MONKEY MUSINGS DAILY OPEN DISCUSSION #31 3/27/09 - 3/31/09

[Bearlyhere]

Good Night Monkey Friends
      Sweet Dreams
       of Naked men

Oh great!!!  Now I'm gonna be up all night!!!

 

 

ruh roh! guess well not be seeing bearly til much, much later. in our gracious hostesses name ill leave a little pick me up for her...

Good morning afternoon day Peanut!!!

[KCJackie]

I know you monkey's are going to be sooooo jealous of these pic's I just took!!!   Nothing like big snow/sleet mixture while trees are in full bloom!!!


MT - This is my view.

[Green Eyes]

Afternoon Jackie,
Loved your pics I know you are not going to believe this my hubby is upset that we didn't get any snow here this year. Here are a couple pic to help you feel better. From Versoix switzerland.

[Dolce]

Dolce

This just in!  I think it is the boy twin.

[Dolce]

Alright so now my husband has started a fish trend.  I took my little brother to the store today in order to buy him a fish (he picked out an albino zebra cichlid) and of course we had to get him a fish house to live in.

Well while we were there...we had a little visitor fly in from outside.  This little visitor was on a mission!  (See photo below)



Yup, the economy has even hit the birds pretty hard to the point they have to walk the bird seed isle!

[AprilShowers]

So maybe this area is NOT the right place for my post?

[always 1]

So maybe this area is NOT the right place for my post?

April, Im aure your post is fiine.  There just arent that many Monkeys online right now reading.  For so many of them, this is Supper time.  But come about 0900 tonite, I am sure you will have a lot of answers.  I am still thinking about what I would suggest...

[Dolce]

April
I am no Dr. Phil, or anyone at all knowledgable about relationships outside of my own and my own experiences, especially since every person is different.

I read what you said about being seperated, but not wanting to go through with the divorce.  Based on what you have said, given the period of time of the seperation now 3 years, it does not seem like its a "trial" thing.  The question I would be asking myself if in your shoes is this...if he says he is "in love" with me and does not want to get a divorce...then why the need for the seperation?  It sounds a bit like the "have your cake and eat it too".

Straight up, you are human just like him and deserve to be treated with the same amount of respect that he expects to come from you.  I for one am not a patient person when it comes to someone getting rude or loud with me...I am not a dog. (I would not do that to a dog either..but still)  If he raises his voice or gets rude to you next time you need to go back to "basic male training"...simply say "I do not apreciate your tone and the manner in which you are speaking to me.  When you decide to talk to me with the equal respect that I give to you, you have my number and may call me back.  Hope your day gets better, goodbye"

After a few times of being hung up on he should get the hint. 

Do not continue to put yourself into this position of being kicked and stomped.  It may come down to you needing to cut the strings a bit...right now you seem to be living in "relationship pergatory"...one of these days you are going to have to make a choice and go one way or another.

ALL JMO

[SunnyinTX]

So since it seems we can talk about anything here, I need some opinions on a BIG problem I'm having with my husband.

Admin: if this is too personal to be here, you can move.  I believe I was told this is one of the areas I could post this to.

Soooooo, Jim is 60 and I'm 56, this is a second marriage for us both.  We've been married for 12 years, but are currently living separate.  We're still legally married though.

I know it's a strange situation, since we've been separated for over 3 years, but it's just the way it worked out.

In all those years, neither one of us have cheated on the other, or at least I can say I have not, and there has been no indication of Jim cheating.

We see each other often, at least 2-3 times a week, use to be allot more, but I've cut back, because of the very reasons I'm here to discuss.

Jim never was very romantic or affectionate, but he DID show me more than he does now, and he was more attentive to me, listened to me much more, in the early part of our marriage.  I know that changes over time, but some things shouldn't change.

Now, he is RUDE, condescending, always irritable with me, VERY short with me, defensive, and can NOT admit when he's wrong .. because well, he's NEVER wrong.

I've been working my butt off to make things better since the separation, but I'm at a complete loss now, and bordering on going insane (joke), because I just can't seem to get anywhere with him.

To start, I'm always calling him, he rarely calls me.  I call him because I genuinely MISS him.  Many times I express that to him, in a very loving way, and that's when he becomes very hostile, angry and downright hurtful and rude.  Now THIS is where our trouble begins:

When he is rude and hostile, raising his voice on the phone, I'll first experience shock, then hurt.  I'll tell him firmly but loving, that he's hurt me for no reason ... and would he please talk a bit nicer to me.  He will say he did NOTHING wrong, that what he said and the WAY he said it, was FINE.  There was nothing wrong with it, at all!  And he'll add that I'm just negative, always negative.   

Many times I'll explain that even if HE does not feel he said or did anything wrong, it DID indeed hurt ME, and isn't that important to him?  He'll respond with, I'm being too sensitive and I find something wrong with EVERYTHING he says and does.  NOT true! But I DO find something wrong with being barked at, talked to rudely and disrespectful.  But he just doesn't see it that way EVER.

What in HECK can I do?  I love him, he says he still loves me and is IN love with me.  I have given him the choice of divorcing, if that's what he wants, and he doesn't.  He's told me many times, that's NOT what he wants.   

I feel that he just can't admit to any fault in himself.  I feel he feels very bad about himself with nothing coming from ME, and maybe felt like that all his life, and I'm getting the brunt of it, as he gets older and set in his ways.

By the way, he's nothing like this around the family, friends or even strangers.  He's a wonderful guy, always the first to help, cracking jokes, etc.  And his family just isn't someone I can talk to about this, and I have no family to go to, so I'm just at a loss all around!

There's SO much more, but I'll let you absorb this for now.  Any and all opinions, suggestions, or insight, will be greatly appreciated.  Let's discuss this ...

Thanks for listening,
April

WOW....all I can say is What DOES he want? It seems to me that you are doing all the giving and he is doing all the taking. I make it a point to never give advise on one love life or marriage.  I know what I would do...but we each have to make our own decisions on our life.....decide what we want out of life and then GO FOR IT!

[SunnyinTX]

I know you monkey's are going to be sooooo jealous of these pic's I just took!!!   Nothing like big snow/sleet mixture while trees are in full bloom!!!


MT - This is my view.

WOW!  The photos are georgous....but I am glad I am not there. Stay warm and safe!!

[SunnyinTX]

Dolce

This just in!  I think it is the boy twin.

ANNA!  How did you guess!   

[SunnyinTX]

Alright so now my husband has started a fish trend.  I took my little brother to the store today in order to buy him a fish (he picked out an albino zebra cichlid) and of course we had to get him a fish house to live in.

Well while we were there...we had a little visitor fly in from outside.  This little visitor was on a mission!  (See photo below)



Yup, the economy has even hit the birds pretty hard to the point they have to walk the bird seed isle!

LOL....too funny!  Smart bird!!

[SunnyinTX]

So maybe this area is NOT the right place for my post?

I answered you

[KCJackie]

Afternoon Jackie,
Loved your pics I know you are not going to believe this my hubby is upset that we didn't get any snow here this year. Here are a couple pic to help you feel better. From Versoix switzerland.

  WOW!!

[Bearlyhere]

So since it seems we can talk about anything here, I need some opinions on a BIG problem I'm having with my husband.

Admin: if this is too personal to be here, you can move.  I believe I was told this is one of the areas I could post this to.

Soooooo, Jim is 60 and I'm 56, this is a second marriage for us both.  We've been married for 12 years, but are currently living separate.  We're still legally married though.

I know it's a strange situation, since we've been separated for over 3 years, but it's just the way it worked out.

In all those years, neither one of us have cheated on the other, or at least I can say I have not, and there has been no indication of Jim cheating.

We see each other often, at least 2-3 times a week, use to be allot more, but I've cut back, because of the very reasons I'm here to discuss.

Jim never was very romantic or affectionate, but he DID show me more than he does now, and he was more attentive to me, listened to me much more, in the early part of our marriage.  I know that changes over time, but some things shouldn't change.

Now, he is RUDE, condescending, always irritable with me, VERY short with me, defensive, and can NOT admit when he's wrong .. because well, he's NEVER wrong.

I've been working my butt off to make things better since the separation, but I'm at a complete loss now, and bordering on going insane (joke), because I just can't seem to get anywhere with him.

To start, I'm always calling him, he rarely calls me.  I call him because I genuinely MISS him.  Many times I express that to him, in a very loving way, and that's when he becomes very hostile, angry and downright hurtful and rude.  Now THIS is where our trouble begins:

When he is rude and hostile, raising his voice on the phone, I'll first experience shock, then hurt.  I'll tell him firmly but loving, that he's hurt me for no reason ... and would he please talk a bit nicer to me.  He will say he did NOTHING wrong, that what he said and the WAY he said it, was FINE.  There was nothing wrong with it, at all!  And he'll add that I'm just negative, always negative.   

Many times I'll explain that even if HE does not feel he said or did anything wrong, it DID indeed hurt ME, and isn't that important to him?  He'll respond with, I'm being too sensitive and I find something wrong with EVERYTHING he says and does.  NOT true! But I DO find something wrong with being barked at, talked to rudely and disrespectful.  But he just doesn't see it that way EVER.

What in HECK can I do?  I love him, he says he still loves me and is IN love with me.  I have given him the choice of divorcing, if that's what he wants, and he doesn't.  He's told me many times, that's NOT what he wants.   

I feel that he just can't admit to any fault in himself.  I feel he feels very bad about himself with nothing coming from ME, and maybe felt like that all his life, and I'm getting the brunt of it, as he gets older and set in his ways.

By the way, he's nothing like this around the family, friends or even strangers.  He's a wonderful guy, always the first to help, cracking jokes, etc.  And his family just isn't someone I can talk to about this, and I have no family to go to, so I'm just at a loss all around!

There's SO much more, but I'll let you absorb this for now.  Any and all opinions, suggestions, or insight, will be greatly appreciated.  Let's discuss this ...

Thanks for listening,
April

I am not a professional here, but I do have an opinion if you care to listen. 

I would look for a professional counselor to talk to and keep searching until I found someone I trusted.  I think you need someone to talk to who has knowledge of people and abuse.  I am feeling so upset for you that you are allowing yourself to be treated in such a disrespectful way.  You are worth so much more than this.  Please get help from someone who knows this and can convince you of it.

I think we should treat others as we would treat ourselves.  Would you treat someone like this?  Would you encourage others to continue being treated like this?  Then don't let anyone treat you like this.  Please, don't let anyone treat you like a doormat.  IMO, his treatment of you is abusive.  How far will this abuse go?  Get help now!!!

[Bearlyhere]

I know you monkey's are going to be sooooo jealous of these pic's I just took!!!   Nothing like big snow/sleet mixture while trees are in full bloom!!!


MT - This is my view.

Sending hot chocolate with some of the stash in it to Jackie.

[Bearlyhere]

Afternoon Jackie,
Loved your pics I know you are not going to believe this my hubby is upset that we didn't get any snow here this year. Here are a couple pic to help you feel better. From Versoix switzerland.

I hope they have someone to curl up with until the thaw.

 

[Bearlyhere]

Alright so now my husband has started a fish trend.  I took my little brother to the store today in order to buy him a fish (he picked out an albino zebra cichlid) and of course we had to get him a fish house to live in.

Well while we were there...we had a little visitor fly in from outside.  This little visitor was on a mission!  (See photo below)



Yup, the economy has even hit the birds pretty hard to the point they have to walk the bird seed isle!

Love it!!!

[Bearlyhere]

Dolce

This just in!  I think it is the boy twin.

ANNA!  How did you guess!   

 

Because he didn't stop to ask for directions?

[MuffyBee]

 
That's funny Bearly.  He didn't stop to ask for directions...