Home
Blog
Radio
Missing Persons
Crime
March 19, 2024, 12:52:24 AM
Welcome,
Guest
. Please
login
or
register
.
1 Hour
1 Day
1 Week
1 Month
Forever
Login with username, password and session length
News
:
NEW CHILD BOARD CREATED IN THE POLITICAL SECTION FOR THE 2016 ELECTION
Home
Help
Login
Register
Scared Monkeys Discussion Forum
>
The Monkey Lounge
>
The Monkey Lounge
> Topic:
A Joke ?
Pages:
1
Go Down
« previous
next »
Print
Author
Topic: A Joke ? (Read 5388 times)
0 Members and 1 Guest are viewing this topic.
Sam
Monkey Junky
Offline
Posts: 2387
A Joke ?
«
on:
March 01, 2007, 11:20:09 AM »
received this is an email.
"Hillary Clinton goes to a primary school in New York to talk about the world. After her talk she offers a question time. One little boy puts up his hand. The Senator asks him what his name is.
"Kenneth."
"And what is your question, Kenneth?"
"I have three questions: First - whatever happened to the medical health care plan you were paid to develop during your husband's eight years in the office as President? Second - why would you run for President after your husband shamed the office? Third - whatever happened to all those things you took when you left the White House?"
Just then the bell rings for recess. Hillary Clinton informs the kids that they will continue after recess.
When they resume, Hillary says, "Okay, where were we? Oh, that's right, question time. Who has a question?"
A different little boy put his hand up. Hillary asked him what his name is.
"Larry."
"And what is your question, Larry?"
"I have five questions:
First - whatever happened to the medical health care plan you were paid to develop during your husband's eight years in the office as President?
Second - why would you run for President after your husband shamed the office?
Third - whatever happened to all those things you took when you left the White House?
Fourth - why did the recess bell go off 20 minutes early?
Fifth - what happened to Kenneth?"
Logged
Just a swinging with the tribe
2NJSons_Mom
Monkey All Star
Offline
Posts: 11324
A Joke ?
«
Reply #1 on:
March 01, 2007, 09:51:32 PM »
Logged
R.I.P Dear 2NJ - say hi to Peaches for us!
I expect a miracle _Peaches ~ ~ May She Rest In Peace.
SOMEONE KNOWS THE TRUTH
None of us here just fell off the turnip truck. - Magnolia
crazybabyborg
Guest
A Joke ?
«
Reply #2 on:
March 02, 2007, 10:09:24 AM »
;
Love it, Sam!
Logged
Artcolley
Monkey Junky
Offline
Posts: 2612
Re: A Joke ?
«
Reply #3 on:
March 02, 2007, 08:20:29 PM »
Quote from: "Sam"
received this is an email.
"Hillary Clinton goes to a primary school in New York to talk about the world. After her talk she offers a question time. One little boy puts up his hand. The Senator asks him what his name is.
"Kenneth."
"And what is your question, Kenneth?"
"I have three questions: First - whatever happened to the medical health care plan you were paid to develop during your husband's eight years in the office as President? Second - why would you run for President after your husband shamed the office? Third - whatever happened to all those things you took when you left the White House?"
Just then the bell rings for recess. Hillary Clinton informs the kids that they will continue after recess.
When they resume, Hillary says, "Okay, where were we? Oh, that's right, question time. Who has a question?"
A different little boy put his hand up. Hillary asked him what his name is.
"Larry."
"And what is your question, Larry?"
"I have five questions:
First - whatever happened to the medical health care plan you were paid to develop during your husband's eight years in the office as President?
Second - why would you run for President after your husband shamed the office?
Third - whatever happened to all those things you took when you left the White House?
Fourth - why did the recess bell go off 20 minutes early?
Fifth - what happened to Kenneth?"
Sam, that is VERY funny!!!!
Logged
Cat
Monkey Junky
Offline
Posts: 1248
A Joke ?
«
Reply #4 on:
March 02, 2007, 10:53:18 PM »
Good one Sam.Hey CBB,I hope you and John are better.CAT
Logged
Live with hope,looking for justice
Kat_Gram
Monkey All Star Jr.
Offline
Posts: 7018
A Joke ?
«
Reply #5 on:
March 06, 2007, 10:26:42 PM »
Part one : For the Men Monkeys :
HOW To : Make a Woman Happy
It's not difficult to make a woman happy. A man only needs to be:
1. a friend
2. a companion
3. a lover
4. a brother
5. a father
6. a master
7. a chef
8. an electrician
9. a carpenter
10. a plumber
11. a mechanic
12. a decorator
13. a stylist
14. a sexologist
15. a gynecologist
16. a psychologist
17. a pest exterminator
18. a psychiatrist
19. a healer
20. a good listener
21. an organizer
22. a good father
23. very clean
24. sympathetic
25. athletic
26. warm
27. attentive
28. gallant
29. intelligent
30. funny
31. creative
32. tender
33. strong
34. understanding
35. tolerant
36. prudent
37. ambitious
38. capable
39. courageous
40. determined
41. true
42. dependable
43. passionate
44. compassionate
WITHOUT FORGETTING TO:
45. give her compliments regularly
46. love shopping
47. be honest
48. be very rich
49. not stress her out
50. not look at other girls
AND AT THE SAME TIME, YOU MUST ALSO:
51. give her lots of attention, but expect little yourself
52. give her lots of time, especially time for herself
53. give her lots of space, never worrying about where she goes
IT IS VERY IMPORTANT:
54. Never to forget:
* birthdays
* anniversaries
* arrangements she makes
Logged
Kat_Gram
Monkey All Star Jr.
Offline
Posts: 7018
A Joke ?
«
Reply #6 on:
March 06, 2007, 10:27:44 PM »
For the ladies :
HOW TO MAKE A MAN HAPPY
1. Show up naked
2. Bring food
Logged
Seamonkey
Scared Monkey
Offline
Posts: 494
A Joke ?
«
Reply #7 on:
March 07, 2007, 07:39:29 AM »
Kat_Gram-- Yep, that about sums it up nicely lol.
Logged
MsVada
Monkey Junky
Offline
Posts: 1321
A Joke ?
«
Reply #8 on:
March 13, 2007, 12:33:48 PM »
Quote from: "Kat_Gram"
For the ladies :
HOW TO MAKE A MAN HAPPY
1. Show up naked
2. Bring food
ROFL, that is funny
Logged
Maine, born and raised!
MsVada
Monkey Junky
Offline
Posts: 1321
A Joke ?
«
Reply #9 on:
March 13, 2007, 12:34:03 PM »
Three women go down to Mexico one night to celebrate college graduation, get drunk, and wake up in jail, only to find that they are to be executed in the morning, though none of them can remember what they did the night before.
The first one, a redhead, is strapped in the electric chair and is asked if she has any last words. She says, "I just graduated from Brigham Young University and believe in the almighty power of God to intervene on the behalf of the innocent."
They throw the switch and nothing happens. They all immediately fall to the floor on their knees, beg for forgiveness, and release her.
The second one, a brunette, is strapped in and gives her last words. "I just graduated from the Harvard School of Law and I believe in the power of justice to intervene on the part of the innocent." They throw the switch and again, nothing happens. Again they all immediately fall to their knees, beg for forgiveness and release her.
The last one (you know it), a blonde, is strapped in and says, "Well, I'm from the University of Kentucky and just graduated with a degree in Electrical Engineering, and I'll tell ya right now, ya'll ain't gonna electrocute nobody if you don't plug this thing in."
Logged
Maine, born and raised!
Sam
Monkey Junky
Offline
Posts: 2387
A Joke ?
«
Reply #10 on:
March 13, 2007, 06:56:41 PM »
To cute. Ms Darth
Logged
Just a swinging with the tribe
Kat_Gram
Monkey All Star Jr.
Offline
Posts: 7018
A Joke ?
«
Reply #11 on:
March 17, 2007, 01:45:43 AM »
ATTENTION ALL DOGS!!!
THE FOLLOWING ARE IMPORTANT INSTRUCTIONS FOR EVERY DOG TO KNOW
Instructions for properly hugging a baby.
1. First, spy a baby.
2. Second, be sure that the object you spied was
indeed a baby by employing classic sniffing techniques. If you
smell baby powder and th e wonderful aroma of wet diapers this is indeed
a baby.
3. Next you will need to flatten the baby before actually beginning the
hugging process.
**Note: The added slobber should help in future steps by making the "paw
slide" easier.
4. The "paw slide"
Simply slide paws around baby and prepare for possible close-up.
5. Finally, if a camera is present, you will need to execute
the difficult and patented "hug, smile, and lean" so as to
achieve the best photo quality
.
Dogs, if this is properly done, it will secure you a warm, dry,
climat e-controlled environment for the rest of
your life.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Logged
klaasend
Administrator
Monkey Mega Star
Offline
Posts: 74276
A Joke ?
«
Reply #12 on:
March 17, 2007, 01:51:48 AM »
Kat_Gram
- too cute. I want that dog now, lol
Logged
Kat_Gram
Monkey All Star Jr.
Offline
Posts: 7018
A Joke ?
«
Reply #13 on:
March 19, 2007, 08:22:45 PM »
Logged
Cat
Monkey Junky
Offline
Posts: 1248
A Joke ?
«
Reply #14 on:
March 21, 2007, 03:27:57 PM »
I heard an aruban joke in the neighborhood Is she awake,No,Good
Logged
Live with hope,looking for justice
Carnut
Monkey Junky
Offline
Posts: 3882
A Joke ?
«
Reply #15 on:
April 01, 2007, 11:21:02 PM »
Got this in an email:
Husband and wife in bed together.
She feels his hand rubbing her shoulder.
She: "Oh, that feels good."
His hand moves to her breast.
She: "Gee, honey, that feels wonderful."
His hand moves to her leg.
She: "Oh, honey, don't stop."
But he stops.
She: "Why did you stop?"
He: "I found the remote."
Logged
Sam
Monkey Junky
Offline
Posts: 2387
A Joke ?
«
Reply #16 on:
April 12, 2007, 07:52:34 PM »
Got this joke from my brother, Thought it was cute. Do you think it is male bashing? LOL
The Retired Golfer
>
>
>
>It is important for men to remember that, as women grow older, it
>becomes harder for them to maintain the same quality of housekeeping as
>when they were younger. When you notice this, try not to yell at them.
>Some are oversensitive, and there's nothing worse than an oversensitive
>woman.
>
>My name is Jim. Let me relate how I handled the situation with my wife,
>Peggy. When I retired a few years ago, it became necessary for Peggy to
>get a full-time job along with her part-time job, both for extra income
>and for the health benefits that we needed. Shortly after she started
>working, I noticed she was beginning to show her age. I usually get home
>from the golf club about the same time she gets home from work.
>
>Although she knows how hungry I am, she almost always says she has to
>rest for half an hour or so before she starts dinner.
>
>
>I don't yell at her. Instead, I tell her to take her time and just wake
>me when she gets dinner on the table. I generally have lunch in the
>Men's Grill at the club so eating out is not reasonable. I'm ready for
>some home-cooked grub when I hit that door. She used to do the dishes as
>soon as we
>finished eating. But now it's not unusual for them to sit on the table
>for several hours after dinner.
>
>I do what I can by diplomatically reminding her several times each
>evening that they won't clean themselves. I know she really appreciates
>this, as it does seem to motivate her to get them done before she goes
>to bed.
>
>Another symptom of aging is complaining, I think. For example she will
>say that it is difficult for her to find time to pay the monthly bills
>during her lunch hour. But, boys, we take 'em for better or worse, so I
>just smile and offer encouragement. I tell her to stretch it out over
>two or even three days. That way she won't have to rush so much. I also
>remind her that missing lunch completely now and then wouldn't hurt her
>any (if you know what I mean). I like to think tact is one of my strong
>points.
>
>When doing simple jobs, she seems to think she needs more rest periods.
>She had to take a break when she was only half finished mowing the yard.
>I try not to make a scene. I'm a fair man. I tell her to fix herself a
>nice, big, cold glass of freshly squeezed lemonade and just sit for a
>while. And, as long as she is making one for herself, she may as well
>make one for me too.
>
>I know that I probably look like a saint in the way I support Peggy.
>I'm not saying that showing this much consideration is easy. Many men
>will find it difficult. Some will find it impossible!
>
>
>Nobody knows better than I do how frustrating women get as they get
>older.
>
>
>However, guys, even if you just use a little more tact and less
>criticism of your aging wife because of this article, I will consider
>that writing it was well worthwhile. After all, we are put on this
>earth to help each other.
>
>Signed,
>
>Jim
>EDITOR'S NOTE:
>
>Jim died suddenly on May 27 of a perforated rectum. The police report
>says he was found with a Calloway extra long 50-inch Big Bertha Driver
>II golf club jammed up his rear end, with barely 5 inches of grip
>showing and a sledge hammer laying nearby.
>
>His wife Peggy was arrested and charged with murder. The all-woman jury
>took only 15 minutes to find her Not Guilty, accepting her defense that
>Jim somehow, without looking, accidentally sat down on his golf club.
Logged
Just a swinging with the tribe
LouiseVargas
Monkey Junky
Offline
Posts: 2524
A Joke ?
«
Reply #17 on:
April 13, 2007, 01:00:11 AM »
That's a good one!
Logged
Hope is everything. I see angels everywhere.
Pages:
1
Go Up
Print
Scared Monkeys Discussion Forum
>
The Monkey Lounge
>
The Monkey Lounge
> Topic:
A Joke ?
« previous
next »
Jump to:
Please select a destination:
-----------------------------
FORUM RULES
-----------------------------
=> Forum Rules and Tips
-----------------------------
Polls, Polls and more Polls
-----------------------------
=> Missing Persons Polls
=> Current Events/News Polls
=> Crime and Trial Polls
=> Just For Fun Polls
-----------------------------
Missing Persons - High Profile
-----------------------------
=> Missing Persons High Profile
===> Dylan Redwine, 13yrs old, last seen 11/19/12, Vallecito, CO
===> Kyron Horman - Portland Oregon
===> Caylee Marie Anthony - Florida (BODY FOUND)
=====> Caylee's Law - by State
=======> Caylee's Law - text
=======> ALABAMA
=======> ALASKA
=======> ARIZONA
=======> ARKANSAS
=======> CALIFORNIA
=======> COLORADO
=======> CONNECTICUT
=======> DELAWARE
=======> DISTRICT OF COLUMBIA
=======> FLORIDA
=======> GEORGIA
=======> HAWAII
=======> IDAHO
=======> ILLINOIS
=======> INDIANA
=======> IOWA
=======> KANSAS
=======> KENTUCKY
=======> LOUISIANA
=======> MAINE
=======> MARYLAND
=======> MASSACHUSETTS
=======> MICHIGAN
=======> MINNESOTA
=======> MISSISSIPPI
=======> MISSOURI
=======> MONTANA
=======> NEBRASKA
=======> NEVADA
=======> NEW HAMPSHIRE
=======> NEW JERSEY
=======> NEW MEXICO
=======> NEW YORK
=======> NORTH CAROLINA
=======> NORTH DAKOTA
=======> OHIO
=======> OKLAHOMA
=======> OREGON
=======> PENNSYLVANIA
=======> PUERTO RICO
=======> RHODE ISLAND
=======> SOUTH CAROLINA
=======> SOUTH DAKOTA
=======> TENNESSEE
=======> TEXAS
=======> UTAH
=======> VERMONT
=======> VIRGINIA
=======> WASHINGTON
=======> WEST VIRGINIA
=======> WISCONSIN
=======> WYOMING
=====> Caylee Marie Anthony Murder Trial Archives
===> Sierra Lamar, 15yrs old, Morgan Hill, CA Missing Since March 16, 2012
===> JO ANN (JODIE) BAIN AND 3 DAUGHTERS MISSING 4/27/2012(2 murdered 2 safe)
===> Isabel Mercedes Celis, 6 yrs old missing 4/21/12 Tucson, AZ (Body Found)
===> Jennifer Kesse - Orlando/Ocoee, Florida
===> Susan Powell 28yrs old, missing 12/6/09 West Valley City, Utah
===> Michelle Loree Parker, Last Seen 11/17/11, Orlando, FL
===> Celina Cass, 11yrs old missing 7/25/11 New Hampshire
===> Aliayah Lunsford, 3yrs old, Weston, West VA, missing since 9/24/2011
===> Lisa Irwin, 10mo old missing since 10/4/2011 KC, MO
===> Robyn Gardner missing in Aruba August 2, 2011
=> Missing Persons - High Profile - Archives
-----------------------------
Virginia Area Missing and Murdered - possible connections
-----------------------------
=> Morgan Dana Harrington, 20yrs missing VA Tech 10/17/09(BODY FOUND)
=> Hannah Elizabeth Graham missing since 9/13/14 Charlottesville, VA
=> Alexis Murphy, missing since 8/3/13 Charlottesville, VA
=> Samantha Ann Clarke 19yrs. old Orange Va. Last seen 09/13/10
=> Dashad Sage Smith missing since 11/20/12 Charlottesville, VA
=> Cassandra Morton 23, Lynchburg, missing 10/10/09 body found 11/29/09
-----------------------------
High Profile Crimes and Trials (not missing persons)
-----------------------------
=> Jodi Arias trial - for the murder of Travis Alexander
=> Trial of George Zimmerman - 2nd Degree Murder of 17yr old Trayvon Martin
=> Scott Peterson Appeal of Murder Conviction
-----------------------------
Missing, Exploited and True Crime
-----------------------------
=> Missing Exploited and True Crime
===> Missing Persons Forum
=====> Missing Found or Presumed Deceased
=====> Missing Found Safe
=====> Missing Endangered Runaways
=====> Resourses, Search Groups and Fundraisers
===> Crimes Against Children, Elderly and the Disabled
===> Crimes of Passion/Anger
===> Serial Killers and Their Possible Victims
===> Unsolved Crimes
=====> Finally Solved
===> Haleigh Marie Cummings - Florida
===> Adji Desir - Florida
===> Somer Renee Thompson 7 yo, Orange Park FL 10/19/09(BODY FOUND)
===> Tracy Ocasio - Orlando/Ocoee, Florida
===> Shaniya Nicole Davis, 5 Fayetteville, NC Missing 11/10/09(BODY FOUND)
===> Holly Bobo, 20yrs old missing Parsons, TN 4/13/11
===> Hailey Dunn - 13yrs old - Colorado City, TX missing 12/27/10 (Body Found)
===> Elizabeth Olten - 9yrs, Jefferson City, MO missing 10/21/09 (BODY FOUND)
===> Lindsey Baum - McCleary, WA 6/26/09
===> Amber Leeanne Dubois 14yrs old - Escondido, CA(BODY FOUND)
===> Chelsea King, 17, Missing 2-25-2010 Rancho Bernadino CA (BODY FOUND)
===> Sandra Cantu, 8 years old - Tracy, CA(BODY FOUND)
===> Madeleine McCann - Portugal
===> Christine Marie Sheddy - missing since 11/13/2007 - Maryland(BODY FOUND)
===> Nevaeh Amyah Buchanan 5yr Monroe Michigan(BODY FOUND)
===> Gabriel Johnson 8 mo., last seen 12/26/09 Tempe AZ-San Antonio TX
===> Stacy Ann Peterson missing & Kathleen Savio murdered - Illinois
===> Zahra Clare Baker - 10yrs old Hickory, NC (Body Found)
-----------------------------
Natalee Holloway
-----------------------------
=> Natalee Holloway
=> Important Case Documents
===> Joran Statements/PV's
===> Paulus Statements/PV's
===> Deepak Statements/PV's
===> Satish Statements/PV's
===> Misc Statements/PV's
=> LCD Archive
=> Shango/Simian and other Codetalkers
-----------------------------
Current Events and Musings
-----------------------------
=> Monkey Musings / Open Discussion
=> Pop Culture Main
===> Hugely Popular TV Shows
===> Movies and Television
===> Social Media
===> Music
===> Books
===> Scared Monkeys Radio with Dana Pretzer
=> Health and Medical Issues
=> Food and Product Recalls
=> News of the Day
=> Business News
=> Sports
=> Political Forum
=> Religion (discussion and debate)
-----------------------------
The Monkey Lounge
-----------------------------
=> The Monkey Lounge
===> Fashion & Decorating
===> What's Cooking? Recipes
===> Games
=> Inspirational
===> Memorial - Gone but Never Forgotten
===> Gratefulness - Light a Candle in Prayer
===> Inspirational scriptures, songs, stories and prayers
-----------------------------
Natalee Discussions (2005 ARCHIVE)
-----------------------------
=> Natalee Holloway
=> Theory and Speculation
=> Links and References Only
=> Natalee Breaking News Archive
-----------------------------
General Discussions (2005 ARCHIVE)
-----------------------------
=> News Issues
=> Chit Chat
Loading...