JSM's BEGGING FOR BAN THREAD #22 11/3/10 - 12/13/10

[Green Eyes]

Night Monkeys... Have a great evening, Josef and I are going to bed after my prayers. Sleep well and God Bless.

Good Night JSM Sleep well. I am enjoying some quiet time around here. 

[theboyzmom]

Here is what my area looked like an hour or so ago - we have a bunch more now!

TBZ, i"m northwest of you. We got 2 feet of snow, and as of right now, have 159 schools closed....I'm thinking the whole upper half of the lower peninsula will be staying home. I am not planning on attempting to drive to work tomorrow, if the county is smart, they'll call the whole thing off.

Small problem with the reasoning - if the county is smart? Think it is going to be open!

[4 Donks]

Cookie how's the new house doing.Are you all moved in yet ?

[Tevye]

Hi Monkeys..:

Islandmonkey, I snipped your post so you'd have more room to listen to me. Are you sitting down? Do you remember that I have completed a bachelor's degree in family life education and now work as the legal assistant to the county Prosecuting Attorney? In other words, I know what I'm talking about, and I'm talking as a social worker, NOT as a lawyer.

I have 3 words for you:

Get a PPO (Personal Protection Order) between your lousy brother and you. That will not allow him to be near you (and remember, for those following along at home, PPO's only cover the adults, NOT your kids. THat's the sticky wicket.

Anyway, what's going to happen is that you will feel safe. Your father will blow a gasket, since he is such an enabler. Some members of the family will hate you, others will say "good for you for doing what we've wanted to do for years!" and above all...YOUR SON WILL BE SAFE!.

Your brother sounds deeply disturbed and a potential harm to others. It's a good thing you saved that "poem", you'll want to show it to the judge for the exparte hearing you will be asking for THIS WEEK. SCREW MAD SOME WILL BE! It sounds to me like your brother is planning the worst for your families. At the very least, suicide by cop, at the very worst....welll, I won't go there. But do get the PPO. Your brother is whacked, and should have gone to jail instead of rehab. If you tell me what state you live in, and how many prior offenses he has, I may be able to tell you about enhanced sentencing and stings.

GET THE PPO!!!

[islandmonkey]

Hi Monkeys..:

Islandmonkey, I snipped your post so you'd have more room to listen to me. Are you sitting down? Do you remember that I have completed a bachelor's degree in family life education and now work as the legal assistant to the county Prosecuting Attorney? In other words, I know what I'm talking about, and I'm talking as a social worker, NOT as a lawyer.

I have 3 words for you:

Get a PPO (Personal Protection Order) between your lousy brother and you. That will not allow him to be near you (and remember, for those following along at home, PPO's only cover the adults, NOT your kids. THat's the sticky wicket.

Anyway, what's going to happen is that you will feel safe. Your father will blow a gasket, since he is such an enabler. Some members of the family will hate you, others will say "good for you for doing what we've wanted to do for years!" and above all...YOUR SON WILL BE SAFE!.

Your brother sounds deeply disturbed and a potential harm to others. It's a good thing you saved that "poem", you'll want to show it to the judge for the exparte hearing you will be asking for THIS WEEK. SCREW MAD SOME WILL BE! It sounds to me like your brother is planning the worst for your families. At the very least, suicide by cop, at the very worst....welll, I won't go there. But do get the PPO. Your brother is whacked, and should have gone to jail instead of rehab. If you tell me what state you live in, and how many prior offenses he has, I may be able to tell you about enhanced sentencing and stings.

GET THE PPO!!!

Thank goodness, I so appreciate someone with a background giving me some input. I totally agree he is whacked and has been since he was a teenager. I saved that poem in two places and printed it out in case he erased it, I was planning on seeing a psychologist this week to see if I was reading too much into it, or what? Also remember the dog is buried in MY back yard so all the texts he has sent my older brother, daughter, dad and posted ramblings on FB just re-affirmed what I felt. I live in Florida, but his residence is my parent's home in TN where he has already been arrested once there for domestic violence on my dad (although dad said he's never been violent.....consumate enabler) and that was the exact thing he was charged with here in Florida barely a yr ago. Like I said I am physically sick at what this is doing to the family, but know I need to trust my gut instinct and don't want my son witnessing any more BS like he did last yr. Thanks SOOOOO Much

[cookie]

4Donks....we are basically moved into new home..loving it too! we have about 2-3 car loads of odds and ends at the old house yet..then the painter is going in to touch up the walls, cleaning crew will be there Saturday and only other thing left is hubs moving his garage into the new garage...that is his project though...thanks for asking...the other thing that we have going on is that hubs mom was moved into a nursing home, her choice thank goodness, and now we have her apartment that we are trying to clean out as well...lots going on for us...
We worked all day on both/all 3 places and are making great progress..
it is sooooooo windy and cold here...like a blizzard cause it is in the "country" and the snow is blowing all over..no fun moving stuff in weather like that! 
Hope that Tolerance is doing ok in this weather...we live in the same area...sortof...lol..

how are the donks and the other fur babies doing in this weather? you must freeze when you have to go out and feed them huh?

nite everyone! will tune in again tomorrow...I get here late in the evening, just enough time to catch up on this thread and that is about it! lol...

I read everyone's posts, wish I had time to respond to everyone...thinking of you all!

[islandmonkey]

Tevye~I read the poem as he thinks we are all crying day and night over the "families greatest love" which is complete bullcrap, my kids are my greatest love and while I loved the dog,  it is still a dog and not a human...he's so twisted in his reality that he attaches what he feels for the dog and his despair to everyone in the family, and IMO may think we all need to be together with the dog. Very twisted, but again he is bi-polar, possibly a bit schiz and been an alcoholic/drug addict since he was a teen and is escalating in a downards spiral that I have no desire to be a part of, and sure as he77 don't want my child to be a part of it.

[4 Donks]

4Donks....we are basically moved into new home..loving it too! we have about 2-3 car loads of odds and ends at the old house yet..then the painter is going in to touch up the walls, cleaning crew will be there Saturday and only other thing left is hubs moving his garage into the new garage...that is his project though...thanks for asking...the other thing that we have going on is that hubs mom was moved into a nursing home, her choice thank goodness, and now we have her apartment that we are trying to clean out as well...lots going on for us...
We worked all day on both/all 3 places and are making great progress..
it is sooooooo windy and cold here...like a blizzard cause it is in the "country" and the snow is blowing all over..no fun moving stuff in weather like that! 
Hope that Tolerance is doing ok in this weather...we live in the same area...sortof...lol..

how are the donks and the other fur babies doing in this weather? you must freeze when you have to go out and feed them huh?

nite everyone! will tune in again tomorrow...I get here late in the evening, just enough time to catch up on this thread and that is about it! lol...

I read everyone's posts, wish I had time to respond to everyone...thinking of you all!

You really have a lot on your plate right now. Pretty soon you'll be lolling about in your new house with all the moving a memory. Don't overdue !!!

[Tevye]

I live in Florida, but his residence is my parent's home in TN where he has already been arrested once there for domestic violence on my dad (although dad said he's never been violent.....consumate enabler) and that was the exact thing he was charged with here in Florida barely a yr ago. Like I said I am physically sick at what this is doing to the family, but know I need to trust my gut instinct and don't want my son witnessing any more BS like he did last yr. Thanks SOOOOO Much

So, he has two prior DV convictions, right? not just charges, but convictions? In my state, if he DV'd again, he would bump himself into felony land and face much stiffer charges.

but the most important part is you and your son's safety. To be quite frank, the poem looks like a plan to off the whole family. You should have no trouble getting the Personal Protection Order (some places call them Restraining Orders) with that poem and his past crimes.

Some of the softer ones among us (I used to be one) would say "Awww, that's gonna wreck the whole family Christmas". Put it to them like this: Your son is the most important thing in your life. You will do whatever you have to to protect him. As his mom, it's your job to keep him safe. Inviting a psycho into your home doesn't seem like the smartest thing to do, does it?

(Sorry to sound so tough, but this is a very condensed version of the talks I give weekly/daily to unwed parents who don't really "get" who gets to say when Daddy can take the kid, and a sheriff's dept that seems to have trouble enforcing the law that says, absent court ordered visitations, the mother has legal and physical custody of the child. And I have to remind the moms that their child is the most precious thing they will have, they better step up and act in their child's best interest....because if anything happens to that child, I will go into court and testify about what the mom knew about Daddy's habit....and she still let Daddy take the kid. )

So, here's my boots. Get them on tomorrow, get to your local Circuit Court (or call the cop shop first to make sure you go to the right place) and GET THE PPO. It will be uncomfortable with your family for a while, but you and your son will be safe.

Oh. and last thing....dig the dam dog up and send him to someone else!!!!

[Green Eyes]

Island Monkey it is hard to say what you should do. This day in age it's as scary as he77 with what you have said about your brother. I would go with my first instint. I am not trying to sound flipnit but as far as I can see you have two choices. Either let your dad bring him or upset your dad and protect your son. 

It's not an easy decision I know. Years ago I had to make the call with my dad. Told him he was always welcome in my home but not if he was going to drink. As he was staying with us and got drunk and started after my children with his abusive behavior (words) Told him to get out and not come back until he stopped drinking. It was the hardest thing I have had to do. We did not speak for over a year. Then one day he showed up at my door sober. He never drank while he was staying with us again. As much as I loved my dad there was no way my kids were going to have to put up with his BS when he was drinking.

[islandmonkey]

I live in Florida, but his residence is my parent's home in TN where he has already been arrested once there for domestic violence on my dad (although dad said he's never been violent.....consumate enabler) and that was the exact thing he was charged with here in Florida barely a yr ago. Like I said I am physically sick at what this is doing to the family, but know I need to trust my gut instinct and don't want my son witnessing any more BS like he did last yr. Thanks SOOOOO Much

So, he has two prior DV convictions, right? not just charges, but convictions? In my state, if he DV'd again, he would bump himself into felony land and face much stiffer charges.

but the most important part is you and your son's safety. To be quite frank, the poem looks like a plan to off the whole family. You should have no trouble getting the Personal Protection Order (some places call them Restraining Orders) with that poem and his past crimes.

Some of the softer ones among us (I used to be one) would say "Awww, that's gonna wreck the whole family Christmas". Put it to them like this: Your son is the most important thing in your life. You will do whatever you have to to protect him. As his mom, it's your job to keep him safe. Inviting a psycho into your home doesn't seem like the smartest thing to do, does it?(Sorry to sound so tough, but this is a very condensed version of the talks I give weekly/daily to unwed parents who don't really "get" who gets to say when Daddy can take the kid, and a sheriff's dept that seems to have trouble enforcing the law that says, absent court ordered visitations, the mother has legal and physical custody of the child. And I have to remind the moms that their child is the most precious thing they will have, they better step up and act in their child's best interest....because if anything happens to that child, I will go into court and testify about what the mom knew about Daddy's habit....and she still let Daddy take the kid. )

So, here's my boots. Get them on tomorrow, get to your local Circuit Court (or call the cop shop first to make sure you go to the right place) and GET THE PPO. It will be uncomfortable with your family for a while, but you and your son will be safe.

Oh. and last thing....dig the dam dog up and send him to someone else!!!!

I'd have to check and see if he was convicted in TN (I had no idea until my dad had to tell LE when they arrested my brother last yr), and I think they dropped the charges here on the terms he went ot rehab. ITA with everything you stated, and that's why when I first read it I sat my father down and told him there was NO way he was staying in my home for 2 weeks.....he started crying saying he'd have to miss Chirtmas with his grandkids in order to got to TN to be with my brother. It wasn't until yesterday I started to cave in, my mother just got out of the hospital and is in no shape to make that long trip to TN.

BBM~that was EXACTLY word for word what I told my family, I am responisble for my son's welfare and had to do what I thought was the right thing to do. LOL, I already suggested if dad drives to TN that he take the damn dog with him and bury him there.....my dad thinks he's so fragile he might kill himself, well he might but that is not my fault, I wasn't the one that enabled him for 20+ yrs to the point he is completely non-functioning. I get blamed for being the shit stirrer but I am logical and a realist so I tend to see things as they are. I just wanted someone else's input that was more detached to give me their 2 cents, and I have to say your statement is exactly how I felt and what I told my dad. I honestly don't care about ruining Christmas versus making sure my child is safe, and frankly dad needs to get the fruk out of his denial mode, and use some tough love. Do you think since the charge of DV was perpetrated on my dad and not me that I could still get one?

[islandmonkey]

Island Monkey it is hard to say what you should do. This day in age it's as scary as he77 with what you have said about your brother. I would go with my first instint. I am not trying to sound flipnit but as far as I can see you have two choices. Either let your dad bring him or upset your dad and protect your son. 

It's not an easy decision I know. Years ago I had to make the call with my dad. Told him he was always welcome in my home but not if he was going to drink. As he was staying with us and got drunk and started after my children with his abusive behavior (words) Told him to get out and not come back until he stopped drinking. It was the hardest thing I have had to do. We did not speak for over a year. Then one day he showed up at my door sober. He never drank while he was staying with us again. As much as I loved my dad there was no way my kids were going to have to put up with his BS when he was drinking.

Thanks for sharing.......again exactly how I feel. Why should MY child have to see the BS because my dad can't control his 41 yr old son...oh, he thinks if he takes all the alcohol out of the house everything will be ok

[Tevye]

I live in Florida, but his residence is my parent's home in TN where he has already been arrested once there for domestic violence on my dad (although dad said he's never been violent.....consumate enabler) and that was the exact thing he was charged with here in Florida barely a yr ago. Like I said I am physically sick at what this is doing to the family, but know I need to trust my gut instinct and don't want my son witnessing any more BS like he did last yr. Thanks SOOOOO Much

So, he has two prior DV convictions, right? not just charges, but convictions? In my state, if he DV'd again, he would bump himself into felony land and face much stiffer charges.

but the most important part is you and your son's safety. To be quite frank, the poem looks like a plan to off the whole family. You should have no trouble getting the Personal Protection Order (some places call them Restraining Orders) with that poem and his past crimes.

Some of the softer ones among us (I used to be one) would say "Awww, that's gonna wreck the whole family Christmas". Put it to them like this: Your son is the most important thing in your life. You will do whatever you have to to protect him. As his mom, it's your job to keep him safe. Inviting a psycho into your home doesn't seem like the smartest thing to do, does it?(Sorry to sound so tough, but this is a very condensed version of the talks I give weekly/daily to unwed parents who don't really "get" who gets to say when Daddy can take the kid, and a sheriff's dept that seems to have trouble enforcing the law that says, absent court ordered visitations, the mother has legal and physical custody of the child. And I have to remind the moms that their child is the most precious thing they will have, they better step up and act in their child's best interest....because if anything happens to that child, I will go into court and testify about what the mom knew about Daddy's habit....and she still let Daddy take the kid. )

So, here's my boots. Get them on tomorrow, get to your local Circuit Court (or call the cop shop first to make sure you go to the right place) and GET THE PPO. It will be uncomfortable with your family for a while, but you and your son will be safe.

Oh. and last thing....dig the dam dog up and send him to someone else!!!!

I'd have to check and see if he was convicted in TN (I had no idea until my dad had to tell LE when they arrested my brother last yr), and I think they dropped the charges here on the terms he went ot rehab. ITA with everything you stated, and that's why when I first read it I sat my father down and told him there was NO way he was staying in my home for 2 weeks.....he started crying saying he'd have to miss Chirtmas with his grandkids in order to got to TN to be with my brother. It wasn't until yesterday I started to cave in, my mother just got out of the hospital and is in no shape to make that long trip to TN.

BBM~that was EXACTLY word for word what I told my family, I am responisble for my son's welfare and had to do what I thought was the right thing to do. LOL, I already suggested if dad drives to TN that he take the damn dog with him and bury him there.....my dad thinks he's so fragile he might kill himself, well he might but that is not my fault, I wasn't the one that enabled him for 20+ yrs to the point he is completely non-functioning. I get blamed for being the shit stirrer but I am logical and a realist so I tend to see things as they are. I just wanted someone else's input that was more detached to give me their 2 cents, and I have to say your statement is exactly how I felt and what I told my dad. I honestly don't care about ruining Christmas versus making sure my child is safe, and frankly dad needs to get the fruk out of his denial mode, and use some tough love. Do you think since the charge of DV was perpetrated on my dad and not me that I could still get one?

Yes, even if he wasn't convicted, he was at least charged. And it doesn't matter who the DV was on...he's a violent person, mentally ill, and a danger to you and yours. If you have any texts or messages from others where he refers to you, that will help, but I think you have enough to go on. ESPECIALLY with your son's prior terror. Good luck!

[islandmonkey]

I live in Florida, but his residence is my parent's home in TN where he has already been arrested once there for domestic violence on my dad (although dad said he's never been violent.....consumate enabler) and that was the exact thing he was charged with here in Florida barely a yr ago. Like I said I am physically sick at what this is doing to the family, but know I need to trust my gut instinct and don't want my son witnessing any more BS like he did last yr. Thanks SOOOOO Much

So, he has two prior DV convictions, right? not just charges, but convictions? In my state, if he DV'd again, he would bump himself into felony land and face much stiffer charges.

but the most important part is you and your son's safety. To be quite frank, the poem looks like a plan to off the whole family. You should have no trouble getting the Personal Protection Order (some places call them Restraining Orders) with that poem and his past crimes.

Some of the softer ones among us (I used to be one) would say "Awww, that's gonna wreck the whole family Christmas". Put it to them like this: Your son is the most important thing in your life. You will do whatever you have to to protect him. As his mom, it's your job to keep him safe. Inviting a psycho into your home doesn't seem like the smartest thing to do, does it?(Sorry to sound so tough, but this is a very condensed version of the talks I give weekly/daily to unwed parents who don't really "get" who gets to say when Daddy can take the kid, and a sheriff's dept that seems to have trouble enforcing the law that says, absent court ordered visitations, the mother has legal and physical custody of the child. And I have to remind the moms that their child is the most precious thing they will have, they better step up and act in their child's best interest....because if anything happens to that child, I will go into court and testify about what the mom knew about Daddy's habit....and she still let Daddy take the kid. )

So, here's my boots. Get them on tomorrow, get to your local Circuit Court (or call the cop shop first to make sure you go to the right place) and GET THE PPO. It will be uncomfortable with your family for a while, but you and your son will be safe.

Oh. and last thing....dig the dam dog up and send him to someone else!!!!

I'd have to check and see if he was convicted in TN (I had no idea until my dad had to tell LE when they arrested my brother last yr), and I think they dropped the charges here on the terms he went ot rehab. ITA with everything you stated, and that's why when I first read it I sat my father down and told him there was NO way he was staying in my home for 2 weeks.....he started crying saying he'd have to miss Chirtmas with his grandkids in order to got to TN to be with my brother. It wasn't until yesterday I started to cave in, my mother just got out of the hospital and is in no shape to make that long trip to TN.

BBM~that was EXACTLY word for word what I told my family, I am responisble for my son's welfare and had to do what I thought was the right thing to do. LOL, I already suggested if dad drives to TN that he take the damn dog with him and bury him there.....my dad thinks he's so fragile he might kill himself, well he might but that is not my fault, I wasn't the one that enabled him for 20+ yrs to the point he is completely non-functioning. I get blamed for being the shit stirrer but I am logical and a realist so I tend to see things as they are. I just wanted someone else's input that was more detached to give me their 2 cents, and I have to say your statement is exactly how I felt and what I told my dad. I honestly don't care about ruining Christmas versus making sure my child is safe, and frankly dad needs to get the fruk out of his denial mode, and use some tough love. Do you think since the charge of DV was perpetrated on my dad and not me that I could still get one?

Yes, even if he wasn't convicted, he was at least charged. And it doesn't matter who the DV was on...he's a violent person, mentally ill, and a danger to you and yours. If you have any texts or messages from others where he refers to you, that will help, but I think you have enough to go on. ESPECIALLY with your son's prior terror. Good luck!

Thanks, I am going for it..first I am going to do a background search on hhis criminal charges, I rec'd a letter from TX where he had a court date on 11/18 for a drug paraphenalia charge, so there is no telling what I DON'T know. Does anyone know the most thorough site for criminal background checks??

[MuffyBee]

Everyone get ready to move on over to the next thread:

JSM'S BEGGING FOR BAN THREAD #23:

http://scaredmonkeys.net/index.php?topic=9124.msg1275608#msg1275608

 

[MuffyBee]

This thread is now locked.  Head on over to the new thread:


JSM'S BEGGING FOR BAN THREAD #23:

http://scaredmonkeys.net/index.php?topic=9124.msg1275608#msg1275608