the same thing he has done for 20+ yrs is going to change anything. I come out as the bitch, heavy and he thinks (my dad) that I am overreacting......I think he's not objective since he's too close and I thought maybe I was too which is why I came here to ask what y'all think? To be honest I am worried he might think his only relief from pain in suicide, but that poem stated WE ALL will be together SOON.......so, in my head I am worried he could harm everyone and then himself since he has attached the entire family and what he percieves our feeling are to the dog when in fact he is the only one who feels that way. I totally don't want my son near him, hell I don't even want to be with him, and that's why I asked for y'all to give me your thought since I am prolly not objective, but my gut instinct for a while (way before I knew about the poem or him talking about he dog in the present tense is that he could be suicidal, now I worry he's suciadal/homicidal thinking he can end everyone's pain that he perceives we have?
If it were me I'd tell my dad and brother to stay at a hotel and you can always meet for dinner but he's not staying at your place you have a son to protect. If dad thinks your a bit*h so be it. I've been called worse but after what your son has been through as an inocent child as opposed to your brother an adult..I'd be choosing my son's safety.
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islandmonkey
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« Reply #2644 on: December 12, 2010, 08:38:52 PM »

Hi Monkeys..........sorry to keep dropping in like this, but I have been sick with shingles , mom in the hospital, blah blah blah.......you know what I'm talking about "LIFE". Anyway, I am pretty sure I told many of you about my brother who is 41 and his struggle with drug/alcohol addiction. He's never lived anywhere but my parents home or my brothers, and does visit here for a few weeks at a time during the yr. He's never been able to get a job since his pot addiction loowers his motivation. My dad has been his enabler since he was 18yrs old by making excuses for everything and anything, he's been arrested and in jail for numerous crap from DUI's to domestic violence when he would come home so drunk he's try to leave and once punched my 70 yr old dad. Last yr when he was visiting me he got so drunk at a local bar that when he arrived at the house he literally hit the bottom floor with his car, and took about 20 minutes to stumble up 20 stairs. WE ran outside to take the keys out of the car since we know his history of coming home drunk as a dog and trying to leave again. Anyway, it got so bad I had to call 911, my son woke up from the noise outside of me and my dad trying to calm him down, and he screamed at my son who was only 9 "you little p@ssy, and tattletale, you had to tell your mommy" when in fact the only reason I knew he drove into the hosue was that I heard the noise, so it scared my son to death. WE finally came in while waiting for the cops and he kicked my front door in right as the cops pulled up. The court asked what we wanted and rehab was our answer, so he went to rehab for 2 months when he had the option to stay 6 months. He stayed clean about 1 month, and things have escalated down ever since then. Last month, of maybe 6 weeks ago my dad's dog had to be put to sleep since he was in excrutiating pain, the very next day he called the house at 3am and was so drunk that my dad jumped in the car adn drove 10 hrs to check on him since he thought he might have drank so much that he had alcohol poisoning. I have to ask my fellow monkeys what your take is on the screen grab I found this week on his FB but a tiny bit more back story first. Never held a job, never paid rent or mortgage, never been able to take care of even putting gas in his car and he is 41 yrs old. HE is staying at my parents house in TN, and has no job since he thinks everything is beneath him, and doesn't have a friend since nobody wants to be around him so he sits in the house obsessing over the dog and who knows what else.

When mom was in the hospital he sent my dad a text to tell her that he (my brother) loved mom and so did the dog, and that the dog just woke him up with his cold nose on his feet...........ermm the dog is dead

Then my brother told me he had been sending him strange audio cards of the dog who is buried here where I live, and poems etc. He never sent any to me since I am more of a tough love type and he resents me for having him put in rehab a yr ago, and it's possible he resents me for having a normal life, a home, a car that works etc., but I bust my arse for everything I have ever had. So I am showed my dad this poem I will post and asked what he thought, of course he thought it was nothing and that I was making more out of it than I should. I know he's far from objective since he still sends him a few hundred dollars a week for ??? food, and we all know he's using drugs and still drinking, so I am looking for someone looking at this from the outside in's opinion, maybe I can't be objective so I thought I'd ask your impression on this poem and the wording. Thanks in advance for any feedback, and the reason I am so worried is he is supposed to be here for Christmas at my house and told dad he wants to be near the dog, so pls if anyone has any insight I would BEG you to give me your opinion on whether this should have me concerned. Thanks again.......love to all an angelic monkey
Islandmonkey may I ask why you would allow him in your home if he isn't clean ? You have a son that doesn't need to be exposed to his behavior again.

I don't want him here and told my dad if he came I would go and take my son and stay in a hotel.......he thinks that will exaccerbate his "issues" and start a family war. I told him my responsibility is to my family, my son first and foremost as my daughter lives in an apt inland. He thinks he can get him back into rehab where he was last yr, and when he is here he doesn't drink anymore.....we don't even let him leave the house without my dad. More enabling IMO, and I don't understand why my dad thinks repeating the same thing he has done for 20+ yrs is going to change anything. I come out as the bitch, heavy and he thinks (my dad) that I am overreacting......I think he's not objective since he's too close and I thought maybe I was too which is why I came here to ask what y'all think? To be honest I am worried he might think his only relief from pain in suicide, but that poem stated WE ALL will be together SOON.......so, in my head I am worried he could harm everyone and then himself since he has attached the entire family and what he percieves our feeling are to the dog when in fact he is the only one who feels that way. I totally don't want my son near him, hell I don't even want to be with him, and that's why I asked for y'all to give me your thought since I am prolly not objective, but my gut instinct for a while (way before I knew about the poem or him talking about he dog in the present tense is that he could be suicidal, now I worry he's suciadal/homicidal thinking he can end everyone's pain that he perceives we have?
If it were me I'd tell my dad and brother to stay at a hotel and you can always meet for dinner but he's not staying at your place you have a son to protect. If dad thinks your a bit*h so be it. I've been called worse but after what your son has been through as an inocent child as opposed to your brother an adult..I'd be choosing my son's safety.

That pretty much mirror how I feel, I also think since he harbors such a deep resentment towards me that I have been worried. Also, you prolly didn't know this unless you have been on SM for a few yrs, but my son was also the victim of a child molester when he was 3, and he is NEVER comfortable when my brother is here, not that he thinks he'll be sexually abused but because he has a real sixth sense for anyone who he feels if a threat. The rape crisis center and his psychiatrist told me this yrs ago in therapy that he would be more intuned to his feelings about safety issues, almost like a sixth sense that keeps them from becoming a victim again. Again, thanks to everyone who has responded with suggestions and objective opinions. Like I said that poem was the final straw that freaked me out, I got chills when I read it.
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« Reply #2645 on: December 12, 2010, 08:44:01 PM »

Hi Monkeys..........sorry to keep dropping in like this, but I have been sick with shingles , mom in the hospital, blah blah blah.......you know what I'm talking about "LIFE". Anyway, I am pretty sure I told many of you about my brother who is 41 and his struggle with drug/alcohol addiction. He's never lived anywhere but my parents home or my brothers, and does visit here for a few weeks at a time during the yr. He's never been able to get a job since his pot addiction loowers his motivation. My dad has been his enabler since he was 18yrs old by making excuses for everything and anything, he's been arrested and in jail for numerous crap from DUI's to domestic violence when he would come home so drunk he's try to leave and once punched my 70 yr old dad. Last yr when he was visiting me he got so drunk at a local bar that when he arrived at the house he literally hit the bottom floor with his car, and took about 20 minutes to stumble up 20 stairs. WE ran outside to take the keys out of the car since we know his history of coming home drunk as a dog and trying to leave again. Anyway, it got so bad I had to call 911, my son woke up from the noise outside of me and my dad trying to calm him down, and he screamed at my son who was only 9 "you little p@ssy, and tattletale, you had to tell your mommy" when in fact the only reason I knew he drove into the hosue was that I heard the noise, so it scared my son to death. WE finally came in while waiting for the cops and he kicked my front door in right as the cops pulled up. The court asked what we wanted and rehab was our answer, so he went to rehab for 2 months when he had the option to stay 6 months. He stayed clean about 1 month, and things have escalated down ever since then. Last month, of maybe 6 weeks ago my dad's dog had to be put to sleep since he was in excrutiating pain, the very next day he called the house at 3am and was so drunk that my dad jumped in the car adn drove 10 hrs to check on him since he thought he might have drank so much that he had alcohol poisoning. I have to ask my fellow monkeys what your take is on the screen grab I found this week on his FB but a tiny bit more back story first. Never held a job, never paid rent or mortgage, never been able to take care of even putting gas in his car and he is 41 yrs old. HE is staying at my parents house in TN, and has no job since he thinks everything is beneath him, and doesn't have a friend since nobody wants to be around him so he sits in the house obsessing over the dog and who knows what else.

When mom was in the hospital he sent my dad a text to tell her that he (my brother) loved mom and so did the dog, and that the dog just woke him up with his cold nose on his feet...........ermm the dog is dead

Then my brother told me he had been sending him strange audio cards of the dog who is buried here where I live, and poems etc. He never sent any to me since I am more of a tough love type and he resents me for having him put in rehab a yr ago, and it's possible he resents me for having a normal life, a home, a car that works etc., but I bust my arse for everything I have ever had. So I am showed my dad this poem I will post and asked what he thought, of course he thought it was nothing and that I was making more out of it than I should. I know he's far from objective since he still sends him a few hundred dollars a week for ??? food, and we all know he's using drugs and still drinking, so I am looking for someone looking at this from the outside in's opinion, maybe I can't be objective so I thought I'd ask your impression on this poem and the wording. Thanks in advance for any feedback, and the reason I am so worried is he is supposed to be here for Christmas at my house and told dad he wants to be near the dog, so pls if anyone has any insight I would BEG you to give me your opinion on whether this should have me concerned. Thanks again.......love to all an angelic monkey
Islandmonkey may I ask why you would allow him in your home if he isn't clean ? You have a son that doesn't need to be exposed to his behavior again.

I don't want him here and told my dad if he came I would go and take my son and stay in a hotel.......he thinks that will exaccerbate his "issues" and start a family war. I told him my responsibility is to my family, my son first and foremost as my daughter lives in an apt inland. He thinks he can get him back into rehab where he was last yr, and when he is here he doesn't drink anymore.....we don't even let him leave the house without my dad. More enabling IMO, and I don't understand why my dad thinks repeating the same thing he has done for 20+ yrs is going to change anything. I come out as the bitch, heavy and he thinks (my dad) that I am overreacting......I think he's not objective since he's too close and I thought maybe I was too which is why I came here to ask what y'all think? To be honest I am worried he might think his only relief from pain in suicide, but that poem stated WE ALL will be together SOON.......so, in my head I am worried he could harm everyone and then himself since he has attached the entire family and what he percieves our feeling are to the dog when in fact he is the only one who feels that way. I totally don't want my son near him, hell I don't even want to be with him, and that's why I asked for y'all to give me your thought since I am prolly not objective, but my gut instinct for a while (way before I knew about the poem or him talking about he dog in the present tense is that he could be suicidal, now I worry he's suciadal/homicidal thinking he can end everyone's pain that he perceives we have?
If it were me I'd tell my dad and brother to stay at a hotel and you can always meet for dinner but he's not staying at your place you have a son to protect. If dad thinks your a bit*h so be it. I've been called worse but after what your son has been through as an inocent child as opposed to your brother an adult..I'd be choosing my son's safety.

That pretty much mirror how I feel, I also think since he harbors such a deep resentment towards me that I have been worried. Also, you prolly didn't know this unless you have been on SM for a few yrs, but my son was also the victim of a child molester when he was 3, and he is NEVER comfortable when my brother is here, not that he thinks he'll be sexually abused but because he has a real sixth sense for anyone who he feels if a threat. The rape crisis center and his psychiatrist told me this yrs ago in therapy that he would be more intuned to his feelings about safety issues, almost like a sixth sense that keeps them from becoming a victim again. Again, thanks to everyone who has responded with suggestions and objective opinions. Like I said that poem was the final straw that freaked me out, I got chills when I read it.
I'll keep you and your son in my prayers.
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joesamas mama
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Patton is my babe. RIP my Josef I love you both!


« Reply #2646 on: December 12, 2010, 08:46:49 PM »

IM I see some suicidal and worse homicidal tendencies. I like you would do anything to protect you and your son. Please take care of yourself and your family. Prayers tonight for you.  an angelic monkey JSM

That is the way I read it too....but again I am prolly not as objective. Is CC your DH a mental health counselor? If so, I'd love him to read that poem and toss in his two cents.

Thanks so much for everyone's input, you have no idea how much an objective view of this mean to me. an angelic monkey an angelic monkey
IM, I was reading it like he wanted everyone all to be together with the dog. No CC is not a mental health counselor, but he is very smart. Maybe he will read this tomorrow and offer some advice.  an angelic monkey
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« Reply #2647 on: December 12, 2010, 08:56:24 PM »

IM, I only have personal experience to go by and I have dealt with my son who is now nearly 42.  He got into the drug scene when he was 14 been in lock down Mental facilities the whole 9 yards.

Hasn't worked but 6 months his entire life, list goes on and on, stole from the entire family etc.  Found he could do pretty well as he is "accident prone" and injured on the couple of jobs he did have, so between several surgeries etc., he did manage to get a few hefty settlements....blew thru $125,000 in 2 months, not even a car to show for it.......drugs mostly. 

6 years ago when hubs retired we decided to get out of Calif., told son he wasn't going with us, no one would take him in.  A friend in Ill. finally said he could come out there....that lasted about a month and he put him out.  Well I did stick to the Tough Love, he ended up in a flea bag hotel for a month, scared him but good....He knows the laws here in Texas are very strict, especially when it comes to drugs.......I let him sit in that filth back there till he promised he would clean up his act.  We let him come here with the understanding that if he slips up even once, we will turn him in.....and.....knock on wood its been over 5 years and I can say he's been clean for the first time in over 25 years!

If you could just get your dad to understand he is just enabling him and let him hit rock bottom, it may be the only way to save him.  Its one of the hardest things a parent/family has to do, but hopefully the end result would be a new beginning for him.

Do you have to have him at your house for the holidays?  Put him up in a cheapie motel, without funds if he must be there?  Just have him at your home for meals -- sober -- Agree keep weapons out of sight, went that route also.  Addiction is one of the hardest things for the whole family to deal with, mainly because  the person with the problem only sees that everyone else is wrong and he/she just doesn't give a damn what they put others through.

Wish you luck and hope you can resolve this and enjoy the up coming holidays.  Personally the "poem" sounds as if written in a drunken stupor and that it was just a pity poor me moment, that they seem to float in and out of.....just my two cents, I could go on and on about drunken family members that have pulled similiar acts....but thats another story....
Loves,   BK
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« Reply #2648 on: December 12, 2010, 08:56:34 PM »

IM I see some suicidal and worse homicidal tendencies. I like you would do anything to protect you and your son. Please take care of yourself and your family. Prayers tonight for you.  an angelic monkey JSM

That is the way I read it too....but again I am prolly not as objective. Is CC your DH a mental health counselor? If so, I'd love him to read that poem and toss in his two cents.

Thanks so much for everyone's input, you have no idea how much an objective view of this mean to me. an angelic monkey an angelic monkey
IM, I was reading it like he wanted everyone all to be together with the dog. No CC is not a mental health counselor, but he is very smart. Maybe he will read this tomorrow and offer some advice.  an angelic monkey

OMG~Thank you JSM.......that is EXACTLY how I read it to, and thanks for getting an opinion from CC.
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« Reply #2649 on: December 12, 2010, 09:00:57 PM »

Hi Monkeys..........sorry to keep dropping in like this, but I have been sick with shingles , mom in the hospital, blah blah blah.......you know what I'm talking about "LIFE". Anyway, I am pretty sure I told many of you about my brother who is 41 and his struggle with drug/alcohol addiction. He's never lived anywhere but my parents home or my brothers, and does visit here for a few weeks at a time during the yr. He's never been able to get a job since his pot addiction loowers his motivation. My dad has been his enabler since he was 18yrs old by making excuses for everything and anything, he's been arrested and in jail for numerous crap from DUI's to domestic violence when he would come home so drunk he's try to leave and once punched my 70 yr old dad. Last yr when he was visiting me he got so drunk at a local bar that when he arrived at the house he literally hit the bottom floor with his car, and took about 20 minutes to stumble up 20 stairs. WE ran outside to take the keys out of the car since we know his history of coming home drunk as a dog and trying to leave again. Anyway, it got so bad I had to call 911, my son woke up from the noise outside of me and my dad trying to calm him down, and he screamed at my son who was only 9 "you little p@ssy, and tattletale, you had to tell your mommy" when in fact the only reason I knew he drove into the hosue was that I heard the noise, so it scared my son to death. WE finally came in while waiting for the cops and he kicked my front door in right as the cops pulled up. The court asked what we wanted and rehab was our answer, so he went to rehab for 2 months when he had the option to stay 6 months. He stayed clean about 1 month, and things have escalated down ever since then. Last month, of maybe 6 weeks ago my dad's dog had to be put to sleep since he was in excrutiating pain, the very next day he called the house at 3am and was so drunk that my dad jumped in the car adn drove 10 hrs to check on him since he thought he might have drank so much that he had alcohol poisoning. I have to ask my fellow monkeys what your take is on the screen grab I found this week on his FB but a tiny bit more back story first. Never held a job, never paid rent or mortgage, never been able to take care of even putting gas in his car and he is 41 yrs old. HE is staying at my parents house in TN, and has no job since he thinks everything is beneath him, and doesn't have a friend since nobody wants to be around him so he sits in the house obsessing over the dog and who knows what else.

When mom was in the hospital he sent my dad a text to tell her that he (my brother) loved mom and so did the dog, and that the dog just woke him up with his cold nose on his feet...........ermm the dog is dead

Then my brother told me he had been sending him strange audio cards of the dog who is buried here where I live, and poems etc. He never sent any to me since I am more of a tough love type and he resents me for having him put in rehab a yr ago, and it's possible he resents me for having a normal life, a home, a car that works etc., but I bust my arse for everything I have ever had. So I am showed my dad this poem I will post and asked what he thought, of course he thought it was nothing and that I was making more out of it than I should. I know he's far from objective since he still sends him a few hundred dollars a week for ??? food, and we all know he's using drugs and still drinking, so I am looking for someone looking at this from the outside in's opinion, maybe I can't be objective so I thought I'd ask your impression on this poem and the wording. Thanks in advance for any feedback, and the reason I am so worried is he is supposed to be here for Christmas at my house and told dad he wants to be near the dog, so pls if anyone has any insight I would BEG you to give me your opinion on whether this should have me concerned. Thanks again.......love to all an angelic monkey
Islandmonkey may I ask why you would allow him in your home if he isn't clean ? You have a son that doesn't need to be exposed to his behavior again.

I don't want him here and told my dad if he came I would go and take my son and stay in a hotel.......he thinks that will exaccerbate his "issues" and start a family war. I told him my responsibility is to my family, my son first and foremost as my daughter lives in an apt inland. He thinks he can get him back into rehab where he was last yr, and when he is here he doesn't drink anymore.....we don't even let him leave the house without my dad. More enabling IMO, and I don't understand why my dad thinks repeating the same thing he has done for 20+ yrs is going to change anything. I come out as the bitch, heavy and he thinks (my dad) that I am overreacting......I think he's not objective since he's too close and I thought maybe I was too which is why I came here to ask what y'all think? To be honest I am worried he might think his only relief from pain in suicide, but that poem stated WE ALL will be together SOON.......so, in my head I am worried he could harm everyone and then himself since he has attached the entire family and what he percieves our feeling are to the dog when in fact he is the only one who feels that way. I totally don't want my son near him, hell I don't even want to be with him, and that's why I asked for y'all to give me your thought since I am prolly not objective, but my gut instinct for a while (way before I knew about the poem or him talking about he dog in the present tense is that he could be suicidal, now I worry he's suciadal/homicidal thinking he can end everyone's pain that he perceives we have?
If it were me I'd tell my dad and brother to stay at a hotel and you can always meet for dinner but he's not staying at your place you have a son to protect. If dad thinks your a bit*h so be it. I've been called worse but after what your son has been through as an inocent child as opposed to your brother an adult..I'd be choosing my son's safety.
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« Reply #2650 on: December 12, 2010, 09:01:13 PM »

IM - I am not a mental health worker nor did I stay at a Holiday Inn Express last night. What I am is an alcoholic. What he is writing is much more suicidal than homicidal. He is looking for the "poor me" factor - and if that means he has to be dead for all of you to understand how much you did not appreciate him nor understand how sad he was, he will do that. There is NO way I would have him in my house. If that means you come stay at my house in the snow, feel free to do so - but I would NOT let him in my house. You have my email and feel free to email if you need more information or want to talk! 
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« Reply #2651 on: December 12, 2010, 09:01:29 PM »

IM, I only have personal experience to go by and I have dealt with my son who is now nearly 42.  He got into the drug scene when he was 14 been in lock down Mental facilities the whole 9 yards.

Hasn't worked but 6 months his entire life, list goes on and on, stole from the entire family etc.  Found he could do pretty well as he is "accident prone" and injured on the couple of jobs he did have, so between several surgeries etc., he did manage to get a few hefty settlements....blew thru $125,000 in 2 months, not even a car to show for it.......drugs mostly. 

6 years ago when hubs retired we decided to get out of Calif., told son he wasn't going with us, no one would take him in.  A friend in Ill. finally said he could come out there....that lasted about a month and he put him out.  Well I did stick to the Tough Love, he ended up in a flea bag hotel for a month, scared him but good....He knows the laws here in Texas are very strict, especially when it comes to drugs.......I let him sit in that filth back there till he promised he would clean up his act.  We let him come here with the understanding that if he slips up even once, we will turn him in.....and.....knock on wood its been over 5 years and I can say he's been clean for the first time in over 25 years!

If you could just get your dad to understand he is just enabling him and let him hit rock bottom, it may be the only way to save him.  Its one of the hardest things a parent/family has to do, but hopefully the end result would be a new beginning for him.

Do you have to have him at your house for the holidays?  Put him up in a cheapie motel, without funds if he must be there?  Just have him at your home for meals -- sober -- Agree keep weapons out of sight, went that route also.  Addiction is one of the hardest things for the whole family to deal with, mainly because  the person with the problem only sees that everyone else is wrong and he/she just doesn't give a damn what they put others through.

Wish you luck and hope you can resolve this and enjoy the up coming holidays.  Personally the "poem" sounds as if written in a drunken stupor and that it was just a pity poor me moment, that they seem to float in and out of.....just my two cents, I could go on and on about drunken family members that have pulled similiar acts....but thats another story....
Loves,   BK

Thanks, it sounds like your son was my brothers twin, except your son is clean now due to tough love. Dad can't see it, I honestly don't know what it will take for him to come around. He thinks he should be able to stay here 2 weeks so he feels loved. It hasn't helped in the past, and everyone who has ever been in a situation like this knows what I mean, it takes tough love and then sticking to it even when they use the woe is me pity party. I offered to put him up in a hotel also, and have him here just for Christmas day to open gifts and a few family dinners.
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« Reply #2652 on: December 12, 2010, 09:03:44 PM »

IM - I am not a mental health worker nor did I stay at a Holiday Inn Express last night. What I am is an alcoholic. What he is writing is much more suicidal than homicidal. He is looking for the "poor me" factor - and if that means he has to be dead for all of you to understand how much you did not appreciate him nor understand how sad he was, he will do that. There is NO way I would have him in my house. If that means you come stay at my house in the snow, feel free to do so - but I would NOT let him in my house. You have my email and feel free to email if you need more information or want to talk! 

Wow, thanks for the input TBM.......I totally agree about him being here, but am fighting everyone in the family but damnit my son comes first and you know what hell he has already been thru. That being said, can you send me directions
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« Reply #2653 on: December 12, 2010, 09:10:35 PM »

IM, I only have personal experience to go by and I have dealt with my son who is now nearly 42.  He got into the drug scene when he was 14 been in lock down Mental facilities the whole 9 yards.

Hasn't worked but 6 months his entire life, list goes on and on, stole from the entire family etc.  Found he could do pretty well as he is "accident prone" and injured on the couple of jobs he did have, so between several surgeries etc., he did manage to get a few hefty settlements....blew thru $125,000 in 2 months, not even a car to show for it.......drugs mostly. 

6 years ago when hubs retired we decided to get out of Calif., told son he wasn't going with us, no one would take him in.  A friend in Ill. finally said he could come out there....that lasted about a month and he put him out.  Well I did stick to the Tough Love, he ended up in a flea bag hotel for a month, scared him but good....He knows the laws here in Texas are very strict, especially when it comes to drugs.......I let him sit in that filth back there till he promised he would clean up his act.  We let him come here with the understanding that if he slips up even once, we will turn him in.....and.....knock on wood its been over 5 years and I can say he's been clean for the first time in over 25 years!

If you could just get your dad to understand he is just enabling him and let him hit rock bottom, it may be the only way to save him.  Its one of the hardest things a parent/family has to do, but hopefully the end result would be a new beginning for him.

Do you have to have him at your house for the holidays?  Put him up in a cheapie motel, without funds if he must be there?  Just have him at your home for meals -- sober -- Agree keep weapons out of sight, went that route also.  Addiction is one of the hardest things for the whole family to deal with, mainly because  the person with the problem only sees that everyone else is wrong and he/she just doesn't give a damn what they put others through.

Wish you luck and hope you can resolve this and enjoy the up coming holidays.  Personally the "poem" sounds as if written in a drunken stupor and that it was just a pity poor me moment, that they seem to float in and out of.....just my two cents, I could go on and on about drunken family members that have pulled similiar acts....but thats another story....
Loves,   BK
Babs  an angelic monkey Glad your son is doing well. I don't know about the poem being a "drunk post", sounds a little more scarier to me. Although I tend to look at things scary and freak out. 
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« Reply #2654 on: December 12, 2010, 09:12:16 PM »

IM - I am not a mental health worker nor did I stay at a Holiday Inn Express last night. What I am is an alcoholic. What he is writing is much more suicidal than homicidal. He is looking for the "poor me" factor - and if that means he has to be dead for all of you to understand how much you did not appreciate him nor understand how sad he was, he will do that. There is NO way I would have him in my house. If that means you come stay at my house in the snow, feel free to do so - but I would NOT let him in my house. You have my email and feel free to email if you need more information or want to talk! 

Wow, thanks for the input TBM.......I totally agree about him being here, but am fighting everyone in the family but damnit my son comes first and you know what hell he has already been thru. That being said, can you send me directions

Go north - when you hit snow - keep going north. 
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« Reply #2655 on: December 12, 2010, 09:14:06 PM »

IM - I am not a mental health worker nor did I stay at a Holiday Inn Express last night. What I am is an alcoholic. What he is writing is much more suicidal than homicidal. He is looking for the "poor me" factor - and if that means he has to be dead for all of you to understand how much you did not appreciate him nor understand how sad he was, he will do that. There is NO way I would have him in my house. If that means you come stay at my house in the snow, feel free to do so - but I would NOT let him in my house. You have my email and feel free to email if you need more information or want to talk! 
  an angelic monkey God love you TBM!!! Maybe I was just reading it wrong. Probably is a more poor me factor, I just know a guy that years ago shot himself in front of the wife and the last words out of his mouth were "bury the cat with me" That's why I thought the more psycho factor, not the drink. Drink posting makes mores sense.
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« Reply #2656 on: December 12, 2010, 09:16:01 PM »

IM - I am not a mental health worker nor did I stay at a Holiday Inn Express last night. What I am is an alcoholic. What he is writing is much more suicidal than homicidal. He is looking for the "poor me" factor - and if that means he has to be dead for all of you to understand how much you did not appreciate him nor understand how sad he was, he will do that. There is NO way I would have him in my house. If that means you come stay at my house in the snow, feel free to do so - but I would NOT let him in my house. You have my email and feel free to email if you need more information or want to talk! 

Wow, thanks for the input TBM.......I totally agree about him being here, but am fighting everyone in the family but damnit my son comes first and you know what hell he has already been thru. That being said, can you send me directions

Go north - when you hit snow - keep going north. 
Still snowing????? Whew, I am freezing, but thankfully no snow!
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« Reply #2657 on: December 12, 2010, 09:18:45 PM »

  Night Monkeys... Have a great evening, Josef and I are going to bed after my prayers. Sleep well and God Bless.
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« Reply #2658 on: December 12, 2010, 09:22:06 PM »

IM - I am not a mental health worker nor did I stay at a Holiday Inn Express last night. What I am is an alcoholic. What he is writing is much more suicidal than homicidal. He is looking for the "poor me" factor - and if that means he has to be dead for all of you to understand how much you did not appreciate him nor understand how sad he was, he will do that. There is NO way I would have him in my house. If that means you come stay at my house in the snow, feel free to do so - but I would NOT let him in my house. You have my email and feel free to email if you need more information or want to talk! 

Wow, thanks for the input TBM.......I totally agree about him being here, but am fighting everyone in the family but damnit my son comes first and you know what hell he has already been thru. That being said, can you send me directions

Go north - when you hit snow - keep going north. 
Still snowing????? Whew, I am freezing, but thankfully no snow!

Our local news station has 203 reported closings for tomorrow! Might have been easier to list the open ones.
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« Reply #2659 on: December 12, 2010, 09:29:23 PM »

Here is what my area looked like an hour or so ago - we have a bunch more now!


TBZ, i"m northwest of you. We got 2 feet of snow, and as of right now, have 159 schools closed....I'm thinking the whole upper half of the lower peninsula will be staying home. I am not planning on attempting to drive to work tomorrow, if the county is smart, they'll call the whole thing off.
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